Very cute, I am totally tracking this. Looking forward to what you have in store for the future!

...Where is the BEEF?

I will be back for BEEF, Tomorrow?

dude awesome you posted this up will track

lol dude imagine how people would react to see how long this actually is.

Cute.  Doing my favorite ship as well.  Tracking, so hurry up and finish!  (if you want to)

ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? TOO MUCH CUTE! :)

d'aww

Prepare - MOAR cannon is being fired. Next chapter will be up within 24 hours. (But don't expect that to be regular.)

P.S - Thanks for commenting - even just the small comments make me squee inside

Daw... I'm so tracking this. Bro-hoof for the Jambo reference

I laugh at myself. I said within 24 hours, not one and a half

But seriously, you guys don't care. You love it.

Hopefully you'll love the chapter just as much as the quick update...

Woot! Yet another fic I'm tracking updates within an hour! the joy has been doubled! three times even!

"But she wasn’t sure whether or not to tell Rainbow the truth; she had only gotten over one of those problems, "

RAINBOW DASH CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Awesome again! Please don't  make this a sad fic like that epiphany one I read

>>McChicken116 Nah, not doing that. It might be sad at times, but it has a happy ending eventually.

I got no words to express the Daaaawww that this fic brings me... I can try: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

....

Nah, still doesn't express it well enough..

I agree with the person above. It's a really cute story, if not a little too predictable. The Sonic Rainboom incident should've been the first thing that happened in the story.

"Anyways" is not a word.

So adorable

I have been reading books for quite a while, and fanfics for (not) nearly as long. I can safely assume that you know what your doing and where you are going with this story, I hope to see more from you in the future.

Great start, it was a fun read.

Minor issue in chapter 2, you had two characters speaking in the same paragraph. (Fluttershy and Rarity)

So far this is a great story in both plot and in grammer        gotta love both dashie and shy but together  CUTENESS OVERLOAD

>>100001100001

This is your first fic? Damn dude, talk about natural talent. Nice work here.

I don't rate until I read chapter 3 or 4 of a fic, but right now, I'm leaning towards a 5

MOAR

>>100545100545 You do not know how much that means to me.

You sir, get all the YAY

The above comment does none of you any justice. You all get all the yay!

Sadfacing so hard right now...

as you say, it's probably the lowest point in the story, still: the way you portray rainbow here makes sense to me, awesome job keep it up

Aww yeah! Just passed 2,500 views!

Feelin' so boss right now...

OMFG i love you, this is an amazing surprise for my Saturday night, dude i love your story it's so good, i mean amazing this chapter makes me cry although i might have to read it like 5 times to figure it out but that's good, i get to read it more, as always good work,

alright i read some of it again and it makes a lot more sense, which makes me even more sad. I cant wait till chapter 5!

>>114573114573 If you'd be so kind - what, specifically, didn't make sense? The bit at the end with the flashbacks?

>>114577114577 it just jumps around a lot, i kinda got lost but a quick re-read sorted it out

>>114578114578 Wow, you're right. I can't believe I didn't pick up on that when I proofread it - that's crazy, right there

Still, I don't think it needs changing - It's fine as is - I just hope all of my readers care enough to read it twice if they have to. Thanks for the help

Wow, good job man. This is probably my favorite chapter yet. When I think about it, this is EXACTLY how RD would probably react. Nice work.

>>114583114583 i don't think it needs changing either it's really good, don't think for 1 second it's needs changing, it's amazing, it's one of the best fics I've ever read.

>>114584114584

>>114585114585

Oh, you guys, you're killin' me.

Keep it up

I cried so much when I read this chapter.

That was pretty dark man. Really good, but really dark

dude this is an epic win love the story :)

>>115054115054 I hope it wasn't too offputting. Like I said in the author's note, it won't be that way for much longer.

>>114921114921 I'm glad - I was hoping someone would

Personally, while I quite like the dark and sad stuff, I'd rather not write it - I really like happy endings. My stories always seem to end up heading that way though, so I try to skip over it without detracting from the quality of writing or plot. You guys will have to tell me if I start to fail at that.

Though, for all intents and purposes, tell me if I go too far as well. Evidently this chapter was pretty powerful, judging by the comments.

(Hint, hint - See? This is why I like comments )

Take this fav, these 5 starts and write with them. Write until there is nothing to write.

I want more , NAO!

