This story has a lot of potential.  The spacing is a bit odd, might want to tweak it a bit.

This has potential. Though I do wonder if this is going to end like Planet Hulk.

Wow, it's ...it's...GREAT

You're lucky I like the hulk

I like the concept, but the grammar and phrasing  could be better. I would be willing to proofread for you, if you would like.

>>13614641361464

Hi sorry lol, this is my first story so I am new to this. I would greatly appreciate any help you can offer ^_^

>>13614721361472 No need to apologize, grammar can be a pretty tough thing to understand, what with all the rules. How about you write out all your chapters in Google docs first, then send me the link? I can proofread, fix any errors, and give ideas for the story and send the edited copy back to you.

Lets see. I have read MLP with Avengers and Iron Man. Now we need one where Wolverine is sent to Equestria. That will be as interesting as this.

>>13614931361493

Don't forget spider-mane.  

>>13614821361482

Thanks haha, First time on this site and so far I have met a person willing to help me. I really appreciate this. How ill I keep in contact with you? Through FB, Here?

Send me a Private Message with a link to the new chapter, there should be a a little picture of an envelope beside my name in the comments. That is a Private Message button. Send me the link, and I'll edit it. Alternatively, if you go to my user page you will find another Private Message button there.

As for meeting someone willing to help so early on, that's what the brony community is all about. Love and tolerance.

>>13614961361496 And that story which I had Fav updated today didn't it, how did I forget that? Oh, and there is one which Dash is basically Superman type, it's heavily base off of that comic, but it different enough to be new. All that ones I mention is in my favorites somewhere if you want to read them.

I don't know much about the Hulk/Banner but from what I've seen he doesn't seem to be one who talks to himself like that and it struck my as a little awkward. I can't give you advice on exactly how to get around that because it all depends on your writing style. But this is a fairly small complaint so don't strain yourself if you don't want to.

Other then that, a few grammar errors (nothing significant) and a good story setup.

Hmmm, this actually look like an interesting Hulk in Equestria fic. Tracking for now. But yeah, you do need to work on the grammar and that can only be achieved by writing more chapters (and having a proofreader to help as well).

So...MOAR

>>13616011361601

Thank you for your criticism. I really appreciate it. I need hardcore critics to tell me what I am doing wrong, so I can figure out how to make it better. Thank you sir ^_^

>>13616171361617

Thank you very much for the offer, I gladly accept any help you can provide for me. This is my first story so I kinda suck lol. I would appreciate your help sir ^_^

Planet Hulk...... oh my sweet Celestia's ample plot, what id this was the planet that Richards and the other members of the Iiluminati were aiming for in the first place, even not it would be a good marvel X0ver/ what if stories

This story has a lot of promise, but more than a few things are wrong with it. One thing would be the sudden change from first to third person while still focusing on Bruce. While not exactly wrong in any way, it isn't something that's popular and can easily confuse readers. There are random capitolizations here and there that just don't belong, which I've honestly had some issues with in the past, as well as a few grammar errors, namely some punctuation marks that just don't fit, and a lack of warning between character changes(again, nothing exactly wrong with that, but it can confuse or irritate some people). I know you already seem to have an editor, but I figure some constructive critisism never hurt anypony, and that I should throw in my two bits. I'll track this, and see where it goes. Good luck my friend, I have high hopes for this, and for you. Shit, you're doing better than I did when I first started out.

May the road rise to meet you, and the wind be at your back.

Crackshot

Just checking the comments before a proper read, and I notice >>13616011361601>>13616221361622

Maybe have an internal monologue? That way whoever isn't in control can debate/advise the active personality? I must admit to a large amount of ignorance on the part of The Hulk.

Will try to review this in the morning, when I'm not dead on my feet.

~ScreenedPlum, TWE's Drunk Scotsman

Is this Post Avengers? Or is this just a Hulk Crossover?

>>13616301361630

If you want to try your luck with sure. I do have trouble writing as well (believe it or not) but I do have an eye in catching some errors (just not in my own ) .  Just PM your story and I'll give it a look over. I'm not a expert in comics though mind you, just have a small interest in them.

