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  • E A Romance in Twelve Scenes

    Applejack's been through a lot in the last decade. She's faced great evils, found love, traveled across Equestria... and she's getting hammered right now. So why don't you take a seat, and let her talk your ear off for a bit?
    6,870 words · 1,289 views  ·  108  ·  5
  • E Woven Word Weekly

    All of our lives are made up of small adventures, blissful laughter, rending sadness and revealing contemplations. But the lives of ones such as the bearers, who always seem to be at the center of grand events, make for much more interesting news.
    37,787 words · 2,223 views  ·  76  ·  3
  • E Reading Between the Lines

    The heart wants what the heart wants. For a pony like Twilight Sparkle, this means making a few choices her mind might not agree with completely. But that's okay. As long as she can have her pie and eat it too.
    4,191 words · 878 views  ·  53  ·  3

Blog Posts9

  • 69w, 3d
    What just happened?

    Well, this did, apparently.

    I have no idea where this came from. It just popped into my head and I considered it worthwhile enough to jot it down... and then I didn't stop writing.

    This isn't even the Twinkie fic I was actually planning to make someday—which I do have in my notes document, and is more in line with my other shipping fics (i.e., it's in first person). Hopefully, it's still up to par, but I dunno.

    Wish I could write this fast for WWW, though :facehoof:

    2 comments · 130 views
  • 74w, 14h
    Well, I said I'd be doing this for every fic I completed...

    I just got a reply from EqD today about A Romance in Twelve Scenes, which I'd been waiting on to see what I'd have to fix up and post this blog...

    Well, it's not gonna be featured anytime soon, so have this anyway:

    Title: A Romance in (N) Scenes

    Synopsis: [Adventure] [Comedy] [Romance] [Random] Hey you.

    Yeah, you.

    C'mere, sugarcube.

    Lemme tell ya a story.

    Chapters:

    • "It's about a mare I saved the world with... over and over again."

    • The (N)th scene.

    Notes:

    • AJ gets progressively drunk as the story goes. This could be reflected in how well written the narrative is, and how frequently she goes off on tangents.

    • Additional tags: Short romp through whimsical romance.

    • Inception -> Acceptance -> Confession -> Dating -> Proposal -> Marriage -> Married Life

    • AJ's quirks:

    o -ing -> -in' (for anything longer than 1 syllable)

    o you -> ya (only when it sounds right. For example: "Good on ya!" Not: "This is for you.")

    o you all -> y'all

    o is / am / are not -> ain't

    o about -> 'bout (on very specific occasions)

    o around -> 'round (on very specific occasions)

    o because -> 'cause

    o beneath -> 'neath

    o until -> 'til

    o it's just -> s'just

    o what do you -> whaddaya

    o old -> ol' (only when it sounds right. For example: "Big ol' dragon." Not: "I ain't old.")

    o little -> lil' (size) / mite (quantity)

    o got to -> gotta

    o kind of -> kinda

    Scene 1 (opening scene):

    Must've been 'round ten years ago when it started. We didn't have many moments of peace and quiet no more. They'd gotten so rare that we might as well have just called 'em breaks from routine.

    I didn't have much time to spend 'round the farm either, but that was okay. Apple Bloom had picked up the slack, and it didn't even cut into her job that much. She called it a "flexible schedule".

    Gotta say, I didn't see myself savin' Equestria every other week while I was growin' up. Not even when we first met Twilight. I just figured the adventures would eventually peter out and we'd all settle down as we grew older.

    Nope.

    They just kept gettin' more and more frequent.

    Scene 2:

    It weren't so complicated after all. I'd still have to tell her if anythin' was to come of it, but I'd also have to wait 'til the best moment to do so.

    ~~<>~~

    "I love you!"

    That was not the best moment or the best circumstances. In fact, I'd probably describe'em as the worst seconds of my entire existence, but they were also sure to be some of the last, so I had to let it out before it was too late.

    "Y-you... what?! This is—"

    The wall blew up into wooden splinters next to her, the cuttin' edges barely gettin' caught in her magic before causin' her any harm. I could see the giant, bloodied fangs on the other side of the hole—heck, I could probably see what the darn thing had for breakfast, what with how big its mouth was.

    "This is a really bad time!" she screamed, over the creature's ear-splittin' roar.

    "I know! I just had to tell you before—"

    "If you so much as hint at this thing killing us right after I've heard the first confession of my life, you've got another thing coming!"

    ~~<>~~

    "You know, they say that relationships started under strenuous circumstances don't last long."

    "Sugarcube, our live's are kinda full of stren—uh... those kinds of times."

    "Yeah. Buck statistics." She smiled and shrugged, right before locking lips with me.

    As we kissed, I looked behind her at the moon, fallin' closer and closer over Equestria. The view from the top floor of the Crystal Palace was a great place to see the world off.

    Of course, that wasn't what we were there for.

    With a high pitched sound, the thingamajig we'd set up beside us began to glow. A ray of golden light shot out from the highest tower of the Palace, meetin' several others that were comin' from different cities all over the land. Together, they formed a stronger beam that blasted up against the moon, stoppin' it in its tracks and then pushin' it back towards the sky.

