Sup man, I see that this is your first story, so I'll just be the first comment.

First:

Little is known about Commander Hurricane and his group of pegasi warriors that helped found Equestria. Where did they come from? Why were they so militant? The history of the pegasus race is a dark affair, filled with the tragedy and horror of war, a war Commander Hurricane played a pivotal role in.

>Possible: Little is known about Commander Hurricane and his group of Pegasi warriors that helped found Equestria. But, where did they come from? Why were they so militant? The history of the Pegasus race is a dark affair, filled with the tragedy and horror of war.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

The sun was slowly reclaiming more and more of the sky from the darkness of night. It started with a faint glow to the east and, minute by minute, a tiny sliver of the golden orb pierced the horizon, growing and expanding in luminosity and brightness, until the radiant disk revealed itself in its entirety, its yellow rays spreading forth across the land and bringing light and warmth to the denizens of the continent.

  >Might want to use some periods there.

Other than that, didn't see any more Grammar mistakes, anyway, this story is Blitz Approved! (Actually I did liked this story)

Keep on writin'

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png

Reign Of Fire - Armored Saint

Pretty good start. I'll track for now and see where this leads.

Very nice. From the looks of things, this is going to be more than just the average fanfic. I'll be sure to keep track of this.

Not bad.

That chapter won my favorite. Seriously, how is this story not a hit already? I love it

This is building up quite nicely.

Damn fine show, author.

Hnnnnng

Snap, Fire got owned!

It really does surprise me how this doesn't have more views than it does now. Seriously, this is building up nicely.

Shorter than expected. Decent transition chapter. Read more for enjoyment than review, so only one thing stuck out at the end-

>lightly-colored // NO.

>>14893311489331

Adjusted, thanks for pointing that out

Featured on Equestria Daily!!

Read the entire thing (thus far) in one setting.

Me-likey

>>15491081549108

Same here. Can't wait for more.

Love pegasi war stories. But, may I ask, what time period is this in? Pre-Celestial/Pre-Windigo? Is it modern, but in an isolated pegasi-only nation similar to Unicornia or the Crystal empire?

>>15544521554452

The other races are mentioned, but in a way that implies contact is extremely limited at this point. I think because of that, it is definitely pre-windigoe

Commander Hurricane, the one we see from Hearthswarming Eve, is the main character.

This is pre-windigo, for all those wondering.

Can't wait to see their first encounter with unicorns and Earth ponies.  If this fic goes into that.

>>15621331562133

There might be some mentioning of that at the end. Like, the end end. If I go into a sequel taking another look at the Hearth's Warming Eve story (which I plan to anyways) then there'll be a lot more of that, but for now I'm focused on Hurricane's story and the story of the Cirran Empire.

Fire Star got fucked up!

>>15615701561570

*facepalm* how did I not catch that? I'm gonna need to marathon the episodes again.

Dash really went overboard with the bravado according to this characterization though.

>>15668861566886

The premise behind the story I'm going with is how history "changes" with the passage of time. Over a thousand years after the events of Commander Hurricane, he's seen as an arrogant tribal leader, but at the time he may really have been a more level-headed individual who was forced to make tough decisions for Cirra (which has also been forgotten) so that it would survive. The war with Gryphus is also one of the most definitive moments in pegasus history but has been utterly forgotten in the thousands of years since.

No I am not talented enough to generate a whole series of song lyrics on my own. I took them from here, one of my favorite games of all time. I thought the music was fitting for the tone of the chapter.

Anyways, keep on reading. I'm interested to know what you guys think

Lawl, Ace Combat 5 reference.

Good chapter by the way, this is good stuff, feature worthy imho.

Somewhere off in the distance as the Cirran senator Cato the Elder's speech draws to an end, he closes with this statement.

"Furthermore, it is my opinion that Gryphus must be destroyed."

Carthage anypony? Love it.

Moar, moar I say!

Are you a pony who just went through battle and have all those nasty blood stains that just won't come out?

Using bleach can cause skin irritation and leave your coat discolored. But now your prays have been answered, introducing chipotlaway.

Image: http://subutax.up.seesaa.net/image/02chipotlaway.jpg

With with chipotlaway version 2.0, this miracle in a spray bottle works on your mane and coat so your ready for the next surprise inspection.

Get chipotlaway v2.0 for only nine easy payments of twenty bits.  Order Right Now!

PS.  Great chapter btw, keep it up.

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m72bguCkOr1qlr0dn.gif

That is my response to this chapter.

Great storytelling

also, baby Griffons

They killed younglings!

Execute order sixty six.

