Blueblood needs to learn some humility. With the help of Celestia and a few "friends" he will learn his lesson, whether he wants to or not.
Tracking! Cool story
Yes I can track this now!
This looks interesting. I, like many others, hold no special place in my heart for the so-called Prince. However, this story is promising. Could be good.
My sonic fine-tooth comb isn't picking up any major issues. That's rare. Congratz!
AS for the story, only issue i had. Why the feeling for Blueblood/belle so fast by the caretaker, Lance/Spear? Seem sudden.
I guess the genderswap universe will come into play later, other than just being a clever way to write. Perhaps Blueblood/belle meets the other, somehow? Just speculation, of course.
All in all, tracking! this could be interesting!
Xplayer here. Thanks for the reply! I'm glad you enjoyed the story so far.
As for Spear/Lance's "conversion," I take responsibility for the abruptness of that plot device. I tried my best to try to make it sound "natural," but due to the necessities of pacing, I needed to make it relatively quick rather than stretching it out among many chapters. I didn't really want to keep the hatred between Lance/Blueblood/Spear/Bluebelle) for too much of the story, mostly because I felt that Blueblood/Bluebelle needed a friend so they can overcome the trials coming later on. It's not to say that they'll suddenly be BFFs from now on, certainly Lance/Spear will have his/her hands full with Blueblood's/Bluebelle's behavior, but I wanted to break the "wall" between them relatively early.
And yes, the genderswap universe will come into play, but unlike On a Cross and Arrow (on which this story is based) we didn't feel it necessary to have the universes interact right away. Since there are lots of side characters and some OCs that aren't given much development in canon, we felt it necessary to spend the first few chapters on character development.
This is going to be so hilarious. How insufferable they are Vs. their narcissism. I wonder which will win.
Is this going to be another "torture Blueblood" fic? Hopefully not.
Anyhow, pacing seems a bit off, but you already noted why. Perhaps a little slower for following chapters?
Now this looks interesting my good sir please keep up the good work
I hope your version of Blueblood can get to a likable stage faster than some of the other Blueblood fics do. Yes, I know a personality change takes time and a lot of introspection, but even then reading chapter after chapter after chapter of a certain pony being such an unrelenting dick really grinds the enjoyment out of the fic. I'd rather see how other ponies deal with the new him.......
Oh wait actual reviewing. My bad. My ruminating aside, I didn't see any issues with this fic myself aside from some of the pacing. I know you mentioned you wanted to break the wall between BB and Lance/Spear early, but at the same time it does kind of cause the story flow to jump a bit. I mean Spear/Lance were screaming out loud their agony over being lumped with the Royal Load, and then move to being sympathetic to him/her after the very first day? Not to mention asking something like "Do you want to talk?" after BB went missing. First of all running away like that and giving the Commanders a scare was pretty selfish of BB. I'd imagine most ponies would be rather pissed than understanding after having been drug out of their apartment to looking for a spoiled royal.
Actually I did spot one thing that's odd. Two actually. After Commander Lance showed up in Princess Celestia's bedroom he greets her and Professor Mesmera. However in later dialogue P. Celestia warns Lance and Cantrip to close their eyes. Unless Mesmera came to visit the Princess, I'm supposing it was Cantrip he was actually suppose to greet.
The second odd thing I noticed is probably more of me just being very confused is either Professor's already being in Princess Celestia's bedroom at a time when the Commander mentions she should be sleeping. I'm just wondering about that.
I actually didn't notice anything wrong with the pacing... It seems to be as smooth as a trans-dimensional piece can be.
But, then again, I AM me.
Loving it so far, can't wait to see what actually transpires to get blueblood and bluebelle to swap places/come snout-to-snout.
I'd like to see the Octy-scratch from both sides of the mirror, lol >_< Like, they end up with Vinyl and Octavian, and Octavia ends up with... um... Record Scratch? Would Vinyl be a male's name?
... I know! Call him DJ Dub-Step, and his 'real' name is Dudley or something! ... I honestly cannot think of anything better and it seriously is 3 AM. Goodnight!
Tracked, 5/5, commented, will fave when we see how this goes...
Excellent story! I can't wait to read more. The idea is interesting so is the execution. In short: MOAR!!!
Tracking. This seems good. Does anypony else get Professor Cantrip's name?
Oohoo! So you put it here on Config as well as DA? AWESOME! On to chapter 2 then!
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria'
You wanna know irony? I'm listening to DisQord from Europony super beat, and right as Sarge finished, DisQord started laughing madly. Best. Timing. Ever. *goes back to reading the chapter*
Nice. It's much easier to track this here than it is amongst the hundreds of artists I follow on DA! Thanks again!
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
Also the Sarges shouting. I'm sorry but it HAS to be done.
Blueblood: *whines incessantly*
Sarge: FUS RO DAH!!
