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“The Continuing Adventures of Captain Obvious and Her Sidekick, the Oblivious Wonder”
“Hey, Pinkie? You said you wanted me to come over so you …” The rest of whatever Rainbow Dash had been about to say died in her throat. She blinked once, then twice. “What is all of this?”
Crammed into Pinkie’s not-terribly-large studio apartment were a big brass band, an entire line of chorus girls, and Pinkie Pie herself. Pinkie was dressed in a long, dark blue gown, perhaps something created by Rarity, and—and was that make-up that Pinkie was wearing?
Rainbow Dash blinked again, very slowly. It felt like the thing to do.
Pinkie Pie didn’t answer the question that had been asked. Instead, she took a long, deep breath. As she did, the trumpeter in the band lifted his instrument to his mouth using his magic, and the chorus girls all raised their right front legs. Immediately Rainbow recognized what was about to happen next, but even as fast as she was, she wasn’t fast enough to escape the inevitability of a song cue:
Dashie, take off that frown
And give me a bright smile
Sit yourself down and
Just listen for a while
Pinkie bounded over to Rainbow and enthusiastically shepherded the pegasus over to a chair. Rainbow found herself forced down into the chair somewhat against her will. But before she could protest, Pinkie was gone, bouncing over to the chorus girls, still smiling and singing away.
I got something to say
And I need to be heard
‘Cause you haven’t listened
When I just say the words
I want you, I need you
But what’s even more
I’m in love with you truly
Yes, Dash, it’s you I adore!
From somewhere nearby came a sudden burst of confetti. It rained down from above and got stuck in Rainbow’s mane, but Dash was too disoriented to bother brushing it off the top of her head. Meanwhile, Pinkie and her chorus line began doing the can-can.
You’re my rainbow when sad
You’re my sun when it’s gray
And whenever I’m scared
You chase all my fears away
So, Dash, what do you think?
Can you ever agree?
Oh, please, won’t you be
My special somepony?
The song ended with Pinkie doing a huge split that seemed to defy both equine anatomy and the boundaries of common sense. But even despite the uncomfortable-looking position, the earth pony beamed at Dash with shining eyes.
Rainbow Dash sat silently for a few long moments and just stared blankly at her friend. Soon the corners of Pinkie’s smile began to tremble, ever so slightly.
“Um.” The trombonist was nervously scuffing the floor with a hoof. “Should we be here for what happens next?”
Finally, blessedly, Rainbow Dash grinned. “Wow! That was awesome, Pinkie! Is that for a new musical you’re practicing or something?”
At that, Pinkie Pie’s smile cracked and completely fell apart. From behind one of the chorus girls gasped quietly. Another began openly sobbing. The brass band’s saxophonist, meanwhile, glared at the pegasus with open, undisguised hostility.
Rainbow began to suspect that, somehow, somewhere, she had missed something. Something important.
Then, Pinkie’s eyes narrowed, and her mouth formed a thin, firm line. “That is the last time I take Rarity’s advice,” the suddenly serious party pony muttered. “I should’ve done what Applejack suggested from the very beginning.”
“Uh, Pinkie Pie?” Dash shifted in her seat, feeling a curl of unease form in her stomach at the look in her friend’s deep blue eyes. “Are you … you okay there?”
In a loud and booming voice, not unlike Princess Luna using Royal Canterlot speech, Pinkie announced, “Everypony, take cover! It’s time to implement Plan B!”
As one, the musicians and dancers hit the floor, covering their heads with their hooves.
Rainbow Dash frowned. “What are you—“
But Dash was unable to finish her question, as at that exact moment, Pinkie Pie launched herself across the room with a savage war cry and tackled the pegasus to the floor. Dash soon found herself utterly breathless, almost shaking, as Pinkie Pie kissed her with more passion and intensity than any pony had ever been kissed before in the entire history of Equestria, with the possible exception of that one time Princess Platinum and Clover the Clever got very, very drunk off some awful alcohol the earth ponies called "hard cider."
When at last Pinkie pulled back from the embrace, the chorus girls and band members began applauding, stomping their hooves on the floor so loudly that Mrs. Cake’s voice could be heard yelling up the stairs that the twins were taking a nap and for all of them to quiet down. Pinkie Pie, for her part, was sitting back on her haunches, flushed and triumphant.
Rainbow blinked again. “Ohhhh,” she said after a moment, with a small nod of her head. “You like me like me. Well, why didn’t you just say so, Pinks?”
Pinkie’s face went slack. “But … I mean … but you didn’t …”
“I mean, geez, no need to make a big production number out of it, y’know?” Smiling, Rainbow Dash leaned forward and gently bumped snouts with a still-stammering Pinkie. “Because you wanna know something? I like you, too.”
The chorus girl who had cried earlier began hysterically sobbing all over again, this time twice as hard. Even the trombonist couldn’t hold back a small, dignified sniffle.
… and that’s how Equestria was made. Maybe next time I can tell you the story of how Pinkie Pie proposed to Rainbow Dash. It's a gem!
Author's Notes: All credit for the basic premise of this story goes to Chengar Qordath. This story is the result of a discussion happening in the comments section of AbsoluteAnonymous' "Sweet Nothings," which is awesome and you should go read.