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Scribblestick 108044

Joined August 2012
105 followers

    Scribblestick's Stories (10)

    • Stetson
      Applejack reflects on the mistakes of her past.

      4,834 words · 6,004 views · 472 likes · 5 dislikes
    • The Editor in My Head
      Pinkie has an editor in her head, but what exactly is it editing?
      5,701 words · 1,693 views · 151 likes · 4 dislikes
    • Twilight Rides a Snowboard
      Is there any way this can end well?
      1,663 words · 498 views · 41 likes · 0 dislikes
    • Discord's Game
      Celestia and Luna arrive in Equestria to find it ruled by a cruel tyrant. Can they defeat him?
      46,502 words · 518 views · 25 likes · 0 dislikes
    • Falling Moon
      12,500 words · 315 views · 22 likes · 0 dislikes
    • Shadowbolt
      4,427 words · 689 views · 42 likes · 2 dislikes
    • The Last Crusade
      50,380 words · 326 views · 31 likes · 1 dislikes
    • Rise of the Moon
      9,906 words · 175 views · 16 likes · 0 dislikes
    • Party Pony
      4,352 words · 177 views · 11 likes · 0 dislikes
    • Faces of Love
      13,504 words · 145 views · 14 likes · 3 dislikes
    Source

    Nightmare Moon has ruled Equestria for a decade with an iron hoof and a cold heart. Three crusaders who have lost everything craft a desperate plan to bring her reign to an end.

    Sequel to "Rise of the Moon." (incomplete)

    Cover image by BrittishStarr.

    First Published
    1st Oct 2012
    Last Modified
    1st Feb 2013

    Comments ( 56 )

    #1 · Chapter 2 · 37w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Ok, I hate to admit it but you have just made me love Gilda! Keep up the good work dude. Oh yeah and...

    FIRST!

    I've never gotten to do that before!:twilightsmile:

    #2 · Chapter 1 · 37w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Sweet I like it :rainbowdetermined2:

    #3 · Chapter 4 · 37w, 1d ago · · ·
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    I can only guess that shadow strike is applebloom and the pony with zacora is probably sweetie belle... maybe

    #4 · Chapter 5 · 36w, 6d ago · · ·
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    applebloom is best double agent

    #5 · Chapter 5 · 36w, 5d ago · · ·
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    #6 · Chapter 7 · 36w, 4d ago · · ·
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    so will you happen to have changlings in this story or did nightmare moon destroy their nest?

    #7 · Chapter 7 · 36w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>1390675 Interesting question. The changeling threat hinges on the huge amounts of love found in Equestria under Celestia and Luna's rule. However, I think it's safe to say Nightmare Moon's Equestria doesn't have nearly enough love to feed a changeling colony, so I don't see them posing any kind of threat to this universe's Equestria. In the meantime, Nightmare Moon has been waging a war against her own people for the better part of her reign. She defeated Twilight only a year ago, and since then, she's set her eyes on Zebrica and the griffon's territory, since both nations pose some kind of threat to her, however minimal she may think it is. So, to make a long story short, I believe the changeling nest is still out there, perhaps feeding on the zebras or griffons. If Nightmare Moon conquers the zebras and griffons, I imagine her next conquest would be the changelings, but for now, I don't see them being one of her major concerns.

    The changelings may make an appearance, though, so keep an eye open.

    #8 · Chapter 8 · 36w, 3d ago · · ·
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    okay mind fuck i thought apple bloom was shadow strike but could it be sweetie belle???:unsuresweetie:

    #9 · Chapter 8 · 36w, 3d ago · · ·
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    really enjoying this story, I hope it continues. :twilightsmile:

    #10 · Chapter 8 · 36w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>1397405 Oh, it will. :twilightsmile:

    #11 · Chapter 9 · 36w, 2d ago · · ·
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    :fluttercry: spike is dead, I knew it would happen but it is still sad

    #12 · Chapter 10 · 35w, 6d ago · · ·
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    lol i like brae brae he is funny and can't wait to see who shadow strike really is

    #13 · Chapter 11 · 35w, 5d ago · · ·
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    ahh they are getting closer to the cmc being united

    #14 · Chapter 12 · 35w, 1d ago · · ·
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    yay! CMC bringers of destruction! :scootangel::unsuresweetie::applecry:

    #15 · Chapter 12 · 35w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>1445516 I can't wait to get to that part. :twilightsmile:

    #16 · Chapter 12 · 35w, 1d ago · · ·
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    :scootangel:+:applecry:+:unsuresweetie:=AWESOME!