>>13616421361642

You are freaking awesome thanks ^_^ I will try and improve :3

>>13616521361652

This is just a Hulk crossover. I would like the timeline to be kinda like After the events of World War Hulk. This is not a Planet Hulk fic lol

>>13616441361644

I hope you are really harsh with me, I would like to improve my story so I can better appeal to you, and the other readers. Thank you for taking the time to review my story so far sir.

inb4 hulk smash

hmmm...i like....alot.....can't wait to see where this goes....if you need any help coming up with ideas i'm game....its what i do best

sooo....who's gonna make him mad first.....rainbow.....celestia....discord.....angel bunny...eeh we'll find out eventually ....

oh and btw

Image: http://affordablehousinginstitute.org/blogs/us/wp-content/uploads/brilliant_681.jpg

>>13618581361858

It's actually funny that you mention Angel Bunny. He's going to be an important character later ^_^

>>13619411361941 heh well then.....lucky guess i presume....seeing that fluttershy would be the most likely to calm him....but wow that was lucky

Aha! There's still time for me to say, "Inb4 featured" and jinx it >:D

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

No, I'm just kidding. Great story

...known as one of the most violent and powerful source...

Sources. Needs to be plural for it to make sense.

I like keep going

Shoot son, I was looking for a story like this months ago! FINALLY, THANK YOU!

I lol'd at the ending.

Now for the intro of one of my favorite games of all time.

God help whoever hurts the CMC while Hulk is nearby. He will end them in messy, messy ways.

MORE HULK!

ITS GLORIOUS

Image: http://static4.fjcdn.com/comments/someone+make+a+caption+with+this+that+says+quot+its+glorious+quot+_eb7d66d2d0360b340fea02a35505c61f.jpg

Now this looks awesome! >:D

You ever read Hulk The End? I did. I half hope half fear that this will end something like it.

Image: http://cutebabyhulk.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Last-Man-Hulk-The-End2-580x525.jpg

>>13624291362429nothing like killing npcs, that game is one of the sole reasons I haven't gotten rid of my ps2 yet, well, that and soul caliber

This story has some great potential, keep up the good work and try to make the chapters longer I will be watching

>>13630711363071

Thank you for the compliment. I am looking towards all harsh criticism. I really want to improve and make this story better for you the readers. This is my first story and I hope I can entertain you all. I am currently working on the next portion of the Story longer, more descriptive, and hopefully better ^_^

>>13630811363081don't worryI have faith that you will be able to accomplish your desires

>>13622481362248 BAH, NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!!!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Derpy_Hooves_lolface.png

How come whenever I see the Hulk, I just think of this?

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwhdl9d4cL1qans10o1_500.png

>>13631321363132

You Sir, you just made my night. Badass photo is awesome

>>13630711363071 Well 360 can play original games. So I DUN NEED TO KEEP NOTHIN'! BWAHAHA

>>13631731363173I haven't gotten a 360 yet, I've been playing on pc an wii for like forever (not that pc gaming is bad, I just really miss Black Ops and MW3)

No joke, was just watching an Avengers clip earlier today featuring the beat-down the hulk gave to Loki and thought to myself "what if?"

Good times are here again. I hope you have some kind of conflict in your plot that the hulk can end violently.

i'm not good at pointing out mistakes due to brain auto-correct......but please do keep it up

Cannot wait for the next part, you have a load of ways to start from

Hmm i can't tell from this if this is gonna be good or bad. I will give it a chance.

D'aww. Don't take this the wrong way but I want to give you a hug. Very rarely do authors make me feel this good for liking something.

As far as i see it there's no grammar-errors. I love this story and i hope that you'll keep up the good work.

Cheerio's

   DemiGod

Holey Moley , i just saw your facebook account, are you really that muscular? Oh, that explains The Hulk thing, you bodybuilder

>>13632851363285

lol I am not that big, I am just an amateur. But thanks for the compliment on both my story and profile picture lol

Oh i almost forgot, never listen to your fans about changing your story, if you want to have a sad ending, then so be it, don't lick them up the bumhole if they beg for a good ending, that would just kind of ruin the story in my opinion. You could make an alternative ending, but you really shouldn't change the specific story in that matter.

>>13633011363301

Thank you for the advice lol. I really appreciate it. I mean I want to make people always guess what is going to happen next, but I do not want to disappoint them either. I am kinda in a conflict about it. Honestly I just want you guys to be happy and not annoyed by the the story progresses or ends.