>>9103191031 FUS RO DOWN! UP! DOWN! UP! YOU CALL THOSE PUSH-UPS, MAGGOT?!?!?!?!?!
Sarge: Now for the 20 mile run!
Blueblood: But my hooves are getting dirty and my mane is in dire need of a barber! One of the royal ones, not one of those peasant-
Sarge: MOVE OUT. YOL TOR SHUUL!!
That's a fav of mine. I love breathing fire.
I'm really enjoying this so far! It's great to see Prince Blueblood getting his comeuppance without it being excessively cruel like some other stories. Having him enrolled in the military is an interesting twist, and I do like that some hint of true character is starting to show for him, not to mention an acknowledgement of his special talent.
Awsome story lest just say stalked....i mean watch tracked
Poor Blueblood\Bluebelle... I actually feel bad for them. So, prince\princess neglected his\her nephew for all his life, then when he, OH SO SUDDENLY grew into royal jerk they threw him into unfamiliar life and subordination, to break and make 'good'. Not when he was a colt and would've easily learned how behave properly.
But guess what - Princess\Prince don't care before it's almost too late, and now Blue' must suffer for Celest' mistakes.
That's not very nice...
>First of all running away like that and giving the Commanders a scare was pretty selfish of BB. I'd imagine most ponies would be rather pissed than understanding after having been drug out of their apartment to looking for a spoiled royal
Yeah. because when Princess and guards and everypony else let him grow into what he is now and oh so suddenly realized he's jerk - perhaps they could've realized it sooner and rise him better when he was colt, huh? - they throw him to sergeant, act like it's all his fault, he's humiliated, worn out, covered in cuts and bruises, and he COMPLETELY unprepared for that - his body, at least, because he lived like prince. By the way, if Princess CARED about him she would've gave him tutor or enrolled into guards sooner.
So, Princess is to blame as much as Blueblood.
>>9213192131 You know i completely agree with you can't always blame a child for their choices in life you can blame the guiding force. but what if the child was given everything they ever wanted just by asking they wouldn't usually become generous the first thing they would do would be to flaunt it in others faces, or even create it in their mind that they have done nothing wrong and when there punished its for something they didn't do
i really need some coffee its to late to be typing like this
>>9213192131 They mention part of the reason for this was his/her long term behavior. This isn't over one little event, this is the latest in a long line of incredibly selfish and abusive behavior to others. As for the Prince/Princess being responsible that's unlikely. We see from the show that the nobility are incredibly arrogant already, bearing the title Prince/Princess and apparently being of some relation to the monarch's would swell their heads even more. Celestia/Solaris likely didn't raise BB personally likely because they couldn't being not only the monarch of the land, but the local sun god/goddess as well. So most of the blame is with the one with the one that acted without care for others.
Nope. It's stated that ONLY Blueblood is 'Prince' and nephew of Celestia. If this is long line of selfish behavior, why won't Princess act sooner? Why Prince was left to grow into jerk without guiding hoof OR given guard-tutor-mentor sooner when he started to act unruly and selfish? If you let your nephew grow without supervision, without looking after him and teaching him how to behave properly.... don't be surprised if he grows into selfish jerk.
But, it's not only his fault. Princess and her nephew both responcible for that.
Well, I guess Celestia's methods are sometimes counter-productive.
Her very own student very nearly grew up to be an antisocial shut-in. She's gotten better, but when it comes
to the Princess she regularly turns into a nervous wreck who's a danger to herself and anypony around her. And remember, she got better after Celestia sent her away. Make of that what you will.
I don't believe Blueblood's as much as a jerk as most stories depict him. Not because of "the good in aynpony" or somesuch. No, it's because he was standing right next to Rarity when she had her great Canterlot shebang- and they both looked fairly comfortable.
intrseting... I woulda just locked the two spoiled royals in the same room. They would have probobky drivin each other nuts. well that or fallen in love.
I'm enjoying this story a great deal, I wish you updated more often, bt I'm also glad you don't rush things.
The only thing I feel the need to point out is that Starswirl probably shouldn't be 'the Bearded' in the other universe where he's (presumably) a mare. May I suggest Starswirl the Braided?
Starswirl the Bearded is than older than Celestia/Solarisk, much older he was born in pre discord age
Xplayer here: Point taken. I still get gender confused with this story :P
Nothing in canon or the fanon universe in which this story takes place (On a Cross and Arrow) indicates that so we took creative license with the timeline.
What Faldo said, though your point stands.
Also: Starswirl the Bearded Girl- VAT?!
How to deal with a niece/nephew that blames you for losing their only friend and feels rejected because you spent time with your student rather than them when they felt they really needed you? Humiliate them some more, of course!
Solaris... You great big idiot...
My mind is rather blank but I can at least say... Thanks.