I cant wait for the sweet part oh my gosh when Fluttershy wakes up im gonna cry like a little schoolgirl °_°

>>115332115332 That I shall. I cannot be rushed, however - my genius takes time, my muse a lot of lube

Considering how quickly the updates appear to be coming, you're not likely to have to wait long - and there I was last week, thinking one chapter a week was good - then I go and hit up nearly 15,000 words over two stories in just four days.

Confound my readers - they drive me to write like lightning!

I love it - I love you guys. Have a on me! Keep me writing!

(Psst - Your comments help - I love reading them )

am i the only one that thinks it is weird that pinke pie knows about seppuku? anyways... awesome story. i present to you... THE MUFFIN OF

>>115371115371 It's Pinkie. Deal with it. I'm kidding - it's more about the whole honour thing, cuz she broke Rarity's trust an all of that.

And it seemed like a decent Pinkie alternative. Just something random.

Fluttershy DIED?

I do believe I will have new head on my mantle. *takes out hunting rifle and grins maliciously at author*

This part, mixed with the beginning of "Up" going on in the background was almost too much for me. *Ahem* Must not shed tears.

>>115753115753 *Begs for his life* NOOOO! NO! That ain't it! Coma! Coma!

She isn't dead - I'm really gonna have to fix something if that's what you got!  She's in the hospital on life support... Did I actually write coma anywhere?

Phew... Sweet Luna, man, I wouldn't write a romance and then kill off one of the... romancees?... before it even got anywhere!

Do you think I'm Michael Bay or something? George R.R. Martin?

............... Stephen King?

You took a turn with this I definitely wasn't expecting--and that's fantastic.  The way you expand RD's character is very buyable, and watching her deteriorate into destroying her home, blindly injuring Pinkie Pie, and stoically taking Applejack's hits really captures her emotions in a powerful way.  I'm not sure if you intended it, but I like to think the fact that she chose Sugarcube Corner to smash herself into was sort of her way of crying for help, too.  Can't wait to see where this goes next!

>>116590116590 Thanks for the analysis! I love hearing when I'm doing things right

Have a spike

Sweet Celestia, I'm eatting this up like a bundle of Zapapples. (What, too soon?)

The writing? Superb. The grammar? Flawless as far as I can tell. The edge? Perhaps a bit too dark for my tastes, but enjoyable nonetheless. And besides, it's mostly up hill from now on. The characterization? Fantastic. The shipping pair? My absolute favorite. I really can't ask for a better fic to be reading. THANK. YOU. I'll take you up on that offer to try your other on-going fic just for the sake of your writing.

AppleJack really has no idea what Rainbow is going through right now. I know what it feels like to have accidentally hurt a friend, and I felt so horrible about it. Yes, friends tried helping me, but it just didn't help.

Holy shit, you went dark on this one.

But, that's not a bad thing.

A lot of these cute shipping stories (and I admit, I am a sucker for them) never get to develop real conflict, and a lot of authors in pony fandom seem afraid of hurting their characters - understandable, perhaps, but usually not a sign of quality writing. You went and took a relatively standard plot idea (Pegasus injury bla bla, grounded this, Rainbow Dash can't deal with emotions that) and took it to the max in a logical and coherent fashion, which takes some metaphorical brass testicles and a dash of delicacy, lest it turn into a crude and pointless exercise in Fluttershy bashing. I must say, you pulled it off well, and gave us a good look into Rainbow Dash's harshly abused psyche in this chapter.

Overall, the darkness in this chapter is like a strongly spiced meal: Maybe a bit strong, or just outside one's usual comfort zone, but not at all bad, and I am not sorry for having tried it - and knowing that it gets better takes off a lot of the edge anyway. I'm looking forward to see how you manage to resolve this mess, confident that you will find a way to make it engaging and just a bit unique.

It may be sad, but this is still good though. This deserves an image of John Freeman

Image: http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd143/Mr_Flylice/jhnfrmn2.jpg

>>116934116934 I am glad you exist, dear sir.

No seriously, your comment made me pull an all-nighter and get Chapter 5 to completion.

Everypony! Chapter 5 is Alfalfamonster's fault! Blame it on him if it sucks!!!

Oh wow, here we go. Let's see if I can compete with the Equestria Daily peak hour crowd for views.

Come on everypony, get me to the top of the Popular Stories list!

Screenshot gets an internet muffin

CUTIE MARK CRUSADER ESPIONAGE EXPERTS! YAY!

