Aw so sad so cute and so funny at the same time

Arc Angel Review by the Naval Brony

Hmmm, I read your first chapter and I can't say but I am impressed by it. However, there are still a couple of errors to correct.

Celestia's school for gifted unicorns

If it's the name of a place, it should be like this...

Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. No exceptions

Lightning

Lightning does not need to be capitalized unless it is part of a name of a pony, particulary pegasi. Otherwise, you can lowercase it to lightning.

Otherwise, very impressive story.

I'll be favoriting this story now. I expect big things

Hey, this looks pretty neat! :D

Keep it up!

I have a good feeling about this one.

My reaction to the end:

Image: http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/anchorman-well-that-escalated-quickly.jpg

>>14208781420878

Sorry man, I don't actually have an editor, and I was doing it (for the first time) over fimfiction instead of on Microsoft word first.

>>14215741421574 Hmmm, if you want to make sure that your grammar makes sense, you can read your chapters aloud before publishing.

Also, I would suggest OpenOffice but however you can still stick to Microsoft Office.

i like it i'll be keeping track of this

Image: http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/2/28671/2042609-phoenix_wright.jpg

sounds like you need alawyer

Lol another chapter posted as soon as I favorited it.

I was surprised by his reaction to Cadence's unfinished proposal, but I guess that fits in with his character. I can tell this is going to be a real gut-wrenching story.

Aside from the grammar errors here and there its not bad. Keep it up.

you just made this story more addicting i look forward to the next chapter

>>14217401421740

Hey cool! :D

Same happened to me when I favoured it too. :)

No regrets.

Furthermore, I got a bad feeling about this.

25% of me says he's being framed by Cadence.

50% says he was impersonated by somepony else.

And 25% says, well, shit just went down and he's in trouble...

Guess which is probably right...

Did anyone else really want this to be about Garris Right before the start of Mass Effect 2?

>>14221361422136

Garrus*

Eheh i see where this is going

Wait...Prince Defender?

....Stalwart? But, aren't they confusing him with Aegis? I thought Aegis was Luna's Husband and Lover.

>>14228481422848

Who is Aegis O.o

>>14229921422992

WHOOPS.

WRONG STORY.

SORRY.

WRITING IS SO GOOD YOU CONFUSED ME WITH ANOTHER AUTHOR.

>>14230141423014

hahaha, it's alright, and thanks for the compliment ^.^ just remember this isn't canon to the Phobia series storyline, this is a tale all to itself. I kinda forgot to put that there.

>>14230441423044

Good thing I haven't yet read the Phobia series. Maybe later I'll do it.

... I really like Moondust.

I love it that you update so quickly! :D

Damn, this is getting exciting!

*puts on cap that says 'Official TWE Nitpicker'*

...

wait...

*removes cap*

This story isn't bad.  In fact, I quite like it!

I'm looking forward to seeing more of this.

Keep up the great work!

Your picture looks a lot like Homage from Fallout: equestria. I will keep an eye on the story though as it seems interesting.

very nice. will be watching for updates on tis one.

You are the luckiest author, you have been on top of new stories for about a day.

I find this interesting, please go on.

>>14245141424514

Pure coincidence

>>14248161424816

Not my fault, but I'm not complaining ^.^

Continue.

Image: http://bbsimg.ngfiles.com/1/21624000/ngbbs4c66bffd9621e.jpg

The Termite King demands it.

So, when knocked unconscious he becomes a murderer?

>>14268971426897

It's a large, complicated plot. You can only keep up as he can, since he can't see everywhere at once, he can only see and hear what's around him. More will be revealed as the tale goes along~

I ripped some of it off, and dipped it into the soup, swirled it around and ate it quickly. If you have never done this before, you simply must try it.

HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT!?!?!? IMPOSSIBRU! Nah jks, it tastes really good eh?

When's next chapter?

>>14270591427059

Working on it now. have been for the better part of today.

>>14269111426911 good.

oh snap, interesting story keep it up.

Foriggedy

CLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR?>!!<<lwv efmnv, smgj jjek bfsebf

Awesome!

Update soon!

>>14300261430026

wut

>>14302761430276

I'm trying to update it as often as possible. I'm working on the next chapter now in fact.

>>14303021430302

It's incredible that you update so fast and so well. O_o

I think the story so far is really cool so you understand why I want to see what happens next.

>>14305311430531

The next is almost complete actually, I'm just finishing it up now. I'm glad you're enjoying it, this is my first try at doing an actual story in first person perspective. I've done journal entries before, but not first person perspective the entire way through.

