Really enjoyed this. Keep writing! I could definitely get into this after a few more chapters...

This is really good and the writing and detail is amazing. I really got into this please continue.

Silver out!

Oh, I almost forgot! There are a couple typos in here! I can't find them right now but I noticed a them earlier. Just giving you a heads-up! Keep writing!

Silver out!

>>13872911387291

Thank you so very much! Chapter 3 should hopefully be done either today or tomorrow.

>>13896491389649

>>13896821389682

Thank you as well for all your feedback! I'm really glad to know I didn't put too much or too little detail. Huh, really? I'm gonna have to go back and reread my work again. I thought I caught any typos, but there's always a chance! Fresh eyes and all that good stuff. Thanks for catching them!

In the scene where the Griffon commanding officer is killed, there's a typo near the start. 'Griffon's' should be 'Griffons', minus the apostrophe.

Still really enjoying this.

>>13947381394738

Edited, thanks for the catch!

>>13958751395875

You're most welcome. My only recommendation is that you attach a cover image. I've always found that fics with a cover image do better in terms of views.

>>13960701396070

That's a brilliant suggestion I had been pondering on, but I have no idea what I would even use. Like, really, between the OCs and war, I have no clue what I would use.

I don't like this...

Skyfall seems like a trap.

I'm pretty sure the griffons know that's their only vulnerable point for an attack by ponies. I'm sure they are expecting an attack there. The Equestrian Army is either really good at launching a surprise attack or they are walking into an ambush.

I knew those first griffons were an infiltration unit.

This is really good, I'm assuming the next chapter is very D-Day esque?

Silver out!

>>13986321398632

Hmm, what could those crafty griffons be up to, I wonder? I guess we'll just have to see.

The next chapters should be up soon! Thanks so much for the comment!

Yes! Add a good cover image!

...I am really weirded out right now.

The way you wrote the beach landing was much like how I wrote my beach landing!

Except mine was through Twilight Sparkle's father's eyes and his savior was Rainbow Dash's father, a pegasus.

My combat scenes and yours were very similar, except my beach landing was done on a peninsula, not a city.

Your story is read by Celestia and written by the Fleethoof.

Mine is an interview told by Twilight's dad.

Both of our stories involve Celestia having a government cover up.

Both of ours use guns and explosives.

So...looks like the ponies got the new rifles. Bursts? M-16? If you want an idea, in my stories, I call it a Mare-16.

Cheesy name, I know.

Geez, the only differences between our stories are the agendas of both sides and my antagonist is different from yours.

Wow! The way our stories parallel is just mind-blowing!

Anyways, having Shining Armor as one of his battle buddies will be very interesting. I want to see how that pans out.

And yes! I was right about it being a trap! HAHAHAHA!

Um...I think that's it for now. I think I saw one typo where you put "at" when I think you were trying to put "as" but again, I can't find it.

So uh...keep this up. Your writing is good, I love the subject and the story development is looking great. Love how well you captured the emotional trauma of war.

Oh! And getting a good cover image will make this story ten times sexier!

I'll even help you look if you want!

Until next time!

Silver out!

Okay, about a quarter way through the chapter here...

They are splitting into smaller units to attack entire freakin' cities!

I mean, I understand their tactics of attacking the enemy on multiple fronts simultaneously to spread them out and confuse them but...wait...how small are those units?!

Companies?! Holy shit man! That CO or tactician that organized this needs to be fired! You're going to expected that a couple companies will be able to seize the capital?!

Suicide!

I would understand a Corps or Division-sized force....hell, I would even buy a Brigade or Regiment-sized force but....companies?

Shit. Did they take that many losses during their landing?!

Please understand that I don't have the full story right now, I'm just venting so don't be intimidated by this. If you explain it later in the chapter, I'll just incline to feel like an idiot. But as it stands right now, my opinion is that Equestrian commander is a dumbass.

Please excuse the language.

Silver out!

>>14600801460080

All language is excused, as you can probably expect more of that from these chapters in the future. And to address your question, I'll explain my headcannon as it is in this time...