    No matter how bad the odds may be stacked against ya, there's one thing you can count on:

    Your friends will always come through.

    Scene 3 (2nd chapter):

    Applejack snored with her cheek against the bar's counter, a puddle of drool starting to form under her as she kept her last bottle in a firm grip.

    The sound of approaching hooves and a loud sigh drew the dumbfounded colt's attention.

    "I'm sorry about this," Twilight said, giving the colt an embarrassed grin. "I guess she couldn't wait for me to celebrate."

    With a light glow, Applejack's body floated over onto Twilight's back.

    "Come on, dear. Let's go home."

    Scene 4 (revised opening of the second chapter):

    The fetching young pony sitting next to her beloved—still nursing an untouched mug of cider between fidgeting hooves—turned to look at her as she approached.

    "I'm so sorry about this," Twilight said, wearing a guilty grin. "I guess I was too late to hold back her celebrating."

    Self-imposed post-publishing analysis (things that are wrong with the story):

    • Emotion. Yeah, she's drunk, but that doesn't mean she can't express her love for Twi more consistently. Usually, she takes a more "detached narrator" approach, and the times when I tried to make her attachment obvious come off as somewhat forced (though, I guess you could chalk it up to her being drunk… but that's a bit of a cop-out).

    • Consistent tone. This is more of a "missed opportunity" point. I wish I could've slowly added a slur to AJ's narrative, showing how she becomes more and more drunk as the story moves forward. However, this would've made it distractingly hard to read combined with her accent, especially as the first chapter neared its end. I also really wanted that last part to be completely understandable, since it's the whole explanation of why AJ's in a bar getting drunk, instead of with her wife—as well as her feelings on their adventure almost coming to an end. If I was more flexible with my writing, I might've been able to pull this off properly.

    • Framing device. I didn't really notice this one until the EqD pre-reader pointed it out to me. The whole narrative style, which allowed me to tell the story how I wanted to tell it, is at odds with the fact that this is AJ telling the story. In a more realistic scenario, AJ wouldn't be telling you what every character said, and she'd be more focused on the general feel of each scene and location, instead of detailed interactions. This is also the reason why I won't be resubmitting this story, since fixing this would mean rewriting pretty much the entire thing (and that's not something I'm willing to do right now).

    I kinda changed up the ending as a spur of the moment thing, which is why the planned scenes for the second chapter are completely inconsistent with what ended up in the finished story.

    Also, for those of you following WWW, I am in the middle of writing the third chapter, but it's starting to look like it'll be pretty damn long (unless I leave several scenes on the cutting room floor). So that might still take a while :twilightsheepish:

    2 comments · 91 views
  • 78w, 15h
    New One Shot

    If you've got a hankering for some TwiJack, you can find it here.

    Things have been a bit hectic around work and IRL lately, but all of that seems to finally be winding down. So I managed to sit down and finish the last couple of scenes missing from this story.

    I'd left it near completion at the beginning of the April... dammit time, why don't you ever stop? I had a lot of fun writing this one, though :twilightsmile:

    Meanwhile, some other story ideas popped up, but I'll be leaving those for later. Time to focus on WWW's third chapter!

    0 comments · 72 views
  • 82w, 6d
    WWW - Chapter 2

    Find it here.

    So, that took a lot longer than expected.

    If I could tag chapters individually, I'd tag this one [Adventure]. I don't know if I'd tag it [Sad] as well, since it's not what permeates the entire chapter, but there's a little of it there.

    I swear I'd like to pump chapters out faster, but I just get caught up in all the little details. My writing style doesn't help either. I can't just say "Hey, don't worry guys. I wrote like 30 scenes that you won't see for another ten chapters or so," since it's not important until you're actually reading it.

    Speaking of writing things that aren't what I should be writing, I started a new one shot while making this chapter. I'll probably have that up soon... ish.

    Thank you all again for reading :twilightsmile:

    2 comments · 100 views
  • ...
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What is a Wonderbolt?

Sometimes I ask myself that, when I'm feeling particularly depressed. It's not hard getting into that mood these days, so the question buzzes around constantly. I've come up with several answers for it, but most of them aren't very satisfying.

What is a Wonderbolt? A Wonderbolt is a soldier.

No, that's not right at all.

A Wonderbolt is an aerial acrobat.

Pretty cut and dry.

A Wonderbolt is a hero.

I wish that were true.

A Wonderbolt is... a sister. A role model. A friend. A pony.

Just a pony in the end.

Is that really okay? To say "just a pony"? A pony can be a lot of things, after all. But a Wonderbolt does have a little something extra added to that description. Everything I mentioned.

Except the soldier part. Never did care much for that one.

I look away from the torn up poster that started me down this familiar line of thought. The words are barely legible, but they still sting a little bit. "Final show"... I didn't go to that one. Spits was so pissed. That was months ago, though.

I wonder what's become of her.

Now that I think of it, I've been pretty disconnected from the rest of the world since I came back here. It's like my life now consists solely of time spent at the market or in this library.

I'm not complaining. Why should I? I get to live with her. Spend time with her. Speak to her. Sometimes, I even get to speak with her. Besides, the list of places I frequent is still longer than hers. I also need to take care of her. Make sure she eats. I'm her... friend, after all. It's what any friend would do, right?

