Huh. How very thought-provoking.

Excellent but sad. That picture is very melancholic though isn't it... A sort of wistfulness that makes you think and then type...

Beautiful is all I can say.  I love this picture and all the fics based off of that but it hurts me to think of the Equestria I know and love could get twisted and corrupted through technological revolution and just become a sprawling toxic wasteland and the mares we know are forced to deal with the world that was beautiful and dear to them slowly slip away and them drift farther apart

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_cry.png

>>13653101365310>>13653111365311>>13655361365536

Hey guys! Thanks for reading

The image is very thought provoking indeed. It immediately brought this scene to my head (because that's all the entire fic really is, a single scene) and just wouldn't let me drop it until I wrote it down.

I gotta say, not exactly what I had in mind for my first foray into fanfiction (the actual project I'm working on has no Dark or Romance in it), but I'm glad I at least managed to get that first one out the door. Feels good, keeps me writing and the feedback always helps. Of course, I know that I get automatic down votes just for having a Dark and Romance tag, but... oh well.

Thanks again!

This was wonderful. i can't say much more, because there's nothing more to say.

Incredible.

amazing, really a picture can mean a thousand words, and you wrote them all, nicely done

That, uh, hurt. Jerk.

>>13659141365914>>13663871366387

Thank you, I'm glad I managed to convey it properly for some.

>>13667331366733

I know, I know

I'm sorry I made you hurt But I tried not to overdo the sad, honest! I mean, I could've elaborated on how the other four slowly went into emotional breakdowns, while drifting apart as their health deteriorated and... and this isn't helping, is it? I'm sorry

And the scene ends kind of like Inception. We don't get to see if the feather ever falls to the floor.

I don't know what to say. There is so much in this story. So many emotions running through here, so much detail, so much sympathy. Great job, man. great job.

This is beautiful. The first pony perspective really works here, and you managed to describe so much about the world with so few words.

The emotions are raw and real. Really realistic. Reading this made me smile. That tenderness in a cold mechanical world, a glimmer of hope at the end of days. This should be featured. Thank you for writing.

Wow, that was something. Liked how you made the industrial change connected due the ponies losing their magic though i had liked it if you had explained what kinda magic the earth ponies lost or got weakend in just like it happend to Unicorns and Pegasi.

It makes sense though with no magic left to conjuer spells, change the weather or make the plants grow, the ponies had to turn to technology with its good and bad points to replace what they lost.

I just wonder what became of the princesses and the sun and moon, you could have written about it, mostly to show more clearer why Twilight´s so depressed. It´s pretty clear in RD´s case but Twi´s a bit foggy. It also doesnt help how mysterious the fate of their friends are. RD says Twi´s the only pony left to talk to. Pinkie if i recall right didn´t got mentioned at all. Rarity seemed to still be there and to have grown stronger. AJ also seems to be there but not in great shape/happy. Fluttershy... yeah, that one seems realyl depressing.

Writing a bit more about their friends fate and what happend/became of them would have make it easier to access why RD is with Twi in her library now and why they don´t talk with each other.

And why Twi kissed RD out of nowhere. Which is good btw, as you never used a "i love you" or anything and leave it to the reader to decide whenever this is true love, a one-sided love or just two ponies needing each other to not got mad.

Liked it, faved it.

Please continue.

>>13686491368649 Yes! I'm glad someone caught that.

>>13690831369083>>13694961369496 Thank you for reading

>>13695361369536 Ooh, nice long comment. The idea is that they lost their magic because of the industrialization (that's why Rainbow's so mad at the ones who started it). It's not explicitly stated (not much is), but I made it so that—in this particular universe—the ponies are connected to their land, their world. So, if the land starts to die (due to contamination or toxic waste or any of those other wonderful things), their magic starts to die as well.

I didn't get into earth pony magic (which to me is the ability to make crops grow or make the land fertile) because RD is very focused on Twilight and herself at the moment. It's also the reason why I don't go into much detail with many of the other things, since this is everything that's going through her head. I did leave several bits and pieces that can be put together by the reader to form a better picture. For example, RD does mention the princesses (well, she mentions Celestia) in a roundabout way when she talks about the sun.

I'm not going to tell you what happened to their friends, because the whole idea of mentioning them in passing is that you can decide what their fates were. Did they die? Have they joined the industrial movement? Have they grown apart? Is RD just hallucinating it all and they're actually right outside the library, banging on the door? It's up to you and how you interpret it.