>>14305741430574

Can't wait!!!

>>14306091430609

Wait no longer then!

BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! XD

Fucking genius.

Bro hoof to you. /)

>>14308431430843

(\

Lol dat ending

>>14309341430934

I tried to make it amusing.

>>14309201430920

Bro force;

Image: http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=en&client=ubuntu&hs=HHZ&sa=X&channel=fs&biw=1173&bih=785&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=keUKrRXO5ChrrM:&imgrefurl=http://www.comicvine.com/forums/rpg/9/the-league-of-shadows/682313/%3Fpage%3D177&docid=7bS4kIpU5Bs6aM&imgurl=http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/5/54984/2530647-BroForce.jpg&w=692&h=333&ei=u-N4UMrMF434rAHhqYGwBg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=129&vpy=166&dur=953&hovh=156&hovw=324&tx=76&ty=115&sig=116826504874924297055&page=1&tbnh=126&tbnw=262&start=0&ndsp=22&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:72

When brohoof's collide.

Crap, dunno how to upload the image... :/

Fail. XD

awesome chapter how are u writing these so fast

>>14310871431087

I type them up. How else

You have a serious case of

Image: http://i.qkme.me/366t6k.jpg

DAFUQ BRAIN?!

Love this story

Just reread last chapter...

That kiss was meant for NightSpring!

You sir are whoring around!

>>14355571435557

I find this comment amusing. Kudos to you sir

Wanted dead or alive so you do the 1 logical thing

Try and get brought in dead

>>14356151435615

Why thank you my good sir.

Hrm we would hope that he is not captured during this period of sleep as it may be rather detrimental to survival if he is captured so soon.

Well.

I wonder what happens when he wakes up?

>>14359551435955

Try to reason with his friend is what he tries first actually, then it's all self defense.

>>14359851435985

No problem old bean

>>14362221436222

Would I be that mean?

>>14365371436537

Read to find out.

>>14372121437212 Can't wait.

Are you writing more tonight?

>>14372121437212

Image: http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/248/962/949.png

>>14372651437265

I'm certainly going to try and get another chapter out tonight, yes.

>>14372681437268

Indeed. We two are awesome.

>>14372121437212 *shrugs* quite honestly we have no idea as to how sadistic, cruel, or caring you might be but we believe at first glance that you wouldn't put him through all that fighting just to stick him in the canterlot pony prison.

>>14373231437323

Image: http://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2008/7/4/indubitably128597039696366331.jpg

I've only read two of your prior stories, and this does seem to be slightly different from the two I have read.  Someone is going through a he'll of a lot of trouble to frame him, or is he just a victim of circumstance since he had been called in?  And who would want to hurt Cadence?  So many questions which we will hopefully have answers to at very dramatic points perhaps.  At one point he references hunters, I'm guessing he's referring to the Guard in general here.

As far as the romance element, the two ponies here that are romantic interests are currently opposed, and both OCs this time around.  New for you i believe, and so far you're doing a solid job with it.  I think that the story itself is developing rather well so far, and keep up the good work.

>>14372121437212 you said no  iwont be brought in for a crime thats not mine then you commit another crime

>>14384311438431

Hush little babbu, quiet time now.

OMG, I imagined this fight as a video game scene and...

Well, shit.

This just got real.

I mean, seriously, you did it perfectly.

I really wanna know what happens next and I hope Springs doesn't get out before Arc wakes up.

Anyway, yeah, pure awesome, update soon!

Furthermore, I go camping a lot and I really want one of those tents now.

Lastly, wonder how Fluttershy reacted to a random unicorn that looked nice to get tackled out of no where by a pegasus guard.

Seriously, what was her reaction???

Naughty Naughty Spring XD

;P

>>14427971442797

Use your imagination~

>>14438141443814

Nightspring can be very naughty.

>>14439401443940

>>14427971442797 She blinked... And was like... "Umm"

Just a question my good sir.

Have you already finished this story and just updating it daily just to make us wait? Or are you typing 3 words a second every day to give us 3,000+ worded chapters?

>>14439971443997

Actually, now that you mention it, I have been typing an awful lot lately. No, it's not complete. In fact, I've only just started the next one. I'm sort of making this story up on the fly with the characters I know and understand best, MINE!

Not cool, he totally earned his win and now she challenges it???

Challenge excepted!!!