I imagine the world of MLP to not require a massive military force as of right now, since this is very early, and Equestria hasn't had any difficulties in... about 1,000 years. I imagine their forces to be a battalion in size, roughly between 1,000-1,200 ponies (I was using human military units while figuring this), split up into five (I like the number five) individual companies marshaled by their Captains. The griffons, being a rarer race than ponies, have significantly fewer troops, which, when you finish the chapter, will explain why they resort to the tactics they use, like great emphasis on espionage and weapon advancement. I will possibly explain this a little more in detail later on in the story, but that's the general gist of the Equestrian military I have in my head right now.

Now as time progresses, and we know more darkness is bound to come, the military will have to grow and adapt, but as of right now, it's in its rebirth, and at minimal capacity, if that makes sense.

>>14601651460165

I see. The Equestrian military has been downsized and their budget cut by prolonged peace! I've got it!

Thanks for the clarification. I'm gonna finish the chapter now.

Silver out!

I see this as Equestria's Vietnam so far.

The end letter has a lot of emotional value on it.

Just a young kid who wanted to serve that got more than what he bargained for.

Silver out!

Skyfall... IT'S A TRAP! I can say right now that it's going to be one BLOODY battle. It's the only place where all the ponies can attack? You can bet your apples that the griffins are going to be ready for it. Seeing as how the captain mentioned that Celestia likely couldn't cover up the war if too many died... which tells me that Skyfall is going to be a disaster with heavy HEAVY casualties, even if they do take the city.

Also... I don't know I just feel like I don't understand Celestia's action in trying to cover up the war. It doesn't make sense to me. I guess I really just haven't gotten a feel for her character that you're trying to develop and as it stands she feels OC from what we know of the show... actually it was that moment that kept me from giving this the green thumb. Because, otherwise it's been a pretty good story.

To fix the issue with having a hard time believing Celestia... well I guess sense you're having her try to hide it it's going to be a bit of a major plot point and if we can't get into Celestia's head (you could, but if you wanted the story told ONLY from Fleethoof then you wouldn't be able to tell us what she's thinking... unless Fleethoof could read minds) then I would really recommend giving us, the reader, a good look into Fleethoof's mind. If you're ruler just told you that you're going to war but she's going to keep in under the rug and your family isn't going to know about it... how would you feel? Confused? Hurt? All of the above? Really get us into Fleethoof's mind at this point because... well personally I lost touch with the story and went Hu? For a moment... not that you have to do anything that I've said but these are just my own personal thoughts!

Keep up the good work alright?

Well I'll have to finish the next chapter tomorrow.

As for this one... I enjoyed it. Looking forward to reading more, however one thing stood out to me. Remember that there are flying creatures! I feel like a few lines about some clashes in the air would be helpful just to get the scene of the city/war zone. Or maybe a few lines about why there aren't many fighters in the air, if there aren't that many/any at all. (Such as having no cover in the air.)

Looking forward to reading more, and please don't forget about the questions of killing that our hero is having. That really made me smile when I saw that was being added in. A lot of stories usually brush over the "1st battle" thing and so it's really nice to see a story that's taking that into account and then also the "killing in cold blood" stuff.

Interesting... most interesting. As is your comment about how large the army is in your head. Personally I feel like you should make a note of that in the journal. Probably somewhere in the 1st or 2nd chapter to clarify that. You'd prob have to write a whole paragraph  to get it to work right but personally I think that would be something very useful to have as a reader. Especially seeing as how when you look at human history we have armies that number in the tens/hundred of thousands (and the larger ones in the millions-such as the WWII ones) so I was thinking they had some kind of special ops reason for going in a group of 20 to a city... not to actually take the city!

And I really feel like this is a mix of... well WWI and then... WWII in the Pacific... and if it keeps going in the same general way that this chapter went Vietnam.

>>14818941481894

>>14847221484722

>>14906541490654

Thank you very much for the feedback! I'm definitely taking all these points into consideration when I do revision and write new chapters. It's really hard to convey Celestia's stance on the events in one chapter, but a general idea is she still puts protecting Equestria and the ponies as her top priority. I basically took her personality from her confrontation with the villains and transposed it to how I imagine she would be during wartime, with another looming threat. Where she goes with that... I can't really reveal too much without giving the story away a bit.