Rainbow living in the library is a consequence of her losing her magic. She has a hard time flying now, so she can't keep living in her cloud house (and even if she did, imagine what would happen if she lost the ability to walk on clouds overnight). Also, somepony needs to take care of Twi, poor girl just doesn't have it in her to take care of herself!

The reason behind Twi kissing RD is also up to your interpretation. In fact, it's the one you pointed out: is she actually in love and these are repressed feelings flooding out? Or is she just desperate to hold on to the last person in her life (since she had hit RD a few seconds prior)?

Thank you for reading and for the constructive criticism, it's always welcome

Beautiful, made me tear up just a tiny bit but it was on the edge

>>13677831367783

Jerk!

I don't like this story....But it still gets a thumbs up. While I may not like it, my conscious mind reminds me that your story was still a great story. Its well written, its detailed, and it did exactly what it was supposed to do. (i think) Great story man. Keep up the good work.

---Don't take it the wrong way. I recognize that this is part of the "art" that we call literature, and this part still has its place. I just don't generally like depressing mood-killer material. But like I said, i'm still up-voting because I've read these enough to know that it was good with regards to its respective style.

Beautiful story! Gah, now I have to go write two sad stories; One for English class, and one for a fan fiction.

Anyways, this was a really good story

>>13705151370515>>13723881372388 Thank you!

>>13719331371933 I know where you're coming from, since I also don't read many sad or tragic fics (I still read them, just not as regularly as other genres). When I submitted it, I had in mind that people who didn't like stories like these would probably ignore it and move along. So, thank you for giving it a chance, regardless of the subject matter.

>>13725901372590 For some twisted reason, I really like the sad stories with happy/bittersweet endings. Yeah, I'm a sick bastard

>>13726541372654 I can only think that you're being sarcastic, since I find it very normal to like sad stories that end happily (or bittersweet), as opposed to liking those that end tragically. N-not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you. I'm sure lots of people like tragedies too.

I'm not planning on making this a trend in what I write, though. The next thing I put up will be much more lighthearted, as is appropriate to our beloved marshmallow equines

beautiful, meaningful, loved it.

Fantastic. Left me with feels and lots of "gahhhhh".

Awesomazing. I absolutely loved how you interpreted the story, what with technology and magic being like polar opposites, unable to coexist with each other. Maybe that explains why there's such little magic in reality. I'm really impressed overall.

>>13743431374343>>13750671375067>>13768051376805

Wow, this got a much better response than I was expecting. Thanks everyone!

And I'll give you a nice, but sad thumbs up

A nice little story.

Graz on hitting 70 likes.

In my opinion, it's hard to write a great story in less than ~10k words. Hard but not impossible, you just did it

*reads description*

Damnit, now I'm hooked. I have to read this. I'll say what I think when I'm done.

EDIT: I was about to cry, then I heard my cat vomiting, and it sort of ruined the mood. Great short story never the less.

>>13790741379074 Thanks! I'm actually hoping to get this up on EqD (which is why I've been editing it a bit these past couple of days).

>>13862441386244 I love that image.

>>13898071389807 Well, cats have been known to be very dist—OOH! KITTEH!

>>13931581393158 That... was the best web comic... ever.

I shed a single, manly tear. And a couple thousand wussy but wholly necessary ones.

Nice how you've got big ol' macro events (technology an' industrialisation) affecting individuals like that. Very good. And unpleasant (but well nonetheless good) ambiguity as to what happened to the other mane six.

Well done on all accounts.

A bit mysterious, very open, sad and thoughtful, while also a tad hopeful. A lot of things were mentioned only in passing, but considering the internal monologue and the rather rambling thoughts, it's not really an issue. Without going into an essay or anything, nice job. I hope to see more from you in the future.

Here were my thoughts:

Oh, look, a "magic leaves the world because of industrialization" fantasy story.  It's a standard cliche/trope, but I'll give it a go.

Depression, angst, no typos, well written. World falling apart.  Good job.  But I feel nothing yet; too many "dark-for-darkness sake" fics have made me immune to the Sad and Dark tags.

Suddenly, shipping. Very well handled!  And believable, in a world broken in that way, with these ponies broken like this.  Now I feel sad.

A feather, falling... and I read slowly, to see if it hits, to see if their love reignited magic...

And she looks away, can't bear to see it land.  Hm, must be dusty in here, my eyes are watering.

Congrats on hitting EqD!

Congrats on getting featured on EQD!

