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dangaertner79

Joined December 2011
4 followers

Brony guy named Dan.

I am not a great writer, I just came up with an idea for a story that I thought some people might enjoy.

Also I refuse to put up with people on freakin' ponychan, those people are mean... VERY MEAN!!!!

I am a person who likes lots of things, I love music, games and ponies. I love playing music: guitar, drums, bass, mandolin, alto saxophone, clarinet, harmonica, and keyboards.

Favourite bands:

Rock: Pink Floyd

Folk: Mumford & Sons

Death Metal: Dethklok

Power Metal: Nightwish

Humorcore: Psychostick

I do not like rap or modern day pop.

Favourite Ponies:

Mane 6: Rainbow Dash

Fan named: Derpy Hooves

Princess: Luna

Male: Caramel (no homo)

Officially named (I think) character with only one or two lines: Dr. Whooves

(Things I DON'T like about ponies: clopfictions, people calling Rainbow Dash a lesbian, and ponychan).

Groups

Stories (1)

  • Spike's First Kiss
    Spike finally decides to tell Rarity about his feelings, but he feels too nervous.

    2,796 words · 7,101 views · 25 likes · 2 dislikes

Blog Posts (2)

x

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Fan Fiction

Spike’s First Kiss

By: Dan Gaertner


Twilight knows I have a crush on Rarity, and she has known it about it for quite some time. Then, one day, I wanted to finally let Rarity know how I really felt about her. The problem was, I was very nervous. Every time I try to tell her, I always end up running off or changing the subject because I am afraid of how she will react. What if she doesn’t take a liking to me? So I talked to Twilight to see how I could do this right.

“Twilight, can I ask you about something?” I asked.

“Hey Spike, what do need?” She asked.

“You know that I have a crush on somepony around here, right?”

“Well, of course, I’ve known about it ever since you met her.”

“Yes, well…” I was too nervous to even tell her about what I wanted to do.

“What is it?”

I tried to hide my face from her. My cheeks were blushing just from thinking about Rarity.

“I really… uh.”

“What ever it is, I’m sure I can help.”

“I want to tell Rarity about how I really feel about her.” I sighed after speaking. But Twilight just stood their looking at me as if nothing is wrong.

“Oh, is that all? Spike, all you have to do is just tell her. I’m sure she’ll understand how you feel about her.”

“But I’m so nervous!”

“Why?”

I paused for a moment. Then I walked over to my chair near the fireplace and sat down. Twilight came up next to me and nudged my shoulder.

“Come on Spike,” she said, “What could possibly go wrong?”

“What could go wrong? What if she doesn’t like me back?”

“Oh Spike, you’re making such a fuss about this, everything will be fine.”

“Easy for you to say, it’s not like you have a crush on somepony you really like.”

“That’s not the point, I’m sure Rarity would be flattered by your feelings for her.”

“Flattered? I want her to like me, I have an undying love for her.”

“Well how do you want to tell her?”

I thought for a moment, I was always a little nervous about actually telling Rarity I was in love with her.

Then Twilight looked at me, “Are you really that afraid to tell her directly how you feel?” She asked.

I paused for another moment, and yelled, “YES!”

“Well, how about a gift for her? The holidays are coming up.”

“Hey, that’s right.”

I stood up and jumped around in excitement.

“Yeah, you could get Rarity a gift for Hearth’s Warming Eve.”

“That’s perfect! One question: What do I get her?”

“That should be easy, you should know a lot about what she likes.”

“Maybe, but I’m not sure what she likes the most.”

I quickly ran over to a table and got out a quill. I started writing down a list of things that Rarity would like. And I know that Rarity likes lots of things. So I sat there and thought to myself, What would Rarity like for a gift?

Twilight looked at me, “Well I see you have a lot of work to do, I’ll leave you alone for now,” she said. Then she left the room.

I stayed up all night writing down things that Rarity would like, until I passed out and fell asleep.

In the morning I was woken up by an unexpected voice.

“Wake up sleepy head.”

I shot up as soon as I heard the voice.

“Fluttershy, what are you doing here?”

“Twilight said she needed some help cleaning up her house, so I thought I would stop by and help.”

