Everypony thinks that being a Wonderbolt automatically gets you all the fillies. Which is completely true, by the way. One of the perks.
But being a Wonderbolt wouldn't get me the mare of my dreams.
Had to put it on read later because I'm about to go to school. Will get back to you. I'm sure it's gonna be good though.
>>13741871374187 same here
Well I enjoyed it. Ahahaha, gotta love Soarin'. Keep up the good work.
my school starts in thirty minutes but im still eating breakfast.
One of those stories I'm not going to read, but I'm going to upvote anyway for the description.
I swear you guys make me feel old.
Anyways brilliant opening chapter!
>>13742171374217 You just gotta think young. Then again, I just read this in my cubical at work so I'm not sure I'm one to talk about youth.
Nice start, always love a good Soarin story and this one looks like it is going to be fun.
New one for my Watch List
I shall follow this!
Great start. Like and favourite.
I'm gonna say this now. Soarin you're going to get fat and fuck up even more with all those pies you eat.
This is great! Tracking!
Damn, talk about some serious new writing, it's great to read about somepony other then the Mane Six or the Royal Sisters, I shall be awaiting more of this and really great job with his past.
This is gonna be good. And Rainbow Dash we'll have ourselves a love triangle
Like'd fav'd track'd yes yes yes
Don't worry Soarin. She'll come around....
This is... kinda sad, or at least melancholic … but I'll watch it nevertheless, because it's good, too.
See kids, this is how you use first person :twiright:
While I understand the feel you were going for, I think you may have overdone how convoluted Soarin's opening thoughts are. It works on a characterization level, but not so much from a reader's perspective.
There's not too much to say about the story itself as you've only just established the premise, but I'll keep an eye on this to see where it goes.
And is it me, or did Soarin just blew his chances, as well as put his career in Double Jeopardy? All because of daydreaming and wishful thinking.
>>13748101374810 Didn't see an RD tag so she's probably out.
Awww poor Soarin. I don't see him getting out of the friend zone. Hey, if you like pie, there are Applejack, and Pinkie Pie both single and looking for love.
Food does not equal love Soarin!
Everypony is fair game
screw the book, this is like Just Friends with Ryan Renolds
>That's one thing that bugs me about romance novels, which this is not, by the way. Because if this was a romance novel, Spitfire and I would already be together and we'd start off this chapter by some lovey-dovey nonsense.
>romance novels, which this is not, by the way. Because if this was a romance novel, Spitfire and I would already be together
>romance novels, which this is not
>not a romance novel
Damn, I haven't read a SoarinFire ship in a while and this is what comes up. I'm so disappointed...
(upvotes and tracks)
It's called irony.
Soarin's so wrong about romance novels it hurts. Three words buddy: Pride and Prejudice
*reads title of chapter*
That poor stallion.....
Time for Soarin' to do some soul searching.
Hmm, a reference to The Perks Of Being A Wallflower in the title. Nice job. Anyway, adding this to favorites. Excited to see where this goes.
Whats with the cutoff?anywas really nice sstory! we need to see more!
MOAR THE QUEEN DEMANDS MOAR
I actually feel genuinely sorry for Soarin'. I would pat him on the back, and give him a pie, but alas, I cannot.
I see you are putting out more stories, this is good, you are amazing...like my Favourite auther ever with a capital SQUEE
Whatever you will Put On FimFiction , I Will READ IT
Whatever you will Put On
wow this is really, really good. cant wait to see more!
Poor Soarin', though...
Oh dear. Soarin', you gotta get it together. And lay off the pie, that won't help.
I shall read it! But not right now...
He only eats pies because he cares!
I haven't read this yet, I put it on my read later, but I must say...my reaction to this:
Meh, It looks interesting.
Go on, you have my attention.
Right, this is going to be at least decent.
*Reads Chapter Title*
You sir, get 5 out of 5
I was a bit skeptical at first, to be honest. Here I am, sitting in my boxers, whining about my life when I see a fanfic that has the potential to be interesting, and yet in all likeliness will probably end up sucking. Cuddled up to my chihuahuas, I sighed when I saw it was only 1 chapter of 2000 words...I almost gave up...and then I saw the grammar Almost clicked the back button...but then I started reading. Good god, you are amazing Like, seriously, I was laughing sooo much during this...unfortunately for you, I have your family tied up in my basement Here's how this works; every week you delay a new chapter is another limb hacked off from your least favorite family member leading up to your most favorite family member Release...moar...NAO!
All you need is a shaved head, a bottle of scotch, and substance abuse and you're practically Max Payne
I want MoAR! i mean if thats ok with you..
Hmm, a really good start. Excellent.
Is it your life purpose to write badass stories about the most badass characters? If so, you have a pretty damn good destiny. Keep this up, and you'll win Author of the Year.
I am not a doctor but I already have a diagnosis: excess sugar from sweets such as pie has given Soarin' a constant case of rising and crashing energy levels, which leads to mood swings, easily distracted states, and general reduction in proper body function. Oh, and weight gain doesn't help either.