I'll probably go back to a journal entry prior to the Battle of Skyfall and write that in. You're right, it should be explicitly said instead of left to reader discretion. As for spec ops and such... well, I won't say if there will or won't be any. That'd give away too much.

I hope the next chapter helps answer any lingering questions you might have. Keep giving me the feedback - I love it!

>>14911121491112 Don't worry I'll keep giving ya feedback!   Looking forward to the next chapter!

Co is gone.

Protesters back home? Yep, Vietnam!

Anyways, the griffon was one dumb sniper. Firing multiple shots from the same position.

Silver out!

Protesters? ...Vietnam!!!

And ahhh that sniper... foolish foolish sniper. He thought they had the city on lock down and so he didn't need to change positions? Well no... it turns out that he SHOULD have changed positions... cause now he's dead.

I also liked how you worked through the panic that set in once the captain was dead, because the captain had been the sense of calm and stability and once he was gone... well... you see what happened.

One thing to be aware of though is your description of the injuries your characters take. When the griffin knifed him I thought he'd been worse off than he actually had been. But a good story I'd say.

Hmm...there were a couple typos in there.

Anyways, unless the politicians find a way to outmaneuver each other, this war won't be ending without more bloodshed. I like how both sides are kind of at fault here, the same thing I'm trying to do.

The griffons committing espionage and the ponies launching a preemptive strike. The King's ideals seem...reasonable yet twisted at the same time. The same feel I want to give to the Belkans in my story.

If the ponies had access to Anti-Air cannons and would just ring them along the Equestrian coastline, they would be fine!

I wonder if any reinforcements will arrive from the Equestrian mainland. Now that the secret's out, it would be easier to gather volunteer ponies despite the protests.

Silver out!

>>15644871564487

Oh dear, were there? I scrutinized this chapter three times over... If you could point them out, I'd be very appreciative!

I'm glad you like King Alaric's twisted, maniacal personality so much. I wanted to take the griffon anger and callousness we see in Gilda in the show, concentrate it, and personify it. Alaric was the end result of that.

AA guns would make it so much easier for the ponies. Unfortunately for them, their military budget hasn't allowed for the development of them yet. After this, though, I think Celestia can spare a few bits towards weapons development.

As for the rest - well, I wouldn't want to ruin any surprises along the line! I'm hoping to have the next chapter up tonight, or tomorrow at the latest. Thanks for the constant feedback!

Hmm. An interesting turn in the story. Generally speaking when the enemies arm has your capital and you surrounded it generally means the war hasn't been going exactly in your favor. Of course griffons are proud... really really proud, and likely wouldn't care that they were surrounded and would keep fighting.

Another great chapter!

Silver out!

Another good chapter. I have to say I enjoyed the sneaking about. There were a few points I was sure that their cover was going to be blown but then they managed to pull it out.

One thing I felt like I should point out though is the use of "sneak attack" ...maybe this is just me but I didn't feel like "sneak attack" fit. Because it wasn't so much of an attack as it was sabotage... then again maybe sabotage isn't quiet right either... ah well. Good work!

Have to say you have me curious as to whom (is it who or whom? Do you know?) those two civilians are. Looking forward to the next update.

Ok, I have a question.

Why did you decide to make the griffins such cartoonishly evil antagonists?

I mean, every time they are mentioned it's as some evil, sadistic monsters. It doesn't make the story bad by any means, I have been enjoying it, but there doesn't seem like there is a lot of weight in a conflict where one side seems to exist only to serve as a guilt-free supply of targets for the protagonists.

In real life, to my knowledge, it's extremely rare for a conflict to have one purely evil side and one purely good side. Even in WW2 there were both monstrous acts committed by the 'good guys' (the fire bombing of japan being the first thing that comes to mind) and even the Nazi actions, while monstrous, mostly some reasoning beyond blind hate.

