Ah, t'is not often you come across a good crossover fic. 4.5/5 because I'm nitpicky. Small errors and the like.

Oooh, this is good.

Excellent work.  Humor and action in all the right doses and a compelling storyline to boot.  Looking forward to see how things unfold!

damn guy, you earned 5 stars from me :D how did you make your title picture, if i may ask?

but there is one they fear in there tongue she ponakiin PONYBORN  FUS RO DAH

Hmm...I'm not familiar with Skyrim, and am generally not a big crossover fan. That said, I've read and enjoyed a lot of your other stories, and this sounds promising. So, two questions:

1. Is any prior knowledge of Skyrim required to understand this?

2. Slightly off-topic, but are you ever going to finish The First Light of Dawn? That story was entirely too awesome to just abandon.

>>104377104377

1. No knowledge of Skyrim needed! However certain stuff may be more meaningful if you are familiar with the game.

2. Yes, in fact I have part of the next chapter written. Other stuff just keeps getting ahead of it in the priority list.

haha oh my god I fucking love so much of this.

fuck the haters, this is the only goddamn fanfic I've ever actually liked.

Props to you man, take all my fucking stars. I swear to god.

>>104456104456

1. Cool. I'll go ahead and give this a try, then.

2. Also cool. Can't wait.

Gah!  I'm jealous of how involving you make your story, and how smoothly you flow through your narrative without any excess fat.  

Unrelated notes:

"She gave the door a tentative poke; it didn’t appear to be trapped."

-->Just affirms a life motto: when in doubt about something, poke it.

"a gentle blue light that washed away colors"

-->Makes me think of what happens when scuba diving.  Different reason for the washed out effect, but really evokes an image for me at least.

'“It’s bigger than I expected,” she whispered.'

-->*snerk*  I'm immature, I know, but it amuses me regardless.

Okay, so to review, this story is a crossover with a game I haven't played, and featuring an OC as the main character. Normally these are not the ingredients of a story that holds my attention. So the fact that it gets five stars and added to my Tracking list says a lot for it. Reasons:

- Dragon apocalypse. 'nuff said.

- Zombie ponies. Also 'nuff said.

- An OC hero that manages to be entertaining and good at her job without being an overpowered Mary Sue.

- Twilight being Twilight. Half naive librarian, half flank-kicking Sorceress Supreme, all Best Pony.

- Excellent quality of writing. The action sequences are particularly impressive; detailed enough to clearly visualize, yet still fast-paced and exciting. Very few writers can pull that off this well, in my experience.

- Probably a lot I'm forgetting.

Very good stuff. Post moar.

Gz to the feature on EQD :)

I admit, I half expected the Dovahneigh to be Fluttershy, but an original character works too.

I've gotta say, bloody well done that man! (or woman dont know where to check :D).

Anyway i love your writing style, i've paid good money for worse. So keep up the good work.

An author who realizes you don't have to change Dragonborn into something more pony? Looks promising.

Oh good, Fallout Equiestria finally releases me from its evil, addictive clutches, and now this. *grumble I have exams to study for you know mumble*

An OC who I actually find myself liking? Impossibu!

Ahem. Very nice crossover! There are quite a few Skyrim crossovers dotted about here and then, but this one and one other seem to be the only ones that EQD accepted, which makes it good in my book!

I have no former experience of Skyrim, but this seems like a really good story. I would track it if I had an account.

Okay, I know this is nitpickyingy, and it's probably too late to change, but the name of Sly bugs me. Most ponies have three-syllable names, or at least two.

However, this is the only thing wrong in a whole sea of good writing, so nevermind.

Tracking this so hard that it was just tracked and now is pregnant with a sequel XD

DAMN U PONIES U DRIVE ME SKYRIM

ye got featured son

now get to updatin

i wish i could write like you

The main character is clearly Trixie, not an OC pony.

So is Sly the Nerevarine as well?

I see what you did there int he footnote. Not sure if it's a good or a bad thing, since it instantly sets my mind into Fo:E mode. And that, I might redundantly mention, won't be easy to beat.

