Maybe Fluttershy should use the stare on the two perpetrators....

Or the two should have married someone else before their time was up.

shit... clearly angel bunny has anger issues... this is good i love to see more

Choo-choo....

Okay, this needs some work, I can tell. For the most part, it's okay. However, there are a few trouble spots. I'll highlight corrections in the following manner:

Grammar/Spelling

Canon

Storytelling

DAFUQ IS THIS(other)

Dusk was setting in as 2 (This should be "two", not 2. In general, avoid using symbols in writing unless necessary.) seemingly normal stallions were entering ("Entering" is used generally in present tense. From the looks, this is past tense. Use "entered" instead.) a seedy, almost run-down (hyphenate run-down so as to differentiate from "rundown", or description of a situation. Also, add commas between two adjective (or three) that precede a noun.) watering hole in the middle of nowhere. Each coming (should be came) from a different direction, but it was very clear that both came there with only one thing in mind. (should be a dash) Meeting each other for whatever reason they might be having. The place almost was nearly empty except for a few gruff looking ponies. All of them looking like they had more then their share of run-ins with the guards of the surrounding villages. But (don't start with coordinating conjunctions. Use "however" instead.) none were too surprised about the arrival of these strangers. Even the bartender did not look surprised. (Combine these two sentences to keep the flow. "However, none were too surprised about the strangers' arrival, even the bartender.") For he knew, (no comma) many a 'noble' came to the Sun`s plot (capitalize "plot") for only one reason. Business even more seedy then his own tavern.  Business that should never see the light of day.

Taking seats in a shadow filled corner (comma here) the stallions acknowledged each others existence for the first time with a simple smirk in the direction of the other. One golden yellow Pegasus, with a white mane, facing (should be faced) a deep purple unicorn with a light blue mane. Silence reigned for a moment (comma here) only to be broken to order a bottle of brandy with 2 glasses.

I'll add more tomorrow, but for now I must sleep. Good story, though!

>>13843391384339

Tnx, i`ll edit those things out in a moment

>>13842641384264 *spittake* You're just learning this NOW?

>>13841621384162

In their defence, in my own headcannon th mane 6 are all arround 18. With shy as the oldest at 21 and dash as the youngest at 17

An interesting start...  I'm curious to see the reactions of the two to all of this, now that they know who they're supposed to marry.

Angel Bunny has obviously decided that Vengeance will be his.  The question is, has he only begun his rampage?

I wonder if Twilight's and Fluttershy's house lords really understand what they've unleashed.  Just because Celestia and Luna can't block the marriage, they can make the perpetrators' lives impossible in a thousand subtle, untraceable and 100% legal ways.  Then you have to add the number of extremely dangerous people who regard Twilight and Fluttershy as their friends and allies.  Buffalo stampedes demolishing orchards and factories? Weather going haywire wherever they happen to visit? Poison Joke growing in their gardens? Pinkie Pie being told to be their friend at any cost? All these delights and more could yet be theirs!

>>13852421385242

Oooh, I could more than put up with the hinted shipping to see that.

>>13852901385290

FWIW, I'm not convinced that this is going to be a shipper story in the traditional sense of the word at all.  It's going to be about two friends trying to deal with the fact that they are going to have to spend the rest of their lives together and, as a result, growing ever more closer.  Will they fall in love? Well, they love each other anyway, just not in the romantic sense.  Having to depend on each other in the face of their Lords' machinations can only deepen that bond.

The story is listed as a romance and the pairing is obvious (unless this is going to turn into a weird open marriage with Fluttershy and Twilight both taking lovers but having to maintain the forms of being a couple for legal reasons).  That said, it is odd for any couple to have to start with the marriage and work in the other direction.  This is a commonly-used theme in Harry Potter fanfiction, but I've never seen it used in this fandom before.

>>13853181385318

I'd still kill to see that retaliation (As long as it was written well of course) you were talking about though.

So i would be more than willing to read something COMPLETELY out of the genre I like to see it.

That's all I meant.

>>13853301385330

Although the story will revolve arround them dealing with the situation at hand i was planning to do a few Intermissions revolving arround the way shy's father and Twi's uncle supposed better aspects of life.

All i`m willing to say, when the news does get released. News travels fast.....

Hmm...It's a good concept, I'll say that...and while there are a good number of glaring spelling/grammar mistakes, they're not bothersome enough to take away from reading this story...and TwiShy's my favorite Mane 6 shipping pairing, so I guess you could say you've caught my interest in this story.  Still, I think I'll wait for future chapters to come out before I decide whether or not to favorite this.

I`m not a native english speaker, so i know my grammar and spelling is a bit off. I`m currently looking for a pre-reader or editor who can assist me with that

"Including his live and his families lives." i think you meant his "life" instead of "live" here

"The princes in front of them was,"  "  they just had been threatened by princes Celestia." princes should be changed to princesses in the first one and princess in the second one

just a couple of the spelling mistakes I found, but beside the few errors pointed out be me and a few other people i like this story will like/fav

interesting idea... and i like the implication that they were both already in love with someone else beforehand too, makes it even harder and the plot more interesting....