>>16481051648105

In an overview, you are correct. Keep in mind that this is written from one subjective perspective of one character, on one side of the war. Until the story is concluded, and all information from all sides is declassified, if Fleethoof wasn't presently in a situation, there's no knowledge of it occurring. This was more or less the direction I wanted the story to take, as the end is going to drop a lot of weight onto Fleethoof, with circumstances I won't mention now, to keep it a surprise.

I'm not exactly sure how far into the story you've read, so I'll try to keep as many spoilers out of my response as I can. There is no purely good or evil side. The griffons, much like the Nazi reich of WWII, are at war in an expansion/redemption push. While the Nazi ideal had been world domination, its foundation was to restore the old power of the German Empire, as is Alaric's intentions. The ponies are not guilt free in this, as they caused this state in the Griffon Kingdom, similar to the conclusion of WWI, where the Allies forced the Germans into reparations that crippled the nations. I'm not directly tying the story to any realistic war, but it's a similar comparison I can see you making.

This was a really well done chapter. A few typos though.

"without looking over his at her."

"I’ll just lost it I’ll just give up

I have to admit, the way you portray the trauma was done really well. It's almost like you actually understand those feelings. When a lot of writers include trauma in their stories, they just seem like words to me, I can't connect. This includes my own stale writing.

But...you...I was actually able to connect with Fleethoof's emotions here. This is a goal many writers have that are seldom accomplished.

Make the reader care.

I am still a little shaken after reading that scene honestly.

Despite the lack of readership and followers, this is better written than much of your competition.

Now, in an unrelated point, does that gunpowder stockpile indicate the existence of artillery?

The Equestrian Army laying siege to the griffin capital might have an easier job with some deployed field artillery.

Silver out!

>>16500031650003

Oh dear me, that was bad that time...

Corrected, thank you for the catch - and thank you for your kind words! I take painstaking effort in making the emotion as palpable and relatable as I can. To me, if it doesn't stick with you somewhere, the reader is less likely to connect to it. The deeper you can pull the audience in, the deeper they're going to care for the characters.

Oh, and I've read your work, my friend. Don't even give me this "stale writing" nonsense. I could pick up the emotion in your work; sometimes it just comes across more easily or naturally, depending on the author and the situations.

Hmm, perhaps artillery is something coming into existence... Who knows?

Thank you again for your continued readership, support, and catches on my slips!

P.S. On my unrelated note, will we perhaps be seeing an update on Red Alert in the near future?

>>16790381679038

Thank you and I love how in your writing you do a very good job trying to decipher the emotions of a soldier on the front-lines after he has seen some of the horrors of war.

I am in the Air Force and I am happy to say that I know NOTHING about war, because I've never been there. I've been in over a year, and I'll volunteer to deploy because I feel I need to do my part but if I don't get "in the shit" while I'm over there, then I am completely fine with that.

Anyways, enough of that.

I think its kinda sad how much work you pump into this and especially how good it is with such a low reader count. I honestly tried to recommend your story on one of my blogs but I don't think it worked.  

As for Red Alert chapter three it is a bit long because a lot is happening and I've been working on other stuff at the same time.

Silver out!

My god, why is it in Band of Brothers, The Pacific or this story that the most emotional chapter or episode doesn't have combat in it. I felt so much in this chapter. From the beginning, the letter, the dialogue is beautiful and fitting...everything.

You put extraordinary detail and description is this that...you have truly blown me away. My emotions are still screwing with me right now. I think I'm gonna have to watch Band of Brothers or The Pacific after I'm done because you have captured the aspect of war just as well as they have.

In an unrelated note, looks like Fleethoof is field testing a pony version of the M4 huh? Also, it looks like Equestria has a proper navy now. Dozens of cannons? I'd have to say either battleships or heavy cruisers of some kind.

But you capture the emotion so well it's scary.

I found one typo but I can't find it.

Sorry.

This is the type of story that needs to be made into a movie.

Silver out!

It's over...the fighting is. That Captain is a grade-A asshole. I hope he gets charged for a war crime.