I take a peek at her, out of the corner of my eye. She still hasn't moved.

Her head is resting on the rails, looking over the first floor. I absentmindedly run a hoof over the window's dark, wooden frame. Dead wood. It's been quite some time since this building felt alive. Figurative and literally. Looking outside, across the river's murky waters, it's easy to see why.

Twilight doesn't look outside anymore. I don't blame her.

It really makes me wonder about the ponies that started all of this. How could anyone be so stupid? Our world used to be beautiful and green, even if I took it for granted back then. I think most of us did.

Well, okay, Fluttershy didn't. She used to love all those little critters that roamed around. Even when things started changing, she'd still open her home to them. Feed them. Heal them.

I can't remember how long it was before she realized that she couldn't heal them all anymore. That the food wasn't enough.

It was a horrible mess, with the land growing sterile and the trees dying. All sorts of animals losing their homes and feeding grounds. And, of course, they turned to her.

She said she could handle it. That the rest of us had bigger things to worry about. So she went to the market more frequently and kept buying more and more food. But storehouses have a limit. And since the lands weren't producing as much as they used to, the market eventually had to prioritize ponies. She didn't let that stop her, though. She started collecting as much food as she could from the wilderness. From the Everfree.

We used to be so scared of that place. I think I can see its lifeless husk from here. Well, that solution didn't last her long, of course. But she kept trying. She tried so hard to help her little friends. She had such a gentle soul…

On the other hoof, it has to take a very ignoble soul to do something like this to our world.

Heh, "ignoble". When'd that happen? Probably around the time I started reading things besides Daring Do. Or maybe it was when Daring faced off with that prissy, stuck up noblepony. Rarity had nothing on that guy. I remember back when Twi smiled every time I used fancier words.

I remember back when Twi smiled.

Heck, it takes a lot to make me crack a smirk these days, and I'm supposed to be the immature prankster. Must be the weather. Not many clouds out today, though. Well, what passes for clouds in a sky filled with smoke. It's still pretty obvious that the sun is setting right now. Setting itself.

I never managed to understand it, no matter how many times Twilight explained it to me between pain-filled sobs and wracked breaths. A body without a soul, moving across the sky because there's nothing else it can do. I wonder how long it can last like that... a shell of its former self without something to give it strength from within. Days are colder now—even though it's summer—and it's a bad idea to stay outside for too long.

That never stopped AJ, though. She just kept bucking those trees, day in and day out. Even when they had to take the "s" down from "Acres". That mare never broke. She never let any of it get to her, just keeping it all inside and staying strong for the rest of us. Even after...

Hmm. That's not a train of thought I want to board right now. Even my wings seem to agree, since they're getting all twitchy.

I watch as a couple of feathers come loose and fall slowly to the floor.

They say pegasus feathers are full of magic. Or, at least, they used to be. It's what allowed us to fly. To glide and soar and race through the clouds. Just like unicorns used to have most of their magic in their horns or the way earth ponies could make things grow through their special connection with the land, just by letting their hooves touch the ground.

Now I'm lucky if I manage to slowly hover above Ponyville's rooftops. Twilight has difficulty levitating more than one thing at a time. At some point, something started to disappear from our world. "Magic" would be one way to put it. Twi explained it better, but I can't really remember the terms she used...

Since pegasus feathers were full of magic to help us fly, they'd never touch the ground if they fell from our wings. They'd keep floating a tiny bit above whatever surface they had below, not quite ending their fall. I never noticed it back then, since you'd have to stay and watch for a while to tell. That just wasn't my style. By the time my feathers were halfway to the ground, I was already halfway to wherever I was headed.

My bedroom floor is full of cyan feathers now, lying still on the ground. "Final show" indeed.

The sun has almost finished setting. That's a trigger around here, which basically means it's time to start making dinner. I know what we're making tonight. Nothing fancy, so it shouldn't take us more than ten—maybe twenty—minutes. After that, we’ll eat in silence. Shower. Go to bed. Same old routine.

Twilight's routines are the only things that keep her going, I think. It's the only reason she still moves about during the day, so I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to break her out of it once she gets started.

I should probably just get it over with. Say what I have to say. Leave if it doesn't stick. Not that I'd ever actually leave, but I'm sure Twi wouldn't want to see me around as much. And she wouldn't, even though I'd still be around.

Can't keep stalling though. The clock's ticking must be very close to driving one of us insane by now.

That dumb clock. I can't believe it's survived this long. Every awkward moment, every announcement of bad news, every tragic day, every silence that stretched too long... it's always been there. And I've always hated it.

Right. The talk. How do I start? I don't want to sound too forward, but I don't have that much time either. Maybe a throwback to happier days? No, that's just depressing. Just come out and say it? She might ignore me… she does that sometimes, when she hears something she doesn't want to deal with.

Heck, I do that sometimes.

Oh, come on! This wasn't so hard… once upon a time. I could actually talk with my friends about anything. I needed some coaxing, sure, but I got there eventually. And this is Twilight, the only one I can have a conversation with anymore. It's not often, but we still do it.

Buck it.

"Do you miss the old days?"

Wow, my voice really cracked there for a bit. Has it really been that long since I've spoken?