I looked over at Twilight.  She was dusting off some of her books. “Thanks for coming over to help Fluttershy.”

I got up and stretched out my arms and legs. Then I thought to myself, Maybe I can find a gift for Rarity if I go shopping. “Well, I’m gonna go into town, to do some shopping for the holidays. Seeya.”

I stopped outside the door when I heard Fluttershy start to talk. I tried to not let them notice I was still there.

“Spike… going shopping?” Fluttershy asked.

“He’s trying to get a gift for somepony he likes.”

“Who is it?”

“Well, if you really want to know, Spike has a crush on Rarity.”

“Oh, actually I think everypony except for Rarity knows about that.”

“Well yeah, I probably should have guessed, Spike is always going on about Rarity.”

“Do you think he will actually tell her?”

“Well I did tell him that he could just get Rarity a gift, since he is too nervous to tell her directly.”

“Well I sure hope Spike will be able to tell Rarity without getting nervous.”

I walked away trying to ignore the fact that Twilight just told my secret to somepony else.

I started walking into town looking for some places to shop for a gift. I started speaking to myself, “I know that Rarity likes jewelry and gemstones, maybe that would make a good gift. Nah, too expensive.” I walked around for a while looking at the stores. I suddenly thought of lots of other gifts I could get Rarity. But then I thought of a better idea. I decided to go to Rarity’s place and see what she was doing. If I could get a chance to talk with her, I could get the perfect gift for her.

I walked over to Rarity’s place and looked through the window. She was still eating breakfast. Suddenly I heard a voice call to me.

“Hey Spike!” I heard as a shadow flew over my head.

I looked up and saw Rainbow Dash flying around me. She landed right next to me.

“What are you doing?” She asked.

“Can you keep a secret?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“I have a crush on Rarity. I’m trying to find the perfect gift for her, and I’m not sure what to get her.”

“Oh is that all, that’s easy. You just need to find out what kind of stuff she likes.” Suddenly I heard a door open. Rainbow Dash and I ran away to hide. We both jumped behind a tree nearby. Rarity was coming out of her home with her pet cat Opalescence.

“Ah, what a lovely breakfast, I always love a good meal. Come along Opal,” she said. Rarity walked away as I poked my head out from behind from the tree. “Well there’s an idea, you could take her out for dinner,” suggested Rainbow Dash

“That’s brilliant! Thanks Rainbow Dash.” I said as I ran off.

“Good luck,” said Rainbow Dash.

After running for a while I got tired and started walking. I looked at some of the restaurants as I walked by. So many of them were too expensive, I couldn’t afford it. Then I noticed that I was passing by Sugarcube Corner. I thought to myself, Maybe Rarity would like something sweet, like a box a chocolate or candy. I walked in to the store. Pinkie Pie was in there making some treats.

“Hey Pinkie Pie, what are you making?” I asked.

“Oh hi Spike, I’m just making some holiday treats for everypony. You wanna try one? I’m sure you’ll love it,” she said, talking loud and fast.

“Would I? Sure!”

I picked up a star shaped chocolate chip cookie. Then I took a bite.

“Mmm, this is delicious. Rarity would love these.”

“What was that Spike?”

“Oh, um… sorry,”

“What about Rarity liking these?”

“Well, I’m trying to get Rarity a gift for the holidays to tell her how I feel about her.”

“Oh, you still never told her about your crush yet. You should tell her. I still remember you wanted me to keep it a secret, so I never told her either.”

“Yeah, any ideas of what to get her?”

“Well, I bet she would love some cookies. She would love cookies.” Pinkie Pie was starting to get hyper.

“Yeah, I’ll get her some cookies.”

“Great, I’ll make a batch of cookies for you and Rarity.”

“Thanks Pinkie Pie.”

Pinkie started making some cookie dough for my cookies for Rarity. After having one more cookie I started walking home.

When I got back, I noticed Fluttershy and Twilight were still cleaning. I also noticed that Applejack was there too. She was also helping Twilight clean the house.

Twilight noticed I walked in. “Hey Spike, how’s the gift shopping going?” She asked

Then Applejack asked, “Gift shopping? Who ya gettin’ gifts for?”