This is a great story...moving on to the Epilogue.

Silver out!

Bravo. A fitting end to an amazing story. I'll be honest, I started to tear up reading the letter at the end.

I really hope the Equestrians write thousands of copies of that journal, I'm sure it would be a bestseller.

Well done, this story was definitely a journey I can remember and you can bet your ass I'm going to re-read it someday.

Thank you for bringing this to us. If this gets discovered, it'll change lives. I guarantee it.

Silver out!

This story was great and I would like to see you grow and extend yourself into other works, when you are ready of course!

I hope Valiant turned out ok and that female officer that knew Phalanx as well. I wonder who those two team members that Fleethoof wanted were...I think Valiant would be one but I'm not sure on the other...that sniper of whom I can't remember the name of right now! That's it!

A sequel?

Besides possible conflict during the reconstruction of the Griffin homeland, a out of left-field terrorist attack on Equestria, or a third disenfranchised country wanting revenge for something, I can't think of anything.

Maybe Fleethoof and his new team are sent back to the Griffin homeland to help the (now allied) griffin forces against the last of the old king's zealots? A mopping up operation, maybe training the allied griffins in the process? Kind of like military advisors?

Then on the home front, Shining Armor has to deal with a terror cell in Equestria that inducing chaos throughout the country? Maybe anti-princess ponies like a radical sect of those protesters? Then somehow link both fronts back together into one giant plot reveal? Introducing fighting tactics on Fleethoof's side as he helps train the fresh griffin recruits and intro a few new characters on both sides of the conflict? Set it about...one year after the war's end?

Make it a mystery/conflict type of thing?

Take a deep breath...just an idea I'm pitching.

Anyways, whatever your next work is, whether I'd be a sequel or taking a stab at a different genre, I'll be there.

If you've noticed, I haven't been watching you thus far...

Do you know why?

It takes a special type of writer to earn a watch from me. I don't exactly hand those out like candy.

So I guess that Fleethoof and Shining Armor aren't the only ones being promoted, but you as well author.

Welcome to my watch list.

Silver out!

Well I haven't had a chance to read the last few chapters so I'm going to go do that right after this... but 1st I'd just like to thank you for giving me something to read... and it was a GOOD something to read.   I'm kinda sad that this story is done but that's the nature of things right? And besides, no story truly ends... I for one would love to see what else you've got planned and what else you have in your writer's mind.

Right... well it's time for me to go read the last few chapter! Looking forward to it!

>>16799111679911

Words cannot even begin to express the emotions you're evoking in me right now. I'm deeply touched by all the support you've given me, even when I didn't fully expect this fic to go over well! I have almost a ton of ideas for how a sequel would go, and I'm going to be sending around an idea via message to several of my avid readers (including you, of course) with a general idea to snowball around and see how people feel for it.

I also have an entirely new story in the works that I've been beating around for a few weeks now, trying to get the plot together. Maybe we'll be seeing some of that in the future.

I am honored that you were so moved by my work. I hope everything I continue to release is pleasing to see on your watch list.

Thank you so much.

>>16817201681720

Believe me, it was my pleasure! It was a melancholy thing for me too, writing those last few pages. But indeed, all good things come to an end - even if they don't end right away. One ending may be another beginning.

I'm guessing you'd cast your vote for a continuation/sequel to this?

Enjoy! I hope they're as to your liking as the others were, and thank you so much!

>>16818841681884

All you have to do is request support and I'm there.

Silver out!

Right well I got around to reading this chapter... and I'm glad I did!

Two things I'd like to point out though. The 1st one being that you did end up using a number of "suddenly"s. Not that anything is wrong with them in general just that they typically aren't the strongest choice.

The next bit is about when they entered the city. I felt like they were walking out in the open as the marched through... which is probably something that they wouldn't do because it's an enemy occupied city. I know that's not exactly what they did but it kinda felt like that. So maybe an extra line or two about trying to avoid detection... then again you might have had it and I just missed it. I am kinda tiered so I'm going to head to bed rather than finish the story. I'd rather read it with a clear brain than going " was this the story were Twi goes berserk and kills everyone or did Celestia send Rainbow to the moon?" ...alright not EXACTLY like that but you get the idea!