Have him teleport right behind her and knock her out with swift karate chop for an instant K.O.

Or at least something as awesome so he escapes.

>>14440431444043 Huzzah for all the characters!

I hope this ends up like i hope it dose

>>14446171444617

No, no super happy fun time for Arc.

>>14448621444862

And how do you hope it does?

:>>14443421444342

She has the blade of a broad bladed battle scythe (Think of the grim reaper's scythe) to his throat, and you're forgetting that Arc has trouble with most simple spells let alone something so complicated as a teleportation spell

>>14468131446813

What?!

Why the hell not?, like seriously. Why would you not want to play lacrosse? u have metal sticks and you get to hit people with them without penalty unless a cheap shot or head hit.

>>14469101446910

Haha, no. Spring isn't looking for a rematch, she wants payback for being captured rather than honestly defeated. It wounded her pride. Then it was wounded even more when he used magic to feed her, making sure she was perfectly safe. She wants payback, not a rematch

>>14468181446818

Ah ah ah...

But your forgetting something.

Miracles. :D

Well, actually, you mentioned that he can do great things under stress, right???

Or at least, I think I heard it somewhere...

Anyway, having a scythe to your neck, knowing that your kicked out of your country for something you didn't do AND having your BFF for most of your life breaks your trust and is trying to kill you, must amount to something.

Frankly, the amount of stress of having your life on the line MUST count for something so he at least should get a wild card here.

This isn't even as bad as the time when he was fighting the other guard...

All he really has to do is plant a really strong thought spell. A.K.A. Sleep spell (Make her think sleep and she drops like a rock or becomes tired.)

Three stressful moments adds a multiplier by three. (x3)

Then, add to the fact that he's well rested so has full magic points. (15MP)

And finally, he's well warmed up, Spring has to have at least gotten a cramp while stuck in stone for a while... (-3 WILL SAVE)

(Since this is magic affecting mind it's a WILL save but even though she's pissed he has a bonus for being a nerd. (Spring: RAGE +10) (ARC: NERD +7)

And since he's a unicorn and she's a pegasus he has a plus 2 to spell casting. (+2)

So, it comes out like this;

Spell casting; ARC: 15+7=22+2=24x3(Stress modifier{Only he can have it})=72 to casting sleep thought spell.

WILL save; Spring: 20-3=17+10(Currently in RAGE; Depending on level player can go into RAGE that many times a day. {Used in Barbarians})=27 to resist sleep thought spell, then add roll... 16= 43 on save, fails to resist spell.

He has clearly won due to my calculations.

Furthermore, I've played D&D so this should be correct...

SLEEP DAMMIT!!!

Once done with the spell though he can no longer cast any more spells due to lack of MP.

>>14470781447078

If you didn't notice, his magical prowess only kicks in (his potential, if you will) when his life is in danger. She had the blunt end of her scythe against his throat, but had no intentions of killing him. She never wanted to hurt him in the first place. Your argument, although incredibly convincing and conclusive, is not applicable to this situation.

Plus he'd probably freak out an cast something more along the lines of a force wall or Air Displacement again. That seemed to work well.

>>14470851447085

MP was not at maximum, since his previous spells (Illusory ghosts: Eight mana, Spell absorb: Plus nine mana (Able to go above mana pool for limited time) Air Displacement: 12 mana and Rock bindings for three mana plus six stamina drain) left him mostly without mana. Stamina was also depleted due to injuries, and thus most of his mana regen was sacrificed to try and help heal his injuries.

SPECTRE'D!

>>14469531446953

So.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... She wants to feed him?

Seriously, you can go to fucking texas road house and do that stuff.

But Nooo! she wants to tie him up, feed him, and release him, thus he will redo the whole process and then both have Stockholm syndrome....

You sir are messed up.

>>14473261447326

Uuuuum.... no. Not really, no. It's quite a deal more humiliating than that, especially for a former Royal Guard.

>>14473361447336

you realize ah ain't bein serious, correct?

>>14474201447420

yep

>>14474491447449

Despite not being serious it was going well there for a minute...

Hey, we should make a MLP RPG game. :D

It'd be like regular D&D except with MLP's instead.

And I'm not talking about the story "Equestria Earth" or whatever, I'm talking more along the lines of an actual table top.

Furthermore, since Arc's been humiliated so much so far I don't really wanna see him embarrassed again.

Oh, wait, wrong discussion...

IGNORE ME!!!

Seriously, cool table top RPG here...

>>14474491447449

You sure about that ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????