Chapter 13
Perquisition
Chapter 13
The ponies all stared at the monstrosity, who just guffawed back at them. “What, never seen a draconequus before? I didn’t think we were that rare,” he said, taking a quick sip from his glass of chocolate milk. Without warning, he was sucked into the glass, which fell to the ground, shattering.
“I’ve been keeping my eyes on you three,” his voice echoed around them. The creature itself was nowhere in sight as the ponies’ eyes darted around the room. K’les just stood next to the throne, smiling. “I have to say, you’ve done far better than I expected. Of course, I only actually bothered since you found Crimson Aegis there.”
Sketch stepped forward towards the center of the room. “Who are you? What are you? What do you want?!” she called out, stomping for every question asked. The next thing she knew, everything was upside down.
“Ah, Map Sketch, the ever so curious one.” She felt a claw on her shoulder, as she turned around. The draconequus was standing next to her - on the ceiling - with a nasty smirk. “Tell me, has there ever been a day where you didn’t put some other ponies life at risk?”
“Leave her alone!” Kickbolt bellowed, dashing towards their position up near the center of the room as fast as his plated wings allowed him to.
He shot the incoming pegasus a smile. “Oh, and you must be Kickbolt. The overprotective one.” He snapped his lion’s paw, and disappeared again in a cloud of cotton candy that Kickbolt collided with. “I have to say, I’d rather walk into a mysterious dungeon with you than with her. Then again, the moment any kind of brain activity would be necessary you seem to just blank out.”
Kickbolt was struggling to free himself from the cotton candy that was sticking him to the roof. Sketch was standing next to him, still stuck on the ceiling, unsure what to do.
He reappeared again on the throne, using his paw again to shield his eyes as he looked about the room. “Now, who did I miss? Oh right, nopony. I could cover you some more, C-C-C-C-Crimson Aegis. Smart fellow, but way too timid. Still, you’re a decent choice for what you’ve got ahead of yourselves.”
Crimson himself was paralyzed in fear, staring up at the looming abomination before him. “W-W-W--”
“Oh, speak up already! That’s probably the most annoying thing about you. The stutter! Who knew you would end up with that? I for one didn’t expect it!”
“Did you expect this?!”
Kickbolt had managed to free himself from the pink fluff, and had lined it up so that when he gave it one strong kick in mid-air, it flew right at the creature’s face. Kickbolt’s ‘enhanced control’ over lightning immediately triggered a chain reaction inside the cloud, making it shoot bolts of lightning in every direction the moment it took off. The creature slowly turned his head with a lazy smile as the incoming cloud flew at him and hit his head.
“Well,” he said, barely being able to raise his voice over the sound of the lightning bolts shooting from the cloud stuck to his head, “No, I don’t think I saw that coming.” He suddenly doubled over while levitating, laughing his heart out, all while being electrocuted by the cotton candy cloud. “Good one! Bravo!” he cheered, clapping loudly.
Kickbolt was trying to pull Sketch down from the ceiling, but gravity seemed to work in reverse for her, and she catapulted back upwards again to the ceiling, landing upside-down again. “Shouldn’t you be electrocuted by now?” the mare asked, oddly calm despite hanging from the ceiling.
“I don’t know, maybe? I never bothered with such details. Anyway, playtime’s over,” he declared. In the blink of an eye, everything was just as when they had first entered the room. He cleared his throat, loudly. “To answer Map Sketch’s questions, my name is Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony, and I want your help.”
“Help? You just stuck me to the ceiling!” the mint green mare complained, flailing a leg in his direction.
Discord rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry if I came off as a bit rude, but I’ve been stuck here for quite a while without company, and I was getting bored.” He gleaned at K’les ,who was tugging at his tail. “Well, no company aside from the occasional shadow creature,” he amended himself. “My point is, I need you three to help me with... certain tasks.”
Sketch shook her head. “Hold on now. K’les told us we’d be getting answers!”