Looking forward to reading the next updates tomorrow!

>>16842671684267

I went back through the chapters after reading your comment, and you were right about the amount of "suddenly".

Fixed those up with synonyms where I could, so it should have a better variety now.

I also put a line into their advance into the city that should help clarify it a little better.

Thanks for the feedback, and hope you enjoy the rest of it!

Nice

Well I think I'll just keep chipping at away at this story once chap a day. Or something like that. But, hey! That gives me a chance to enjoy it and look forward to it!

1st of all thank you thank you THANK YOU for having all that emotional dialogue stuff. It's messy and emotional... which makes it awesome. You can't go through that kinda stuff (or into it) without some kind of emotional stuff going on and I've read a number of stories that just skip right over it. However, YOU put it in. And I think your story is that much stronger for it!

Also the next bit that caught my attention was... well Fleethoof kinda needs a promotion I think. I mean... he IS still a sergeant. I think if he's going to be the one with the responsibility of retaking the city and then holding it... well then I think it would make a bit more sense for his rank to go up. Unless of course it's a smaller operation than I'm thinking of at the moment. (Which is a 100-200 ponies or so.) ...or maybe at the very least a temporary one for this operation. It just seems a little odd to me for a sergeant to be in charge... in my mind if he's earned the respect and the commanders think he can do it... then let him do it... but give him a rank for him to do it with... unless of course this is a smaller operation than I'm imagining. And if that's the case then a little description of the numbers and whatnot could be helpful.

But otherwise... it's a really good read and I think you've really got something here.

>>16927581692758

Please do, by all means! It means I can continue to enjoy seeing the trip it's taking you on.

Firstly, I am very glad you like all the messy emotional aspects to the story. I like having multiple dimensions to my stories, and emotions are a whole world on their own. Plus it gives me some use to my Psychology and Human Relations classes. My suffering did not go to waste!

Secondly... dang, I can't even address this without giving away too much of the rest of the story! The reinforcement size is roughly around what you're imagining - not large, but not so small as their not intimidating. Dang, I really don't wanna spoil the story for you, so I'll just say keep reading for your answers.

Thank you so much for your continued reviews!

probably unintentional, but when fleethoof siad that "Quick and careful are my specialty" it reminded me of Obi-wan in star wars. Just adding my opinion here. Great job by the way.

Damm, why does it have to be over? Great story, one of the best equestrian military stories I've read. Now it just needs to be feautured....

Are you planning on writing anything else to do with fleethoof or Fireteam Skyfall?

One thing that I don't get... is the Captain. He does not have the authority to override Fleethoof's oder that the prisoners are to be spared... and if he did order other soldiers to kill the griffins and then did it Fleethoof has the authority override the order to kill the prisoners and to lock him in irons... so why doesn't he? That's the one major thing that sticks out in my mind. Celestia put Fleethoof in charge of the relief unit and the Captain is apart of that unit therefor he is under Fleethoof's command and authority. That part really left a sour taste in my mouth and not just because it happened, but because he let it happen. He DOES have the power and authority to stop the Captain but he does nothing. To me this is something that really needs to be addressed. Ether in latter chapters or an edit because... he did nothing and he had the power, granted to him by Celestia, to do something.

That's my one and only point that I feels needs to be worked out. To me it is a major point, but it's the only one. Otherwise well done with your work.

Well an excellent chapter. Well written and while it closes this chapter in the story it leaves plenty of room for our imaginations to press on, or for you to write that sequel if you wish to.

I really enjoyed the last entry of his journal and seeing as how for the most part the story has been from his journal I feel that ending the story with his last entry like that, to the reader (HEY! IT'S US! ), was a great way to end.

I'll give my overall thoughts in the Author's Notes.

>>16941451694145

HOORAY!! You got the reference! Obi-Wan is my favorite, and that bit was inspired by Episode III. Have a cookie!

