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In an unknown new world filled with mysterious and unexplored dangerous ruins, the story follows Sketch and Kickbolt, two explorers, as they slowly but surely uncover the history explaining what happened in this world. And more importantly, why the pony folk suddenly were brought to it just a little over a century ago.
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Cover image made by: CSImadmax!
The idea in my head is that it's pretty much just a bunch of fields with scattered ruins, havent even thought about a forest.
I was planing on working more on that later (explaining surrounding areas), but the point of reading (rather than watching) is that you end up imagining the world in your head.
And for the 4,5/5... THANK YOU! 
While of course I would be hoping for all 5 stars (who wouldn't? lol), I was honestly expecting 2 or 3's, lol.
Although I should mention that the second chapter ended up getting rushed at the end, and I never ended up looking it over before posting it here (grammar mistakes a-hoy). I should take things slower.
Fascinating story! I look forward to future chapters. I believe there were no grammar or spelling mistakes to be noted, although I may not have been paying quite as close attention as I ought to have been. Anyhow, I applaud your ability to draw in your reader and establish a compelling mystery. You have shown remarkable talent, and I eagerly anticipate the continuation.
This is pretty great! It lays out a really good foundation for all the upcoming chapters, for both the environment and the characters all in one chapter; that takes some skill right there. I've read up to chapter two right now, and I just realized how funny/punny it would have been if Fourtow had four river channels surrounding it, instead of towers. Wait for it... Fourchan
Tracking now! Also, I weild the ironic fist of fourth (Fourtow)! This is really interesting, and has the potential to be VERY long as it is so open-ended right now... How long do you think you will make his story Diexna? Or are you just thinking up the story one chapter at a time?
I honestly have no idea how long it'll end up, when I first started I imagined that the current chapter 4 would be the end of chapter 1 or something.
That didn't turn out so well. As it looks now, this story will be going on for a long while. 
I have several key points already figured out, some important, some mostly just because I want to try writing it. But as for everything in between, I'm mostly making it up on whim. Of course, I don't just go with any ideas I come up with. I'm picky like that.
And apparently a lot of you seem to be reminded of different dungeon crawler games. 
Not a bad thing, it just keeps catching me off guard. Although I like having comparisons like that, gives me something to think about. 
I should mention everything I'm writing for this story is ENTIRELY original (you know, besides the pony thing), any similarities just sorta happened. Granted, I play a lot of video games, mostly RPGs of different kinds, so I suppose I have some inspiration from those.
If there is one thing I take pride in, it is my grammar. So, yes, actually, by my own admission, I am.
I am the mechanical prereader for this fic; I make sure punctuation goes where it belongs and tenses line up. I make sure the sentence flows well enough and conveys the intended meaning. If, then, there are mechanical errors, they are my fault, I overlooked them, and I accept blame for them. When I am given a chance to look over chapter six, I will be more observant.
However, I do not alter the author's style beyond superficial changes where rephrasing or reordering existing words aids in the comprehension of the narrative. I am also extremely forgiving when it comes to writing styles, except where writing styles interfere with comprehension. If there is a flaw in the writing style, it's not something I've noticed and I may be assuming too much. If the problem lies there, I will increase my focus on syntax as well.
Understand that the author is not a native English speaker and I will not undermine his creative license, or his style, due to that fact. This is his story, and I will let him tell it the way he wants to tell it, provided all of the periods are in the right place.
Oh, darn. I was sure I'd missed something, but that? *facehoof* For shame, Lysander, for shame.
Like Diexna said, though, we all sort of collectively rushed through the editing process toward the end so he could get it published before going to bed. I'd like to think we got most of them, but obviously we still missed a few of the real gems.
All the same, thanks for pointing it out.
>>345592 I usually pick up on things like that. But never say anything because someone else always spoils the fun. 
Ah well. I figured he was a previous inhabitant turned pony. I wonder if the previous inhabitants were either humans, or centaurs, or just xenos.
My thoughts: Though some of the prologue feels very list-like (This happened, then this) it's not that bad and I got through it just fine.
A few minor grammatical errors, but all and all if the rest of the story is as well told as this first chapter I can say that it will have my vote for being put into the High Quality Fictions Group.
My first impressions are majorly positive.
-The plot is relatively unique, and very interesting. It leaves out just enough in the first chapter to lead to a desire to read more.
-Characterization seems to be well in hoof. Map Sketch and Kickbolt seem interesting enough, and the displayed rivalry between Sketch and Pledgeword certainly gives an impression of something more to come.
-The grammar and spelling are fairly solid, which is a plus for me. I only really had three major issues, all of them appearing to be an instance where you wrote something, only to be distracted and write an awkward thought. I know only too well how easy these can be to overlook.
"Life was had gotten a lot easier for the ponies."
“Well if it weren’t for you protecting me either they wouldn’t let me us go either.”
"While none of the three had any issues with each other, besides Sketch's and Pledgeword's constant bickering."