I wait for a couple of seconds. I'm suddenly all too aware of the fact that I'm sweating. I don't know if she's in the mood to talk, but I really, really hope she is.

She doesn't move, still resting her head on the rail, but I manage to hear her soft voice. "Of course I do. But there's nothing to gain from chasing after days long past." She sounds so bored, so… lifeless.

Silence stretches between us for a long while.

Now that I know she'll answer, I have to take the plunge. I can do this.

"You know," I start, understanding that there's no turning back now, "sometimes I wonder if there's still something worth living for in this world..."

It's a grim thought. One that's also been circling around my head lately. Still, it does manage to tie into what I want to tell her.

I see her neck tense up. Twilight turns her head very slowly to gaze upon me with dead eyes. Well, maybe not dead. I think I see pity there. She's giving me a once over.

I used to be proud of my body. It was vibrant, athletic, lithe and all those other things that I considered so important. Now? Not so much.

I try not to shift. I try to keep my eyes on hers, but it's actually painful to see her like this. I hope my face is still some semblance of neutrality, because I'm terrified right now. I can feel her scrutinizing every detail she can glimpse from my appearance. Every wrinkle and scar. The way I'm standing, leaning against the window's frame, not quite facing her. The fact that I've been holding my breath since I stopped talking.

It's too much. I snap my eyes forward and catch the sight of a discarded tiara among the shelves. Bad memories, not really what I need right now. The greyed out gem doesn't mean anything anymore. Just another reminder of what used to be. I can't even remember where I left my necklace.

Before I can start down another avenue towards depression, I feel her gaze break away. She turns, before looking forward into nothingness again.

"There isn't."

I know she's given it thought. There's not much left to do except think nowadays, and I believe that's always been Twilight's favorite hobby, next to reading. Unfortunately, thinking has become a very self-destructive activity. I have to actively fend off bad thoughts, so I can't even imagine what it must be like for her. She's probably marred with them. If there's something I'm most thankful for, it's that she hasn't given up. Yet.

Okay then, here goes.

"I know. That's the worst part"—it really is—"but I keep asking myself the same question, over and over, hoping that the answer will change someday."

There, I said it... I think. Well, not really, but the opening's there. Please take it. Be my new answer.

Nothing. No reaction.

Too subtle, I guess. Twilight was never Rarity, so this might not be the best way to go about it.

The last sliver of light is about to disappear on the horizon. Only a couple of minutes left, so this'll be my last chance. I don't know if I'll be able to work up the courage to try again tomorrow or the day after that. Straightforward it is.

"Let me put it another way, Twilight." I'm almost whispering. That wasn't my intention, but at least the sound carries in this place. "You're the only pony that I still care about. The only one that I still want to see happy, just for the sake of it. But you're so…" I trail off for a moment, looking for the right word. Dead? Defeated? "So buried in depression and sadness, that I could disappear tomorrow, and you wouldn't care." Wait, that's not—

In an instant, she's in front of me. I didn't see a flash of teleportation, but certain details escape me nowadays. There's a very frightening mixture of emotions in her eyes. Anger and sadness. I've seen it far too many times, but never from her. I'd be jumping with joy at the fact that she's expressing something, but my body's too busy being frozen in fear. That doesn't last long.

I'm too focused on studying her eyes to notice the hoof that strikes me on the side of my face. I don't break eye contact. I'm too frightened to let her out of my sight, and too shocked to do anything else. I notice that one of the emotions is winning over the other, and I pray to the stars that it's not the anger.

I can feel something warm trickle down my muzzle. I think I should be feeling pain, but maybe it’ll register later. Twilight is weakened—we all are—but she isn't weak. Her magic can still do pretty nasty things if she puts her mind to it. Not that she'd ever do that. Not my—our Twilight.

And then, just as suddenly as she'd struck me, she pulls my muzzle towards hers in a very violent motion. Our lips basically smash together before I realize that she's not trying to break my teeth.

She's kissing me.

She's kissing me!

I regain enough control over my body to start returning the gesture, however clumsily. I can feel her tears running down my cheeks—they can't be mine, I don't cry—and her soft sniffs that have nothing to do with needing more air.

Eventually, the euphoria passes, the kiss slows and we break away from each other. She looks at me with pleading eyes. Pleading for me to understand that she would never be so cold. That she would care. I know that now. She doesn't have to say it. And she doesn't.

Words.

There should be words filling this empty silence, but neither of us can conjure them with the eloquence that would be necessary to not ruin the moment. So I let the moment pass by. And then another. And another. And I notice that she's doing the same thing.

Eventually, though, she decides to ask something. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Somehow, in her tone of voice, in the way she says it, I understand that she's not asking about my feelings. She's not wondering if I love her, if I'm just desperate to be with anyone or if I'm just mistaking one emotion for another. I can tell, so she doesn't need to spell it out for me.

She's asking if I want to give us a shot in a world like this.

What's the right answer? I could say that she's the only one that keeps me going. That I don't want to stay on the sidelines and hope that nothing happens. Hope that everything stays the same, just so she'll still be there. I could say that I want to protect her from this world. That I want to be there whenever she needs me.

It's what the Wonderbolts stood for.