“Oh, I’m trying to find the perfect gift for Rarity for the holidays. So I decided to do some shopping,” I said.

“Oh that’s just dandy. Whatcha ya get her?”

“I got her some cookies form Sugarcube Corner. She will love them.”

Twilight looked over at me. “Uhh, I don’t think that will be enough to tell Rarity about how you feel,” she said.

“Then what else should I do?”

“How about you write her a love letter,” Fluttershy suggested.

“That’s a great idea,” said Twilight.

I suddenly started to get worried. “What should I write? I’ve never written a love letter.”

“Oh I should be a snap,” said Applejack, “You just tell her that you love her, or maybe even write a poem.”

“A poem huh? I guess I could try writing a poem for Rarity.”

“I think you can do it Spike,” said Fluttershy.

“I guess I’ll try.”

Later that night, Applejack and Fluttershy left. Twilight was already in bed. I stared writing down ideas for a love poem. I tried so many times but I couldn’t think of one. Then it suddenly happened, a genius idea for a love poem. So I started writing. As soon as I finished I began to read it out loud to myself.

The sun lights the day

At night there’s the moon

The best way to spend the holiday

Is being with you.

“That’s perfect!” I said in excitement. Then I noticed it was getting dark out. “I guess it’s time I got some sleep.”

I walked upstairs to my bed; Twilight was already asleep. I laid down in my bed and fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up and got an early start on my chores. I made Twilight some breakfast in bed. Then I went over to Sugarcube Corner to pick up the cookies that Pinkie Pie made.

I walked in and said, “Hey Pinkie Pie, how are the cookies coming along?”

Pinkie Pie looked back and said, “Hi Spike, the cookies are all finished.”

“Thanks Pinkie Pie, I sure hope Rarity will like them.”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll like them. In fact I think she’ll love them.”

“I sure hope so. Thanks again.”

“Good luck Spike.”

I walked out of Sugarcube Corner with the cookies. I took a peak inside the box to see how they looked. They looked perfect. On my way to Rarity’s house I read over my poem a couple more times. I also started to get really nervous. Will she accept my feelings for her? I hope this goes well.

I arrived at her house, and saw that she was stitching a dress. I tried to toughen up. As soon as I felt like the time was right, I open the door and walked inside.

“Hello, Rarity!” I said loudly.

“Spike?” Rarity was startled.

And then disaster struck. I startled her and she lost control of the sewing machine. Her leg got caught under the needle in the sewing machine. The needle came down and pierced her skin. She cried out in pain as I dropped the cookies and ran over to help her.

“Oh no, Rarity, what have I done?” I was crying too.

“Please somepony help me,” she yelped.

I helped Rarity cover up the wound on her hoof, and got her over to Nurse Redheart. Of course I didn’t want to leave and forget my gift for Rarity. I picked it up on the way out.

“Everything will be okay Rarity, I promise.”

“Please hurry Spike, it hurts so bad.”

I was in such a rush. I didn’t care if the wound was major or minor. I had to help her.

As we arrived at the office, Nurse Redheart took Rarity to a bed. I sat down in the waiting room.

I started talking to myself, “Why did this have to happen? Poor Rarity. She must be in so much pain, it’s all my fault.”

Moments later Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie arrived.

Rainbow Dash started shrieking, “I just saw you taking Rarity into here, is she okay?”

“I hope she is. This was all my fault. Now she will never like me,” I responded.

“Now Spike, don’t talk like that, I’m sure she will forgive you,” said Twilight.

Nurse Redheart came into the waiting room.

“Nurse Redheart, is Rarity okay?” Asked Fluttershy.

Nurse Redheart looked at everypony and said, “She is going to be just fine. She might be in some pain. It was just a small puncture on the skin near her hoof. You could have just wrapped it up to stop the pain. Nothing major.”

“Oh thanks goodness,” they all replied.

“Can we see her?” I asked.

“You can come back here, but please be quiet, this is a hospital,” said Nurse Readheart.

We walked into the room that Rarity was in. Pinkie Pie brought in the box of cookies. I rushed over to her bed and apologized for the accident I caused.