I'm thus far enjoying this fic, and will certainly be looking forward to reading more this evening. This is definitely worth a favorite.
Thanks!
I fixed the errors you pointed out... I hope. Those are perfect examples of what you just said, resulting in a really awkward sentance. Then I go back to fix it later, resulting in a slightly less awkward sentance, but that I somehow see as good enough compared to earlier.
The next chapter is running a little late. Started off with me just being busy for a few days, but right after that I got hit with a cold! Apparently, writing while having a fever isn't easy (nor recommended, if you don't want something completely messed up). I'm still stuck with a slight headache and a bit of a cough, but I'm gonna try and get some more writing done today!
Pinkie Promise!!
(Amount of writing resulting from Pinkie Promise may vary from 300 to 3000 words done in one day. Battery not included.)
It's quite alright. I'm somewhat of a grazing reader, most of the time reading only a chapter or two per day, so it isn't like authors releasing slowly bothers me.
Besides, I've been fighting my own bout of writers block. I know exactly how that can be bothersome.
Won't lie, I found it reminding me more of the Legend of Zelda series than anything else. Especially with the events of the third chapter.
I know what you mean about filling in the gaps between plot points. That's part of the reason I'm stuck with my own story at the moment.
Aww mannn... I was hoping that Crimson would get something more mysterious than an orange sphere as a cutie mark. After all, considering his entrance into the story (fully grown stallion on top of the unexplored tower, in a world which ponies themselves mysteriously appeared in for unknown reason), I was hoping it'd be something a little more... plot-advancing. Oh well.
Good story! Keep it up!
It's not exactly right, but it's not wrong either. Currently the dungeon doesn't really have a direct shape, it's just a bunch of tunnels pointing of in different directions. But with some minor adjustments, then yes, it'd be cross shaped.
The fact that the floors overlap each other helps.
Finally a snippet of info from Equestria that was! This story has had a bit of a slow start, but I've grown to love the feel of exploring a trap and monster-filled dungeon, so bravo for that! Awaiting whatever comes next, and tracked for your convenience (and mine)
I would give good money to play a dungeon-solver game based on ppnies, lemme tell ya. I grew up with games like the Zelda franchise and other puzzle solvers. This story could easily feature Crimson as a PC and happily be adapted as a dungeon crawler plot. You certainly seem to have a knack for building logic tests, after all. Unless you're just knicking them from games you've played. Shame on you, if that's the case. I'm having too much fun reading this for you to have appropriated the puzzles. I'd feel betrayed!
I swear, I'm making these up myself! Granted, there's always a chance that there's some game out there with similar things. Frankly, it's probably unavaoidable at some point. But what's in the story so far is 100% made up by me and me alone (the puzzles that is). I've already thought up a few different themes for upcoming dungeons, but I'm willing to bet they've already been done to some extent in games already out there. As I said, I can't avoid that. I DO however want to throw in some references here and there... water temple, anyone?
I've always had a love for logical puzzles of different sorts, but this is the first time I'm actually taking the time to make some myself. As a comparison, my general math is horrendously bad, on the other hand as soon as the math becomes logical questions instead of just... math, they instantly seem easy for me. Or something. 
The problem I'm constantly running into, is that I keep wondering if it's too simple or too hard. Seeing how I'm the one making them up, including the answers, it's hard to say how it would be approached by someone else. Did you guys figure out how to deal with this dungeon before Sketch explained it? If so, when did you figure it out?
eeyup, that first voice is definitely Luna.
Don't worry, the dungeon seemed alright to me and I wasn't able to figure it out, but it's 2am and I'm tired so I'm not at my best right now
I still think that it was a good idea(I can't wait for Aegis to try out his airbombs)
Ahh glad to see that the Master takes her job seriously, developing teams by putting them through known dangers to better measure their growth before sending them to the big time. Or she's lost it completely 
Yay K'les! The plot thickens. Can't wait to see whats coming up. Hoping to see more hints on the overarching plot in the next few chapters. Thow us some more bones!
>>557398 I hope that's the case. Because if she knew about the mud monsters and the potential dead end, she's definitely off her rocker.
I'm also kinda sad that it seems like the explanation for how this world is connected to Equestria is still long in coming. It's tantalizing because we all know it is somehow connected both from the blurb on the unknown history of the land as well as the acknowledged fact that ponies randomly appeared here some hundreds of years ago. In-story tantalizing hints would be that of Crimson Aegis randomly appearing when not there before.
I want more overarching plot bones! MOOOARRRR 
Going to have to ask you to re-read the part where Pledgie finds the book specifically, since the information is there. The rest... well...
Secrets and lies, it's all secrets and lies with those ponies!
Or a certain elderly mare has gone senile, as some of the previous commentors seems to have noted as well. Whatever you think fits best.
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One thing still confuses me though, If Sketch's team hasn't visited Fourtow since they set out, then how did Pledgeword find a book that tells the details of where they've been? 
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