    #17 · Chapter 13 · 34w, 1d ago · · ·
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    :fluttershysad:So Beautiful.

    #18 · Chapter 13 · 34w, 1d ago · · ·
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    #19 · Chapter 14 · 33w, 6d ago · · ·
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    so when will you tell us who shadow strike is?

    #20 · Chapter 14 · 33w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>1497072 I believe that question will be answered in the next chapter.

    #21 · Chapter 14 · 33w, 6d ago · · ·
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    #22 · Chapter 17 · 33w, 6h ago · · ·
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    So Celestia is still alive? :pinkiegasp:

    Okay, princess, you have some explaining to do.:twilightangry2:

    #23 · Chapter 17 · 33w, 5h ago · · ·
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    ahh neutral gin do nothing and wait for the opportune moment that is what celestia is doing i am guessing

    #24 · Chapter 18 · 32w, 3d ago · · ·
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    aww sweetie belle can't you see the reason you can't control your talent is because spoilerspoilerspoilerspoilerspoiler  once you do that you will be able to control it:unsuresweetie:

    #25 · Chapter 19 · 32w, 2d ago · · ·
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    i was wondering when the changlings would make an appearance

    #26 · Chapter 16 · 32w, 1d ago · · ·
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    You make me want to cry...

    But I really don't know why.

    #27 · Chapter 17 · 32w, 1d ago · · ·
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    The tears have stopped.

    Thank You.

    #28 · Chapter 8 · 29w, 3d ago · · ·
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    hold up you guys are talking like spike didn't just fucking die!!

    #29 · Chapter 21 · 24w, 5d ago · · ·
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    :raritycry:

    #30 · Chapter 16 · 21w, 3d ago · · ·
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    You know, sometimes I wish I had Pinkie's fourth wall powers. Not so I could just teleport in and hang out with ponies, but so I could bitch slap Gilda out of nowhere. Many times.

    #31 · Chapter 23 · 21w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Hello there! You already know who I am, so no use introducing myself. Straight into the review then!

    --WARNING: The following review may contain horrible jokes and puns in an attempt to lighten the mood. Viewer discretion is advised--

    First impressions: I like it very much. The thought of Nightmare Moon winning when she came back really interests me, so I was very excited when I was given this story to review. In fact, this story was in my read later list. Funny.

    Onto the facts now, I guess. Yay, criticism!

    Spelling and Grammar: Aside from the rare typo (probably caused by the slip of a finger rather than actual misunderstanding) and the misspelling of "Appleloosa", the spelling was spot on. Paragraphs flowed smoothly and only a single sentence seemed awkward to me. (Well, the single one I could find.) Proper use of indents, capitalisation, apostrophes, the whole sha-bang. Which means the grammar is good too. I'm not sure what else I could put here, so well done!

    Characterisation: Pretty damn good, I must say. Each character was very well done. You've matured the CMC, but they're still the same characters from the show, which is good to see. Sweetie Belle's anger management issues is a tad odd for me to adjust to, though. She's such a sweet character in the show. But I guess going through something like that would leave a few mental scars on somepony. Tortured for months, watching her sister die, and losing her cutie mark to necromancy and she only gets PMS. I'm surprised that she gets off rather easily with that.

    Ha, I kid! Her character development is well done and believable. But a few PTSD symptoms wouldn't go amiss...

    Scootaloo and Zecora both feel like they've been ripped from the show. You'd be great at writing poems, because Zecora's lines don't feel forced or awkward. The dread and terror of the situation never seems to leave the characters, so you've kept the air of "oh Celestia is we gun dy?" and it fits the atmosphere of the story perfectly.

    And Gilda is still a bitch as always. Damn, I want to trap her in a cage and send her to a quill maker who is also a tanner that likes chicken.

    Plot: Very well paced. You've weaved current events and the explanations of previous events together brilliantly. Plot points are beefed up with nice character interaction and it doesn't feel rushed, slow, or confusing at all. Oh, and bonus points for having the chapters similar in word count!

    Miscellaneous:

    Sweetie let out a soft moa. The sound of a-

    Why did you leave out that "n"? Is he your "n"-emy?

    “You tested it on Sweetie Belle first?” the princess asked, her eyes widening a little. “That’s a first.”

    Thank you Captain Princess Obvious! Aside from word repetition and my intentional misinterpretation of her meaning of "a first", the line also doesn't sound like Celestia. We know it isn't Celestia now, but such a delicate operation would require Chrysalis to be able to emulate at least Celestia's slightly more formal language.

    I... think that's about it.