Protectors, more than aerial acrobats. Ponies that could be there because they were fast enough to arrive when they were needed. And that's what I want to be for her. Maybe not to protect her. Maybe that's an excuse, so I can justify staying near her.

Wait, why do I need to justify that? It's not like she actually needs protection, given everything she can do on her own. Aren't my feelings enough? They are… or, at least, they should be.

A Wonderbolt is a pony that takes care of others, even in the worst situations.

Is that really what I'm doing, though? Am I protecting a fragile heart or am I taking advantage of it? Am I latching on to a sure thing, just because I know that Twilight is probably as starved for love as I am?

I notice that I've been thinking for far too long now, and she's still waiting for an answer. Then again, long minutes of silence in the middle of our conversations aren't exactly uncommon. I suppose we should work on that, since it's no way to start a relationship. But the answer is simple. I shouldn't doubt myself right now, I need to look sure. I need to look confident. That's right, I never really needed to think about it.

"Yes."

I move forward to embrace her, and she lets me. She slowly hugs me back, with a single foreleg. I wrap my wings around her, letting her rest her muzzle against my neck. This is how it feels. This is how it should feel.

Warm and soft.

Sweet and safe.

This is what love feels like, I'm sure of it. It's that slight tingle spreading throughout my body. The very thing that had left this world, robbing us of our lives.

Yeah, I'll be making rainbooms again in no time, and Twilight will start up her research once more. We'll bring back a little color to this barren land.

This is love... right?

My right wing shifts a bit and a feather starts to fall. It twirls and sways in the air, under the final glowing light of the sunset, falling painstakingly slow and getting closer to the floor with each second.

Closer...

Twirl.

And closer...

Sway.

And closer...

I avert my eyes. I don't need to see it.

I give a glance over her shoulder towards the goggles hanging on the rail. That was my dream once, during happier times. Simpler times.

"Dreams are meant to be shattered, Rainbow." That's what Rarity taught me once. "If only so we can pick up the pieces, become stronger, and try again."

I never did get to try for the first time. But now I have my chance. She'll be everything to me. The one I want to protect, even when she doesn't need it. The one I share everything with, even if she still holds things back. The one I love with all of my heart, even if I'll never know if she feels the same way. The one that makes me want to keep living, in spite of everything else.

And I…

I'll be her Wonderbolt.

#1 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

Huh. How very thought-provoking.

#2 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

Excellent but sad. That picture is very melancholic though isn't it... A sort of wistfulness that makes you think and then type...

#3 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

Beautiful is all I can say.  I love this picture and all the fics based off of that but it hurts me to think of the Equestria I know and love could get twisted and corrupted through technological revolution and just become a sprawling toxic wasteland and the mares we know are forced to deal with the world that was beautiful and dear to them slowly slip away and them drift farther apart

#4 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1365310>>1365311>>1365536

Hey guys! Thanks for reading :twilightsmile:

The image is very thought provoking indeed. It immediately brought this scene to my head (because that's all the entire fic really is, a single scene) and just wouldn't let me drop it until I wrote it down.

I gotta say, not exactly what I had in mind for my first foray into fanfiction (the actual project I'm working on has no Dark or Romance in it), but I'm glad I at least managed to get that first one out the door. Feels good, keeps me writing and the feedback always helps. Of course, I know that I get automatic down votes just for having a Dark and Romance tag, but... oh well.

Thanks again!

#5 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

This was wonderful. i can't say much more, because there's nothing more to say.

Incredible.

#6 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

amazing, really a picture can mean a thousand words, and you wrote them all, nicely done

#7 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

That, uh, hurt. Jerk.

#8 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1365914>>1366387

Thank you, I'm glad I managed to convey it properly for some.

>>1366733

I know, I know :ajsleepy:

I'm sorry I made you hurt :fluttercry: But I tried not to overdo the sad, honest! I mean, I could've elaborated on how the other four slowly went into emotional breakdowns, while drifting apart as their health deteriorated and... and this isn't helping, is it? I'm sorry :twilightsheepish:

#9 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

And the scene ends kind of like Inception. We don't get to see if the feather ever falls to the floor.

#10 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

I don't know what to say. There is so much in this story. So many emotions running through here, so much detail, so much sympathy. Great job, man. great job.

#11 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

This is beautiful. The first pony perspective really works here, and you managed to describe so much about the world with so few words.

The emotions are raw and real. Really realistic. Reading this made me smile. That tenderness in a cold mechanical world, a glimmer of hope at the end of days. This should be featured. Thank you for writing. :heart:

#12 · 108w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

Wow, that was something. Liked how you made the industrial change connected due the ponies losing their magic though i had liked it if you had explained what kinda magic the earth ponies lost or got weakend in just like it happend to Unicorns and Pegasi.

It makes sense though with no magic left to conjuer spells, change the weather or make the plants grow, the ponies had to turn to technology with its good and bad points to replace what they lost.

I just wonder what became of the princesses and the sun and moon, you could have written about it, mostly to show more clearer why Twilight´s so depressed. It´s pretty clear in RD´s case but Twi´s a bit foggy. It also doesnt help how mysterious the fate of their friends are. RD says Twi´s the only pony left to talk to. Pinkie if i recall right didn´t got mentioned at all. Rarity seemed to still be there and to have grown stronger. AJ also seems to be there but not in great shape/happy. Fluttershy... yeah, that one seems realyl depressing.