Image: http://www.martinwildig.com/pictures/emperor.jpg

Major Henry Hitchcock on William Tecumseh Sherman and his March to the Sea [His practice of Total War]: "it is a terrible thing to consume and destroy the sustenance of thousands of people, but if the scorched earth strategy serves to paralyze their husbands and fathers who are fighting ... it is mercy in the end."

           William Sherman himself: "War is Hell, and it is well that it should be so lest we grow too fond of it."

Damn you for being so good! You kept me guessing on who was gonna die.

I severly, severly hope Red Tail gets the death he's got coming.

>>16968511696851 But you gotta give it to the legate, He is an extraordinary commander. He held off thousands of griffins with militia and scattered legionaries, an impressive feat for any commander of the era. (circa late Iron Age I am guessing due to steel armor) Now considering the griffons upgrading to steel, that jump in technology was extensive because it really did make it harder to kill somebody encased in steel. It is lighter, so the griffons can move better, it is stronger, they now fear Cirran blades much less.

Officers are always places between a rock and a hard place because, even though they don't normally fight or watch their friends die around them, their job is to command.

Very well written sir, I take my hat off to you.

And so falls Nimbus.  Despite the efforts of the griffins, a small fragment of the city escaped destruction and remained in the skies for a millennium.  A silent monument to a darker time.

Image: http://www.sandara.net/freestyle/floating_ruins.jpg

Whoa, just... whoa.

This chapter...

This chapter was a fun one to write, to say the least. Close to 13,000 words? Massive feel-storms? Plot twists and conspiracies? I feel like I kind of got carried away on it, but I think it fits the narrative nicely. I definitely consider it my masterpiece so far.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy it! Took a little longer to get out than I intended, but I think it was worth it. Don't abandon your feelbunkers yet, you'll need them for the final four chapters (and epilogue?) to come. As always, let me know what you think.

*checks epic meter, finds it broken*

Damn that was good.

Anyways is not a word.

>>17560591756059

So anyways...

And so we finally see COMMANDER HURRICANE! :D

If only he didn't have to ascend in such a way...the feels man, the feels.

Now run along, write me some MOAR!

Holly shit, underrated

This deserves a lot more press. You've put a lot of work into it, that much is obvious, and the product is solid B quality.

>>17786371778637

Thanks, I have been working hard on it. It's consumed nearly all my free time for the past two months, but it's featured on EQD and has a pretty solid following, so I feel it's been a success.

If you like it, feel free to spread the news. The feature box is dominated with the Big Names' works and it's oft overlooked on EQD's story updates, so it doesn't get much exposure. And I'm loathe to advertise myself, because self-promotion tends to generate negative responses in people.

Anyways thanks for the fave and watch! I always feel warm and fuzzy inside whenever i get a new reader

>>17794551779455

As do I. They're so precious to me.

On EqD, you say? You have my admiration, then. If you have enough patience with that ridiculous set of grammar requirements, than you are quite a patient person indeed. I'm that one guy who's always correcting everyone else's grammar, yet they always find ten to twenty errors I didn't know about. Ugh.

Also, self-advertisement is underrated. You just have to be sneaky about it. Personally, I add my fics to every applicable group on the face of FIMFiction. That, lurking, and proofreading other people's stuff to get my name out there.

But yeah, I've never hung out on EqD. There are things that irk me about both places, but FIMFiction has a lot more of a social element, while EqD doesn't.

>>17786371778637 That's what I've been thinking since I started reading this.

This has a very big "calm before the storm (no pun intended)" feel to it. Can't wait for the final battle.

>>17803471780347

Just about. The chapter titles have been building up to it, and we've only got 3 chapters left. Look for the real calm before the storm in Chapter 15.

Well, that was a nice change.

Lovin' the Shakespearean writing style. I'm content. Now maybe I can finally sleep.

Firstly, everything that was done in this chapter was excellent and I enjoyed it. I'm glad to see that there haven't been commenters nitpicking on things, which often happens in eqd featured worldbuilding fics, so I'm only pointing this out because this was the first chapter I thought was really missing something. Given that the emperor was betrayed by a nontrivial amount of guardsponies and that we have seen officers not always caring about the ponies under them, I was surprised to see hurricane take up the throne no questions asked without any resistance from the military or senate, or at least not having to give some concessions to cement his authority. Hurricane felt the new burden of leadership from the senate fine, and it was really nice to see his family again, but I felt that it would have felt more immersive they felt the changes too, such as his sister being unsettled by how everyone treats her differently or maybe talking about how she's glad she won't have to do all the work on the farm anymore since she had to pick up the slack or wants to go to the imperial library instead now.

By the way, I felt there was a missed opportunity last chapter to explain and excuse the promotion of his friends. The military might not really like having three greenhorns suddenly take top positions, but if they recognize Hurricane, they might forgive him those appointments of ponies he trusts, considering the last emperor was betrayed.