>>116419116419

Lol, good one.

Glad you aren't Michael Bay though. There would be too much explosions. And hot women. And robots.

Another awesome chapter :) I think a Dark tag might have been necessary if things continued like last chapter, but because it seems like there's a turnaround, perhaps it isn't needed any more. Oh, and last chapter WASN'T awful in my opinion. I think you did a good job of writing about some hard stuff.

A couple of notes, though- minor spelling and grammar things, like a few times, 'apologize' was spelled as 'apologise', for example. No big huge deal though. Keep it up!

>>117838117838 Well... about the mistakes... heh, different English dialect.

I live in Australia, so I use the British system. Easy mistake to make - I've seen it happen a lot.

EDIT - As of this moment, I am #15 on the Popular Stories list on the main page. 29 readers at once. I love you guys.

I couldn't be bothered adding a whole new comment just for this though, so... Eh.

EDIT 2 - As of right right right now,, I have 3,456 total views over all of Hearts Aflutter's chapters. I find this funny, but didn't catch 1,234 or 2,345. Or 123, 234, 345, 456, 567, 678, 789, or a flat 1,000, 2,000 or 3,000. 2,500 I did catch though. I saw it happen.

Edit 3 - Woah... What am I on? I really need to go to bed. On another note, if anyone reads my blog I said chapter 5 would be done by Wednesday - in case you haven't noticed, I have a habit for absolutely beating the shit out of my deadlines XD

Damn CMC!

God help us if they decide to stalk someone.

I can't wait to read the chapter where Fluttershy wakes up.........if she does

This was a really good chapter, you never disappoint, I've loved every word of this story can't wait for the next chapter VERY good work.

Whatever you do, I beg-DONT YOU BUCKING DARE TO GO ALL DARK ON ME! Err...

Seriously, though. It is a wonderful sad-romantic story, done with rather surprising depth-moreso, if it is your first fic. Being dark will just spoil the feelings it brings, imho. As unlikely as flutterdash always seemed to me, you are doing great describing this relationship. Oh, and whatever you write next, please mind, that at least imho, events and feelings escalated too quickly in first chapters, slowing to a much more reasonable rate in last chapters. Thank you for an interesting story, you are awesome!

Last chapter dark?

What?

Not in this day and age.

“Indeed. Have I never told you? Well, to put it shortly, my parents had an accident and became comatose as a result... They never did wake up.” She paused, composing herself. “Sweetie Belle and I were put in an orphanage, but were adopted soon afterwards.

Uh oh, somepony fired the not-canon cannon!

Another good chapter, don't sell yourself short friend

lol dude another amazing chapter

>>118170118170 Yeah, sure. I figure her parents, as seen in Sisterhooves Social, are her adopted ones, mostly because I don't like their personalities and they have a completely different accent - I believe Rarity was old enough at that point to have kept the accent. Not that she doesn't love them, but they just aren't her real ones.

That's my headcanon, anyway, so it's more like the headcanon cannon.

>>118008118008 I felt that too, but they're already up and I already have so many readers, changing things up right now would be... redundant.

I'm gonna do a nice big polish a while after I finish, so stuff like that will be addressed.

I really liked this chapter, especially how much depth you gave one miss most people would have just had her either shun rainbow for a while, or instantly forgive her, but you made her seem alive, Bravo sir.

>>118591118591 Thankyou, sir - that part was hard to write. I figured she (basically as Pinkamena) would try to find a way to hurt RD by doing something related to how the latter hurt her - like she did with the Party of One, a reversal of sorts, but to a greater extreme for a much greater hurt.

Personally, I think I'm too good at conflict. You guys saw the first chapters; compared to Chapter 4 in both quality and impact, they're close to nothing.

..... Maybe I should go write a Grimdark or something... But enough about that - Hearts Aflutter first.

I like conflict but hate grimdark, so Chapter 4 was right up my street.

this is just a suggestion but i think it would be really cool if you did a side story of what shy was dreaming about during her coma *despit what people think and stuff you do acutally have dreams while in a coma trust me on this one* but anywas great story so far espically like how you made the comparison with rarity and her parents very well done anywas yea hope to read more soon

This was great, you are a boss. XD

The Pinkie Pie part was exceptional, and I liked the whole deal with Angel.