“Rarity, I am so sorry for what I did, I didn’t know I would startle you, this is all my fault.”

“Oh, Spike, it’s okay,” Rarity said, “It still hurts but I know you didn’t mean to do it.”

“I um…” I was too nervous to tell her about the gift.

“What is it Spike?” She asked.

“I uh…” My cheeks started to blush.

“What’s wrong Spike?” Rarity might have noticed my cheeks blushing.

“When I came into your house I was going to bring you a gift.”

“Really?”

“Yes, it was supposed to be for the holidays.”

“I have it right here,” Pinkie Pie interrupted.

I stepped closer to Rarity and said, “I couldn’t really think of a perfect gift, so I got you a treat from Sugarcube Corner.”

Rarity began to blush, “Oh Spike you didn’t have to…”

“And I also wrote a poem for you.” I began to read the poem to her. “The sun lights the day, and at night there’s the moon, the best way to spend the holiday, is being with you.”

A tear came out from Rarity’s eye as she said, “Oh Spike, that was beautiful.”

“The truth is Rarity, I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since I first laid my eyes on you.”

“Oh Spike.”

Then the greatest moment of my life happened, she puckered her lips, and we kissed. My first kiss ever, and with the pony of my dreams.

Everypony looked at us, “Aww, how sweet.”

Rarity looked up at me and said, “Spike, I would love to spend the holiday with you.” Then we kissed again.

Nurse Redheart checked Rarity out of the room and escorted us out of the hospital. Rarity and I leaned our heads against each other as we left the office.

“I love you Rarity,” I said as we walked. My cheeks were blushing even more.

“I love you too Spike,” she said back, “and thanks for the gift, even though you didn’t need to get me a gift.”

“Why don’t we go over to Sugarcube Corner for some hot chocolate?” suggested Pinkie Pie, while hopping in excitement.

“That would be wonderful,” said Applejack.

“Sure, I would love some cocoa,” said Rainbow Dash.

“Then let’s go,” said Twilight.

As we sat together sipping on hot chocolate, we started chatting about what to do for the holidays.

“I think this is going to be the best Heart Warming Eve ever,” I said, “Because I’m spending it with you, Rarity.”

“Oh thank you Spike,” she said back.

And then we gave each other one more kiss before we continued to drink some more hot chocolate.

And that is the story on my first kiss, and my best Hearth’s Warming Eve ever.

THE END

Comments ( 39 )

#1 · 142w, 5d ago · · ·

Cute! But, personally, the whole injury indecent seems a bit rushed.

Good reads, though!

#2 · 142w, 5d ago · · ·

>>94744 I was trying to think from Spike's perspective. Obviously He would have rushed as fast as he could to help Rarity. And thanks for commenting. :pinkiehappy:

#3 · 142w, 5d ago · · ·

Owch... Painful story is painful.

Honestly. I'm not saying this is the worst thing ever written, but the phrase "Show, don't Tell" comes to mind. With a ton of refinement, this could be an amazing story. The trouble is, there are just too many issues.

Flow is nice. It seems not to jump to anything too fast, HOWEVER, due to the numerous other issues, i couldn't get past the first couple of parts.

The Dialogue. It's far too dry. Even in the beginning scene, with Fluttershy, it's like hearing a cardboard cutout. No substance whatsoever. You could auto-tune it and it would come out just the same.

Spelling and Grammar: Not too many issues here. That's nice. Too many stories have just a few spelling or grammar mistakes that throw it all off.

The writing stye: See the Dialogue. It's not descriptive enough, and it feels like I'm being thrown the story in my face instead of reading it nicely. "Show, Don't Tell" once again!