Writing a bit more about their friends fate and what happend/became of them would have make it easier to access why RD is with Twi in her library now and why they don´t talk with each other.

And why Twi kissed RD out of nowhere. Which is good btw, as you never used a "i love you" or anything and leave it to the reader to decide whenever this is true love, a one-sided love or just two ponies needing each other to not got mad.

Liked it, faved it.

Please continue. :twilightsmile:

#13 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1368649 Yes! I'm glad someone caught that.

>>1369083>>1369496 Thank you for reading :heart:

>>1369536 Ooh, nice long comment. The idea is that they lost their magic because of the industrialization (that's why Rainbow's so mad at the ones who started it). It's not explicitly stated (not much is), but I made it so that—in this particular universe—the ponies are connected to their land, their world. So, if the land starts to die (due to contamination or toxic waste or any of those other wonderful things), their magic starts to die as well.

I didn't get into earth pony magic (which to me is the ability to make crops grow or make the land fertile) because RD is very focused on Twilight and herself at the moment. It's also the reason why I don't go into much detail with many of the other things, since this is everything that's going through her head. I did leave several bits and pieces that can be put together by the reader to form a better picture. For example, RD does mention the princesses (well, she mentions Celestia) in a roundabout way when she talks about the sun.

I'm not going to tell you what happened to their friends, because the whole idea of mentioning them in passing is that you can decide what their fates were. Did they die? Have they joined the industrial movement? Have they grown apart? Is RD just hallucinating it all and they're actually right outside the library, banging on the door? It's up to you and how you interpret it.

Rainbow living in the library is a consequence of her losing her magic. She has a hard time flying now, so she can't keep living in her cloud house (and even if she did, imagine what would happen if she lost the ability to walk on clouds overnight). Also, somepony needs to take care of Twi, poor girl just doesn't have it in her to take care of herself!

The reason behind Twi kissing RD is also up to your interpretation. In fact, it's the one you pointed out: is she actually in love and these are repressed feelings flooding out? Or is she just desperate to hold on to the last person in her life (since she had hit RD a few seconds prior)?

Thank you for reading and for the constructive criticism, it's always welcome :twilightsmile:

#14 · 108w, 3d ago · · ·

Beautiful, made me tear up just a tiny bit but it was on the edge

#16 · 108w, 3d ago · · ·

I don't like this story....But it still gets a thumbs up. While I may not like it, my conscious mind reminds me that your story was still a great story. Its well written, its detailed, and it did exactly what it was supposed to do. (i think) Great story man. Keep up the good work.

---Don't take it the wrong way. I recognize that this is part of the "art" that we call literature, and this part still has its place. I just don't generally like depressing mood-killer material. But like I said, i'm still up-voting because I've read these enough to know that it was good with regards to its respective style.

#17 · 108w, 3d ago · · ·

Beautiful story! Gah, now I have to go write two sad stories; One for English class, and one for a fan fiction.

Anyways, this was a really good story :twilightsmile:

#18 · 108w, 3d ago · · ·

>>1370515>>1372388 Thank you!

>>1371933 I know where you're coming from, since I also don't read many sad or tragic fics (I still read them, just not as regularly as other genres). When I submitted it, I had in mind that people who didn't like stories like these would probably ignore it and move along. So, thank you for giving it a chance, regardless of the subject matter.

#19 · 108w, 3d ago · · ·

>>1372590 For some twisted reason, I really like the sad stories with happy/bittersweet endings. Yeah, I'm a sick bastard :applejackunsure:

#20 · 108w, 3d ago · · ·

>>1372654 I can only think that you're being sarcastic, since I find it very normal to like sad stories that end happily (or bittersweet), as opposed to liking those that end tragically. N-not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you. I'm sure lots of people like tragedies too.

I'm not planning on making this a trend in what I write, though. The next thing I put up will be much more lighthearted, as is appropriate to our beloved marshmallow equines :twilightsmile:

#21 · 108w, 3d ago · · ·

beautiful, meaningful, loved it.

#22 · 108w, 2d ago · · ·

Fantastic. Left me with feels and lots of "gahhhhh".

#23 · 108w, 2d ago · · ·

Awesomazing. I absolutely loved how you interpreted the story, what with technology and magic being like polar opposites, unable to coexist with each other. Maybe that explains why there's such little magic in reality. I'm really impressed overall. :pinkiehappy:

#24 · 108w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1374343>>1375067>>1376805

Wow, this got a much better response than I was expecting. Thanks everyone! :twilightsmile:

#25 · 108w, 2d ago · · ·

And I'll give you a nice, but sad thumbs up :fluttercry:

A nice little story.

Graz on hitting 70 likes.

#26 · 108w, 2d ago · · ·

In my opinion, it's hard to write a great story in less than ~10k words. Hard but not impossible, you just did it

#28 · 108w, 7h ago · · ·

*reads description*

Damnit, now I'm hooked. I have to read this. I'll say what I think when I'm done.

EDIT: I was about to cry, then I heard my cat vomiting, and it sort of ruined the mood. Great short story never the less.

