3
9
65
Joined September 2012
65
522
Annomalies in time and space create undesired portals, trapping beings in different worlds. A coalition of such beings is forced to fight the evils from their worlds in order to save their friends and allies, while trying to return to their homes.
A multy crossover of MLP;Star Craft 2 and League of Legends.
Sequal: Deffending the universe
Three things.
ONE, always start a new paragraph for a new speaker.
“I wonder if can fly up to those meteors and bring one down?” Rainbow Dash thought. “I wouldn’t recommend it to you Dash. It’s pretty cold up there. Water would freeze in about half a minute.” Twilight replied. “Any one of ya’s ever thought if there is someone or something that actually lives somewhere out there ?” Applejack asked. “Yeah, imagine all the new friends I could make!” Pinkie Pie emphasized as energetic as usual. “Or all the animals that might live on other worlds.” Wondered Fluttershy. Twilight tried to respond to everypony as much as possible. “Well it isn’t a complete impossibility. Somewhere in the cosmos the is probably another world who could support life like ours.” “If so I hope they are not some kind of filthy brutes.” Stated Rarity. “Oh Twilight, Twilight!” Pinkie had brainstormed another idea. “Can’t you cast some sort of spell on me, with which I can travel to other worlds?” “Sorry Pinkie, but I am afraid that would take quite the time to research, even by the magicians in Canterlot University. But I bet that some time--” Everypony stopped talking as Pinkie shouted to all who could hear. “TWITCHY TAAAIL!”
would become
“I wonder if can fly up to those meteors and bring one down?” Rainbow Dash thought out loud.“I wouldn’t recommend it to you Dash. It’s pretty cold up there. Water would freeze in about half a minute.” Twilight replied.
“Any one of ya’s ever thought if there is someone or something that actually lives somewhere out there ?” Applejack asked.
“Yeah, imagine all the new friends I could make!” Pinkie Pie emphasized as energetic as usual.
“Or all the animals that might live on other worlds.” Wondered Fluttershy.
Twilight tried to respond to everypony as much as possible. “Well it isn’t a complete impossibility. Somewhere in the cosmos there is probably another world who could support life like ours.”
“If so I hope they are not some kind of filthy brutes.” Stated Rarity.
“Oh Twilight, Twilight!” Pinkie had brainstormed another idea. “Can’t you cast some sort of spell on me, with which I can travel to other worlds?”
“Sorry Pinkie, but I am afraid that would take quite the time to research, even by the magicians in Canterlot University. But I bet that some time--” Everypony stopped talking as Pinkie shouted to all who could hear.
“TWITCHY TAAAIL!”
Much easier to read.
TWO, you ought to describe things to a point of fault. More details means more readers, as everyone becomes engrossed in the words written that play out like a movie in their imagination.
THREE, I like the idea of the story so far, but you ought to research into the roles of the Mane 6 a bit more. They seem just a tad OOC at a few moments.
>>1408022 Well i am new to writing fan fics. This is the 1st one i am doing so far. And don't worry, i wil go in to detail and describe the story with the 6 better. This is the 1st chapter and nothing actually happens to them. The good stuff is coming later on. 
Still thanks for your advise. Will take it in to consideration! :)
This chapter. I like it.
Yes, it most certainly is better! I'm very glad you rewrote this so it is easier to read and comprehend. Very good job! 
Keep up the good work!
>>1875404 Victor made his body not his mind, but after he became sentient Blitz left Zaun, due to the fact that Victor wanted him to do stuff against his will. So the bot went to Piltover, and who else would take the most interest in him. Heimer. + Victor is a bad guy, why would he want to do good? 
>>1879985 he is not an absolute evil. He just wanted to be famous scientist of all. He became half-robot cause he didn't wanted this to be stealed. And besides, he would make one of thoose terrans to go way of an "Absolute Evolution" and see what would be happened
>>2197491 You mean the swarm, not the herd, right? What do you mean by NeoChrysalis? She is also an infestie. And what hybrid sucker are you speaking of good sir? Becasue at the moment
>>2311801 Sorry to disapoint, but Klastanar and a few other protoss will be the only ones that will visit Equestia, but not Zeratul. 