Although we now have a clear picture in our head of the grim situation the empire is in and the numbers were very sobering, I felt like there should be some type of immediate pressure, like a general asking for orders, or some intelligence he only now sees, or some decision he needs to makes soon. As it is, he's just working on a bigger scale. But I forgive it all because you handled very well at the end.

>>17859791785979

Thank you for the support and suggestions. If I had good prereaders, I would have included stuff like that, but my so called "prereaders" are really just proofreaders I'll need to enlist better aid for my future stories. I try to catch up on details and points like that as best I can, but sometimes I can't catch them all. This chapter was a little hard to write at times so I don't consider it as good as Chapter 12 or 14 (which I already have written and is sitting in limbo right now).

You know, I kinda figured this would happen. The flower of Cirras youth will fall in the coming storm

About how long do you plan on taking this story? Just to the end of the war, up to first contact with the other tribes? Or all the way up to the events of Hearths Warming? I personally would love to see that This story is too good otherwise.

>>17920211792021

This story itself will go to the end of the war, with the epilogue dabbling in contact with the other tribes. Never fear, future stories (story) are planned, with the sequel to Of Skies pertaining directly to the Hearth's Warming Eve story and the events surrounding it. According to my pre-write, which has been fairly accurate, Of Skies will be finished with 16 chapters, so about a week or two from now.

>>17786371778637 I think he will be second best pony eventually.

>>17932401793240

Why do I have a habit of finding all the really good stories right before they finish?

But wait! A promised sequel? Awwww Yeah!

i told myself i wasn't gonna cry. --reads chapter-- WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT.

other than that, very well done. i love this story.

But...but Thunder Gale was awesome

The second I read the journal entry I knew this wasn't going to have a happy ending.

And now Hurricane and Silver have another motivation to win this war; excating justice/revenge.

Gah, It's so unfortunate there are so few stories based in this sort of time (pre-Hearth's Warming Eve), and I really do love stories of this period.

So far so good. Continue reading.

You know I've been reading this story since October 26 and it’s taken me until now to actually get an account so I can finally respond.

I’m glad I can finally comment on this great story, while there may be a few things that could be touched up, I still think it’s heading in a good/ (well written) direction.

The main thing that is bothering me is that in chapter 12: Cyclone, over three hundred thousand ponies died in Waldren and somehow the main ponies live… I know it’s a fictional story but the probability with the numbers, especially since Hurricane and Silver were in the center of the caldera, is just… unrealistic. If the main characters could somehow survive so could others.

One easy solution you can use if you want, but by no means do you have to as its your story; many more pegasi did survive the events at Waldren but with no one there to help them they got captured by the gryphon reinforcements and are now prisoners of war. Assuming of course they didn't just execute all the survivors.

I have some other opinions on some other details but I won’t say them unless you’re fine with it.

Ps. Why does this story have hardly any views and favorites? It’s extremely well written and not only that its one of the few that has a plausible storyline and basis. It’s going good so far; keep it up The 24th Pegasus. I’m also glad you didn't kill off Hurricane’s sister, and please don’t kill off Swift Spear, I like her character.

Sorry for leaving such a long comment, kind of built up after nearly two months of not being able to say anything. I hope to read some more soon.

>>18122421812242

Comments and criticism of any kind are always welcome. If you don't have someone to tell you what's wrong with your story, how are you going to improve it?

Besides that, the death toll from Waldren is more of an estimate on the Legion's part. I'm not sure how well I conveyed it in that chapter or in the following ones, but the Pegasi that did survive were very scattered after the blast, and there were also griffons that had survived as well. That would mean that the griffons would indeed capture/kill most of the survivors, but there still were survivors that got back to the Legion safely. However, those numbers were so small that they weren't significant enough to be mentioned in the reports.

I guess it's just a case of neglecting to mention a few details about the whole event. Realistically, it doesn't effect the progression of plot too much, but I can understand how it might possibly stick some people the wrong way.

Thank you for the support and criticism. We're in the home stretch now.

The theme for this chapter was 'closure.' With only one chapter to go, Chapter 15 serves its place well as being the eye of the storm (see what I did there?), past one hardship and before another. No guarantees, but look for an early Hearth's Warming present sometime this weekend.

As always, thanks for reading and the support you all have given me. It's a pleasure to write for you all

“You have my sword.”

“And my bow.”

“And my axe!”

Did you really have to do that . Oh well, it wasn't that bad

Anyway, really glad to see this update, and I definatly enjoyed reading it

Today's chapter brought to you by

Image: http://www.thelivingmoon.com/41pegasus/04images/Space/eye-o-sauron-03.jpg

>>18268891826889

This is what happens when you watch "The Hobbit" before an important scene.