The shadow’s head bounced up and down in excitement as he looked at the pony, but as it turned to look at his master’s expression, he quickly stilled himself.
“Did he now?” Discord said, glaring at K’les. “Well, I’m afraid you just got outsmarted by a shadow. I told him to bring you here, and that’s exactly what he’s done. Can’t say a lot of ponies can brag about that, assuming it’s something you’d want to brag about.” He picked up K’les and began to pat him as if he were a cat. “So what did you want answering anyway?”
“Uhh... I didn’t think about that,” Sketch mumbled, suddenly throwing a blank.
“Why can I read the r-runes?” Crimson suddenly asked. Everyone in the room turned to look at the unicorn, who had been standing in the back row without drawing attention to himself. “Why d-d-on’t I have any memories? What w-was I doing in that tower? Y-You said you’ve been following us ever s-since they first found m-me, so you must know something about me.”
Discord sighed heavily and openly. “I was hoping you wouldn’t actually have any questions, but I suppose that was too much to hope for.” In a puff of smoke, he appeared next to Crimson in the shape of a dirt brown unicorn, his horn as twisted as one of his normal ones. “I do have an answer for that actually!” he exclaimed, throwing a leg over Crimson’s back. He pressed his other hoof up against his forehead and looked up to the ceiling with a frown. “Alas! I can’t actually part with that particular information yet, partially because I still need you to help me.”
Crimson tried to pull himself away, but found a copy of Discord on his other side, trapping him in yet another hug. “Help you w-with what?” he reluctantly asked, unsure whether to escape with magic or just brace himself as another pony copy of Discord appeared before him.
“Oh, not much,” all three clones said before suddenly exploding into pieces of glass, scattering all over the floor. “It just so happens we have a common goal right now. I need you three to get somewhere for me. Get me one of those runes, and I maybe I’ll be able to answer some of your questions,” he said, now sitting upside down on his throne again, but the throne itself was lying sideways, with K’les on top of it.
“How is that a common goal?” Sketch asked. “We’re not here for the runes.”
The draconequus smirked, his uneven eyes leering at the three of them. “Maybe that’s not what you came here for, but now that you know that there are some here, you won’t be able to resist now, will you?” He pulled out a whistle and blew it loudly. When the signal stopped, everything in the room had swapped location and direction, as if they were now looking through a mirror.
“Oh, I should mention something while I’m at it. I’m staying here, but we’re actually not at that temple you came in from. That portal you took, the one just behind you?” He pointed towards the swirling rainbow colors in the doorway. “It’ll lead you back to the temple again. You can come back here through it when you’re finished.” He began to wave nonchalantly, blowing bubbles into his drink. “Now go on, time is of the essence! At least if you want things to go faster.”
The green mare furrowed her eyebrows and snorted. “ Why don’t you just go yourself? And how exactly is this a common goal? I’m not so sure I want to explore a dangerous temple on the whim of a trickster.”
“Oh right, the common goal!” Discord began to roll around mid-air, laughing hysterically before spontaneously stopping again. “It just so happens that those two explorers from Hill’s Base are stuck literally juuust before the exact spot where I want you to go!” He floated up towards them and pouted up his cheeks while grinning. “Aren’t coincidences fun?”
Kickbolt ran up and pushed Sketch aside, much to her displeasure. “Wait, you trapped them here just to get us to do your dirty work?! What exactly are you planing?”
“Oh no no no!” the abomination began to shake his limbs in protest. “I didn’t lead them here or trap them. Trust me when I say this, I don’t lie, and I certainly do not hurt ponies. I might mess with them, but I don’t endanger them. Of course, my best interest might not be in actually saving them, but this is why it’s a win-win situation for all of us.”
“And... you know where they are?” Sketch asked, readying her notebook. “These other two explorers?”
He laughed for himself with a low tone. “You already know where they are as well, don’t you, Map Sketch? Finding them isn’t the problem, it’s getting to them. You’d need a poke in the right direction unless you want to lose your mind.” He quickly covered his mouth. “Oops, did I just spoil the surprise?”
