So, yeah, I'm a new writer, a fan of HiE and PoE fics, and am from the mid-atlantic Untied States.
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Years, he did not know how long he was trapped in those accursed caverns, forced to do their bidding. But he did know that he would be free. He was broken; he pieced himself back together. He didn't piece himself correctly. He is free. What left the caverns is no longer a man. He broke free of his shackles; he is now little more than a creature. Enslavement can change a lot of things about a person. Would you break?
Characters and tags will be added as the story progresses.
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Good Start.
I'll keep an eye on this.
Shit, brother. You have enabled feces to become reality.
Good chapter. has definitely peeked my interest.
Like it, but it needs less caps lock in dialogue.
Please be a Space marine. PUH-LEEZE be a space marine.
OH....YEAH....
Please don't be a soldier or space marine of any sort. Pleease.
Yep. You grabbed my attention, and I am going to have to read this now. It sounds so...evil, yet I WANT TO READ THIS! And I shall.
Yup. I'm watching this, beginning to end, and shudder as I read every descriptive word that you put on each page.
I love this story.
Reminds me of The Great Slave King. Following.
Am I falling down a flight of giant stairs? So many hangers!
Diamond dog conference the week after:
"I fear no one. But that... thing... It scares me."
"No, I ain't talking about that freak, alright! He's not here, is he? How do I get this f*cking thing off?"
"One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask. What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?"
In the words of the spy, "Let us move!"
I don't always use emoticons...but when I do, I give a moustache
1356498 1357347 Thanks
1356878 I'll take that as a compliment
1358189 Caps was only used to show that the diamond dog was very anxious/ delerious/ scared
1360033 api.ning.com/files/eBsNoMfVMtv78Mka1SEld3wS6r3hkLWPvf89wZqY7NBGFKzwAZc1o15iDKMCunNqZz9fewAB158WxyjqVErr98RTYYupXM7*/KoolAidMan.jpg
1364159 I'm really not trying to go for the space marine/soldier approach. The elite fighting machine thing has been done to death, I'm going for more of a savage/improvised character
1366058 Thanks
1366147 Yup. I'm reading this, beginning to end, and shudder as I read every descriptive word that you put on each line.
I love this comment.
1368474 Haven't read it yet, its on my favorites list, but I mostly use that for tracking.
1368881 It feels good to be on the other end of those. (The writer's end I mean)
1369962 Rainbows and Lollipops, oh, and really creepy looking babies
1370298 i2.photobucket.com/albums/y4/Rock_Lee_Legend/Gentlemen.jpg
1371665 Stay hairy, my friends.
1371725 There will be many more comments such as the I made, IF there is more of this surviving slave-esque story. There will be more, yes? If not...that might be a problem.
I'm not saying something bad will happen. Just a little...ah, tip. Yes, that suits my meaning just fine.
(Over complicated statements are fun)
Ooooh this sounds interesting.
1371725 The creature was advancing, but suddenly stopped, I suppose. Honestly, I don't remember why I wrote that. Also, yes, very good story.
YES!PUPPY BLOOD FOR THE PUPPY BLOOD GOD!
i will make a statue in your honor for making such a awesome story
1409247 Ummm thanks!
So the description and tags give the impression that this will be a story about a vengeful human escaping captivity and bringing his wrath upon the diamond dogs. Chapter one backed that vision easily. In chapter two he freed a bunch of slaves and found some baby ponies. Now in chapter three he is feeding said baby ponies. You have plans for where this is going right?
The following words are of my own, biased opinions. You have no obligation to agree with them:
Hmm, the scene you've set so far is pretty decent. Now comes the hard part: progressing the story. If you keep on doing nothing but introducing new characters, readers will soon lose interest. The prologue was the most attention grabbing part of the story so far, for me.
You have tagged this story as human, but I have yet to see any solid evidence of humans in the fic. If your mysterious main character is a human, maybe you should drop in more suggestive hints to it. Also, maybe it's time to actually introduce the characters. Character development is crucial in any story.
Some of your word selections don't flow very well in the context you use them for, e.g. the use of 'emanating' in earlier chapters. Not to say that a large part of your word selection seems strange. but I find it to be more descriptive and lifelike when you actually use simpler words in your writing.
Nonetheless, this was a great start overall. You had a good idea with the music, and the mood was perfectly crafted. Good luck writing the rest of this!
Uh... okay.
Needs bigger chapters with more stuff happening... and a plot, some sweet sweet plot.
*starts reading*
Change of pace for chapter? Yeah, I'm cool with this. It's nice to see that the "creature" cares for more than just himself. It's so...heartwarming to say the least. Well then, thank you very much for the light-hearted morning read Annhero. As always, I shall wait for the next chapter
if I don't go insane firstpatiently.While i like what you have so fart I find the chapters to short to enjoy. I would suggest beefing them up before posting. Maybe add a bit more character introspection or a few more events.
Feed some babies.
Get peed on.
WHOLE CHAPTER.
A very good chapter and the music fit it very well. I also listened to this http
_video and it seemed to fit chapter as well.
Glad to see an update.
1478148 Likewise.
Ha! That last line reminds me of when my father.
1479124 Errr, I'm sorry?
1412529 1411347 I've taken note of your suggestions, rest assured chapters will be bigger. I was really just experimenting with shorter chapters. They get churned out a lot more quickly, but yeah, I suppose I can see your argument, not enough going on in the chapters.
Damn...I like reading these. It's such a drastic change from the stuff I normally read. (That's a good thing)
Anyways, thanks for the nice evening read Anhero. Good luck with the next chapters!
1480291
Don't worry about it...
I got my revenge.
1481598
Wait a minute, your username...it can't be, you're the guy who wrote the necromancer story! Good job on that!
Eh, tracked. Why the hell not. Any story that has Two Steps from Hell in the background deserves my attention.
1599507 Somebody's got a good taste in background music.
Will there be any ponies in this story?
1661734 Yes.
Fuckin' in love with this, bro. That's all I have to say.
You know what's funny?
Today I thought: 'Mhhh, when was the last time Shackles updated?'
*Turns on computer*
DA MAGIC
1664150
1662308 Thanks, I'll have you know that the story is in love with you as well.
W000 and update! IT LIVES
I...
That was rather quick.
Dream sequence? I'm afraid I don't follow.
1972583 Yes, everything below the last line break is a dream sequence
1972574 Is that a compliment?
1972592
Not really.
Let's just say that my comment was as confusing to you as that ending dream sequence was to me.