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  • 124w, 1d
    When I should write

    When I'm playing a game I think "I should write."

    When I'm watching a movie I think "I should write."

    When I'm eating I think "I should write."

    When I'm out for the day I think "I should write."

    When I'm reading I think "I should write."

    When I'm staring at the google document, ready to write, I think about anything but writing.

    Damn you, internet.

    3 comments · 152 views
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In an unknown new world filled with mysterious and unexplored dangerous ruins, the story follows Sketch and Kickbolt, two explorers, as they slowly but surely uncover the history explaining what happened in this world. And more importantly, why the pony folk suddenly were brought to it just a little over a century ago.

[Featured on EqD!]

Cover image made by: CSImadmax!

First Published
26th Dec 2011
Last Modified
28th Sep 2012
#1 · 147w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

For some reason it makes me think of Mayan ruins in a rainforest. I'm no expert on pacing and stuff like that, but I enjoyed these chapters. If I were to rate right now, I'd give it a 4,5/5.

#2 · 147w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

>>89323

The idea in my head is that it's pretty much just a bunch of fields with scattered ruins, havent even thought about a forest.

I was planing on working more on that later (explaining surrounding areas), but the point of reading (rather than watching) is that you end up imagining the  world in your head.

And for the 4,5/5... THANK YOU! :pinkiehappy:

While of course I would be hoping for all 5 stars (who wouldn't? lol), I was honestly expecting 2 or 3's, lol.

Although I should mention that the second chapter ended up getting rushed at the end, and I never ended up looking it over before posting it here (grammar mistakes a-hoy). I should take things slower.

#3 · 147w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

Looking good! I'll be following this.

#4 · 139w, 3d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

Fascinating story!  I look forward to future chapters.  I believe there were no grammar or spelling mistakes to be noted, although I may not have been paying quite as close attention as I ought to have been.  Anyhow, I applaud your ability to draw in your reader and establish a compelling mystery.  You have shown remarkable talent, and I eagerly anticipate the continuation.

#5 · 139w, 2d ago · · · Prologue & Chapter 1 ·

Oh wow, Pledgeword is mean. I really, really, really look forward to reading more of this.

#6 · 139w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

Somehow this feels a bit like recettear with the dungeons and adventurers and stuff xD

#7 · 139w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Nice, the story gives me a bit of Daring Do feeling. I can already guess that from here on out the three of them will explore places further away...

#8 · 139w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Ohohoho, the plot thickens...

#9 · 139w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

and I've already read this

#10 · 139w, 5h ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

When you're ready for me to look at chapter 5, give me a shout. I'll come running!:pinkiehappy:

#11 · 137w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

I'm prereading this but I'll track it here anyway. Give me a shout when the next chapter starts production, I'll  be over there in a flash!

Oh also this is a good story so far.

But you knew that.

:p

#12 · 137w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

they obviously aren't Grammar Nazis:ajbemused:

and........

I WIELD THE MIGHTY HORN OF FIRST!!!!!!!

#13 · 137w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

>>300494

And I wield the mighty wings of Second!

I wonder where this story will lead too...

#14 · 137w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

>>302951 I wonder as well

#15 · 137w, 2d ago · · · Prologue & Chapter 1 ·

This is pretty great! It lays out a really good foundation for all the upcoming chapters, for both the environment and the characters all in one chapter; that takes some skill right there. I've read up to chapter two right now, and I just realized how funny/punny it would have been if Fourtow had four river channels surrounding it, instead of towers. Wait for it... Fourchan:rainbowlaugh:

#16 · 137w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

I am feeling a Mystery Dungeon vibe off of this story. I realize it's not a crossover, but there seems to be a lot of similarities. That or I'm just imagining things. Either way, I'm enjoying it.

#17 · 137w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

Tracking now! Also, I weild the ironic fist of fourth (Fourtow)! This is really interesting, and has the potential to be VERY long as it is so open-ended right now... How long do you think you will make his story Diexna? Or are you just thinking up the story one chapter at a time?

#18 · 137w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

>>303889

I honestly have no idea how long it'll end up, when I first started I imagined that the current chapter 4 would be the end of chapter 1 or something.

That didn't turn out so well. As it looks now, this story will be going on for a long while. :eeyup:

I have several key points already figured out, some important, some mostly just because I want to try writing it. But as for everything in between, I'm mostly making it up on whim. Of course, I don't just go with any ideas I come up with. I'm picky like that.

And apparently a lot of you seem to be reminded of different dungeon crawler games. :rainbowhuh:

Not a bad thing, it just keeps catching me off guard. Although I like having comparisons like that, gives me something to think about. :twilightsmile:

I should mention everything I'm writing for this story is ENTIRELY original (you know, besides the pony thing), any similarities just sorta happened. Granted, I play a lot of video games, mostly RPGs of different kinds, so I suppose I have some inspiration from those.

#19 · 137w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

The story does draw some images from Etrian Odyssey from my memory. I mostly wonder, where will they go now?

#20 · 137w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

>>300494

If there is one thing I take pride in, it is my grammar. So, yes, actually, by my own admission, I am.

I am the mechanical prereader for this fic; I make sure punctuation goes where it belongs and tenses line up. I make sure the sentence flows well enough and conveys the intended meaning. If, then, there are mechanical errors, they are my fault, I overlooked them, and I accept blame for them. When I am given a chance to look over chapter six, I will be more observant.

However, I do not alter the author's style beyond superficial changes where rephrasing or reordering existing words aids in the comprehension of the narrative. I am also extremely forgiving when it comes to writing styles, except where writing styles interfere with comprehension. If there is a flaw in the writing style, it's not something I've noticed and I may be assuming too much. If the problem lies there, I will increase my focus on syntax as well.