#29 · 107w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1379074 Thanks! I'm actually hoping to get this up on EqD (which is why I've been editing it a bit these past couple of days).

>>1386244 I love that image.

>>1389807 Well, cats have been known to be very dist—OOH! KITTEH!

#30 · 107w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1393158 That... was the best web comic... ever.

#31 · 107w, 2d ago · · ·

I shed a single, manly tear. And a couple thousand wussy but wholly necessary ones.

Nice how you've got big ol' macro events (technology an' industrialisation) affecting individuals like that. Very good. And unpleasant (but well nonetheless good) ambiguity as to what happened to the other mane six.

Well done on all accounts.

#32 · 107w, 2d ago · · ·

A bit mysterious, very open, sad and thoughtful, while also a tad hopeful. A lot of things were mentioned only in passing, but considering the internal monologue and the rather rambling thoughts, it's not really an issue. Without going into an essay or anything, nice job. I hope to see more from you in the future.

#33 · 107w, 2d ago · · ·

Here were my thoughts:

Oh, look, a "magic leaves the world because of industrialization" fantasy story.  It's a standard cliche/trope, but I'll give it a go.

Depression, angst, no typos, well written. World falling apart.  Good job.  But I feel nothing yet; too many "dark-for-darkness sake" fics have made me immune to the Sad and Dark tags.

Suddenly, shipping. Very well handled!  And believable, in a world broken in that way, with these ponies broken like this.  Now I feel sad.

A feather, falling... and I read slowly, to see if it hits, to see if their love reignited magic...

And she looks away, can't bear to see it land.  Hm, must be dusty in here, my eyes are watering.

Congrats on hitting EqD!

#34 · 107w, 2d ago · · ·

Congrats on getting featured on EQD!

Loved this fic. I've always thought about how the ponies would go about technological change and why. In my mind, the reason why Equestria is not as advanced as human civilization is because they've simply no need for improvement what with magic and weather control. Humans improve upon technology simply because we have to. Evolution is no different. Our own industrial revolution was similarly the result of collective necessity sio I have to wonder: why would industry take off in Equestria?

Also, your implication that magic in Equestria died because of all the pollution and resource depletion totally fits my headcanon that magic in Equestria is the ambient radiation of life much like a fire produces light  and heat. I applaud you for trying to explain the nature of magic, something sorely lacking in fiction.

Now one can only wonder: will the ponies be able to restore life to an industrialized world and advance to the modern era? Or are they doomed to complete ecological collapse?

#35 · 107w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1393158

It would appear you did get it on EqD, so congratulations.

I keep telling myself that I don't want to read sad fics, yet here I am anyway. I always find it fun to write someone's train of thought, and you got it perfect with Rainbow Dash. And tying in the question 'What is a Wonderbolt?' at the end is something I wish I could do in my own stories.

Here's to a wish for a happy ending.:twilightsmile:

#37 · 107w, 2d ago · · ·

This is the first fic I've read through in a while.

This is the first 1st person fic I can think of reading and actually enjoying.

4.5/5. Would've been a 5/5 if you had given more.... details behind the sadness. Sometimes less is more but I think the fic was missing a bit of background information.

#38 · 107w, 2d ago · · ·

Congratulations.  I've been a Brony for a year now and you're the writer that finally made me crack.  Today I read my first MLP fanfiction and it was wonderful.  I love the piece of art that inspired your story, it's one of my favorite pieces of fanart.  Thank you for crafting a story as beautifully sad as the artwork.  Please keep it up!

Neko

#39 · 107w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

God bless you sir, excuse me while I cry into the kitchen counter now.

... okay, back. I have to say that you've crafted a nice piece of fiction here, and I was thoroughly enthralled. I'm glad you didn't get caught up in the details of the cataclysm and instead focused on the important core-- Twi and Dash. Excellent. I also love Dash's voice. It's got some of her old self in there, but I also believe it as being older and a little more cynical. (Okay, a lot more bitter.) But I do still believe it as Dash. Good job!

#40 · 107w, 2d ago · · ·

Huh. So that's what it feels like. *Ahem* Excuse me a moment...

*Cough* Okay, I'm back. Wow, I had no idea this had already been accepted by EqD (I just got home a little while ago and I hadn't received a confirmation email from them). Many thanks to Seattle for being my pre-reader!

>>1414044>>1414060>>1414085>>1414534>>1414835 Thank you. It's great to know that I can make the reader connect with a character on an emotional level. I was worried about making this my first fanfic, since I had no idea if I could do that (and the entire thing hinges on the reader actually feeling for Rainbow, Twilight, their friends, Equestria or some combination of these).

>>1414097 It's a plausible scenario, that they began heavy industrialization because of a specific need. I'd like to say that I don't think humanity pushes technology forward purely out of necessity anymore, though. While there are needs that have to be covered, a strong driving force of technology is also to make our lives easier and/or more comfortable (although some would argue that it just makes things more complicated).

I should also point out that the hospital in "Read It and Weep" is already pretty advanced, from a technological standpoint (the doctor actually has a heart rate monitor as his cutie mark). That's why this is AU, so I can just write it off if anyone asks (I am so cheating :trollestia:).

