I like where this is going!

A lot.

But can you pull it off?

There is only one way to find out!

Thumbed and favourited, because this first chapter is... Intriguing.

Oh, and one last thing: I don't think 'Atleast' is a word. It doesn't affect the story in any way, but I just though I'd point that out.

Your Faithful Student,

--TwilitLightning

Please make this work.  PLEASE make this work.  It's decently written and the situation is at least interesting.  Keep it going!

-Chessie

You could use a little work on your paragraph/speech formatting.  It's legible, but an English teacher would rip this up.

Put dialogue only at the begining and/or end of a paragraph.  If you can't do that, break it up.  For example, this paragraph:

The small sea-pony frowned, the look completely ruining the aura of cute and innocence that surrounded it. “I didn’t know it was. The years go by so fast don’t they? I’ll lead you him.” With that he turned and lead her down a hall. Shadows cast from the lights danced forebodingly across the hall. As the princess looked at the lights, a small light detached from one cluster and made it’s way to her guide. It moved close to the sea-pony’s ear and appeared to talk to him.

Would be better as:

The small sea-pony frowned, the look completely ruining the aura of cute and innocence that surrounded it. “I didn’t know it was. The years go by so fast don’t they? I’ll lead you him.”

With that he turned and lead her down a hall. Shadows cast from the lights danced forebodingly across the hall. As the princess looked at the lights, a small light detached from one cluster and made it’s way to her guide. It moved close to the sea-pony’s ear and appeared to talk to him.

Also, your personal note in the description is not needed and confusing.  Why would readers want to read a story without knowing what it was about?

I'll follow this story and see where it goes.  It looks promising.

Why is this on my Favourates? I didn't do that

I'm scared

>>13759911375991

I find that the description can ruin the buildup and spoil the author's hard work. The story is supposed to keep you entertained and guessing what will happen next, and that is hard to do if the reader has read the summary of the first few chapters in about 6 sentences.

Its good, But its just not enough words

>>14687591468759

sorry. chem, geometry, and more evil school stuff really distract me. It doenst help I'm basically ADD and a huge procrastinator. So... Sorry

DOnt apoligize, its way more than I could write in a week with that quality.  get back to writing

>Be on FimFiction

>Get curious and look around for stories

>Find "As Blue as the Ocean"

>Only 2 chapters

>"Fukit, le'ss read"

>Intriguing...

>Last update was on October 19th...

Verdict:

DAFUQ YA DOIN,' MA BOI!!!???? UPDATE THIS SHIT!!

>>20812752081275

Ho, crud. I was going to redo this story, but better...at least, I hope it's better.

>>20813022081302 Show me whatcha got!

>>20813132081313

I would like a editor/pre-reader/someone-to-tell-me-when-I-done-goof'd...

>>20813272081327 Show me what-chyou can do.

>>20813372081337

I have it on a gdoc right now. Do you have an email? PM it to me.

Man, two separate conversations at the same time. I'm starting to get confused.

As Sonic the Hedgehog once said... "STRANGE! ISN'T IT!?"

Please sir, can I have some more?

Dis many favs and I'm yur first follower?! This creates joy inside of me.

>>25095722509572 i had no idea that this many people had favorited it (i didn't even know where to look to see if anyone favourited it!). I tried to redo it, but it's still stuck. I'll post the first chapter here and see which one people like more. The redo is COMPLETELY different, while being a little the same. My plans for the redo were more sad and a little dark, not funny like this one.

>>25096172509617 I enjoy all types as long as it's a good idea. If it's like this in any plot form, I'll enjoy it.

I find it silly that I can like and favorite my own stories

I find it silly that I forgot about this story.  MORE

>>25097962509796

...of which one? The original story or the remake?

inb4 both