Understand that the author is not a native English speaker and I will not undermine his creative license, or his style, due to that fact. This is his story, and I will let him tell it the way he wants to tell it, provided all of the periods are in the right place.

#21 · 137w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

>>304997

tl;dr: "I'm awesome."

:>

#22 · 135w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

Wonder whats in store next for us next...

#23 · 135w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

Exciting story :twilightsmile: Setting up quite the mystery!

#24 · 135w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

Interesting.  Is he a previous inhabitant, or perhaps a sentient AI modeled after the first sentient beings to enter the tower?  What are the shadows that watch?  Why is Master so bipolar?  Is she connected to the towers and the shadows?

#25 · 135w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

:pinkiehappy: The story is really exciting!! I hope the next one comes out soon or I might go...:pinkiecrazy:

#26 · 135w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

>>339705

Clever pony...

#28 · 134w, 3d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

Got myself a proper cover image!

You can all thank CSImadmax for this one. :raritystarry:

Edit: Next chapter is almost done. I just need to stop staring at this cover image so I can finish it.

#29 · 134w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

Typo: muche asier

Around paragraph 20 or so.

Great chapter! I laughed out loud to the runes at the end.

#30 · 134w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

>>384198

Thanks!

I sorta rushed through the pre-reading phase just to get this chapter published, but we'll be looking over it again and ninja-edit anything that got left out.

Glad you laughed. :twilightsmile:

#31 · 134w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

Long chapter is loooooooooooooooooong.

#32 · 134w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

You've clearly put a lot of effort into this story, and it pains me to see it get so little attention.

OCs really do scare away a lot of people, it seems.

Regardless, I applaud your persistence :)

#33 · 134w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

>>384693

Thank you!

In my mind, this story has barely even started! So yeah, I'm going to keep being persistent for a long while. :eeyup:

#34 · 134w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

>>384198

Oh, darn. I was sure I'd missed something, but that? *facehoof* For shame, Lysander, for shame.

Like Diexna said, though, we all sort of collectively rushed through the editing process toward the end so he could get it published before going to bed. I'd like to think we got most of them, but obviously we still missed a few of the real gems.

All the same, thanks for pointing it out.

#35 · 134w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

for some reason, this reminds me of those old "Nethack"-style dungeon crawlers.

A big ancient mystery, a group of an explorer, a warrior and some guy with a shady/unknown past, exploring ancient ruins...

Yeah, sums it up well I think.

Good job!

#36 · 134w, 1d ago · · · Prologue & Chapter 1 ·

The story sort of reminds me a little of Antipodes. Looking forward!

#37 · 134w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

>>89344 That is EXACTLY how I pictured it too! :pinkiehappy:

Awesome story, man!

#38 · 134w, 22h ago · · · Prologue & Chapter 1 ·

really liked it next one

#39 · 134w, 20h ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

irony is irony-y:trollestia:

Gem
#40 · 133w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

Just read all the chapters up to here (Chapter 7) and I love it! :pinkiehappy:

It's like Pokémon Mystery Dungeon... with ponies. What more could you want?!

#41 · 133w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

>>391077

Too bad I never played any of the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games!  :derpytongue2:

#42 · 133w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 5 ·

>>302951 Fist and Second? Totally reminds me of DannyJ's Human.

Anyway. Oh, shit. Pledgeword... Of course.

#43 · 133w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

>>345592 I usually pick up on things like that. But never say anything because someone else always spoils the fun. :applecry:

Ah well. I figured he was a previous inhabitant turned pony. I wonder if the previous inhabitants were either humans, or centaurs, or just xenos.

#44 · 133w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

I love this~! It's like a lighter version of Antipodes! I am totally sticking around for more!

#45 · 133w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

>>392699

Definitely my favorite fanfiction on here, it certainly does give off a PMD vibe. The magic stones are very similar to Wonder Orbs.

#46 · 133w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

I think that Navi must be invisible and only audible to Crimson. "HEY! LISTEN! Try putting a mushroom there." That was an RPG moment if there ever was one.

#47 · 133w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 7 ·

Wall: U mad?  :trollestia:

#48 · 133w, 2d ago · · · Prologue & Chapter 1 ·

My thoughts: Though some of the prologue feels very list-like (This happened, then this) it's not that bad and I got through it just fine.

A few minor grammatical errors, but all and all if the rest of the story is as well told as this first chapter I can say that it will have my vote for being put into the High Quality Fictions Group.

#49 · 133w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

Perhaps you should skim these chapters over for a few more mistakes in grammar and such, but other than that this looks like a great story.

#50 · 132w, 5d ago · · · Prologue & Chapter 1 ·

My first impressions are majorly positive.

-The plot is relatively unique, and very interesting. It leaves out just enough in the first chapter to lead to a desire to read more.

-Characterization seems to be well in hoof. Map Sketch and Kickbolt seem interesting enough, and the displayed rivalry between Sketch and Pledgeword certainly gives an impression of something more to come.

-The grammar and spelling are fairly solid, which is a plus for me. I only really had three major issues, all of them appearing to be an instance where you wrote something, only to be distracted and write an awkward thought. I know only too well how easy these can be to overlook.

"Life was had gotten a lot easier for the ponies."

“Well if it weren’t for you protecting me either they wouldn’t let me us go either.”

"While none of the three had any issues with each other, besides Sketch's and Pledgeword's constant bickering."

I'm thus far enjoying this fic, and will certainly be looking forward to reading more this evening. This is definitely worth a favorite.

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