Hmm this story appears to be serious like mine but in a different way

Oooh this is going to be epic!

Arranged marriage between same-sex ponies for purely petty reasons?

Worse, It shows how out of touch these losers were with reality to not connect their respective "Wast-of-space layabouts" with two of the heroines that saved Equestria several times over and are the personal friends of the Princesses? This will not be pretty for these two idiots. The "fun" is just beginning for them...

Bonus points for having Soarin be Fluttershy's big bro! With this mess, there will be plenty of opportunity for Rainbow to catch his eye...

Hoora! Epic story so far and I hope you'll continue with this fine master piece  

Well then, looks like the jackasses responsible for this got what they deserved. Maybe Twi and Shy won't have it so bad with one another.

>>13848891384889

no ... i knew he was a bastard and a jerk at times but seroisuly getting Fluttershy's family attacked by timberwolves and big ones at that just seems like over kill

>>13878941387894

Well to be honest, the Author is a big fan of the saying:

If its worth doing, its worth overdoing

Very interesting. I can't wait to read more of it.

just to be clear (forgot to post frist time around) is this a twishy ship

>>14068841406884

Yes, in due time it will be one.

not bad keep it going

>>14749271474927

I`ll do my best to not only keep it going, but to also improve.

Its the least i owe you guys (and girls)

Nice. Spotted a few errors but nothing bid I think. Maybe get a good pre-reader to check before posting, Ciao.

Very good Fluttershy and Twilight POVs in this chapter.  I'm still wondering if Twilight's uncle and Fluttershy's dad realise just how bad their lives are going to get when this gets around.

I still can't think on how either of them will benefit except the one who wanted the title. Every member of the family is going to make sure Twilight's Uncle's life is a living hell. Not certain he thought that through.

If i were twi, I would just step down from any titel position. That would eliminate the original goal the two jerks had, and would make Flutter's dad, because he surely wouldn't want to be the only one to pay, disown flutters. While they would still be married, they would at least know they had ruined the stallions' buisness

>>16293191629319

Unfortunately it does not work that way, you can denounce your courttitle by not going to those events. But you will always posses that title.

Twi's mother (the sis of that uncle) is actually disowned for marrying a commoner. But that does not mean she cannot pass over the title she posses to her children.

(asswell; update comming very soon, had a bit of a writersblock )

>>16334041633404

No stress

I'd rather wait for it and have a good chapter, than a quick, rushed story

>>16336041633604

That is why it issnt up yet, i dont have a editor / prereader (well i did have one but have not heard from him/her in a while) So i need to be very carefull about the chapter so i wont mess up

I should get an editor too... I just upload whatever my crazy mind has spawned

I figure that Twilight and Fluttershy's clan lords will both be ruined by the end of the month, tops.  Rarity is going to spread it about with her clients  as she's doing fittings: "Shocking! Using such barbaric means to rob a pony of her choices!" This will then go from her clients, particularly the richer mares, to the wider Canterlot gossip network.  They will make it clear to their mates that they do not consider stallions who would do such things to be 'the suitable sort for refined ponies to associate with".  Before you know it, the higher-up mucky-mucks will be looking at them in a suspicious manner and few would be willing to do over-the-counter business with them.

I wonder how long it will be before Fluttershy and Twilight admit that they actually consider the other a potential romantic partner?

>>16686891668689

You know, i never thought of that aspect of Rarity. Can i use that later on?

I have a few idea's on the matter but that is one fine way to get even

burn the two bastards and the bitch of a mother at the stake

or better yet if anyone knows about that thing in naruto where you trap someone in their own minds and torture them for what feels like an eternity please find the nearest item with a lid and lift it up. there you will find pinkie pie who will take you to this awsome fic so that you may torture evil ponies bwahahahah

bravo bravo not bad at all

I'm sure you know this >>16687671668767, but for those who don't; pansexual is an actual word.

it's what I imagine Pinkie Pie to be herself, actually

Image: http://www.gogetaroomie.com/comics/1343242620-2012-06-04-PANsexual-2.jpg

>>16687671668767

You know, i never thought of that aspect of Rarity. Can i use that later on?

Sure! Go ahead!

>>16691421669142

Either that or completely asexual.

But on this subject, try explaining it to friends........

>>16691981669198

tnx, i will =]

You have a really interesting idea here, but the substandard grammar is hurting the presentation. I suggest looking for a proofreader at the very least.

>>16744361674436

Yeah i am still looking for one or a good editor

>>16751701675170 shoulda asked me yesterday when I read it, one sec I will go and fix it if you want... really just trying to find a way to waste time

>>16755591675559

That would be very much apreciated. I am afraid my grammar and spelling is simply horrid. Been trying to improve on that area though.

>>16757201675720 you may need a bit of help with run on sentences, I am not the best at those, also formatting you are on your own.

>>16757281675728

Formatting i will try to master then, or look for a editor to aid me with it. But i think on sentances, 2 see more then 1

>>16757451675745 I am already working on the prologue now, would you happen to have Skype?

>>16757661675766

No sorry, dont have it.