>>13633041363304

I'm happy that you care so much for the fans, there's not enough people who do that these days...

>>13631471363147

And now you too see the Hulk as an OCD, talking pencil.  My work here is done. (Well, more appropriate face )

I would be waiting for this but for now would you be a gentlecolt and make the chapter longer until 5000

Ah Hulk, my favorite character of all time. Can't wait for the "Puny god" moment with discord.

My support is yours. And my tacos. Those are yours also.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Spike_lolface.png

I don't see this story getting worse... I didn't see any problems with the first chapter, but I wasn't really paying attention.

I was just enjoying it, now if the grammar, characterization, and whatnot gets really bad.... I may quit reading, or rage... HARD.     I hear this in my head when I rage hard: Destroy, destroy, destroy

>>13624291362429

I remeber that game! Haven't played it in years, still remember beating the shit out of everything.

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5783j0icI1r2uq47.png

>>13636291363629 I would still be playing it if it wern't broken. Shoot, I remember most of it anyway... good times!

Many thanks for the Woona reference

I cannot wait to read more from you over this great idea of yours.

As a fan of both the show and the Hulk I ask you to please continue.

>>13632311363231 I agree with this statement I don't see issues to often... I can tell you though I am looking forward to seeing Hulk smash something....

Cool, hulk's one of my fav heroes.

My only critizim is that I need MOAR!

Good story though. I can't wait for the next chapter.

>>13625771362577 Could you give us a link so we can read it?

>>13640351364035

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAHbAekM7wU Here you go actually ^_^

Writing styles good but it has some ways to go (like you said your an amateur).  Other than that you've got a good story on your hands and I hope that, if you really are lacking in confidence, this will be a learning experience on both ends.

all i see in matters of errors is maybe too many spaces in a paragraph or no space where after a period was placed. nothing is really wrong in your grammar department other then the authors note up above having two and's but that is an easy mistake. Keep up your awesome work and i really like it so far. Good luck, i'll be watching this story closely.

and btw. a story chapter with nothing but an authors note isn't supposedly allowed and you might want to either turn it into a blog or just put it as an authors note at the bottom of your first chapter.

>>13644601364460a

Oh no I am sorry, thank you about the tip. I didnt know it wasnt allowed. Sorry. Will this story get banned if I dont remove it or something?

Fucking finally.

Gawd.

Been waiting for a Hulk crossover.

Can you believe there was none before you came along?

Edit: Just read it.  No offense, but I think I can wait a little longer.

this... should be interesting...wachting

fer one, its goodly written!!!

its like if im reading an episode!

on a side mark

Image: http://www.myfacewhen.net/uploads/4757-omg-so-amazing.gif

Image: http://www.myfacewhen.net/uploads/170-wow-cat.jpg

Image: http://www.myfacewhen.net/uploads/300-rainbow-puke.jpg

>>13644731364473

i dont know but when you post a story it gives you a list of what is and is not acceptable and as far as i know its not bannable but i havent really seen what the punishment for it is. just take a look at the list it gives when your about to post a story or i think it also restates them when you hit the "edit" button at the top of your story.

i checked heres what it says is not good for posting

Don't Post

Things that obviously aren't stories: lists, polls, previews, challenges, author notes, chatlogs, etc.

MST3K style fics: for example, comments insterted in between the lines of a copy/pasted story (example)

Stories that are not related in any way to the Friendship is Magic universe. Your story must be related to the universe at the time of submission, otherwise it will be rejected.

Stories in chat or script format. This includes stories in which characters speaking is indicated similar to this: "TWILIGHT: I sure do love books!"

Stories that you did not write, unless you have explicit permission from the author, AND have discussed it with the moderation team.

The same story twice.

Rewrites of an old story posted as a new story. You are free to edit your existing story, but you may not post it as a new submission.

Multiple chapters of stories as separate stories.

Non-English stories.

"Manuals" or "User Guides." (example)

Stories that are clearly written as an in-joke between a group of people with little relevance to those outside the group, colloquially known as "circle-jerking."