A little quick opening too, IMO. Other than that, excellent so far.

Did anypiny else keep reading 'Curalmil' as 'Caramel'? because now I've got this image of Caramel, the warrior king haha

Now this is a nice crossover. Has all of the right part of both Skyrim and MLP in it. Well written too. 5 Stars. Tracked.

You certainly make dragonfights more epic than they are in the game.

To me, it's harder to kill bears than it is to kill dragons -.-

Not bad at all. I personally would have preferred a less "in medias res" start, but otherwise it was excellent. I'll certainly enjoy reading the rest as is comes =D

I have to be curious on where the rest of the Mane 6 will be though.

>>111153111153

Almost every single one of my stories start in media res. It's probably crossed the line into a bad habit, but with web fiction you usually can't afford long setups before getting to the action. They also feel more fun to write.

As for the rest of the mane 6, I guess I can answer without causing too much of a spoiler. There are a few mentions, but we don't meet them as characters.

But then, this is just one of the tales of the dragonborn -- a sidequest, if you will, and if you've played Skyrim you know there are hundreds of sidequests. the others are out there waiting in the magical land of Equestria.

>>110894110894

Hah, you're right! An alternate-universe version of Trixie, at least. The main counter-argument is that the crescent in Trixie's cutie mark is supposed to be a swirl of magic instead of a moon, but that's a common mistake.

>>111166111166

Ah, I see. I usually prefer a less extreme in medias res myself, so I guess I can understand you.

You do it rather elegantly though, so I won't complain xD

Say, will we get to know how Sly figured out she was the Dragonborn? After all, that is some juicy info right there, which lorenerds like me love to munch on. xD

Ah, no Mane 6, 'cept Twi? Aww... Oh well, Twi is best pony anyway. xD

Also, I have to correct my view of this story; I viewed it as the mainquest with sidequests here and there, not just a single sidequest. That makes the whole "in medias res" thing vastly more justified and even expected. Not to mention required if you want to get anything done with it xD

And, that also makes the expected length of the story a fraction of the original prediction. I guess that's a good thing; I don't think I have time to read another Fo:E sized monsterfic. xD

However, with that new perspective in mind; will we see more of Sly's adventures?

>>111166111166

I thought you were just playing along with the Elder Scrolls tradition of having the PC start out as a prisoner in each game.

>>111182111182

This is looking to be around 45k words or so when done, so just under novel length. Of course, FO:E was ~600k, so it's a matter of perspective.

>>111192111192

Well, that's why I chose a prison for the starting point :)  But yeah, it was mostly as an homage to the games, not meant to represent the literal start of Sly's adventures.

Twilight > Lydia

I'm glad you made an OC the dovahkiin/dragonborn, and made her a believable character. Flutterkiin is amusing, but making any of the mane 6 the dragonborn would eventually have her overshadow the others. Speaking of, will we be seeing the other 5 in this fic, or did they go down with ponyville, or is this a sort of alternate future?

Well judging by the style this is looking to be the next Fallout: Equestria and I mean that beyond just noticing the whole "Level up/perk stuff. The great thing about that, I'll actually be able to keep up with this one. Though I understand you plan to have this at 45k words. Which is great. Now for the actual fic.

I have to say Cold, I rather dig this alternate universe you've created here. You're doing well to flesh out the details when necessary and the whole story of the other kingdom is  pretty cool. And the dragon battle was really awesome. I hope you can keep that level of choreography consistent.

And this is just my shipping side kicking in, but I really hope you unveil and go into detail about who's on the other end of those love letters Twilight has.

I await your next update with patience.

P.S. the line breaker emblems are a REALLY nice touch.

wow 111 people reading this at once

this is awesome! i wonder if they will meet draugrs in the tomb......

66 readers

must be an update

ugh you should've seen my face..

Her eyes closed, and a look of pure bliss replaced the annoyance on her face.

Sly gave her a moment. “Better than sex, isn’t it?” she said with a grin.

Most funniest thing I ever read in a MLP story. Ever.

Huh. Is it had that when I read that footnote the little drumroll played in my head?