“You still didn’t e-explain why you can’t go yourself,” Crimson said. “Why d-do you need us to do this for you?”
“If I could go, I would. Now are you going to get moving or not?” he waved his eagle claw off at them. “As I said, if you want to get this done with already, you’d better get moving.”
“You still didn’t ‘point us’ in the right direction, Discord,” Sketch said, dragging out his name as she said it.
“Oh, of course.” He returned to his throne once more. “When standing in the great hall, enter the passage four from the right. It shouldn’t be anywhere close as problematic, and what you’ll find will let you follow the other ponies lost in the temple without completely losing your mind,” he giggled. “Not that that would be a bad thing, if you ask me.”
ö~ö~Ö~ö~ö
“I don’t trust him!” Kickbolt exclaimed, shrugging his wings uncomfortably as they made their way back to the great hall. “Everything about that guy was just... off.”
Sketch sighed. “I don’t exactly want to do as he says either, but all of his points were pretty good. I mean--”
“That we’d be getting ourselves trapped if we just followed those other ponies? And he’s helping us by telling us how to safely get to them?” the pegasus intercepted. “I still don’t trust him. You saw what he did with us just for fun, he’s basically some sort of god! Who knows what he’s planning?”
“B-But we only agreed to follow K-K’les and see him b-because he could’ve helped us. We were stuck t-trying to decide whether t-to follow the lost explorers or not,” Crimson said. He began to paw at the stone tiles beneath him with a hoof. “And... well... I might be w-wrong, but I’m willing to trust him, if just for n-now.”
“I’m guessing it’s because he said he had answers to your... questions?” Sketch asked. She turned around to give him a half-hearted smile. “I can’t blame you in that case, seeing as you’re one big ball of question marks to all of us.” She didn’t get a response, as Crimson just looked away while mumbling something. “Either way, what Crimson said is true. We decided to meet this Discord to get help, and he ‘pointed us’ in the ‘right direction.’ We don’t have anything else to go on besides that marker pointing into one of the passages. I say we do as he says for now.”
Kickbolt frowned, glaring at the mare as if she’d just insulted him. “Fine,” he muttered. “But only because we’re potentially saving other ponies lives while doing this!”
After having passed through the same corridor again, they were once more in the grand hall.
“W-What did he say again? Four from the r-right?” Crimson asked, looking back and forth between all the passageways before them again.
Sketch nodded, her notebook readied. “Yeah,” she said while flipping the pages, “although he could have told us what to expect in there, or in the other passage leading to those other explorers. I’m just saying that we’d be going mad without his help.” She nodded towards the doorway that fit the description. “Either way, let’s go.”
Kickbolt leaped to the front, taking the lead as they began walking in. “So what do you expect us to find here?” he asked, his eyes already scanning their surroundings for any notable traps.
“Honestly, I have no idea. We haven’t actually been told what exactly happens in any of these passages yet, and we still don’t know what we’re looking for,” Sketch answered, already slowly dotting out the lines on the map to-be for where they were walking. “I’m just hoping that whatever it--”
Click.
“What was that?! Did anypony step on something?!” Kickbolt blurted out, checking his own hooves one by one.
“I-I-I-I...” Crimson tried, but was unable to get past his stammering. “I-I think I stepped on a s-switch...” he said. He almost began shaking as he stared down on his own front leg which was now standing on an indented stone panel. “I-I’m sorry! What do I d-d-do?!”
Kickbolt cursed as he looked closer. Sketch had already scootched to the side of the wall to leave room for the pegasus. “Okay, Crimson, listen carefully. Assuming something isn’t already happening, chances are nothing will happen until after you release the plate. If so, then maybe we can--”
“B-Behind you!” Crimson shouted, stumbling back, releasing the pressure plate in doing so. “T-There’s something coming fast!”
Sketch and Kickbolt quickly turned around to face a dark blue wave rushing towards them. All three stumbled around as they tried to prepare themselves to run away.