Great chapter, Swift Spear and Twister are safe,

Sorry to point this out

You fear that the griffons "our" on our doorstep. I think you mean "are."

I think there was one thing else like that but i forgot where it was... i think it was before the letter but still not sure.

Other than a few small typos, i didn't see anything wrong with the chapter. Nice to have some closure on a few problems for Hurricane, I figured Red Tail wouldn't be so...understanding in the end, nice to see the semi-evil character giving a... just farewell.

Can't wait until the next chapter.

>>18279031827903

I feel like I played Red Tail's character off well. The best antagonists are usually the ones that aren't outright evil, they're usually the ones that have some beneficial motive behind their harmful actions. In this case, Red Tail had convinced himself back in Chapter 12 that a change in leadership was necessary for Cirra's survival. He succeeded in getting that change, although he wasn't the one in charge by the end, like he had envisioned. Whether he did a good thing or a bad thing for the Empire by shaking up the chain of command, I'll leave up to speculation, but again, I really enjoyed developing his character.

And at this point I'm already half done with the final chapter. I'm throwing everything I have into it, so I hope it'll be even grander than the mighty Chapter 12, which at this point I still consider my favorite chapter (though 15 is close behind). Keep an eye out in the next few days for its arrival!

Found it.

The sight drew a quick scoff "form" the emperor.

do you mean "from?"

its a little after the letter

I think that is the only other thing i saw, great chapter  and great build up, i suspect the next one will be EPIC!

ha, build up... the irony of such a destructive story.

And now we wait for the finale...

This waiting game's stupid, Ima play me some hungry hungry hippos.

But in all seriousness, the build up here is near perfect. Curse the chapter not being here yet.

Oooh, I remember seeing this a while back. I've read the first two chapters apparently, but I'll read the whole thing through shortly.

Oh. That's right, I need to watch the Hobbit.

Allons-y!

And here we are. Just a little over three months of writing, 217 pages, and 16 chapters plus an epilogue, Of Skies is finally complete. And cannot express how happy I am to have finished it, yet how sad I am that it is over.

This story consumed much of my free time since I started writing it. I didn't want to be like some authors who update their stories only once in every few weeks. Five days was the optimal target for me, and I'm happy that I mostly succeeded in keeping with schedule. I know it made you readers happy too, that you didn't have to wait as long for the next chapters.

Looking back on the first chapters, I've come a long way. I feel like my writing skill has multiplied as I've gotten further and further, turning the five or six thousand word chapters that dominated the early half of the story into eight thousand word sections with two thirteen thousand word epics. This was a good learning experience in mastering and controlling language use, pacing, and all sort of literary nuances that are feebly understood by budding authors. No offense to any of you budding authors out there, by the way

I feel like I wrote the perfect ending to this story, the ending it deserved. Closure all around, a light of victory under a cloud of defeat, and resolution for all the characters. When I started writing this story so long ago, I wasn't sure if it would be a hit or a flop. Now, with nearly four thousand views under my belt across all chapters and a spot as one of EqD's 605 posted fictions, I feel proud to say that Of Skies has been a success. I've accomplished more than I thought possible, as much as I hoped for, but not yet what I've dreamed of. That elusive feature box will one day hold my name in it!

Some of you may have seen in some of my comments that I plan on writing a sequel to this story. I still stand by this, and there will be a sequel in the near future. I won't say much for now, but I will say that it revolves primarily around the Hearth's Warming story. Plans beyond that are sketchy at best, but are taking hold.

Feel free to discuss your thoughts and opinions of the story below. I look forward to seeing what you thought of the ending, and I hope you enjoyed it.

Have a Merry Hearth's Warming Eve, from Commander Hurricane and family.

And a Merry Hearth's Warming (Eve) to you as well.

Only found one mistake in this chapter:

Four hundred-thousand does not a nation make

I can also say I eagerly await a sequal to this, and the new cover art is really nice.

I couldn't ask for a better ending than this. Anything more would have felt cheap. Well done.

One last hurrah for the death of the Empire.

To be honest I had thought Hurricanes foal was going to become Private Pansy

>>18510031851003

Such a mighty pegasus would never name his foal Pansy... not sure about Pansy's parents, though. But we will see Hurricane's child(ren) in the sequel, and they'll have important roles as well.

Oh I am so looking forward to the sequel, such a great way to end a story, and by extent an empire.

It was a beautiful story, and the change of picture that signified the picture is indeed a welcome treat to those who read since the first few updates.

And now good sir, I DEMAND A FKING SEQUEL!

