Ebon Mane
Joined 11th Jul, 2011 ·
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For some reason, I thought this would be a good fic to start the day off on. Not that it isn't a good fic, but DAMN.
Very dark...but I like it, and I don't usually like dark fics.
I love Flutterdash, so, I dont have good feelings for this fic...
but as a bronie, I'll tolerate and love....
I don't typically read grimdarks, but since this one was so short, I figured I'd give it a try.
...and now I know why I don't read grimdarks.
Damn this was very sad and scary.
But props for establishing the setting along with the last sentence
That fits my reaction the most...
It was great, im not mean, but i love these stories, keep it up!
Y U KILL FLUTTERSHY.
AAAAAGH
I love it. But AAAAAGH.
OH MY GOD. quickest, yet most gut wrenching grimdark ever. oh my god. just absolutely horrifying. and the author didn't even explain what was going on yet! I feel sick...
What the buck is even going on?!?! Although... heh heh heh
the entire story felt like a non-event to me. somepony coughed and rainbow dash kills fluttershy. The characters did exactly what they said they would. There was no conflict. Maybe Im missing something..
I...
Oh, there went my mind...
That was an amazing story. Although the ending makes really no sense to me. Was it somepony outside that coughed? Or did Fluttershy lie about her cough so she wouldn't have to live through the suffering of this life?
That ending hit home.
Luckily, it looks like Rainbow Dash will not have to concern herself with the staining... cough cough
;-;
Oh. My. God.
I died inside. That was the saddest thing I think I've ever read.
The last line shot me through the heart and left me sobbing for like 10 minutes. That was amazing.
4.5 is pretty spot on. There were a few little grammar/word choice things that irked me but overall the execution and especially the concept were really solid.
A little too focused on the grim details maybe, but take that with a grain of salt: it doesn't really get to me so it all comes across as gratuitous.
All in all though, really nice. It was pleasant when the ending actually managed to give me a bit of a "I should have seen that but I didn't".
That was fucking darker than Cupcakes, holy shit. excuse my profanity but holy shit.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
I mean, it was great, but...
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
The only problem with this story is that the ponies are completely unnecessary. This could have just been a short story with humans characters and it would have been just as great.
Don't get me wrong. Fantastic piece of writing, very suspenseful. Just... I would have liked it more without the ponies being in it, because the ponies didn't really add much.
Holy Hello Kitty...
EqD described it as "flash fiction," which I had never heard of. Wasn't going to read it because it said Grimdark, but it was short and in a new style!
Why did it have to be Fluttershy...
2581
Honestly, I first considered the plot before I got into the pony fandom, but I didn't write back then. I still might do a human version. I'll probably experiment with first person and change a couple of things, but keep the most important parts.
Oh... oh sweet celestia... :( *sniffles*
I enjoyed reading this.
Author. Prequel. Now.
i cry for fluttershy
2611
nope.jpg
Very nice flash fiction. I had a feeling about what the ending would've been, but it was well executed and well written. I read a lot of dark stories, so the gruesome scenes didn't impact me as much as other readers, but it definitely worked. The knowledge that they were trapped with a fresh pegasus corpse would be extremely unnerving.
The thoughts that went through Rainbow's mind after the second cough must have been agonizing.
*sigh*
Rarity's turn.
ummm....was a zombie apocalypse going on or what?
The plague..
i need a prequel!
That was beautiful, in a horrible way.
I think the fact it was the mane cast rather than humans enhanced the story, since we already know a lot about the characters' personalities and can more easily imagine how each of them feels throughout (apart from the obvious, of course). Also, the ponies represent the innocence which is lost by them all. I don't think humans in the same situation would've had quite the same impact.
That was very well done.
The intensity and that fact it was short, so the suspense built within a tiny time frame, was just executed so perfectly.
I didn't cry, but that made me feel like shit.
Seriously, I read this hours ago and I still feel like i'm going to throw up.
SO FUCKING SAD.
Really well written though.
Why? Why Fluttershy?
This Fic is making me rage, and it's only chapter one.
I feel numb now..Im a Fluttershy fan and that was a great story but.....man I dont even know how to speak now
I'd say this story was good, but... the author has the added benefit of us already caring about the characters, making it easier to write. But with its short length and minimal development, if it weren't for the ponies it... wouldn't be that good.
It seems to be a classic case of the author having a story to tell, but just making it a fanfiction instead of something original, thus maximizing readership. It has nothing to do with MLP other than the characters being in it, and really, those roles could have been filled by almost anybody in any fandom. A tiny bit of dialogue change and there you go.
No, this story would have been much better as an original piece, but it would have to be much longer so that we could get emotionally invested in the characters.
What the HAY
Good presentation for such a short fiction, needed a bit more emotional agony for the deed done though!
The last sentence kiiiinda took the edge off the emotional aspect, especially since the horror aspect it added to was only modestly developed. Good scenario though!