Loved this fic. I've always thought about how the ponies would go about technological change and why. In my mind, the reason why Equestria is not as advanced as human civilization is because they've simply no need for improvement what with magic and weather control. Humans improve upon technology simply because we have to. Evolution is no different. Our own industrial revolution was similarly the result of collective necessity sio I have to wonder: why would industry take off in Equestria?

Also, your implication that magic in Equestria died because of all the pollution and resource depletion totally fits my headcanon that magic in Equestria is the ambient radiation of life much like a fire produces light  and heat. I applaud you for trying to explain the nature of magic, something sorely lacking in fiction.

Now one can only wonder: will the ponies be able to restore life to an industrialized world and advance to the modern era? Or are they doomed to complete ecological collapse?

>>13931581393158

It would appear you did get it on EqD, so congratulations.

I keep telling myself that I don't want to read sad fics, yet here I am anyway. I always find it fun to write someone's train of thought, and you got it perfect with Rainbow Dash. And tying in the question 'What is a Wonderbolt?' at the end is something I wish I could do in my own stories.

Here's to a wish for a happy ending.

This is the first fic I've read through in a while.

This is the first 1st person fic I can think of reading and actually enjoying.

4.5/5. Would've been a 5/5 if you had given more.... details behind the sadness. Sometimes less is more but I think the fic was missing a bit of background information.

Congratulations.  I've been a Brony for a year now and you're the writer that finally made me crack.  Today I read my first MLP fanfiction and it was wonderful.  I love the piece of art that inspired your story, it's one of my favorite pieces of fanart.  Thank you for crafting a story as beautifully sad as the artwork.  Please keep it up!

Neko

God bless you sir, excuse me while I cry into the kitchen counter now.

... okay, back. I have to say that you've crafted a nice piece of fiction here, and I was thoroughly enthralled. I'm glad you didn't get caught up in the details of the cataclysm and instead focused on the important core-- Twi and Dash. Excellent. I also love Dash's voice. It's got some of her old self in there, but I also believe it as being older and a little more cynical. (Okay, a lot more bitter.) But I do still believe it as Dash. Good job!

Huh. So that's what it feels like. *Ahem* Excuse me a moment...

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2822_small.jpg

*Cough* Okay, I'm back. Wow, I had no idea this had already been accepted by EqD (I just got home a little while ago and I hadn't received a confirmation email from them). Many thanks to Seattle for being my pre-reader!

>>14140441414044>>14140601414060>>14140851414085>>14145341414534>>14148351414835 Thank you. It's great to know that I can make the reader connect with a character on an emotional level. I was worried about making this my first fanfic, since I had no idea if I could do that (and the entire thing hinges on the reader actually feeling for Rainbow, Twilight, their friends, Equestria or some combination of these).

>>14140971414097 It's a plausible scenario, that they began heavy industrialization because of a specific need. I'd like to say that I don't think humanity pushes technology forward purely out of necessity anymore, though. While there are needs that have to be covered, a strong driving force of technology is also to make our lives easier and/or more comfortable (although some would argue that it just makes things more complicated).

I should also point out that the hospital in "Read It and Weep" is already pretty advanced, from a technological standpoint (the doctor actually has a heart rate monitor as his cutie mark). That's why this is AU, so I can just write it off if anyone asks (I am so cheating ).

But yeah, the reason behind the industrialization is completely open to reader speculation.

>>14141031414103 Well, I didn't tag it Tragedy . That doesn't actually mean anything, though (just ask Wanderer D). I'm glad that several people are seeing the silver lining, even though it's easier to take the bad end interpretation.

>>14143611414361 I actually had less background information in the first version. That whole part about Fluttershy? It was just a single sentence. Seattle asked me to expand upon the explanation of what was happening around them, and I'm glad he did.

Thank you all for reading

I read this expecting a feel before bedtime. Instead, i got feels, philosophy, an interesting future Equestria I havent quite seen yet, and a really brilliant love story that does wonders.

This was one fantastic onshot. Thank you for letting me sleep with something to reflect on.

how i dont fav this on the first read i rly cant tell, like im a stupidy or wat? well, take my fav

I really liked this story my friend. It was enjoyable to read and I like the idea that you left a lot of things open to the reader about what happened to their friends/the princesses. People seem to assume they die because it has a "dark/sad" tag. Well how do they know? They could still be alive just lost their magic or what they usually enjoy doing.