At first I really didn't like Bluebelle (or Blueblood for that matter), but the way you write them, have made them grow on me... I can't really say why, but even though both Blueblood/Bluebelle AND Trixie are my least favorite characters in the show, I really love their story together. I certainly hope they meet again someday (come on, I have a suspicion that they will )
>>183815183815 perchance. you will have to wait (truth be told i make most of this up as i go). in fact you will ALL have to wait! MUAH HA HA HA!
But Ah want it NAO!
Please don't be mad
I never thought of Blueblood and Trixie being friends when they were young. It certainly explains a lot. I like this bit of backstory for them!
It's Presto, it's Presto and the Belle, Belle, Belle, Belle, Belle. "Snarf!"
Pinkie and the Brain reference. "what we gonna do today?" FOR THE WIIIIN!!!
Also, I love the whammy back-and-forth flow of the chapters. It's better -imo- than the "Belle Chapter" and then the "Blood Chapter", where the only difference is the gender wording.
>>184060184060 not at all. XD
>>184941184941 well i wasn't even thinking of that sooooo... sure. and thank you about the chapter flow. it is the part that we were most concerned about people getting
>>184457184457 Probably more to come, it depends on chapter flow as well as some other junk, but if the fans like it i can at least tryto fit it in.
Who considers whining about the length of this chapter. The quality of the writing speaks for itself, and it was a very enjoyable read . I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter
>>199970199970 Thank you very much, though i must say that, with a crapload of schoolwork this and next week, as well as the short month and a conference i am attending next weekend it may be another month or so until chapter four. I can only hope that our writing style does not deteriorate. (though, as my first fanfic, albeit done by two people who love to read and write, writing style should improve as we progress and get used to eachother's style of writing, as well as our own.)
also, if may i ask, could you tell me/us your favorite and least favorite parts as far as style is concerned? it is hard to get detailed feedback sometimes, and i (while not sure of xplayer) have no prereaders other than myself and my co-author.
>>199988199988 Well first off I enjoy the past you give Blueblood/Bluebelle. It's done really well, and having a fan-favourite like Trixie and her counterpart be a part of it was also a nice touch. The fact he/she's integral to the blue's history also explains a lot about how she would become the braggart who ran out of Ponyville after the Ursa incident.
The pinkie and the brain reference was cute too . Maybe a little more Blueblood in the story since this chapter seemed to feature a more 60/40 or 75% more Bluebelle than Blueblood. Assuming of course you are trying to keep a balance between the two characters, or prefer to focus a little more on BLuebelle or Blueblood in each chapter.
I enjoy the switching points of view, since it is essentially the same story going on, in both universes, but I always recognize when the POV shifts so I like that. I really don't have any complaints about this story. Maybe a different cover image as it has always struck me as Blueblood turned into Bluebelle via a TG spell. Dunno if you can get your hands on a image with Blueblood and Bluebelle but that would be fantastic.
>>200025200025 we included trixie for that exact reason. and the pinkie and the brain ref was unintentional as far as i know. and i will work on the character spacing. also for images: http://catholic-deviant.deviantart.com/gallery/33966809
all done by me
Xplayer here. The Pinkie and the Brain reference was definitely intentional. It seems my partner isn't as attuned to classic 90s cartoons as I.
>>202691202691 I resent that remark. It has just been SOOOOOO long
-John from other account
Finally! Now the we hit the craziness of alternate universes full time! I wonder what's gonna happen next?
>>590535590535 just wait until the next chapter to find out XD
Oh my god. So happy right now. This fic hasn't updated in so long, I was beginning to lose hope.
>>591069591069 yeah, we had scheduling problems and some such. hopefully we will be faster next time.
that is all
I Demand More!!!!
>>591101591101 It would be so much easier to deal with if either this or Whisper of Wind updated more often.
Yay, an update! I have a feeling about what's gonna happen in the next chapter
Been waiting for this for a while now. Keep at it, I can tell this'll be good!
They ALL went into another dimension
I thought it would just be blueblood/ bluebelle
All I can think is
why is it a big gap to the ending Line?
>>700227700227 oops, that would be from google docs transition. fixing now
i have no idea what is going on
>>700281700281 it will clear up eventually. can't explain everything all at once or else there would be no story
Actually I think what's going on is rather obvious... If entertaining. =3
Wonder how TGaP will react to this.
Hehe, just a new chapter and you got featured!
Good job and good chapter, I hope you'll continue soon.
>>700500700500 All i can say is that that scene will be horrid to write, but with great results.
>>700546700546 for the second time.
first rule of space-time/parallel universe travel DON'T second rule DON'T SPEAK IN STEREO third rule JUST DON'T TRY IT
anyway keep it up
*reads up to this point* I am intrigued.*favorites*
>>700573700573 I hope so, gotta say, I'm really liking this story. =3
>>700662700662 psh, what's the fun in that?.?
Hooray! An update!
