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  • Monday
    ah, the wonders of procrastination

    walking dead season 4 on netflix.

    attending shows with fellow entertainers.

    practicing magic.

    visting my folks.

    super smash bros... final fantasy 6... mario galaxy...

    learning how to make balloon animals.

    what am i missing?

    ...oh, right, writing. i'll get back to that, but after walking dead.

    3 comments · 19 views
  • 1w, 4d
    Clearing the Air (So to Speak)

    I don't know if it was my timing or if it's just because my styl of humor really is that tasteless, but my last blog post got people sympathizing with me over a breakup that I never actually had. And I didn't lose my job or become estranged from my family, either. The entirety of the last blog was meant purely as a joke.

    I mean, I know I just got off one hell of a train ride over the past few months, but that's kinda how I deal with that noise: pointing and laughing.

    ...Besides all that, the joke was about how addicting the new Smash Bros is. Can't wait for the Wii U version! If anybody wants my Friend Code, I'd be happy to share it over a PM. I need more people to play with because comeonohmygodthisgameissofuckinggood

    5 comments · 63 views
  • 1w, 5d
    How to Fuck Up Your Life in Ten Easy Steps

    [Step 1] Be me.

    [Step 2] Buy Smash Bros on 3DS.

    [Steps 3-9] Keep playing it every day until your girlfriend leaves you and you lose your job and your family no longer wants anything to do with you.

    [Step 10] Make a short, snarky blog about it. Go back to playing Smash Bros.

    13 comments · 84 views
  • 3w, 4d
    coming back together

    I want to thank everyone who sent me emails, PMs, and comments supporting me in the wake of my grandfather's death. I can't believe so many people, people I've never even seen in person, would go to these lengths just to let me know that I'm in their prayers.

    Now obviously, I'm not going to keep posting about my Paw Paw's death, but I'm still reeling from it. My battle with depression and financial problems in the previous months before choked my creativity to the point where my output trickled down to nothing. I don't think I've updated anything in months, and the most I've written is maybe a couple of paragraphs.

    But that doesn't mean this account is going dead. This means I'm going to pick up the pieces and try again.

    For starters, I'm thinking of putting more of my stories on Fanfic.net, possibly even Deviantart (though honestly I kinda dread the place). Let me know if you have any advice to give in that area -- I don't wanna jump in and get in over my head. I've had enough of that kind of shit IRL, thank you very much.

    As far as my stories go, you'll be pleased that I just finished jotting down the story outline for not one, but two story arcs in Equestrylvania Adventure: one in which Twilight meets Charlotte's mentor, and another which sees the return of easily one of my most favorite Castlevania villains, as well as a dream team-up. I'm using these two to buy me some more time for EqV II (Since I made the mistake of starting that story without a clear indication of where to go. I'm just as lost as RD is right now!). Hopefully, I'll be able to straighten out what I wanna do with EqV II in time for Christmas (And I already have some awesome ideas I wanna use for it... you know, after I rejected quite a few other ideas I wanted to use). So throughout October and November, at least expect the occasional Adventure update. These two arcs are both two-parters, so it shouldn't take me too much effort.

    I'm planning also to write some essay blogs on how to produce decent fiction. I see my friends on this site doing that kind of thing all the time, and I feel my two cents are worth something. Of course, it's only two cents, but hey.

    Also! Before I forget, even though my precious, precious time has become even more precious, I'm working on yet another MLP crossover. Maybe I'll even produce some cover art for it finally. As for what the crossover IS, let's just say it's really Halloween-appropriate.

    Well, I'm done hammering these keys. Ironically, this is the most writing I've done in a week. Love you guys very much, without you this account wouldn't mean anything, God bless.

    2 comments · 64 views
  • 4w, 3d
    regrets

    I've been distraught over it all day and wondering if I should even mention it here on this site. I keep battling between whether to mention my private life here on Fimfic, but last blog post helped me to realize I have friends here. So I'll bring this open and get this off my chest.

    At 1:48 this morning, my grandfather died. At 1:48 this morning, on my grandmother's birthday, my whole family lost one of our most influential and beautiful members. At 1:48 this morning, some of the best summers of my childhood spent at my grandparents' house listening to his stories about his days in the navy and playing board games and helping him tend animals... all these rang louder than church bells in my mind. All these crashed down on me like a wave. I'm devastated.

    And for once I'm left speechless.

    7 comments · 68 views
  • ...
 20
 712

"Sandwiches.

Sandwiches are a food.

Sandwiches are a food. A delicious food. My favorite food. I must decorate my sandwich. I must decorate my food.

Peanut Butter is delicious.

Jelly is delicious.

Rose is not delicious.

...I will make myself a sandwich."

First Published
3rd Nov 2012
Last Modified
3rd Nov 2012
#1 · 102w, 3d ago · · ·

That was...interesting...:rainbowhuh:

#2 · 102w, 3d ago · · ·

I think it's safe to say that we all jelly.

#3 · 102w, 3d ago · · ·

Oh I get it.

Funny one, aren't you?

EDIT: I'm retarded and didn't read the author's note. Still, this was odd, but not too bad.

Also everyone should read EWAF because it's like seriously the best story ever. Seriously.

#4 · 102w, 3d ago · · ·

:rainbowhuh:

#5 · 102w, 3d ago · · ·

That was awesome!  I never knew Roseluck could be such a badass.  I totally loved it.  :pinkiehappy:

#6 · 102w, 1d ago · · ·

Peanut Butter is delicious.