I also think the idea that the ponies are connected to Equestria, the reason why they are losing their magic, is a nice touch. That having too much technology that scars the land will REALLY belittle the magic they have. Almost like Avatar in a way, no no, i'm not comparing the story to the movie just the thought concept of them being 'connected' to the land since its supposed to be very powerful in terms of magic. Er... am I making any sense?

Anyway, as I said, it was a great story. You left subtle hints that left situations open to the reader so it wouldn't be too linear about what was happening. Maybe things could even start to look up in the future. Great story!

A little stupid question too. How do you make a response that has it show the persons name? I try that and it just shows the numbered post. Erk, thanks again.

Wow, what a fucking great story.

Write more.

Good god. It's so dark and depressing, yet it fits. It feels like something that could potentially happen to Equestria.

And that's what makes it so depressing. It's fucking brilliant! I honestly can't describe just why I love this so much!

Just...just...keep writing. Keep doing things like this. This is just...wow. I...Bah. I just love it.

I absolutely hate shippings, and I don't mean this in a very mild way.. But in a way that I'd rather burn the books they were written in than read them (Though of course that would involve burning any computer I dare read it on, which I don't plan on doing any time soon)

Why say such a horrible thing? Because I just wanted to reinforce exactly how much I loved this piece. The darkness, the desperation, and the need expressed by the characters was perfect. I loved it, and even loved the shipping that was done in it, because I could imagine the same happening between friends in a real world situation. All things are meant to love, and when a situation calls for some sort of happiness, even friends find that called for bond.

I really liked the writing style, specially how well you managed to mix world building and character building in such a short story, without falling into heavy exposition. It is one of these fics without useless sentences, and where many serve multiple purposes, both building characters and atmosphere, while not stalling the story. Difficult to handle, but beautiful when well executed like here.

On the other hand, while the world building was well handled, I think it forgets about the existing show canon relationships of the characters. I doubt that the mane 6 wouldn't get together in order to search for solutions. It might just be RD's "depression lenses", but it kinda seems like they didn't search for solutions together, which is kinda of the focus of the show.

Besides, like one of the previous comments said, there is no indication of a positive effect of the industrialization in their world, which makes it kinda farfetched that it would happen, or even continue. This kind of thing kinda took me off the fic and dampened the emotional effect. An interesting read nonetheless.

Beautiful. I actually got goosebumps reading this

>>14140971414097  If that's the case, then how do you explain Discord, who has the power to turn the entire world literally upside-down?  He exceeds everything except Harmony, which seems only able to imprison him and incapable of destroying him.  

Indeed, if the magic has failed this far, then the spell binding him should also have collapsed quite far enough to allow his escape again.

This story only works if there is no Discord in this version of Equestria, or else he's far less powerful than the canon Discord.  But, then the Princesses would have to be proportionately less powerful, and then it becomes unlikely they'd be able to move the Sun and Moon.  

GAHHHHH!!!  So difficult to rectify logical discontinuities!  ERROR!!! ERROR!!!  BRANE QUITESCENCE DESTABILIZING!!!  QUANTUM FABRIC TEARING!!  UNIVERSAL IMPLOSION IN 10... 9... 8... 7...

>>14192201419220

Well, Discord has only appeared in 2 episodes so far and meaning there's very little canon material to go off of in judging the full extent of his power and nature. In my headcanon however, because he is a being of chaos I would assume that he's simply a force of nature. If that's the case, then the death of magic would mean the total loss of his extraordinary powers.

As for the princesses, I'd like to think that though they are earthbound beings, they are ethereal in spirit. Thus their magic would endure should the world's magic fail. Again, until we get back stories for all these characters in the canon, everything is just speculation.

>>14155281415528 You went to sleep after reading this? That poor dreamscape. Never saw it coming

>>14160421416042 Indeed, all interpretations are welcome. Also, I hadn't even made that connection with Avatar. Nice catch!

As to your question: You just hit the Reply button on the comment. It'll add the post's identification number in your text box, and it'll remain as a number when you post it. However, once you refresh the page, it'll automatically change to the name of the person you're replying to.

>>14165091416509>>14180751418075 Thanks

>>14169451416945 I don't think I'll be writing something this depressing again for a while. As I said before, the next thing I publish will probably be the story I've actually been working on for a long time, which will emulate the show's tone much more closely. I'll definitely try to maintain and improve upon the quality of my writing, though.

>>14174181417418 Welp, I have people who vocally hate Sad, Dark and now Shipping reading this and liking it. I must've done something right! I just need an AU hater now, and my collection will be complete.