There is still so much potential for this story. Gryphons vs all 3 pony races? Hearth's warming? The birth of the Alicorn Era? You have three sequels from here already.

A really nice start, I have to admit.

...Bacon, huh?

This has got to be my favorite fic!

I will sertanly enjoy rereading on deployment and have recommended it my brothers in arms.

Semper Fi

Ps

The sequel better be done by the time I get back!

>>18541721854172

I'm glad you liked it! Not sure how long it will take to put the sequel together, but probably about as long as this story. I still have to prewrite and everything, which I'll be getting on soon.

Stay safe on your deployment, and make the Legion proud!

One of the best fics I've read, shame you never got the featured box.

Still, it was a great ending and an overall awesome story. Definately looking forward to where the sequel takes us.

>>18547271854727

That gives me something to aim for with my next story. The feature box works off of likes and time since uploading, so I'll need a really high like-time density in the initial hours of the story being posted to climb into the feature box. If i can effectively wield my followers and favorites into doing so for me when the story is posted, then I'm sure I can make it

Also, I'm glad you liked the story. Here's to hoping that the next is even better

I would like to start off with saying that this was a very great story... sorry for the comment length (over 1300 words). I probably have several errors in this comment but spending over two hours on it seems a little absurd to me, so I’ll just post it now…

I have really learned a lot out of reading this story as I have used the writing and speech style you have as a reference point to help me better own skills. I am  writing a story/fanfic of my own even though I doubt it will see the light of day. I am even tempted to reference this story in it if that’s all right with you and this last chapter gives me the PERFECT way to do it.  I just hope my own writing can be as good as this one and that I can express the ideas I have in words that best suit my meaning, which this story helps with a little. One thing that deters me from continuing writing my own is that I fear no one would read it. Fortunately you prevailed through that fear and brought us this story, its helping me get through my own fear to be honest. If someone else can why not I, you know.

However that infernal word "But" comes to mind.

While I don't like criticizing good work, I find the comment button irresistible, so I implore my thoughts in the form of words so that they may be heard, a strange thing for me as I am usually quite about my opinions of stories. Please don’t take the following opinions of mine as anything derogatory or a stab in any way, I just feel like saying something.

The story itself has  overall good writing to it, here's the “But”, but the numbers in the story just don't add up.

First off, the entirety of the events happened in roughly one year. Second you state that there are 15 million Pegasi in Cirra, while I don't doubt that the Gryphons desired the deaths of many pegasi for centuries of abuse and will ignore the possibility of gryphon hospitality for now, I think it is very unrealistic for nearly 15 million pegasi to die within this time period.

An example: The Vietnam War, while I hate to make this comparison, I feel that it helps me understand why I cringe at the numbers. The Vietnam War lasted from 1955 to 1975, mind you the USA didn’t intervene as heavily until the early 60’s, this gives a good 20 years, 19 years and five months to be more precise, to wage a brutal war. The heaviest war casualties estimate over 3 million Vietnamese people, civilian and combatants, died during the war, nearly another million deaths with all other nations included. Four million people at most. This war was needless to say different in the fact that it used conventional weapons instead, utilizing weapons like guns, explosives, carpet bombs, and napalm.

Now the in war Of Skies Long Forgotten some 15 million pegasi die. I find this a bit disturbing. While war can take its toll I find it strange that a conventional war can only kill 4 million at most in twenty years, while a war waged with swords and spears kills 15 million on one side in a year.

Third, even though Cirra has its doubts about the new Emperor and the new war I still think every single pegasi would rally under a single banner an fight fiercely regardless of what’s in it for them because of a common understanding of certain death. “For in death grounds we fight.” The gryphons did, why not the pegasi? What drove several of the pegasi commanders and Legions to lay down arms and let themselves and their families be slaughtered? The pegasi were driven to near extinction and it is a nagging thing I am sorry to say that I can't get over without some form of conclusion as to why those pegasi died so quickly and just simply gave up.

Fourth, I feel like this story could have had a momentous introduction to harmony. The intro, from how I read it, opened up the possibility for the two races settling their feud, less demonically and more peacefully. You added the sense of equality at the beginning, especially with the gryphon militia man that still had half his mustache shaved off with shaving cream still adorning his face and again at the end with the gryphon Hurricane spared at the beginning returning the gesture by sparing Hurricane’s life. Since Hurricane and Silver Sword both disliked the notion of killing an entire race and recognized them as equals I thought/ hoped that it would end with Hurricane taking charge after a long 20 year brutal war with both sides suffering but the gryphons still winning, and striking a deal with the gryphons.

