Ugh... This was way to hard for me to type out...

But please tell me what I need to do to get better. I've had this idea float around for a year or so and I had to get it out.

Hope you guys like it. I'll be sure to upload more chapters if it gets good feedback.

First fic excuse: √

Gary Stu OC: √

Those are two red flags. never tell someone that something is your "first fic", that just attracts those who rip up stories for a living .

Pain coursed through Dusk's body as he was thrown against the stone wall of the ruins. Dusk is a monster hunter while being part monster himself. He took jobs from the king, Drelus, to hunt monsters that threatened to harm the innocent.

You switched from past to present, then back to past tense.

It seemed to  bend time and space as it went along ravaging

Extra space between "to" and "bend".

As Dusk passed him, he swung his sword

Punctuation and grammar are important! Punctuation determines the way a reader interperates your story.

I'd suggest re-reading your story out loud. It helps catch grammar and spelling mistakes. Also, I'd be happy to pre-read/edit, if you need one.