Another fine gentleman and scholar writing pony fiction I see. Good work can't wait for more :)

First fan fiction i ve ever read and i loved it

This is not only an excellent pony fanfic, it's an EXCELLENT Skyrim fanfic. The treatment you give to the Dragons, to the Draugr, to the very magic that ties it all together (and not to mention the fantastic environments you conjure up with your wordsmithing) all left me wanting MAWR MAWR MAWR.

I actually went in expecting this to be just an okay distraction, but it was so much more. And the main character is apparently... some form of a Skyrim-pony version of Trixie? I gotta say, if that's true, then this is the best OC I've seen in a long, long time. And even if it's not true, then Sly is still probably one of the best OCs I've seen in a long, long time!

Seriously. Update this. I'm going to read and enjoy the living hell out of it.

Damn right as I was about to go to sleep. Ah well it's not that important anyway I guess.

This is amazing. I don't often read crossovers, but I might give a few more a go if they're written as well as this.

Have my firstborn child.

This was an excellent chapter, although not sure about removing Twilight's hair.

Did Twilight just splatter Pony!Shelob across a cave in a fit of panic-driven arcanokinetic obliteration?

Whoa.

Haha zgreat chapter I'm liking the character development and can't wait for when sly actually do overs and proves shes the dragonborn. Haha MFW sly really isn't the dragonborn and I cry.

good work chap, fells like an adventure, where else will the story take us? Not asking for spoilers or clues, just pondering aloud

>>120947120947

Yes. Yes she did. Twi-rage plus TK plus large object equals splatter.

Another great chapter.

Still tyring to get my head around ponies using human weapons though. How would they do it? If they are not unicorns? Why don't they have weapons designs of thier own?

This thoughts of course apply not only to your story.

>>121279121279

Your argument is invalid, ponies use hammers and bowling balls in the show

I love how the bow does 20% more damage! 20% cooler indeed. I am loving this. Btw this is only the second fan fiction I have loved, and they seem to have a similar intricacy. if you havent read it, it is called Antipodes and it is really amazing.

Good crossover so far, keep the chapters coming, I'm loving this. :D

Great chapter =D

Loved the "New toy!" section in the footnote xD

Also, I sense some minor shipping? That would be fun. Especially if Celestia find out. xD

Again, I hope we get to see more of Sly's adventures after this story is done ^^

>>110928110928 The moon-and-star mark?  Hah.  I just got that myself.

How much I want a ponified Elder Scrolls game.  Oh how much.

I'm enjoying this story so much.

>>121303121303 I don't think that makes my argument invalid. Have you seen how they use hammers and bowling balls?

There are a lot of human world objects in the show that don't make much sense in a pony world. But I think this is getting of topic.

Still a great story! ^^

I bet Twilight will be able to talk to Curalmil's eldest son! That'll totally work!

(only half sarcastic)

Hmm.

Okay, after reading the latest chapter and seeing a little bit more of the story's bigger picture, I've got some criticism to level at it.

First, the story seems to jump straight to action scenes at every opportunity, often at the cost of pacing and tension-building. There's a fine line between "leaving out the parts that people skip" and skipping necessary bits of a story. It's not as big a deal as I'm making it out to be, considering it seems to be meant as a very quickly-paced short story, but you need to pull back on the reins a little more. The slow character-building moments you do have from time to time are top-notch, and do a lot to advance the plot while still building momentum.

Second, your action scenes are getting a bit... not quite tedious, but getting there. By throwing in a massive dragon very early on, you effectively made it hard to top yourself later on. It's like a Call of Duty game, where gamers are continuously pounded over the head with more and more explosions until they reach a saturation point and can no longer find excitement in the game's epic set pieces. Now, this wouldn't be as big a deal if there were fewer action scenes in The Wind Thief, but as I mentioned earlier you're almost exclusively reliant on them.

The actual writing of the action scenes is still top-notch, and I daresay it's visibly improving as you go along, but this reviewer has about hit the saturation point. More of Sly's backstory, more of Skyrim-Equestria's lore, and more slow tension-building scenes would do "The Wind Thief" a world of good. It's already a very good story, mind you, but there's plenty of stuff you can do in a tomb besides fight, especially when there are two developing characters to bounce off of each other.