I'm so glad you loved it, and your kind words definitely encourage me to continue. I actually am working on a sequel series with Fireteam Skyfall, since it seems that was the popular demand. So fear not! Fleethoof and company will return soon!

>>16945331694533

This part was very interesting for me to write. I was trying to convey the Captain's disregard for any authority that contradicts his own as well as his lust for control and power. Fleethoof was put in charge of the rescue force - but not the Army. The Captain still had his authority over the main body of Equestria's military, which he exploited (which is why the soldiers on the ship didn't know how to react when they confronted one another). I also had to show Fleethoof's inability to stand up to his COs. Even though he had more authority, he still saw himself below the Captain, and couldn't stand up to him properly - not until the very end of the story. It's a character flaw that brought him down before when the Captain killed the griffons without mercy in Skyfall during their initial invasion. I tried not to spell out too much of this in the text, because I didn't want the reader to feel like I was spoon-feeding anything to them, but I also didn't want to make it so obscure that it went right past them. Looks like I missed both.

I'm so glad you liked that last chapter, especially the entry. That took forever to work to make it just right. Be assured, there will be continuations to this story, and fairly soon.

Right, well this is the end, (For now.) and I'm a little sorry to see it go. However, it's been a good run so no regrets there. Overall I really enjoyed it with only one moment really taking me out of the story, but otherwise I was actively engaged with the characters and felt like I knew not only what was going on, but also what was physically and emotionally happening to the main character. So well done! I didn't notice many (if any) spelling or grammar errors but those aren't exactly my strong point... but still, well done. The characters felt alive and realistic, so again nice work.

Of course there was that one moment that took me out of the story. This was right at the end with the griffin prisoner bit. Not necessarily what happened but Fleethoof's response. Which was to do nothing even though he is the commanding officer of the relief force. Appointed to that position by Celestia... so his lack of a response baffles me. Why wouldn't he try to stop it from happening when he's in command? Or if he can't stop it then why doesn't he do something about the captain after on the ship? Especially when he wants to shoot the guy, but he knows shooting him is crossing the line though so he doesn't... but... he still has the authority to clap him in irons and throw him in the brig before laying down the charge of disobeying the order of a commanding officer and committing a war crime... sooo yeah in short his failure to do anything was the moment that I got pulled from the story... and sadly after that the remaining story held a sour after taste for me in them... so... I feel like this is something that really could be considered to cripple an excellent story.

>>16950591695059

Edited, and hopefully fixed. I added a little more tension and explanation into the scene, so everything should fall into place more easily now.

>>16953361695336 It... it's better. It is better. But... IDK... I just feel like he still has authority. At least among those that came with him across the sea. He was given power from Celestia herself, who . Those griffins were prisoners captured during Fleethoof's mission... so they'd still fall under his jurisdiction... the Captain is still outranked here... he's on Fleethoof's ship(s) where Celestia purposefully placed Fleethoof in command OVER the Captain... I mean... It is better. It still just doesn't sit right with me though... but that's just me.

>>16959411695941

You'd be correct, Fleethoof does have authority over those he brought over - and them alone. The Captain still has his position in the companies of the main Army though, which had greatly outnumbered Fleethoof's troops. It was the ones under Cuirass who carried out his orders, not Fleethoof's soldiers. He did still step waaaaay out of line, but they were two completely different entities following two different leaders, and that's why he couldn't come right out and take the Captain down without starting a fight amongst the two sides of soldiers. There were still plenty of soldiers that had committed similar crimes and were loyal to Cuirass on board. He still broke so many rules and regulations though, and that's why he was punished later on by the ones above both of them.

The whole situation is purposely crafted not to sit well with anyone, but it's in such a way that there isn't a deliberate "right" answer to it. Fleethoof could have acted on rank and had the Captain arrested anyway and risk fights breaking out, but he didn't, because that isn't his character. He could have ignored it, but he didn't, because that isn't his character. Stuck in a catch-22, he went with the only option that permitted all sides to get home without conflict. In the end, Cuirass and his soldiers got their just rewards, as did Fleethoof. And nopony got hurt over it.