I see things going uphill from here. Looking forward to more. =]

very nice chapter, keep it up

also I've noticed the chapters are becoming longer every time! this i like!

and finally a few words for the rainbow dash in this fanverse:

"Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace." ~Amelia Earhart

Oh no, young man, don't you go blame your writing on ME! It wasn't my fault that you decided to rush this to completion, and it does show a little bit (not nearly as much as expected, though, especially considering your lack of pre-readers).

As for the chapter itself, I like how you kept conflict and tension while slowly easing it out of the grimdark zone - there's probably a bunch of possible jokes about great ships and slowly changing course in here. Maybe even a plot pun.

The strongest point: Definitely Pinkie's scene. As McChiken116 pointed out, most people would have either have her laugh it off, or just be mad at Rainbow for a time. Your Pinkie Pie showed real, actual hurt, a believable emotion, and the reversal of the THUD scene was a good, strong stylistic choice.

Maybe it's just being compared to that example, but to me, the Rarity and Twilight scenes seem a bit... lifeless, pale. Twilight seems completely lacking in direction or an opinion of her own, while Rarity instead opts for cheerful instant forgiveness in pretty much the way a lesser author would have written Pinkie Pie. Both of these can be attributed to character interpretation, though (a lot of bronies apparently like the idea that forgiveness is an extension of generosity), so I'm not going there. As for the writing itself, there were a few mistakes here and there, and a pre-reader certainly wouldn't hurt, but for being this rushed, I am very pleasantly surprised.

Also, Rainbow Dash sneaking back into the hospital every day is both hilarious and cute, as well as a good show of her loyalty.

And now, get back to work and give me more.

>>120283120283 I was only kidding with all of that 'Blame alfalfamonster' stuff. You're right though, rushing sucks both for me and for quality.   I agree on most of the points about Twilight and Rarity. As for the jokes... heh... you'll have to wait and see. Whenever I write stuff, I like to do it so that they interlink. You may or may not see some of those 'possible ships' become stories after Hearts ends.

Yeah yeah, back to the desk for Midnight *sniff*

EDIT: Indeed, I looked at where I mentioned you in the author's note, and I do apologise. Thanking you for inspiring me to write the chapter in an all-nighter is one thing, blaming you (in good spirits that did not come through in the note) is another entirely. In the spirit of this chapter, I apologise.

>>119404119404 Well... Unfortunately, the longer chapters were completely random. It wasn't intentional, it just happened. Hopefully I might be able to keep the length, but it isn't likely.

Thanks for the quote, by the way - It's... nice.

I personally can't find a single flaw in your writing.  Stylistically it matches my personality like lock and key.  Everything moves at the perfect pace, with actions executed at the perfect times.  I also like the way they are developing through the story.  Everything seems in its place.  Great work!  Definitely getting a well-deserved track and 5-star!

YAY this is Probably my favorite chapter so far, the short hiatus makes me sad though, but this chapter was AMAZING you deserve 5 stars, oh and i LOVED what you did with rainbow Dash's cutiemark very cool idea.

manly tears indeed were shed

Woo hoo.

half way through " okay i'm not crying in fact i feel happy" get's to end " (start's crying) so beautiful. may this story be awesome for ever"

dude more manly tears were shed never stop midnight

Fluttershy, "Oh... umm... well... ever since the accident, I realized I don't like you anymore..."

>>128188128188 - GASP! Don't tell anypony!

Just kidding...

But seriously.

Everyone is looking at Rainbows ass.

:)

AWESOME CHAPTER

Manly tears! But also with the new chapter!

This made me unreasonably happy.

My manly tears! They're all over the place!

Bravo!

Sweet mother of Luna...

Best line ever.

As for the story-pretty nice one. Forgive me, if I dont say it was amazing or something, but it was very well written and had good flow.

Still, it was beautiful, especially starting with the moment Dash got her new... STOP! Spoilers.

;)

Happy tears bro.

Never stop this. Really. Just don't.

>>136181136181

All things must come to an end, dear brony...

Luckily, this will not come to an end for a substantial amount of time yet.

THERE IS MUCH TO COME!

Manly tears. Havent shed this many tears sense my little dashie. And to Ugugg93 BOO!!

>>115371115371 "Oh, [ezio dementay], don't you see..."

Pinkie Pie knows EVERYTHING! Except when it's conveniently-inconvenient-for-Pinkie-Pie-part-of-plot for her NOT to know something! And she's so random because her knowledge is bursting from the seems of her mind.

ALL THE YAY: