I'm interested in the idea as im one of those weird slenderman obsessed people who watches tribetweleve and marblehornets religiously. i'll add to my read later, and read it when theres a couple more chapters

You've got good grammer, great spelling, but it's just so boring.

I found myself skipping straight to the part where Slender is all 'Whassup?', and STILL I almost fell asleep.

Plus, Tyler just feels like a self-insert. I'm not saying he IS, he just feels like one.

I'm sure this could be great, hell probably feature box worthy, but you need to know people don't care if the character 'likes the layered shirt look'

advice for the advice god

Just a few mistakes I have to point out, or the grammar nazi part of my subconscious will rape my brain with a cheese grater.

First; in the intro, you misspelled "honest".

And second; You don't have to add characters such as Twilight or AJ when you use the "Mane 6" label.

And last; It's predictable. Add a really unforeseen twist that makes readers say "Wat".

Good job on the rest though.

You wanna know what pisses me off? Seeing a bunch of down-votes on a story and no comments saying why the reader thought it was bad, especially on a fic written by someone who has some serious potential.

Your idea is good. Your grammar and spelling is fine. You've formatted the story so it's easily readable and understandable. I noted a few run-on sentences but it's minor stuff. Another thing that might considered 'off' - not 'wrong' per-se, just a little off-putting - would be the lack of atmosphere. This is after all a story with slenderman in it. I'm personally just not feeling the atmosphere.

But these issues are relatively minor. You have loads of potential, and with some patience and practice you can become as good as any writer on the site, so in all honesty for a first fanfic I think you did really good and I dunno why this story isnt getting the love it deserves. You don't have my vote quite yet, but you have my attention. I'll be watching you, mister.

>>14116751411675

U SUCK !!!!!

>>14116131411613Thanks for the feedback, as I put more chapters up I think I'll redo the first chapter (just take out the boring crap and un-needed details) i actually only wrote this last night and to get that writing process going in my head to let the creative juices flow I had to sorta wtire whatever came into my head to help the ideas flow, but i'm going to revise it tonight and try getting up chapter 2

>>14116491411649 Thanks for the tip, and little errors XD I definitely wouldn't have seen those myself, I'm going to revise the entire chapter tonight and I sort of have a twist in mind

>>14116701411670 Thanks man but to be honest I knew i would get some down votes, but hey can't please everybody, I'm just here to write a story I got an idea for and hopefully entertain a few readers.  Everybody is entitled to their opinion and I told everybody to be honest about what they thought so I could build upon that and developo the story into something with more appeal

>>14116751411675 It's understandable, it's just not your cup of tea, but in the future instead of going to downvote a story plot you don't like without actually reading it just ignore the story and move on to browse for a story you do like

>>14116751411675 You know, while I agree with you completely about the over populated fanfic universes, I have to say you shouldn't just go around downvoting every story that said universes stem into existence. I mean (and it pains me to say this) some of these stories could have some legitimate (here we go) literary (holding myself from vomiting as I type this) merit.

Aside from that it isn't fair to the authors if you judge their stories based on the genre as opposed to the content. Sure, they could have taken their time to come up with an original idea, but you know what? They put their time and imagination into these stories, so the least we as readers can do before casting that almighty downvote is give them a shot or do the decent thing and ignore the trope-stories altogether.

If I'm not mistaken, you're part of the train wreck explorers, am I correct with that assumption? Well, you're not representing your group very well now are you? Unless of course the Train Wreck Explorers are just a gaggle of bullies picking on writers who don't know any better or have a hard time expressing themselves in which case you are doing a phenomenal job, but I could have sworn you were supposed to supply a review with your downvote. You have no review, but have issued a downvote based on sheer bias. Hence making you a bully and due to this first impression I must conclude that since they associate with you, the majority of your group are bullies too.

I'm certain this fic is deserving of some kind of downvote, but issuing it based on the fact that it's from a trending trope... well... I guess it's a good that fine 'reviewers' such as yourself are always on the lookout for allegedly bad stories to downvote instantly then, huh? You should be helping new writers through criticism, and not just telling them they fucked up because they did something you didn't like. Help them understand how to be better writers, and don't just whine about it. Afterall, you're a reviewer right? Do your job or drop the title.

If you have anything to say against what I've said here, then respect the author's story and send it as a PM or post it as a comment to my page if you feel that people should be able to see it. If you want to get as many of your TWE buddies as possible to rating-bomb my stories, be my guest, I've been looking for a reason to quit anyway and that shot to the self-esteem just might do it.