(Why must all the really good rule 63 stories have such long update schedules?! At least this one seems to be speeding up.)
>>700769700769 which one
Agreed. What the hell is Conner Cogwork doing, anyways?
Wait. Its summer. Does that mean many fics might get a +10% update boost?(assuming he's in school. If not, back to plodding along.)
You give me a great idea for a Season 3 finale fan-fic: Trixie marrying Blueblood!!
Wow! Gender-swaps are pretty much always good, and this one's awesome! Who wouldn't want to see Prince Blueblood get his comeuppance? I can think of one pony who doesn't not want to see it!
“Are there no prisons, are there no workhouses?”
Somepony saw George C. Scott's A Christmas Carol.
Isn't Dusk, Elusive, ect. in Cross and Arrow? This sounds exactly ike the idea, just about different characters. XD
“Lovely. If you’ll excuse me I think that I’ll check into a mental hospital now,” Cantrip deadpanned.
>>701098701098 I have to pick one?
And here i was hoping that Blue' would be sent through by means of a swift kick to the ass...
oh wow, I did not know this was on here. I was reading it on DA like a sucker.
But... But... *Whimpers* I WANTED BLUEBLOODxTRIXIE SHIPPING! How can that happen if... GAH! DAMMIT! Y U NO NOT TEASE USH?!
First let me say I do like the story a lot. But I would like to add I am slightly dissapointed. The story is really interesting switching back and forth like this, but I had hoped the original plan was to have BlueBlood encounter his other self and, the pair seeing eachother as the insufferable twats from the outside, might finally see how annoying they are.
True, I could see how that would fail too if both actually liked what they saw rather than being disgusted by it, but still it was a general hope that BlueBlood might have to deal with what everypony around him has to deal with.
>>702009702009 yes and have a my treat
>>704672704672 but... but...... I wanna do both of them!
>>704849704849 there was 3 rules I wrote
Oh dear, this is going to leave Blueblood/Bluebelle in the total confusion realm. Of course, if you don't completely disrupt the world view, it's really hard to convince someone that they are operating on a faulty viewpoint in the first place. Adding the others in the group is likely to confuse things even further, though I suspect that simply having to deal with individuals that she/he would likely not spend more than a luncheon's worth of time with can only help break some of Blueblood/Bluebelle's bad habits. While I would not have predicted an acquaintance between Bluebelle and Presto, it does make sense in a way, since they do share some definite personality traits. I just wonder if the same applies to Blueblood? Being a stallion, I'm just not sure that his psyche would be such that he would have a reciprocal relationship with Trixie. (shrugging) Well, I guess we'll find out more about that possibility in the next installment.
I did catch one mistake in the gender during the scene with Cantrip being taken before Solaris.
The guards continued to escort him to the dungeons until a black coated unicorn mare trotted up. “Special order from the Prince. The prisoner is to be brought to her directly.”
That "her" should most definitely have been a "him."
>>704857704857 but the first rule was also the third just worded differently. =3
>>704864704864 no it was different the first rule meant don't bother trying to understand it and the third rule meant don't try to do it in the first place unless you are immortal e.g. the doctor
but I can see how that could cause confusion so free pie on me and take a for your troubles
>>704874704874 ahh'k then. Thanks for pie. =3
>>704888704888 your welcome
When I first saw this story, I thought it would be about Blueblood getting turned into a mare. But this is just as good.
>>704862704862 There are so many little things like that in a story like this that it is virtually impossible to get them all. When the whole thing is over I'm gonna get people to help nitpick like that, then make a pdf for it (all at once) so that it can go on e-readers, so thanks for pointing it out, but there are many more.
>>704340704340 While throwing the two in a room for a week would be fun, I wanted them to get a bit more reachable. To avoid spoilers I will only say that their meeting may or may not be planned, but if so it will be near the end. Also, as to your other concerns, there is a reason for everything in there.
>>705200705200 That would be fun, but alas, I am working on this for now. Perhaps if I am inspired after this is over I could work on one like that, though the quality would drop without the help of Xplayer as my co-author.
>>702765702765 I suppose I could add the Fimfiction link in the DA description if that would help.
>>702990702990 The day is young, there may be time for that in the future.
>>701535701535 DING DING DING! We have a winner!
>>701424701424 I would give you a free cat, but somepony else already noticed that on DeviantArt.
>>700948700948 We do our best.
and I think that's everypony...
I'm still not ruling that out in some point in the story
>>705592705592 Oh, it's nothing against the individual authors. It's just an aggravating pattern.
While I find the switching between perspectives interesting, it is also very annoying.
I feel that focusing on one and after mayor events seeing the others perspectives could've worked better, though that could ruin the dual-universe feeling.
Fun seeing some 63 stuff with not the mane 6 though.
Also, good work on the OC's, as they are believeable and needed. (That is a much bigger achievement than you think)