While it still could have ended with a gruesome and epic battle that ends the Gryphon Emperor’s life but secures victory for the gryphons, I feel that it would better serve a more lasting ending if in place of, in all honesty, true defeat and utter death that a final peace treaty is struck between Hurricane and a more open minded gryphon leadership. The two races would agree to letting the Gryphons have the all the lands while the Pegasi leave in search of a new one, finding the other two equine races in the process. They search for harmony between their races and find it through two like minded individuals; Hurricane agreeing to an equal but of different race. They break a thousand years of brutal warfare and hatred in search for the peace both sides desire.Now the gryphons let the remaining, say 14 million, pegasi live and vise versa for the gryphons that get to live on. More war isn't going to end a Millennia of carnage, different strategies must be taken, even if they're not as simple  as warfare. I feel that this would be a better source of conclusion than so much death, as more death only adds more hatred, and ensuing more conflict.

This story could have touch up on the concept of equality barriers and incorporate the idea of harmony a little more. While the story suits a total war story rather well I think the casualty count was too extreme, along with the lack of politics, something even more dreadful than war I suppose. It would work with several other ideas and plots but for a fanfic about ponies reaching eternal harmony, it seems a little out of place. Please don’t take this as an attack, I really like this story and appreciate the effort you put into it, it is indeed a great story and I do not intend to change the way you wish to portray it as it is your story. Lastly if you don’t mind, I may ask for some advice on writing in the near future if that is not at all a problem. I’m looking forward to the sequel I suspect less bloodshed and relatively happier endings.

A great ending to a story Long Forgotten…

Ps. Sorry I didn’t get back to you with another drawing, I might have some time to make another now that the holiday is over, assuming you still wouldn’t mind if you get some more art. However it may be a while yet since I get one finished as my own story is the main focus of my time right now.

Pss. I really like this story as it adds pure background to one of the races in MLP and no matter what becomes of this story I will still see this as what happened to the pegasi years ago.

PSSS. I would have laughed so hard if Silver Sword's last words were, “Yippee Ki-yay motherbucker!

>>18606681860668

I'm glad you liked the story, and I'm glad it has inspired you to write. I didn't think I could do it either before I tried, and look where I am now.

And yes, the numbers game is off. The difficulty in writing this story was creating a way to tie it in with the Hearth's Warming story that serves as the "official" canon for the three races. Therefore, the war between Cirra and Gryphus could not take too long, or else there wouldn't be enough time to establish relations between the Pegasi and the other two tribes. Also, there was bound to be some implausibility in trying to downscale Cirra from a continent-spanning Empire to a localized tribe that is dependent on the other tribes for survival. The differences in population between an Empire and a tribe are too vast for it to be handled any other way. So yes, although I agree that you are right and the numbers are a tad absurd, there was really not much else I could do. As for other issues in the conclusion, by the time I got to the last chapter and epilogue, the roads were already too planned to be changed at that point. For my next story, I intend to have a good prereader help me identify these issues before they become a problem. I'll get back to that point.

As for your own story, don't count yourself out before you give it a chance. As you write more you'll learn how to write better, which is why I feel there are notable differences in my style of writing between the first and last chapters. Also, if no one reads it, who cares? As long as you enjoy writing the story, keep doing it. It was hard for me in the early days when I was only averaging five or six views of the story a day. Now I average close to 100 views a day at least. The past three days have all been triple digit days for the view count. Getting it up on Equestria Daily really helps, even if you do have to struggle through some of their grammar requirements and guidelines to do so. Having a good prereader/proofreader really helps in that regard.

Lastly, you say you want to be able to reference my story in your own work. Very well, but I want to be able to see it. I'm interested on some of the side-canons that people would draw up to compare with my story. There's a lot of potential stories I've created through this one alone, and when I'm finished with the main trilogy I might go back and mine out some more before I jump to something else. This is where I come back to the prereader thing. You've obviously had the most keen eye on my story, finding most of the flaws in the plot or other key areas. Therefore I would like to extend an invitation to you to preread my next story when it comes time for it. In return, I would gladly look at whatever works you would wish to share with me before you post it.

And although Of Skies may be concluded, Commander Hurricane's story is far from over. Expect to see much more of him (and his children) in the coming year!

>>18615441861544

I would enjoy prereading one of your writings and I think it would be of considerable help if someone else helped with mine.

The reference i intend to use for your story isn't really a spin off of this one. The main character in my story simple found the original papers Hurricane wrote at some point in his life and knows the story and uses the events that transpired in it to talk an unruly and arrogant pegasus commander into acceptance of my character's point. I was originally going to quote Hurricane in a battle cry sort of way but this last chapter opens up an different avenue. However it will be a while before i make the quote as it is most likely going to be towards the end of my story, and i get the feeling mine is going to be tediously long.