Maybe if I get around on making a sequal, there is a plausable chance that Zeratul might come to Equestria, but I can't promise anything.
I like how you send Immortal to top lane and to fight agaisnt Cho'gath. Pretty much immortal counters him because his cannon does a tons of damage to an amored unit.
Zertual's ability is similar to Talon so sending him to mid lane is a logical.
but i dont know why you would send zealot to bot lane instead of the stalker and make him jungle.
I think you should have sent stalker to bot lane becasue a) he is a ranged champion b) he has a blink that is similar to ez's flash
zealot would have been a great jungler becasue he has a charge for ganking.
This is how i would send them if i can micro them.
nice work on sona though since all the protoss can communicate telepathcially and it seems that sona was happy about it.
Tell me your thoughts. why did you send zealot a bot lane.
Stalker could have harrass the fuck out of darius and garen.
maybe we could see some zealot X Sona action? 
>>2421868 Well, my main idea about sending the zealot to bot vs garen and darius was to show off how much better warriors the protoss are. And of course Sona is happy about it. If your entire life you were unable to comunicate with anyone, wouldn't you be happy to find someone? Sorry to disapoint but no zealot X Sona action. First of, protoss barely(almost don't) have romance going on between themselves, let alone with other species. And if you read on a bit, the guy leaves before anything can occur. But there is an interesting Sona moment coming on, and I have been thinking up another one. 
Thanks for reading, and do leave more comments. I like the guys who read and leave large interesting comments. 
After you corrected me on my story, I decided to go read your's. Even though I've never played LoL, I really liked this fic, and hope that there is a sequel. But one thing: I've read that Protoss voices have very little emotion in them (and none if they use sundrop), and that you said that the Protoss's faces made different emotions. How do two eyes on a face make such a wide variety of emotion?
>>2437662 Friend...I have seen shit on the internet...that would make your hair turn white. Just two eyes making so much emotion, isn't rocket science. And it's not just the eyes. They don't have mouths, but they have cheekbones, and brows. Eyes + cheekbones + brows are pretty much 56% of all emotion expressions. But only the straight forward ones, suggesting happines, dislike, confusion, anger, surprise, boredom. The mixed ones like envy, gloating, ect, require the mouth. Hope I have answered your question.
>>2445446 Yeah I realized I was wrong when I posted that. But one thing:
The long lock of hair as you see on my head is our devotion to the Khala
Protoss have hair?
I thought those were their nerve cords.
Or are those the two lines going from the back of their heads?
>>2446697 Actually yes. That long black thing on the back of the zealot, that comes out of its head is hair. And the dark temps have too, only theirs is cut.
Also, random fact. Protoss hair is so thick it can only be cut with a laser, and after it's cut, it doesn't grow back.
>>2488341 Sorry. I'm acting like Blizzard, aren't I? But worry not! I have already started imagining stuff from the sequal. In my oppinion, shit's gonna be epic. (I plan to start up a theory me and a fr thought off about a certain individual from the protoss, and he will be coming back to life, because the bad guys are trying to get someone really op for themselves. Now who is this protoss who is so BAD ASS that he can ban hammer with ease other "very powerful beings", and is curently somewhere between life and death? A name every self respecting protoss must know.)
But I thought he was stuck at the place where he "died" (the overmind corpse on Aiur)?
Reset Password
Resend Verification Email
522 ( 3,222 )
More
Less
Post Comment
Refresh
Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8kpgfEvJx1ruojeh.gif
Image: http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs41/f/2009/015/d/4/injured_protoss_zealot_by_bugball.jpg
Image: http://t.qkme.me/3tw33d.jpg
Image: http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100722191250/starcraft/images/thumb/9/93/TassadarEternal_SC2_Head1.jpg/200px-TassadarEternal_SC2_Head1.jpg
Cancel
Send