Sorry for the harsh review, but if no one ever told you what went wrong, you wouldn't get better, eh? :twilightsheepish:

-The Librarian

#4 · 142w, 5d ago · · ·

Great Rarity+Spike. Always and forever, Unicorn and Dragon.:heart:

#5 · 142w, 5d ago · · ·

>>94753 well i have tried getting numerous reviews from friends and people on ponychan. And I refuse to go back on ponychan, they are mean people. :fluttercry:

And yes one guy kept saying show, don't tell. Well i have tried adding more descriptions outside of the dialouge, and in my Bio I said I am not a writer, I just thought this would be a story that some people would enjoy, and I hope you enjoyed it. :pinkiehappy:

#6 · 142w, 5d ago · · ·

I was never expecting it to be a good story, just an enjoyable one. :pinkiesmile:

#7 · 142w, 5d ago · · ·

>>94776   Ah. Well, sorry about Ponychan.

As for the description outside the dialogue, if you want honest to goodness help, go read a book. Cliche, but the reason most Writers are successful is because they copied the styles of other writers, and built from there. You might want to read the Pre-Reader Omnibus at Equestria Daily for help. And, even if you don't write anything ever again, it'll help in everyday life.

I'm sorry, but i still couldn't get past the mistakes a second time. I look forward to your (hopefully) improved stories in the future! :pinkiehappy:

-The Librarian

#8 · 142w, 5d ago · · ·

>>94799 Thanks, at least you actually seem to care. :twilightsmile: (unlike ponychan) :twilightangry2:

#9 · 142w, 5d ago · · ·

Hey everyone!!!

For other pony related stuff, go on my YouTube channel, http://www.youtube.com/user/dangaertner7 :yay:

#10 · 142w, 5d ago · · ·

WTF:rainbowhuh:, i mean Rarity:raritywink: is like a  teen or adult and Spike:moustache: is like a 5 year old. i mean if you read other Fanfics it says that by the time spike is Rarity's age, she'll be DEAD.:twilightangry2: I mean, Rarity is just to old for Spike and we have to know that facts are facts and she's to old for him. I apologize for the angriness:scootangel: but this got me pist off:twilightangry2:.

Good Story none the less thought:pinkiehappy:.

#11 · 142w, 4d ago · · ·

>>95427 The fact that it also happens in the show also kinda makes me feel confused :derpytongue2:, Spike being called a "baby dragon." And Rarity being grown up, but seeing how cute it is that he has a crush on her ever since the beginning :heart: of the series I thought I could make an enjoyable story. :yay: And yes I know the story may seem strange :derpyderp2: but the people never actually seem to care that someone as young as Spike has a crush on some one as old as Rarity. :rainbowlaugh: But some people do enjoy the story. :twilightsmile:

#12 · 142w, 3d ago · · ·

>>95427 WAIT A MINUTE, I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING!!!! :derpyderp1: When Twilight hatched Spike, he was a baby, and Twilight and all the other ponies were still very young, so how is it that far away that Spike is so much younger than Rarity. I think Rarity just seems older because she's more sophisticated. :duck: I just remembered this when watching the Cutie Mark Chronicles :scootangel: episode again. :rainbowwild:

#13 · 142w, 2d ago · · ·

FIVE HUNDRED READERS :yay: :twilightblush: :pinkiesmile: :rainbowkiss: :derpytongue2: :twilightsmile: :pinkiehappy: :heart:

#14 · 141w, 3d ago · · ·

To all readers of this story (mostly to the people who think it needs work) I know I'm not good writer. :fluttershysad: I am more of a musician. :twilightsmile:

#15 · 139w, 2d ago · · ·

>>113714

Good now write this entire fic into a song and play it

#16 · 138w, 4d ago · · ·

im not a huge rarityxspike fan, but when it's done right, it just melts my heart...and that's what happened here.:pinkiehappy:

#17 · 128w, 4h ago · · ·

>>97621 >>95427 honestly judgeing on behavior and other things from when twilight hatched spike he is about 5 years younger then twilight on top of that hes a "baby" dragon its a reletaive term they live 100s if  not 1000s of years; however his mental state as well as his maturity is obviously not that of a baby or even a young kid  people seem to fail to put 2 and 2 together they hear the word baby and go o hes to young cause they don't think it through

#18 · 128w, 3h ago · · ·

>>436073:Yeah......its what most people just come to conclude from that.

But after those 14 weeks (comment posted 14 weeks ago) I slowly found out that Spike is pretty mature really, and by "baby" he could be the same age as one of the mane 6 since in reality dragons live like 1000 years, maybe more, so it would be significany to call him a "child"/"baby".