“I know what you’re thinking, Legionnaires.” The Legate turned to face them, a sorrowful determination in his eye. “You’re thinking that if I had ordered the retreat, he’d still be alive. But we have a job to do, and I’m pulling in the last Legionnaires and militia in the city to defend the palace. Word has been sent to other legions for help, but I’m not sure when they’ll get here. If we can hold the city for just another twenty-four hours… We can do this, Legionnaires. And his death won’t have been in vain.” Picking up Hurricane’s sword, he stretched the handle to the centurion. “We’re a team here.”

Glaring, Hurricane grabbed the sword between his teeth and slid it angrily into his scabbard. “No. We’re not a team. There’s us,” he gestured defiantly to Silver Sword, Swift Spear and Shear Point, “and then there’s you.”

Not many comments, eh?

I can't be the only one who is reminded of the Battlefield 3 campaign here, right?  Anyone?

>>18675191867519

A keen eye you have there

Silver Sword, the true hero of the day.

Favourited, liked, followed you, and herewith commented!

You made me register to Fimfiction just so I could comment here. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this story, I devoured it all, all 16 chapters plus epilogue, in only 2 days. Would certainly have done the impossible and read it in only one if I had had the time. But now I'm glad I split it up at least two days. Taking a break between reading helps to better savour and remember a story in all details, and makes you pay closer attention to the quality of the writing itself when continuing to read again after the break.

It was because of your writing as well (which I thought was excellent, even though I don't write myself and my expertise on literature and literary style is minimal), but I think what REALLY made me fall for your story is the historic aspect to it. Since childhood I have always been fond of and fascinated by history, sociology, socioeconomics, politics and so on and also philosophy, and in my opinion you made a great effort to bring little bits of all of these to your story in various different ways, on which I'm sorry I won't go into detail now because I'm lacking the vocabulary to express the subtle things and plot details I'm talking about. (I'm not a native english speaker.)

You fleshed out the characters really well in my opinion. I know from personal experience how hard that can be, so I can appreciate it a lot. You also had me completely immersed in the world you created - as I already said, I couldn't stop reading.

I'm sorry I can't offer helpful criticism. I'm very much looking forward to the sequel. Nice that I'll be notified via email when it's there because I follow you. I already like Fimfiction.

PS.: Now I remember one thing I did want to say:

I know Silver Night Strider has talked about the numbers issue before. My issue with it was not the fact that so many were killed in so little time, but the proportions themselves.

I realize an "empire" must obviously be a country that holds a lot of inhabitants at least in comparison to neighboring ones and you must have had your reasons why you made the numbers as big as they are. But everytime you mentioned the sheer size of the military forces, I thought to myself "damn son". Hundreds of thousands of pegasi and gryphons facing each other in battle?

The reason why those numbers were a little too much imo is because, by comparison and from the little we have seen and know, Cirra probably held a LOT more inhabitants than Equestria does or ever did. Although we haven't really seen anything of supposedly large cities such as Manehattan, Canterlot is the capitol after all and from the way it looks there can only be a few thousand ponies living there, no more. A capitol must not at all be among the largest cities of a country, but it's a good indicator. Even though we don't know how large Equestria is, I would absolutely bet that there can't be any more than a million Equestrians, tops. And what also has to be considered is that when crudely aligned to human history by technology etc., Cirra and Gryphus are somewhere in medieval times. Which means that while there were very rare exceptions to that in human history such as Persia or Rome (which then again were far ahead of their time and incomparable to backwards medieval circumstances), they shouldn't really have the means to properly run and sustain cities of millions and a population of 15 million ponies. (Unless Persia or Rome were the kind of countries you had in mind and took as inspiration?) Comparing pony to human is a little silly of course, but I couldn't help thinking it.

My conclusion to it was that even for an "empire", you should probably have downscaled all numbers you used to a tenth or at least fifth of what they ended up being. It would have made more sense in my opinion. But even though I ranted about it for paragraphs now, that's really just a minor issue I had with it, and also the only one I could make out in your whole story.

PPS.: Oh, and if you should ever need or want a german speaker to help you with the gryphon's language, I'd be glad to do it. There were a few grammatical hickups here and there.

>>18755931875593

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it

Bringing pieces of history together was one of the major things I wanted to do with this story, because looking back at the Hearth's Warming Eve episode, there really isn't much history defined for any of the tribes, leaving plenty of room for authors like me to develop and expand upon. Since Pegasi are my favorite race anyways, I wanted to do an expansion on their history and of that legendary figure, Commander Hurricane. Watching the episode I felt that there had to be some sort of imperial reason or other for the Pegasus tribe to be organized in such a militant manner from preexisting conditions. They wouldn't need to keep themselves in a powerful military form if the only other civilizations they encountered were the lowly Earth Ponies or the isolated Unicorns. Thus the Cirran Empire was born.