Jelly is delicious.

Rose is not delicious.

...I will make myself a sandwich."

This alone was hilarious enough. I also really loved Redheart's corpse on the couch, and how you just cycled through all of her lover's names. That was brilliant. I had a lot of fun with this, stellar job, Fife.

#7 · 102w, 1d ago · · ·

I'd left the bread and peanut butter out. The bread is stale. Roaches and other filthy vermin have raided the peanut butter. The refrigerator still doesn't exist.

I liked this, because I can almost see something like that happening in the real story. The whole urban decay thing of Eyes taken just a half-inch further. That and the dead body on the couch.

I was born an Earth pony, but tonight I am an Earth pony.

Oh, Rose, you so silly.

#8 · 102w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1557048

If you think Rosie's a badass here, she's twice as badass in the story it parodies. There's a link to it in the Author's Note.

>>1569904

I added Baritone to the last one just to make it even goofier.

#9 · 102w, 9h ago · · ·

I was sold the instant I saw the story description, mate. Eyes is one of my favorite fics on here. It's one of the only dark fics I've ever been really into, just due to the short, terse writing style that seems so rough, desperate, and to me, sometimes beautiful, and the well-paced nature of it all.

As for this, you did a good job--I was smiling throughout. It really deserves more recognition on the site.

#10 · 101w, 6d ago · · ·

Very amusing, Eyes has got to be one of my favorite fics on the site. I think it is funny that a lot of the things that make Eyes stand out as so great are what you are satirizing here, and I can definitely see a lot of that Rose in this.

Anyway, well done... I enjoyed this... and that description... just glorious

#11 · 101w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

>>1556643

I think I love your comment the most.

>>1577040

Stick around, Merc. Jub recently let me adopt one of his characters (Twi's number one thug, Baritone) and I'm writing a story about him. It'll get uploaded some... uh, day. It takes me a longass time to do shit. And that makes me a sad clown. :pinkiesad2:

#12 · 101w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1579423 Oh stp it youu... :rainbowkiss:

Y1
#13 · 101w, 2d ago · · ·

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Oh man. Such a good parody. My favourite part was

I close my eyes and I see the knife cutting into the peanut butter. I remember why I'm here.

Oh. Good for a laugh, not much else to comment on. It was funny, and really, that's the only area a story like this needs be judged.

#14 · 80w, 16h ago · 2 · ·

I open my eyes and am greeted by the sounds of Manehattan.  She's like a reader to my author.  The worst kind of reader.  The one who leaves a downvote and never explains why.  The one who posts a meme in comments thinking she's clever.  The one who says "I don't understand your ending" when an author's note and eighty-seven commenters have already discussed it to death.

I caress her like a lover, pressing my tongue to her streets, my hoof to her manhole, my … oh sweet Luna, where am I even going with this metaphor.  Manehattan takes and takes and takes — endlessly requests me to add chapters to completed short stories; begs for writing tips in semi-coherent txt msg abbrevs.; sometimes even steals the peanut butter.  But not tonight.  Tonight, I kiss buildings with my spell-checker, swing past dangling modifiers and misplaced participles, and soar far above the filth-encrusted streets of mediocre fanfic sludge.

Tonight, the city will feel my upvote.

#15 · 80w, 9h ago · 3 · ·

>>2401954

The moment I saw her name, I knew I was in trouble. With all the courage of a terrified grade schooler on his way to the principal's office, I click on the notification.

I'm greeted with a wave, a pretty smile, a witty comment. Her voice rings like a bell during Christmastime, signaling good cheer and good faith. Being around horizon makes me feel oddly comfortable, despite my fears of her biting criticism.

And a critic she is. Most critics don't deserve the title, simply grown men paid to bitch like spoiled children. But horizon? Horizon is simply the kinda girl who's hard to please. She knows what she likes and accepts no substitutes.

But her warm demeanor and jovial mood put my jittery ego's fears to rest. I stick out a fist. She looks at me like she thinks I'm gonna punch her. I smirk.

"Brohoof," I said.

#16 · 79w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

>>2404339

They say we have an intimacy with our critics that we can never have with our prereaders.  That somewhere in the giant steaming cauldron of blood and sex and sweat and third drafts, strangers' stories can touch a chord in us that friends' feedback could never offer.  Or maybe sometimes they can just write a funny parody of a tale that affected us deeply.

I try not to ponder that too hard as I drag another batch of readers through the filth of My Harshwhinnial, holding their heads down in it until their thrashing nearly ceases, then yanking them back up for a fresh breath of Fugue State, giving them the barest glimpse of something too pure and lovely to exist in this foul city.  Readers.  It's this place.  It attracts them, like flies to road apples.  I know I'm no better than them.  That's why I'm here.

But sometimes one comes along, a little less sullied than the rest.  And holds out a fist to you.  And gives you a look that makes you think, just for a second, that there might be something better.

I stare at the fist.

I hold out my own in return.

"Brohoof," I agree.

#17 · 79w, 17h ago · 2 · ·

>>2401954>>2404339

I fucking love you guys. Mustaches! Mustaches for everyone! :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

#18 · 78w, 3d ago · · ·

I turn to my refrigerator, only to remember that refrigerators don't exist in the pony world.

False.

#19 · 78w, 3d ago · · ·

>>2459303

Doesn't matter.

#20 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

I was born an Earth pony, but tonight I am an Earth pony.

Sweet Luna, that one killed me!

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