Loathe,

Your Antagonist

>>14118171411817

well yea i agree.

Night!

>>14118381411838 You sir have made my morning, and as the writer of this story, I hate my writing more than anybody, I always think I do crappy and try to improve upon that.

I'm not going to lie, this isn't enough of a chapter 1 to formulate an opinion with. Maybe if you released two or three chapters with your initial upload, I could give you some semblance of an opinion, but right now there's just not enough going on and not enough to keep me interested. Tyler seems very flat, and uninteresting, but you did Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash's scene really well. I'm rather mixed on this whole thing. I'm sure you'll do well as time goes on, but this is just not for me. Don't let the haters bite

Loathe,

Your Antagonist.

>>14118941411894 I plan on releasing chapter 2 tonight if I am not busy after college, I need to write it first as well XD

If you feel you need to defend your story before you even have time to describe your story, then you know yourself that it is a bad idea.

Also Slenderman can easily be defeated by Pinkie Pie, she just have to laugh and sing a silly song.

>>14119491411949

That doesn't help against Slender man. It takes more then just laughter to kill him.

This is a very interesting story, but your grammar seems to be a little off. Simple errors can make the story very unenjoyable. Make sure to re-read the story a few times to catch any mistakes. Other than that, the story is pretty neat!

But I wish people would stop voting these stories down just because it's a Slender man story. Some Slender man stories have a lot of potential and people miss it by voting it down before giving it a chance.

While I am not new to fimfiction.net here (I joined under an old account that I'm not going to tell you about).

Here's why people are mindlessly disliking your story

NEVER EVER IN THE DESC OR THE STORY PUT IT IS YOUR FIRST FANFIC EVER!

Here's why, members of this site will think its another piece of shit story when it's actually not, you can thank me for actually spending time reading this story and it seemed like a really good story, the writing is good, except for a few grammar errors but that's about it.

Also, I think at the part with Rainbow Dash tackling the protagonist, I think she was a bit overreactive, still otherwise, this is a good story.

>>14120891412089

Yes when it is Slenderman we are talking about he also needs to be hugged.

Yo i don't care what anypony else says this is a solid fic keep up the good work.

4/5 mustaches

Nice Story, I'm looking forward to some more human beating.

>>14125101412510 Alright alright, I apologize for going off on your group, and I understand a little bit more now, but first impressions and all that jazz. This was my first time actually seeing anyone from your group and it seemed a little unprofessional even though you were acting of your own accord. I also didn't think you read though it for some reason. Maybe next time we meet I won't be in one of my defend the noobs mindsets and we can rip a fic to pieces in tandem. Until then, hasta luego

Loathe,

Your Antagonist.

Oh god, let's hope Slendy eventually gets blasted by the EoH.  Would make for an interesting, if creepy, statue in the Canterlot gardens.

>>14130381413038 or it can turn him good and he can help Tyler

Yeah, either way it'll do /something/.

Arrgh! The Crimson Brony has seen this creature before.

He chased me though the seven seas, round the Cape, over land and finally had me cornered when me ship ran aground.

The Crimson Brony will never forget his terrible eyeless gaze and what he asked for next chilled me to the bone.

"Can I borrow $20?" he says to me. I gives him the money and he left me alone.

That was 5 years ago last month and he has yet to pay back me booty.

Yaargh! The Crimson Brony has spoken!

>>14132911413291 yeah that doesn't sound anything like what happened with nightmare moon, but at least you're enjoying it so far

MORE MORE MORE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MORE

>>14127151412715let the beating of the humas BEGIN!

>>14142001414200 uhm wow, thanks glad you like it

You... You sick beautiful bastard I had a dejavu about reading this

YOu know that I'd rather have all these upvotes + downvotes for my first fic.  It was absolutely terrible so you shouldn't bet yourself up or lash out at the viewers of your fic.

You've had a better start than some of us.  

And frankly I'm jelly.  You at least make some people happy.

EDIT:

I actually made 1 person happy with my first fic...no one else read it other than several hundred people.  All downvoted it.  It sucked.  I loved it though and I wrote another :D

As I mentioned in chapter one, I'm not feeling the slenderman atmosphere, but now I suppose that's forgivable since this story is taking a swing towards comedy. Here's an idea. Slenderman versus Slendermane, an epic showdown of hilarious concequences.

"I like your mane!"