>>13770831377083 Max Payne is probably a brony Somepony should write a fanfic about how angry he is that season 3 isn't out and how he takes it out on other people
Oh dear. Food as a coping mechanism is NEVER a good thing. NEVER
Epic. Instantly began to read after finding out that this was by Dennis The Menace. MOAR
Soar'ins gett'in depressed man, this just isn't chill.
my crush on Spit,
Now that is a romantic pet name. Good start! I think first person makes it easier to really get inside the pony's heads and get a better feel for their character. Probably why I like reading and writing it so much. Also:
The locker rooms used to be the craziest place and we'd always go peek at the girls or pull pranks.
Peek at them doing what? Aren't they already naked? I'm just uselessly nitpicking, I like this story. Not too many good Soarin fics out there, so I'm going to fav this. Looking forward to more!
That's the joke! Some people don't like my style. I think it's much more interesting seeing what a character thinks than doing everything from a third person POV while being omniscient. Actually, maybe that's my inexperience. Though I've done some third person before. I think they're good for more adventure-type stories.
>>13785581378558 My apologies, my humor coil malfunctioned.
Looks promising, I'll follow.
So I'm gonna do something with in media res (which is just a fancy way of starting things at the middle) and flashbacks.
Actually, it's Medias, not media. This may not be an error, since this is Soarin' saying it, but I'll point it out anyway.
This is awesome.
Cool story bro.
Good sir, I do not believe this has been done before.
So upvote and fav for you. Well written so far, and it's roughly in my headcannon as well.
Soarin = Team Fortress 2 Scout of the ponyverse
"For a brief stint in flight high school Soarin joined the flight team in one of his many schemes to pick up girls. He was kicked off the team after three days when everypony realized he was 23-years-old and also already a Wonderbolt."
Damn, I've got a bad feeling about this. I don't think Soarin' sees that oncoming train at all.
"Oh hell! Soarin' get off the tracks! Somepony save him!"
Wherein Soarin' gets kicked off the wonderbolts by Spitfire, who then realizes she's just terrible, just plain terrible. Oh, and she's loved him forever. Soarin' gets fat from eating depression pies, Spitfire has Rainbow dash take over the wonderbolts while she rehabilitates him. None of these things go as planned, but eventually Soarin' gets all the pie he could ever want, and plenty of exercise.
shut up me.
This looks great, I'm just tired. 60+ hours with no sleep makes me weird. Have my thumbs and faves.
I like this. Very much so.
Soarin's gonna get raeped by legions of fan-fillies.
Soarin dies from a pie overdose, but the national awareness campaign this triggers misspells the word on the slogan merchandise which ends up reading, "Beware the dangers of pi", and afterward no foal in Equestria ever learns how to determine the circumference of a circle, the volume of a sphere, or the surface area of a cylinder.
Hence, Equestria falls behind the rest of the world and in invaded by the griffin-dragon-diamond dog Axis powers and all the ponies are messily devoured.
All because of Soarin. It's all his fault.
Look at those dislikes go up
Damn I'm good
Hope Soarin gets Spitfire, if he stallion up and just do it.
Alternative name: What life expectations to expect when not expecting
You, sir, have given me something to think about.
So you earn a Pinkie:
And all the cookies:
Dammit, another story i NEED to track.(great start!)
Stupid talented fandom, making me want to track everything at once.
no regrets though.
Just realized that the scarf scene is straight from that one comic by Veggie55 that gave me diabetes.
Hmm, this intrigues me. I see that you made a reference from a comic in DeviantArt i shall awhile back. I'll be looking forward to more updates to this story. So I'll be watching you
This is awesome! You deserve a Mustache/Derpy combo!
A Wonderbolts ship-fic that isn't about Rainbow Dash!
I salute to your originality
Ooh~ This is gonna be good! I love the almost-but-maybe-line-of-consciousness style of write, it's terribly appropriate, and Soarin's character is definitely present through it. Can't wait to see exactly where you take this. One chapter written and a world of possibilities!
Story has potential. Most either write off Soarin' as the unclaimed mate for Rainbow, or that he and Spitfire are already together, so to have a story of him wanting Spitfire and doesn't have her is actually relatively original. Writing style is decent, without repetitive overuse of He-he-he-he every sentence.
Recommend giving a clear seperation between author narative and character narative for future sections however
And this is why I love Soarin'.
aww, poor soarin'. Although I'm pretty sure everybody here on FiMfiction knows that feeling (myself included).
The locker rooms used to be the craziest place and we'd always go peek at the girls or pull pranks.
If the girls already run around naked, what's even the purpose of a locker room, and why would the guys bother trying to look into the girls' one?
why you no update?
This was alright.
It wasn't anything special, though.
Anyway, I like this! The characterizations are very realistic, and I applaud your creativity, especially with how you incorporate the title. I can't wait to see more from you
"A ditzy, bubbly voice"?
Really like the direction this fic is going.
Keep up the awesome work!!!!
Hooray, an update! Hopefully next time won't take so long.
I had actually planned on dropping this story completely, but then someone sent me an audioplay they were making. Damn them. Now I have to keep writing.
>>15468441546844 you should get that hoof looked at, it doesn't look normal ( \
Don't give up on this, I like it.
YES! I have been looking for this story for quite some time. Excellent work my friend!
Bro, my school is an hour away from my house.
Yay this is updating again (I think you said you stopped it) "
This is good. I was wondering when you would bring it back.
>>15475041547504 Direct me to said person so I may thank them personally
Took me forever to even remember what this story was about once I saw an update for it ;p
Don't abandon such potential! Auuugghh why would you do that!!?