I'm sure this debate could go on from both sides for days without end, because this isn't the first time this has popped up over this chapter. I even had my prereaders arguing with one another over the actions and consequences of the ordeal!

>>16960491696049 ...screw it Fleethoof should have just have had his ships open fire on Cuirass.

>>16963691696369

Hooray, excessive force! The best kind of force there is!

That Celestia icon... "Hey Cuirass, do you like mmmm bananas?"

>>16971551697155 Send that bastard to the MOOOOOOOOOOON!

Don't exactly have time to read it at the moment, but I like the concept.

Image: http://myiconcolchester.com/wp-content/gallery/shirts-film-sci-fi/terminator-ill-be-back-sci-fi-arnold-schwarzenegger-action-hero-tshirt-all-sizes-and-colours_0000_close-up-mens.jpg

One of my favourite stories. I will have a re-read, there's no doubt.

raider what unit you in?

i wish i got a promotion for every kill.

one thing i was wondering is are all the ponys weapons the same. cause in a fireteam you typicaly have a light machine gunner a grenadier (my weapon was the m16 with m203 grenade launcher) an A gunner for the SAW and a team leader. would have been cool to see some fireteam tactics. would have been atleast 20% cooler but the chapter was great and i shal continue on the the next

>>14600801460080

you would be surprised what we can do with a company. in grenada a single marine company was bucking shit up all over the island. in falujah they used 2 battalions but the majority were blocking positions while only a couple companies took the city

>>21720632172063

Equestria's military has gone through the misfortune of a long-term peace at the time of the war. All their military development had pretty much come to a halt, and the Guard isn't at its full strength, leaving them to use more basic weaponry and equipment. Now that warfare has returned to their lives, that development is gonna resume tenfold, and you'll definitely see weapons like that begin to emerge in later stories.

>>21721742172174

Hmm...well I'm an Intel weenie, so what do I know about infantry tactics?

Wow...you took part in the Battle of Fallujah? Mad respect, I heard that the fighting was rough in there.

Silver out!

>>21723432172343

As a grunt i fell in love with the final entry. it strikes deep

Wow. Just... Just wow. It's a crime, and a damn shame to boot, that this story doesn't have more views. Your portrayal of war is chilling. Are you in the military? If not, you must have friends if family who have served, because this is painfully lifelike.

Watching you now. I'll be starting Skyfall soon. Also, I do fan fiction reviews for FOB Equestria, a military brony site. I'll be doing a review of this story sometime soon. This needs to be read. Great job.

>>22705452270545

Thank you very much, sir! Unfortunately, I have not had the duty and honor of serving my country, but you were right, I do have very close friends and family who have served. I'm just a military lover who actually listens when soldiers talk about their experiences of war and want to share in those heroes' stories. It makes me very happy to know that I'm getting at least pretty close to relating.

Oh my gosh, thanks so much! I hadn't heard of FOB Equestria before now, and that's... Wow, thank you! I hope Skyfall is mostly to your liking as well. It's more special operations oriented than military/warfare centered like this one was, but it will switch back and forth as the story progresses. I'm happy to be doing you and all those in the military some justice.

Great story. Definitely deserves more views, more likes, more favorites. While the technical aspects of the writing weren't much to write home about (I still found typos and errors), it was more than made up by the spectrum of chilling emotions, and more importantly, the excellent structuring and delopment of the story. First class, mate.

For a long moment, no one said a word, too shell-shocked by Princess Luna's outburst to say or do anything at all.

“Luna, please… Sit down…” Luna muttered, gently urging her sister back down.

Rereading this for my review, and I caught this. Should read "Celestia," yes?

Absolutely fantastic!

sorry, i have no intention to be rude about this,but it doesnt really seem that the journal entries are as horrific as described when celestia was reading them, are there other entries that we missed? Again no intention to be rude. and fantastic story

>>25758492575849

Without risking giving away too much to the future readers, I'll just say that the tone of the story shifts further along through the story deliberately to deceive and make you perceive something terrible had happened further on. It's up to the reader to find out what had happened.

-- DQ