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Everypony thinks that being a Wonderbolt automatically gets you all the fillies. Which is completely true, by the way. One of the perks.
But being a Wonderbolt wouldn't get me the mare of my dreams.
<
Dennis the Menace
Joined December 2011
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Dennis the Menace
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Joined December 2011
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… but I'll watch it nevertheless, because it's good, too.
While I understand the feel you were going for, I think you may have overdone how convoluted Soarin's opening thoughts are. It works on a characterization level, but not so much from a reader's perspective.
There's not too much to say about the story itself as you've only just established the premise, but I'll keep an eye on this to see where it goes.
>That's one thing that bugs me about romance novels, which this is not, by the way. Because if this was a romance novel, Spitfire and I would already be together and we'd start off this chapter by some lovey-dovey nonsense.
>romance novels, which this is not, by the way. Because if this was a romance novel, Spitfire and I would already be together
>romance novels, which this is not
>not a romance novel
Damn, I haven't read a SoarinFire ship in a while and this is what comes up. I'm so disappointed...
(upvotes and tracks)
Image: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/253/798/3a2.png
I haven't read this yet, I put it on my read later, but I must say...my reaction to this:
*Reads Title*
Meh, It looks interesting.
*Reads Description*
Go on, you have my attention.
*Reads Tags*
Right, this is going to be at least decent.
*Reads Chapter Title*
You sir, get 5 out of 5 
I was a bit skeptical at first, to be honest. Here I am, sitting in my boxers, whining about my life when I see a fanfic that has the potential to be interesting, and yet in all likeliness will probably end up sucking. Cuddled up to my chihuahuas, I sighed when I saw it was only 1 chapter of 2000 words...I almost gave up...and then I saw the grammar 
Almost clicked the back button...but then I started reading. Good god, you are amazing 
Like, seriously, I was laughing sooo much during this...unfortunately for you, I have your family tied up in my basement 
Here's how this works; every week you delay a new chapter is another limb hacked off from your least favorite family member leading up to your most favorite family member 
Release...moar...NAO! 
I am not a doctor but I already have a diagnosis: excess sugar from sweets such as pie has given Soarin' a constant case of rising and crashing energy levels, which leads to mood swings, easily distracted states, and general reduction in proper body function. Oh, and weight gain doesn't help either.
Somepony should write a fanfic about how angry he is that season 3 isn't out and how he takes it out on other people 
Image: http://harry.enzoverder.be/cats/proceed.jpg
Image: http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/180/0/8/soarin_clap_by_mihaaaa-d3ki8nm.gif
my crush on Spit,
Now that is a romantic pet name. Good start! I think first person makes it easier to really get inside the pony's heads and get a better feel for their character. Probably why I like reading and writing it so much. Also:
The locker rooms used to be the craziest place and we'd always go peek at the girls or pull pranks.
Peek at them doing what? Aren't they already naked? I'm just uselessly nitpicking, I like this story. Not too many good Soarin fics out there, so I'm going to fav this. Looking forward to more!
That's the joke! 
Some people don't like my style. I think it's much more interesting seeing what a character thinks than doing everything from a third person POV while being omniscient. Actually, maybe that's my inexperience. Though I've done some third person before. I think they're good for more adventure-type stories.
Looks promising, I'll follow.
So I'm gonna do something with in media res (which is just a fancy way of starting things at the middle) and flashbacks.
Actually, it's Medias, not media. This may not be an error, since this is Soarin' saying it, but I'll point it out anyway.
Soarin = Team Fortress 2 Scout of the ponyverse
"For a brief stint in flight high school Soarin joined the flight team in one of his many schemes to pick up girls. He was kicked off the team after three days when everypony realized he was 23-years-old and also already a Wonderbolt."
Damn, I've got a bad feeling about this. I don't think Soarin' sees that oncoming train at all.
"Oh hell! Soarin' get off the tracks! Somepony save him!"
Wherein Soarin' gets kicked off the wonderbolts by Spitfire, who then realizes she's just terrible, just plain terrible. Oh, and she's loved him forever. Soarin' gets fat from eating depression pies, Spitfire has Rainbow dash take over the wonderbolts while she rehabilitates him. None of these things go as planned, but eventually Soarin' gets all the pie he could ever want, and plenty of exercise.
shut up me.
This looks great, I'm just tired. 60+ hours with no sleep makes me weird. Have my thumbs and faves.
Soarin dies from a pie overdose, but the national awareness campaign this triggers misspells the word on the slogan merchandise which ends up reading, "Beware the dangers of pi", and afterward no foal in Equestria ever learns how to determine the circumference of a circle, the volume of a sphere, or the surface area of a cylinder.
Hence, Equestria falls behind the rest of the world and in invaded by the griffin-dragon-diamond dog Axis powers and all the ponies are messily devoured.
All because of Soarin. It's all his fault.
Hmm, this intrigues me. I see that you made a reference from a comic in DeviantArt i shall awhile back. I'll be looking forward to more updates to this story. So I'll be watching you
Image: http://i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/square/000/007/195/im%20watching%20you%20-%20copia.jpgBest Regards 
Image: http://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/5/1/z5pQ6fEWP0Gu9em2qUSRNQ2.gif
YES!!
A Wonderbolts ship-fic that isn't about Rainbow Dash!
I salute to your originality
.
Image: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/DrForester/Ponies/rainbow_dash_salute_small.png
Ooh~ This is gonna be good! I love the almost-but-maybe-line-of-consciousness style of write, it's terribly appropriate, and Soarin's character is definitely present through it. Can't wait to see exactly where you take this. One chapter written and a world of possibilities!
Story has potential. Most either write off Soarin' as the unclaimed mate for Rainbow, or that he and Spitfire are already together, so to have a story of him wanting Spitfire and doesn't have her is actually relatively original. Writing style is decent, without repetitive overuse of He-he-he-he every sentence.
Recommend giving a clear seperation between author narative and character narative for future sections however
Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1126_my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-im-with-twilight-on-this-one.gif
"A ditzy, bubbly voice"?
.....
Image: http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/190/373/131942790061.jpgReally like the direction this fic is going.
Keep up the awesome work!!!!
/]*
Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8go4dDZZs1rtkhtjo1_500.gif
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