Another thing I wanted to do (and will continue to do on a much larger scale in the sequel) was to take a look at the discrepancies in how history is perceived in the present as opposed to as it actually happened. You saw the characterization I built up for Hurricane. In the beginning and throughout much of the story, he hardly acted like the brutish and insensitive figure portrayed in the play. Although he did harden towards the end, he still isn't as polarized as the Equestrians portray him to be. Also, Silver Sword's sacrifice serves as the perfect example of heroic tragedy. He gave his life to let Hurricane escape, and he took down the Gryphon emperor as well, yet nobody remembers him outside of the select few Equestrians who would have access to Hurricane's journals. He arguably did as much as Hurricane to save the pegasus race, but he has been tragically forgotten. Actually, the thousands and thousands that died to protect Cirra have been forgotten as well.

Which brings me to the numbers game. Yes, like Silver Night Strider said, they are a bit appalling, but again it comes down to that tricky task of balancing the beginning Cirran Empire against the final Cirran Tribe. As you guessed, I did base Cirra largely off of the Roman Empire, and by 25 BC they had over 56 million inhabitants. Granted, the majority of these were conquered people, but I came down to the assumption that an Empire should have several million inhabitants as opposed to several hundred-thousand. As for the astronomically high body count, I may go back and adjust some of the wording in the epilogue so as to make Hurricane's guesswork as to how many dead a little more unsure. The idea that the Gryphons would slaughter every last Pegasus in Cirra is a little far-fetched, but given the four centuries of conflict between them, I felt justified that a mass murder would be justified in the minds of the leaders of that abused nation. Like I said, I'll probably go back and rework some of the numbers, but at this point I can't really change a whole lot without throwing off the impact to the story.

Lastly, for now the Griffons are out of the picture, as they don't know where the Cirrans fled to. We won't be seeing much, if any of them in the sequel. However, I do have plans to (eventually) go back and write a side story that picks up moments after the downfall of Stratopolis and Magnus' death. I won't say much other than that it follows the griffons and the bloody civil war that occurs as a result of the power vacuum created with the demise of Magnus. And there will be Pegasus survivors there as well. I think it's reasonable to assume that a significant portion of the surviving Cirran population is still surviving in hostile lands, striking at Gryphus whenever they have the chance.

Thanks again for the favorite, like, follow, and support. It's the reason why writing these stories is worth it to me when I've got a busy life as it is. Until next time!

The feels. I can't take them.

I had a random thought that since we already know Hurricane is going to the new land, but what if he doesn't meet back with Swift...  I don't think I have ever just burst out bawling like that. This had better have a happy ending,

Manly tears, they have been- bwaaaaaa!!

First off I found this story after work a couple nights ago and read it all in one sitting. It is outstanding and I think you did a very good job on it!

secondly,

>>18606681860668 I don't think that those numbers are bad at all. modern technology has been decreasing the amount of people killed for the most part. For example, The mongol empire is estimated to have killed at lease 30 million people in their invasion which is a pretty significant amount. And the Battle of Baghdad in the Mongol Conquest had over 2.1 million deaths which is higher that pretty much all modern battles (excluding a few battles in WWII, but most modern wars aren't as bad as older ones, because there are generally less civilian deaths, and scorched earth policy)

I absolutely loved your story! Am looking forward to the sequel!

What do I say after reading such a great fic?  That it was engrossing enough for me to read all in one sitting?  That it had some of the greatest combat writing that I've seen in a long time?  That it was genuinely moving?

I could say all those things and more, and (despite my name) every one of them would be true.  You told an incredibly original story here, and brought a lot of emotional depth to an otherwise rather untouched character.  You characterizations were excellent, and your plot flawless.

I will note that I occasionally found your chronological transitions a little bit jarring-particularly following the 'coronation' segment (which I leave deliberately vague to avoid spoilers for those crazy people who read comments before they read the story).  

Finally, I suppose I have to acknowledge that, as per your comment on my fic: Your Emperor Magnus is more of a badass than mine.  

-Loyal Liar

>>18998141899814

Thank you! It means a lot that you enjoyed it as much as I enjoy your stories. I agree with you, some of the transitions are a little off, but those are the kinds of things healed with experience. This was actually my first story, so there were things like this that I missed when editing. I hope to cut down on those kinds of errors in the sequel, in which I'm hoping to add a little more originality into the Hearth's Warming Story.

I hope you continue to enjoy whatever other works I may put out, and I wish you the best of luck in Where Loyalties Lie. I also thank you for taking the time to click on my link rather than dismissing it as attention-seeking racket.

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