Twilight has been asleep for too long.
My, my, quite gruesome.
I can dig it.
Wow, what a pointless waste of words.
Well that ended nicely. But guess what.
ITS ANOTHER DREAM!
Added to favorites to read later
So Much For Sleep - Dawnbringer
Your short story is awesome Gentelman Clam! I salute you.
Well, you got an emotion out of me, so that's something. I can't say I like it, but it's not really your fault. It's the concept I don't like - that the characters I've come to love existed only in Twilight's mind, and what's worse, I won't get to meet them in the real world. But I can't fault you for that. It's certainly an interesting concept, and I won't fault you just because I disagree with it.
I will say I thought the "wake up" message was too direct and frequent. Actually, the whole beginning seemed a bit rushed. I don't have much experience with coma stories, but the ones I've seen have always worked the "wake up" message quietly into the background here and there and slowly worked up to more direct means. I think a better build-up would have made this story a lot more suspenseful and engaging, though I suppose it would make the ending even harder to bear.
There were a few minor grammar and spelling things - Owlowiscious, for example, was misspelled, though it is a difficult name. Nothing a good proofreading can't fix.
~Scribblestick, TWE reviewer
Strange that anypony's alive at all, what with the eternal night killing everything. Why don't "Nightmare Moon wins" fanfics ever address that?
“Life? It’s forty-two. Or had you not heard? It may also interest you to know that “bird” is the word.”
“I was going to say, “the macarena” but that works too,”
Epic troll is epic.
Twilight, you must WAKE UUUP!!!!
I am already awake!!!
Interesting, but a bit heavy-handed and rushed. A topic like this could be delved into much deeper.
With regards to how things aren't that fleshed out, I wrote this story with the express intent of just bringing it all to a screeching halt, because that was what I had a hankering for at the time, and also I only had a few hours to make it happen. I considered turning it into a bajillion-word extravaganza, but I'd never finish it, really.
It was very rushed, yes. See above reply. And I still don't know how to spell that damn owl's name. Probably why he gets like no fics involving him. Otherwise, thanks for the pointers!
Not too bad. Gonna agree with ScribbleStick and say it needs a heck of a lot of work, though. Flesh it out a little more.
At least it's legible, and I don't want to throttle the protagonist.
Old creepypasta is old. Wake up.
pretty good story
could have taken a bit more time with details, also make it a bit longer content wise, but other than that it was good
Now, WAKE UP.
oh wow i read the dark tag didnt know what to expect but wow pretty much saying everything that twilight did was a lie
“The meaning of all what?” the draconequus asked, smiling. “Life? It’s forty-two. Or had you not heard? It may also interest you to know that “bird” is the word.”
you....i like you