>>121819121819 heh

>>122304122304 Has a point,

I think this still paces similar to the game

yay

pls updt mo!!

Okay I finally got around to reading it. And I have to say once again job-well-f_ing done.

Cianim was a great enemy through and through, intimidating, mischievous in his own way, and well detailed. I loved every bit you described him with, the tree sized legs, the wagon sized body, the fangs that could suffice for harvest sickles.

The friendshipping between Twilight and Sly (aka Skyrim Trixie) is developing rather nicely. I love how you also just add the "beautiful mane" bit when describing Twilight's mane because simply it is beautiful. Least I think so.

Nice Work. I can't imagine what comes next.

>>121819121819  I lol'd.  What a cute lil jumping spider!  I like poking them to watch them hop.  *sees a spider!*  Poke poke poke poke!  *bite!*  AIEEEEEE!!

Another delightful chapter!  This is how gaming adventure fics should be!

I was initially very wary of a Skyrim crossover, heck the only reason I opened a new tab for this was my respect for what Cold in Gardez previously, both in writing and editing for others. Gave it a shot and I'm thoroughly impressed. Still, that said, finish First Light of Dawn!

This is easily turning out to be one of the best fan fics I've ever read. If the next chapters keep up this trend, it will be epic. So far the only one that even remotely compares is The Night Never Ended. This is legit.

This. Is. Amazing.

Image: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-24eOYAnwzxo/TxNVCL2twGI/AAAAAAAAbSo/N2B06CgBOVU/s1600/112735+-+animated+animation+artist+dstears+dancing+gif+twilight_sparkle.gif

First! New chapter WHOOOO!

Well written, I must say. I wait with bated breath for your next installment.

This is a great story the detail you provided for the villain and the time well as the center peice was spot on however I do feel the description of the room itself was slightly lacking. I feel as if I hadn't played skyrim myself I wouldn't have been able to picture what I think you were aiming for. I could think of a few versions for the scenery especially since it gets mixed with some of the boss battles I've done in skyrim. Other than that I think this story is very well written. I like the background we get of sly during the flashback sequences and they are the perfect length not too long not too short. I'd be interested in twilight's background and how her friends fit in this world but I feel that may come later anyway. Good job keep it up.

---GraffyHooves

HHHHUUUUUHHH yay

Very interesting. Very interesting indeed... Go on...

yay!

Hey.

Hey.

When are you going to post an update for The First Light of Dawn?

sweetness. Sucks for the immortal dude. It will take him forever to leave the center of that room

>>139815139815

Well, really, for him it'll take just a few seconds.  Mind you, the world might have turned to dust around him by that point.

Nice.

Wow... Just really amazing!

Vindauga. Winds Eye in norwegian... and quite possibly other scandinavian languages too. Maybe even norse. Not bad! It's always fun to find my native language in places like this xD

Hm. Not just native language; native dialect too.

Also; time near that "Time Well" behaves exactly like it would near a black hole. Was that intentional, or accidental? At any rate, it was very amusing for me to read, given that I'm a physicist xD

Also, woho! Level up notes for Twi too! =D

Thanks for this lovely update today; I think I was beginning to go insane with most of the internet down in protest of SOPA. xD

Half Magicka, but her amulet consumes 50% more magicka... so all it did was get stronger.

Okay, nice job on this chapter, I kind of thought by this point you would've gone for a completely different approach to fighting the last of the three brothers. Thinking you were going to go for a mental battle or something. But this was better.  The time Well was a great touch for one thing. And Theostre was a good finish to the three brothers. That detail about his horn being a soul gem creeped me out. Like he just Stuck it in his skull such as the Forsworm Briar's replace their heart with that flower or whatever it is.

I feel so, so sorry for Twilight, no only getting messed up so much (and if she dies then god______ ) but also loosing her mane like that. Yeah I know on the brink of dying is a much bigger problem but still.