>>14174411417441>>14192201419220 It's true that there are certain things (Discord, usefulness of industrialization, why didn't the mane six stop this, etc.) to take into consideration when analyzing the plausibility of the story. Without going down the path of "it's AU. If there's a canon obstacle to the story, it doesn't exist here", there are things that you can come up with to explain them, without contradicting the story.

For example, on the subject of Discord (warning: this is my headcanon, you can interpret it however you like), it is my belief that he only managed to break free from his prison in the show because it had grown weaker after more than a thousand years. Here, some years have passed since they defeated Discord, but it's still not enough time for him to regain his strength and for his prison to weaken. Does the fading magic of the land affect the prison? That would be a new question, and a new answer could be sought out to fit this scenario.

Part of what I wanted to do with this piece was present you with a quick glimpse of a world, leaving things as open-ended as possible for you to come up with your own ideas for how things went down (which is exactly what SpyroConspirator's image did for me).

Thanks for the feedback, everyone

An entire world created in under 3,500 words. Beautiful is the only word I can use to describe it.

I discovered what really happened to the missing magic!

It was stolen and put in a dark crystal!

Image: http://image.toutlecine.com/photos/d/a/r/dark-crystal-05-g.jpg

I like it. Very nicely done. No unecessary exposition, just dialogue-driven plot.

Although I have to say that I'm absolutely dying to know the cause behind all the sadness hinted at. Is it the Equestrian Industrial Revolution, like so many people say? Famine? A blight of magic? Oh, the endless possibilities presented by the cover picture! (Which I've seen elsewhere, and it never stops intriguing me.)

Definitely fave-worthy.

This story is what I call a heavy hitter. It's well written, starts building an interesting world without having to explain much, lets the reader build emotional attachments to believable characters, offers some introspection and provokes thoughts...

... and then ends.

Magic is disappearing. Judging by the cover image, and the mentioning of smoke, industry is replacing it. The wheels of change. You have a great premise here, the literally and metaphorically magical setting of Equestria is eroding. I really wish there was more. I thoroughly enjoyed this one.

>>14221491422149 Thank you

>>14242581424258 Those darn Skeksis!

>>14258901425890 The story is paired with the image, so it's industrialization that caused everything to start going downhill. Now, the reason as to why they turned to this form of technology is completely up to you.

>>14343561434356 There are two reasons why I can't continue this story:

1. It would undermine one of the objectives I set for myself when writing it (to leave most of it open-ended, setting only the foundations of the world for you, the readers)

2. I didn't plan anything beyond this. It's generally a bad idea to continue something which you'd previously considered finished (very few people can pull that off, and I'm not one of them)

i would like to know, if you wouldn't mind, if i could make a sequel to this story, kind of like my headcanon interpretation of the unanswered questions, if you would allow, it would be most appreciated, and you and your story would be credited (jeez im saying would alot)

>>14470171447017  Yeah!  I hate them sexists too!  (Alondro mispronounces and misinterprets things as usual since he's a crazy Piney from South Jersey)  

>>14479271447927 Go right ahead I'm not going to expand upon this setting anymore, but inspiring others to write is a wonderful thing.

Excellently depressing.

This. We need more of this kind of story.

Because it is sad, and because it is beautiful.

And because it makes you think.

~~~

I always thought that picture had a certain haunting beauty to it. It was sad, certainly, but there was something about the way it was sad and the way it portrayed its world that made it beautiful still. You found that beauty with four words.

I'll be her Wonderbolt.

Finally got round to reading this.

Very good, loving the melancholic vibe it gives off. Well written, paced and structured. Good job!

This story began with a great premise and carried it exactly as long as it needed too. The mechanic with Pegasus feathers was particularly creative and symbolically quite impacting.

Thanks for writing this!

I remember reading this story a long while back, and it still holds that sort of wonder in it for me.

I always wondered what would happen if something like this really happened in Equestria.

Great story

WOW. You killed magic and basicaly all of Equestria and you STILL managed to create some feels. YOU sir are good.

This is my second time reading and it still amazes me. A lot of authors try to fill their sad stories with pointless fluff, but this one was different. This one sends a message to the reader, it makes them think and makes them feel something different.

Well, at least that's how I interpret it . Still though, I have to say, this was deep.

Anyways, congratulations and thank you for the amazing story.

Feels man. feels.

This is amazingly beautiful. Thank you for writing this. Also, whilst some people were saying you could have written more, I think it could just make it worse overall, as for me part of the effect was not knowing exactly what happened. Bravo, good sir. Bravo.