Meta stories, defined broadly as any story that is about the site or its users. This rule is primarily up to moderator discretion. (example)

Greentext stories. It doesn't matter if the text is green or if you've omitted the greater than symbol, if it's in the general format it is not allowed.

again i dont know what they do for punishments for breaking rules but its better to be safe then sorry

Take it from an "old guy": The first fic is never amazing. Mine (written 5,000 years ago on top of Mt. Fuji) was eye-bleedingly bad. The most glaring issues I see all stem from you not having a lot of experience writing (oddly placed line breaks, missing punctuation, and the like) and are easily correctable. The pacing is pretty good, and the only complaint I have about the first chapter is that not a lot happens.

You have, however, a very solid idea. All that Banner, and by extension, the Hulk wants is to be left alone so that he can live his life in peace. While Equestria is peaceful, it is not without conflict, and besides action, the setting gives you ample opportunity to explore just what might happen with the lonely man around. Would the Elements of Harmony be able to finally calm the Hulk? Or to separate it from Banner the way the purged the evil from Princess Luna?

The subject matter isn't terribly interesting to me personally, but I still suspect I'll be checking in every so often to see what directions you take the story and how you're growing as a writer. Be well, ame.

>>13647661364766

Thank you Sir, I Promise you the next chapter I have will indeed have more action, and will be longer and better though out ^_^ I have many suprises for you all :3

Looks like a very good idea. I will keep watching it.

My only problem id that in The Avengers Bruce refers to The Hulk as 'the other guy'.

Great story! A small critique I have is to watch your capitalization. Only capitalize the beginning of sentences and proper nouns(names).

The errors, IT BURNS !!!

>>13651291365129

I am really sorry, can you please tell me what i did wrong so I can correct it immediately. I am new to this so I would appreciate any criticsm you can give me ^_^

"For the mean time I guess I will at least cover myself up with some leaves."

If he hulk now he will look like this guy http://www.google.se/imgres?imgurl=http://greengiant.com/assets/images/os-media-green-giant.jpg&imgrefurl=http://greengiant.com/our-story&h=294&w=335&sz=21&tbnid=JeavIsjAEiVRIM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=103&zoom=1&usg=__sVeQjPmWS3i8z-858049RqrF4Lk=&docid=O84mMsIeAYbfZM&hl=sv&sa=X&ei=AZtoUMiABOTf4QTXjIHwBQ&ved=0CDEQ9QEwAQ&dur=463

This has potential. If you want I can help you with Ideas. I'm a hudge comic geek so I can help..if you want it that is.

>>13652851365285

Thank you for the offer sir ^_^ I am more or less a huge fan of Marvel, I just want to assure you that I will not use the old kinda dumb Hulk. This Hulk is kinda like post World War Hulk, so he is uber powerful and badass ^_^

>>13653281365328 Good! May I suggest doing something like Bruce and the Hulk talking like in Earth's mightiest heroes.

>>13653451365345

lol actually that is what I am doing now. I am almost done with the second chapter and may post it either tomorrow or tuesday *I need more time to start the next chapter so it does not become too taxing*

>>13653561365356 Ahh. I'll let you get to it. You know were I am if you need to talk. I look forward to more!

I'd considered doing a cross-over with the Hulk once, but then my apathy and laziness co-opted to subvert any and all inspiration I might have had for such an undertaking. However, this story looks promising, and may function as an impetus for further writing on my part.

Also, I have to ask, which version of Bruce are you using? Comic? Movie?

Use Bruce from the latest avengers movie.  He's the best there is, no one better.

>>13624661362466

Forget that, imagine what would happen if a dragon invaded ponyville and attacked Fluttershy. That dragon better run real fast before Hulk catches him.

When you said something even harder.. I was expecting you to say Taxes. No joke. I really thought you would say that.

>>13633151363315Isn't that right

My good sir, please do not doubt your abilities. I have the utmost faith in you. I will continue to wait for the next chapter. Keep up the good work

this is

Image: http://gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/143332_o.gif

>>13633041363304>>13633011363301 i completely understand this sentiment. my fans of my first fic wanted a happy ending and i yanked it out from under them

For what I can say, just make sure you choose which personality of Bruce Banner you want.  He has varied from the earlier versions to the latest Avenger movie.  Also, watch your capitalization and when you use it.  Some of the words in the first chapter were uppercase even though they weren't names or at the start of a sentence.