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Aurora Aura is the fifth pony in the line of Faithful Students since Twilight Sparkle revolutionised Equestria. Ponies have a freedom, the kind they've never had before.
And it's tearing them apart.
Rated teen for infrequent language and mild themes. Please leave a comment, you know it's what I live for! NOTE: I'm also working on new cover art. This time it will be by me!
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All I ask is that you please read chapter one before discarding this
Also, first.
Nyahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Interesting. I'll probably check back on this later to see how it has progressed.
I don't think you've spent nearly enough time describing the world of the story in the prologue. As far as I can tell, Twilight invented some GitS-style mind-internet thing, and it has been quite a few generations since then. I don't have a good sense of what the current world looks like at the time of the story. While it is okay for me to not understand the larger structure of society from the start, I don't even have a sense of what these hallways and whatnot are made of. I'd suggest putting a bit of extra effort into describing things that the reader hasn't ever seen before. How do the corridors look and feel? Are they painted a shade of purple that constantly distracts from anything you are trying to focus on? Is the floor broken and cracked tile, or a metal grate allowing you to see the floor below? What color are the cables you mentioned? Are things in disrepair, or just awkwardly designed? "Holographic interface" is pretty vague. (I'm not an expert, and it is very late at night, but I'm doing my best to give helpful feedback)
I'm happy to see a techy SciFi dystopia thing that has a light enough mood to allow Aurora's silly stunts to make sense. Most are generally pretty heavy and philosophical. You should be careful that you don't make Aurora into a Mary Sue, though. She already has quite a few things going for her: talented in magic, expert hacker, one of a line a Faithful Students, apparently can damage property and steal without any repercussions. At this point in the story, I'm already wondering why she doesn't just take photos of Section G and post them for all to see, given how terrible this institution's security is.
Finally, although this isn't really a story criticism, I always love when a universe has a well fleshed-out magic system. It would be cool to know more about how magic works in your story now, and how Twilight changed things.
There were a few typos and other errors, but it is quite late at night and I only wrote down one of them:
I might go back and make a full write-up of my edits/suggestions, if you want.
Anyway, good luck, and have fun.
1405611
Thank you very much for the feedback.
I'm definetely going to go back and give the chapters a bit more length, as well as work to describe the world and such.
I'd also love you to point out the errors... I may be an editor, but it doesn't mean I don't need one here and there!
I'll also be adding more about how magic actually works for all three races now.
I hope you'll care to take another read once I've done that, and thanks for giving a good critique.
PS. Aurora has some major character flaws... just you wait.
Well, so far it's pretty engaging. I always love a good dystopia story.
Aurora seems pretty likable, which is always important if you want to pull of a decent dystopia fic. I was going to say she seems a little Mary-sueish, but being mischievous can be a good and bad trait. Also, complete disregard for authority figures has a way of biting ponies in the flank. Just a little more development and I can see myself clicking with her character.
Have a thumb-up, a favorite, and a Pinkie.
Oooo.... Me likey.... I love the idea, and like the portrayal of the characters so far. Aurora seems cool... and I think the name you've given her is really good if she's going to play the kind of role I THINK she could play... ^-^
As for the layout/grammar bleh, I would get a pre-reader../ I don't THINK you need an editor... If you have to read thru your work beforehand and find that difficult, then an editor is great 'cause they'll do all that... but it all looks good to me soo...
But, a pre-reader is always a good idea; they'll give you a firsthabd opinion, looking at the story thru "fresh eyes" instead of yours. They can tell you what they think... how people may react... and give you their ideas for stuff...
But, really... It's a good story. I like the idea; it's not very common. It is well-written, and just overall good. I can't wait to see where you take it, and am curious...
1406394
I am hoping to be able to develop her character a lot more in future chapters.
Thanks very much for leaving some feedback. Don't worry, Aurora is definitely not going to become a Mary Sue, as you will see in probably chapter four or five, or right here, if you prefer
1406542
Thanks for leaving a comment. Yes, I probably am going to get a pre-reader at some stage, but I just don't have time to deal with that right now.
...And now I am curious. What role do you think she'll play?
1408045
.... And judging by the story description, I think she'll be the one to save Equestria and that... But how you'll go ABOUT that will interest me greatly... This is a crucial role, and will require a lot of... patience (?) and decision making stuff... 
Well, I just think that "Aurora" is a good name, because (literally) (this is me getting sciency) an aurora is basically the polar lights... And I think that goes well as a sort of comparison/contrast to "Twilight" which is also a transition period
And as for a pre-reader, it didn't look like you needed one, I just know that at some point, they will make work easier by suggestion... stuff...
1408758
Yes, I did partly choose the name Aurora Aura for that reason. I also have somepony in mind to preread the story, so they should help me fix any plotholes.
Also, "Aurora" is the Roman godess of dawn.
1408849
*squee* even better! Well, congrats to you on the good job! Keep up the good work!
1409885
Aurora was an immortal Roman godess who fell in love with a mortal man. She asked Jupiter to give him eternal life, and Jupiter did (Aurora Aura usually gets what she wants), but Aurora forgot to ask for eternal youth for her love, so he grew old eternally (Aurora Aura doesn't always think things through, and sometimes makes rash desicions that can have horrible consequences).
Then she turned her love into a grasshopper (when things go wrong, she ends up taking it out on some on close to her.)
So that's where I got the idea for her personality.
I did my research!
1410480
Well, Roman gods are awesome... and funny... 
And that IS a good idea for personality! As long as she doesn't, you know, turn anyone into a grasshopper... 
Hehehaha... That, my friend, is an epic tale!
1411742
Heheh, you'll have to wait and see, won't you?
AN: No grasshoppers were harmed in the making of this fic, except the ones that were.
1411881
a good start im liking it wish the chapters are longer and man whats that admin got up there plot?
1422994
lol
Very very interesting concept, there. I'm still not exactly sure "what" this Interface is, but it sounds somewhat like virtual reality. I'll just have to read more...
If I ever get around to updating, there will be a new chapter for this story. I'm currently looking into developing Aurora's character a bit more and putting her though some challenges, which will hopefully put aside doubts about her being a Mary Sue. You don't want that, and I don't either. Don't worry