Dare I say, I look forward to what comes next.

The quality of this writing is just amazing. So much action, so much emotion. Its simply one of the best stories I've read yet! Please keep this up.

>>140641140641

A black hole was the temporal model I used for the time well, though I had to skip some details. Light, for instance, isn't affected by the time well, or you'd start to get some serious lensing effects on its surface.

As far as the name Vindauga, I think you'll like the next chapter. Goes into a bit more detail about how that name came about.

Thanks again for reading and commenting!

I have never played Skyrim, but I do love this fic! Sly is SO GREAT.

>>141430141430

Ah, true that. I didn't notice that detail :P

Aha? Nice! I'll be looking forward even more than usual then xD

You're welcome! =D It's the least I can do when you go to the lenght of actually writing this xD

This is a brilliant, epic story.  Clever, exciting, emotional, endearing, rich... but then, I shouldn't be surprised.  I didn't know that you were behind "The First Light of Dawn" until today!  Another one of my favorite ongoing stories.  Knowing that now, I don't feel so bad that it hasn't been updated lately.  Though of course I hope you can get back to it eventually.  In the meantime, this will more than tide me over!

A problem with the time well though: tidal effects.  Even if the well isn't exerting direct force, if the side of your body closest to the well is moving much slower than the side furthest from it, you need to generate need immense internal stresses to keep them spatially connected and moving at the same rate w.r.t. an external reference -- like pulling half your body out of super glue, or trying to dive into it.  With the kind of rapid falloff of time you showed over just a few feet, you'd be effectively immobile long before you ever hit the red line.  Even further away where the body would be able to take that kind of tidal tension, blood would collect on the slower side of the body because it's not pumping out fast enough, and then you'd get...well...yeah...  

Theostre, having been blasted right into it with great force, might actually pancake into himself midair.  

Anyway, still a fun set piece even if it does make my inner physicist cry a bit.

The only thing I can really level at this is that Twilight may have been a wee bit overpowered on this one.  I mean her freakout was epic, but she still effectively went from zero to ownage in about six seconds against an enemy that completely eclipsed the previous midboss.

Twilight shooting the light up through the tower of cobwebs and random crap glued into it is probably one of the most effective scenes I've seen all month.  Absolutely perfect sense of dread.

>>146413146413

I actually thought about describing the tidal effects of the well, but it got too complex too fast. It certainly would be unpleasant, having different parts of your body in different timezones, as it were.

The most likely effect for someone walking too close to the well would be to get squished, as the front of your body slows down before the back of your body. :(

Noooooo!! TWIIILIIIGHHHHTTT

I'm sure she's fine right, RIGHT?

On a sidenote, amazing story. It's awesome and I can't wait for the next update.

Seriously, I can't wait. I'm starting to look like this from staring at the computer screen for too long. xD Buuuut take your time of course! WE CANNOT RUSH GOOD WORK! That'd be just rude now wouldn't it?

>>111065111065 DA needs to get on that

^ Yes it was. That was the best "oh, crap" moment I've read in... well, a while, anyway. It's a rare pony fic villain, in my experience, that's genuinely scary, but you pulled it off with Cianim. Nice.

Otherwise, you may want to take Wisdom Thumbs' advice (apologies if you already did that for chapter four), but this is still very fun to read. Now, on to the next chapter...

DAMN!!!

That's all that needs be said about that!

MORTAL. He inhaled, and the world shook.

YEAH!

This...is beautiful. Keep it up!

Man. This is getting better and better.

This has gone beyond epic...

It is the ultimate crossover.

All bronies must read it and despair (that they weren't the ones who wrote it).  

Luna's death was so perfectly tragic.  

Wishes are tricky indeed.  You should see the entire page-long wish I created for wishing for immortality:  describing the perfect, ageless body that could sustain no damage, yet retain all the functions I require for actions I desire to partake in, immune to all chemicals and poisons, genes incapable of deleterious mutations, an immune system flawless and capable of eliminating any and all pathogens, a brain with neurons that will not produce any products leading to their own self-destruction... it went on like this for quite a while.