No word of a lie, that Q&A section made me fall off my freakin' chair. Awesome

>>14153111415311 soooo is that a good thing ?

>>14157201415720 to be honest I actually like that my upvotes and downvotes are completely even, to be frank i didn't expect anybody to even read this thing

Yes because I liked it both times

>>14174451417445 well lucky for you my college classes were cancelled today, so I can spend a vast amount of time today writing chapter 3

Yaaay

I dismissed this when I saw it since, well I don't know. I like Slenderman but now that I read this I am sorry for being early skeptical. And great story so far.

>>14181381418138 Thank you sir

Lyra should get to marry meet Tyler soon.

>>14195861419586 i strongly support Bon Bon x Lyra, and be patient , It's all a part of my stroy planning

>>14116751411675 realy then dont read it if you dont like it simple as that

cant wait for more of this story. and app.ucker good god thet was a good oan.

PS: is he going to tell the oters about slenderman ?

>>14209131420913 why ask questions? just be patient and let the story flow as it goes man

>>14210371421037 ok sorry for asking

>>14221241422124 i appreciate all this feed back though, glad you're taking interest

Again dejavu

i love the story.

take your time whit it. the fun part is to wait for more chapter's  and be really happy when it's updated

>>14660491466049  Well I figured you guys deserved an update, and i decided to add lyra as a main character in the story since I've been making her appear so often

You got yourself some good grammar.

>>14707111470711 it helps when you are a grammar nazi my friend, in my opinion, that's the only way a nazi can be good.  Meticulously perfecting their grammar to be acceptable in any situation.  Whether it's writing an essay for college, or just a fanfiction for entertainment~

>>14622071462207 i get deja vu when i read fanfics too XD

if I ever see that faceless freak I'll beat the crap out of him

XD that ending oh god XD !!!

Dangley

That's okay. He didn't need to ever leave his bedroom anyway. He's perfectly content to sit in his room for the rest of eternity playing back that one time the towel fell in his head on an endless loop and be so embarrassed he'll die to death.

*Applejack

*Everfree

The only two major grammatical errors I found.

dingely dong!

dangles

oh come on not a cliff hanger well he is in a very awkward spot

” it gets bigger?” XD my sides!!!

>>17522401752240 sides of what?

MOAR PLEASE!!!!!!!!

So were you planning on trying to get your own home ehre in Ponyville?

A few comma's missing, but that's about it for the mistakes, with one exception; it's not long enough.

>>17555171755517 XD meh body

>>17871671787167

Image: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UQBZo9NGoGk/Teb7jU9YQTI/AAAAAAAAAD8/8aKNcWbLAKI/s1600/O0O.png

this was so frigging funny, keep this work up

what is lyra doing in there? i wonder?

>>17876001787600

Image: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sBuEGhPjzmc/UDWTSlvKLdI/AAAAAAAAADw/YwrQ-sZ3Md4/s1600/vector_shrug_pony_template_by_sandman_ivan-d3ps3lv.png

>>17871761787176 that was perfect

>>17910411791041 i was hoping you'd like it

hello i was wondering if i can add your story to my group "villains of Equestria" you see i am the only member so if i add  your story the group might get some notice so i would love to have this story in the group . o and feel free to join if you want to or tell people about it

>>18622351862235 By all means go ahead my friend, any form of publicity for my story is GREATLY welcomed, though not sure if people would consider the Slenderman a solid Villian of Equestria but eh, worth a shot

>>18623591862359 i know thats why i have the folder other and the new folder crossover

>>14995321499532 pfft, we'd all like to see you try it, let him rip your knees out

Not very long, but better than having to wait any longer.

>>19303641930364 I know I know I know I've had to worst creativity block and I only barely got past it to crank this out x.x

I just wish I could upvote and favorite this story all over again.

>>19425371942537 you give me way too much credit XD my writing style is simplistic at best in the 2nd person style, I was thinking of actually rewriting the entire thing as a narrative or maybe doing another fanfiction as an entire first person narrative

>>19427581942758

Never overestimate the power of simplicity, friendo. Sometimes the best things in life are the little things. The simple things.

Also I believe you mean the story is written in 3rd Person, as in your main character is a seperate entity. 2nd Person would be referring to the reader as the main character.

>>19429451942945 thats what I meant x.x I'm out of it today since i've been busy with laundry and getting ready for my classes to start up monday, hopefully all the studying and school work will help me get my brain working more to remove that writers block

good chapter