Just Sayin.

#19 · 128w, 2h ago · · ·

>>436215 right all relative but my point being that shes really not to old for him especialy not in the long run which frankly the fics where spike is a few years older then the show are the fics that really have more impressive sparity writings usualy

#20 · 128w, 2h ago · · ·

>>436326: Indeed but with most of the brony community still thinking that Spike being too young, then were still going to be seeing a lot of stories portraying Spike as a child instead of an adoloscent like the Mane 6 and the rest of the characters.

#21 · 128w, 2h ago · · ·

>>436339 indeed a shame really being the only real cannon realtionship cept maybe and i stress MAYBE big mac and cherliee its the only one i really feel i can get behind as a fan and reader of fanfics but looking for a decent sparity story ends up in A hes to young B rarity ends up with someone else usualy making no sence at all C spike with a cutie mark crusader who are reasonably just as big a age gap between spike and rarity D spikes like 500 and everyones dead or E endless waves of OC or worse still HiE

#22 · 125w, 4d ago · · ·

>>436437

in response to ur comment my good sir

A) not too young

B) no other gentle colts for Rarity

C) gives us the ability to turn the tables on the people who say Sparity is pedo

D) not sure if this is a fic where Spike does it with everyone

E) OC's and actual characters are just horrible, and no clue on HiE

#23 · 125w, 4d ago · · ·

>>505403 Thats what im saying shit'll dirve you nuts

#24 · 125w, 4d ago · · ·

>>506171

yah i always check before reading a fic involving shipping has sparity, if it doesn't i wont read, lol yah im that devoted

#25 · 125w, 4d ago · · ·

>>506207 Im just as bad and if its not int the comments or the summary i just use ctrl+f and search spikes name and see how the dialogue feels or if hes even int eh story cause for some reason lots of people use him for a tage and he has like 2 lines in a 10 chapter story and then i wana kill someone

#26 · 125w, 4d ago · · ·

>>506220

yah i know that feel and the ctrl+f same here lol, i saw a fic of a possible love triangle with :moustache::duck: and:unsuresweetie:. i was like unless he only gets rarity im not even gonna bother with this

#27 · 125w, 4d ago · · ·

>>507245 Im ok with that triangle if he gets both cause Spike's got the swag to end up with both happily :raritywink: (im hoping thats how sibling rivalry ends)

#28 · 125w, 4d ago · · ·

>>507253

Alright well I guess I can't argue with that, tell me how it ends cause I still might not read it lol. (Also Spike may have enough for both but it's better when he uses it all on Rarity)

#29 · 125w, 4d ago · · ·

>>507275 Yea i just like the harem endings cause i find it leaves everyone happy that at least their ship was sailed plus Spike getting sisters thats hot

#30 · 125w, 4d ago · · ·

>>507280 everyone's happy, wow sharing must be kinda weird if u ask me lol, o well. nice talking to you sir :moustache:

#31 · 125w, 4d ago · · ·

>>507356 As Pinkie said shareing is careing :pinkiesmile:

#32 · 119w, 1d ago · · ·

A few problems I found.  It feels awkward all the way through, I don't think the first person perspective worked, and the end was just plain cheesy.  Also, they didn't spend the day together, they spent it with their friends like any other day.

Also, it didn't feel like the story took place during the winter holidays.  Mention the snow under Spike's feet, or the bitter chill in the air.  Something!

Also, the phrase, "I'm in love with you," probably should be delayed a bit, not something you use to start up a relationship.  It felt so unnatural.

#34 · 96w, 1d ago · · ·

Great story! Faved and liked! :twilightsmile:

Sparity forever :moustache::heart::raritystarry:

#35 · 89w, 2d ago · · ·

Dat injury scene made me laugh my ass off at how I pictured rarity talking like they're out for tea :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#36 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

>>436437

What's HiE?

#37 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

>>4518609 Wow... that  comment is old. HiE means Human in Equestria.

#38 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

Thank you for knowing spike is not that young form the other mares

#39 · 12w, 4d ago · · ·

I believe the Crusaders said it best:

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