    Overall: Well written and entertaining. 6.472 x π ÷ 4 fengdingles out of 5!

    Keep up the good work, Scribblestick!

    ~Page Flipper, reviewer for WRITE

    ~May your days be filled with laughter!~

    #32 · Chapter 23 · 21w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>1984971 Thanks for the review! :pinkiehappy:

    the misspelling of "Appleloosa"

    Gah, I thought I got rid of all those. Do you remember where you saw it? I can't seem to locate it on Fimfic or my word doc. :fluttershysad:

    Fixed Sweetie's typo, working on "Celestia's" dialogue. May throw in some PTSD for good measure. Thanks for the tips! :twilightsmile:

    ~Scribs

    #33 · Chapter 23 · 21w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>1984971 Also,

    You'd be great at writing poems, because Zecora's lines don't feel forced or awkward.

    I do have some experience with poetry, in fact. Not much, but a bit. Zecora's lines are still infuriatingly frustrating sometimes, though. :flutterrage:

    #34 · Chapter 24 · 21w, 3d ago · · ·
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    (Joke) Alt. Title: The Last Crude Days

    #35 · Chapter 24 · 21w, 2d ago · 1 · ·
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    >>1985084 Well, there's the chapter name "New Appaloosa".

    They stored their armor and bags in New Appaloosa’s small hotel

    “That’s New Appaloosa,” Apple Bloom explained

    after Nightmare Moon destroyed Old Appaloosa.

    “We should wait ‘til we get to New Appaloosa,”

    There's more than this. Just hit Ctrl+F and type in "Appaloosa". You'll find them. Look in chapters "Zebrica" and onwards.

    #36 · Chapter 24 · 21w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>1989983 Ahhhh. Looks like I misread MLP Wiki's entry. :facehoof: Thanks for pointing that out.

    #37 · Chapter 25 · 21w, 1d ago · · ·
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    sweetie belle just learned that spike died :(

    #38 · Chapter 25 · 21w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Poor Spike we finally learned your fate.:fluttercry:

    #39 · Chapter 26 · 21w, 13h ago · · ·
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    that should be a slight load off of scootaloo's mind

    #40 · Chapter 29 · 19w, 6d ago · · ·
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    :yay:CCCCCCCCCCCcccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllLLLLLLLLLLLLLllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 :rainbowlaugh:

    #41 · Chapter 29 · 19w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>2046411 I totally read that in Sweetie Belle's voice. :twilightsmile:

    Also, your screenname made me smile. :pinkiehappy:

    #42 · Chapter 29 · 19w, 6d ago · · ·
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    #43 · Chapter 31 · 19w, 6d ago · · ·
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    she neglected to pay attention to chrysalis.:facehoof: that is the first thing you do in a real battle. you never disregard an enemy especially one as powerful as the changeling queen.

    #44 · Chapter 33 · 19w, 4d ago · · ·
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    ooh yay the epilogue is next right?

    #45 · Chapter 33 · 19w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>2058324 Final chapter is up next. :twilightsmile:

    #46 · Chapter 34 · 19w, 4d ago · · ·
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    :applecry::scootangel::unsuresweetie: great story sorry to see it go but allas all things must come to an end. do you have any plans for anything else?

    #47 · Chapter 34 · 19w, 4d ago · 1 · ·
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    >>2058862 I always have plans for other things. Some of them may even be related to this. :twilightsmile:

    #48 · Chapter 34 · 19w, 4d ago · · ·
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    I like story! I don't understand how more people don't like this!!!

    #49 · Chapter 34 · 19w, 4d ago · · ·
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    P.S. That's a good Gif.

    #50 · Chapter 34 · 19w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I am pleased to announce that this story (despite the tragedy of the Mane 6) is a great adventure story. I cried when Sweetie Belle revealed her past and I had minor flash backs to Fallout: Equestria (I haven't finished it and probably won't) because of the nostalgia associated with looking back at happier times. I was a little worried about the "traitor" chapter because I was worried something bad would happen but like everything I needlessly worry about, it turned out to be pointless. I don't see the problem with Gilda's bitchy nature because in retrospect she cared about Scoots and sometimes we act like jerks to protect those we love. I wish it could have been longer, but it isn't that bad and you redeemed yourself hugely when you didn't kill off my beloved Crusaders. Shame about Spike, but he is second to the Crusaders in terms of being rooted for.

    I applaud you friend for writing an enjoyable story, the only negative I could possible give you was that it ended. I am so glad I ignored that voice in my head to ignore the Dark Tag. Thanks for writing!!!!

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