But yeah, the reason behind the industrialization is completely open to reader speculation.

>>1414103 Well, I didn't tag it Tragedy :pinkiehappy:. That doesn't actually mean anything, though (just ask Wanderer D). I'm glad that several people are seeing the silver lining, even though it's easier to take the bad end interpretation.

>>1414361 I actually had less background information in the first version. That whole part about Fluttershy? It was just a single sentence. Seattle asked me to expand upon the explanation of what was happening around them, and I'm glad he did.

Thank you all for reading :twilightsmile:

#41 · 107w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

I read this expecting a feel before bedtime. Instead, i got feels, philosophy, an interesting future Equestria I havent quite seen yet, and a really brilliant love story that does wonders.

This was one fantastic onshot. Thank you for letting me sleep with something to reflect on.

#42 · 107w, 2d ago · · ·

how i dont fav this on the first read i rly cant tell, like im a stupidy or wat? well, take my fav

#43 · 107w, 2d ago · · ·

I really liked this story my friend. It was enjoyable to read and I like the idea that you left a lot of things open to the reader about what happened to their friends/the princesses. People seem to assume they die because it has a "dark/sad" tag. Well how do they know? They could still be alive just lost their magic or what they usually enjoy doing.

I also think the idea that the ponies are connected to Equestria, the reason why they are losing their magic, is a nice touch. That having too much technology that scars the land will REALLY belittle the magic they have. Almost like Avatar in a way, no no, i'm not comparing the story to the movie just the thought concept of them being 'connected' to the land since its supposed to be very powerful in terms of magic. Er... am I making any sense? :twilightblush:

Anyway, as I said, it was a great story. You left subtle hints that left situations open to the reader so it wouldn't be too linear about what was happening. Maybe things could even start to look up in the future. Great story!

A little stupid question too. How do you make a response that has it show the persons name? :twilightblush: I try that and it just shows the numbered post. Erk, thanks again.

#44 · 107w, 2d ago · · ·

Wow, what a fucking great story.

Write more.

#45 · 107w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

Good god. It's so dark and depressing, yet it fits. It feels like something that could potentially happen to Equestria.

And that's what makes it so depressing. It's fucking brilliant! I honestly can't describe just why I love this so much!

Just...just...keep writing. Keep doing things like this. This is just...wow. I...Bah. I just love it.

#46 · 107w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

I absolutely hate shippings, and I don't mean this in a very mild way.. But in a way that I'd rather burn the books they were written in than read them (Though of course that would involve burning any computer I dare read it on, which I don't plan on doing any time soon)

Why say such a horrible thing? Because I just wanted to reinforce exactly how much I loved this piece. The darkness, the desperation, and the need expressed by the characters was perfect. I loved it, and even loved the shipping that was done in it, because I could imagine the same happening between friends in a real world situation. All things are meant to love, and when a situation calls for some sort of happiness, even friends find that called for bond.

#47 · 107w, 2d ago · · 1 ·

I really liked the writing style, specially how well you managed to mix world building and character building in such a short story, without falling into heavy exposition. It is one of these fics without useless sentences, and where many serve multiple purposes, both building characters and atmosphere, while not stalling the story. Difficult to handle, but beautiful when well executed like here.

On the other hand, while the world building was well handled, I think it forgets about the existing show canon relationships of the characters. I doubt that the mane 6 wouldn't get together in order to search for solutions. It might just be RD's "depression lenses", but it kinda seems like they didn't search for solutions together, which is kinda of the focus of the show.

Besides, like one of the previous comments said, there is no indication of a positive effect of the industrialization in their world, which makes it kinda farfetched that it would happen, or even continue. This kind of thing kinda took me off the fic and dampened the emotional effect. An interesting read nonetheless.

#48 · 107w, 1d ago · · ·

Beautiful. I actually got goosebumps reading this

#49 · 107w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1414097  If that's the case, then how do you explain Discord, who has the power to turn the entire world literally upside-down?  He exceeds everything except Harmony, which seems only able to imprison him and incapable of destroying him.  

Indeed, if the magic has failed this far, then the spell binding him should also have collapsed quite far enough to allow his escape again.

This story only works if there is no Discord in this version of Equestria, or else he's far less powerful than the canon Discord.  But, then the Princesses would have to be proportionately less powerful, and then it becomes unlikely they'd be able to move the Sun and Moon.  

GAHHHHH!!!  So difficult to rectify logical discontinuities!  ERROR!!! ERROR!!!  BRANE QUITESCENCE DESTABILIZING!!!  QUANTUM FABRIC TEARING!!  UNIVERSAL IMPLOSION IN 10... 9... 8... 7... :pinkiecrazy:

#50 · 107w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1419220

Well, Discord has only appeared in 2 episodes so far and meaning there's very little canon material to go off of in judging the full extent of his power and nature. In my headcanon however, because he is a being of chaos I would assume that he's simply a force of nature. If that's the case, then the death of magic would mean the total loss of his extraordinary powers.

As for the princesses, I'd like to think that though they are earthbound beings, they are ethereal in spirit. Thus their magic would endure should the world's magic fail. Again, until we get back stories for all these characters in the canon, everything is just speculation.

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