“It’s too late, we won’t make it!” Sketch cried out. “Brace yourselves!”
ö~ö~Ö~ö~ö
Everything felt weird. The closest thing Sketch could compare this to was waking up and finding out that she’d been sleeping on one of her legs, making it feel numb. Now, however, that feeling was covering all of her body.
What happened? The last thing I remember was getting washed over by some magic field before I collapsed, she thought.
She forced her eyelids open, still unable to rid herself of the strange feeling in her body. “Guys, are you--” she began before stopping herself. She brought a hoof to her throat. “My voice!” she exclaimed. “What happened to my voice?! I sound like... like...”
“L-L-L-L-L-L...” Crimson could suddenly be heard stuttering from behind her. “L-Like... m-m-m-me!”
She slowly turned around to see Crimson, also turning to look at her. Crimson’s eyes immediately went wide as he saw her.
“Crimson, what’s wrong?” she asked. “You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I’m over here,” a female voice called from the side. Sketch recognized the voice right away and shifted to see if her assumption was correct.
It was.
Lying next to the wall, looking nervously in Crimson’s direction, was a mint colored mare with a bright blonde mane.
She was looking at herself.
“Judging by the way you’re looking at me, you must be Sketch, but in Kickbolt’s body,” the mare said.
“I... I what?” Sketch tried, listening to her voice this time. Suddenly, she realized one of the things that had been feeling off the entire time. Just below her vision, there was a different color than she was used to. She turned head down, only to see blue legs and hooves. “I’m... Kickbolt?” she said to herself quietly. “We swapped bodies?!”
The mare, still lying on the floor, turned from staring at Crimson back to Sketch. “It would seem so. I’m Crimson, but in your body, and I’m guessing that leaves Kickbolt in my body over there.”
Sketch turned to see the red unicorn behind her again, who was now staring cross-eyed and angrily at his own mouth as he seemed to be having trouble with his stuttering, before yielding to it and just nodded instead.
“It seems he’s not used to a body that won’t let you speak properly,” Crimson said, now in the form of a smaller mare. “Personally I’m actually finding speaking almost enjoyable now.” He - or rather she - closed his eyes, sighing. “It’s... rather nice. I might have been speaking a lot more since meeting you if it weren’t for it, and not just whenever I only found it necessary to state the facts or my viewpoints on things. Although I can understand his current frustration with being unable to get sentences started. I’ve always found it harder than usual whenever I’ve been flustered or stressed, and I’m guessing being able to see your own body from another perspective - literally - can be quite shocking for some, and then to be unable to speak as you’re used to could be another factor, along with the unfamiliarity I’m assuming we’re all feeling right now, from not being in our own bodies.”
He opened his eyes again and looked at the two other ponies staring at him. “Oh, sorry... I... guess I was rambling? Being able to talk so easily... I sort of got lost in my thoughts,” he apologized, blushing slightly.
“Wait, just to get it on the record,” Sketch said, in the form of a navy blue pegasus stallion. “I’m Sketch in Kickbolt’s body.” She pointed towards the green mare on the floor. “You’re Crimson in my - Sketch’s - body, and finally...” she turned to the unicorn. “You’re Kickbolt in Crimson’s body?”
Kickbolt, now a red unicorn, gave a depressed nod after having to concede to the stumbling of words again, not used to stammering.
“You seem to be having more problems with the stuttering than I first had; I wonder why... maybe it’s just the complete unfamiliarity with my body that’s getting in your way. Either way, with some time it should get easier, especially once you manage to calm down,” Crimson said, finally getting up on his hooves.
“And you seem to be unnaturally calm about all of this. How are you not freaking out?!” Sketch asked.
Crimson just casually shrugged. “I’m not sure. Feels rather pointless, actually.” He slowly began to look around, and moved up closer to Sketch, who was now in the pegasus body. “Actually... everything seems rather... big now. I guess it’s because I’m in such a small body right now.”
As he looked up again he could see Kickbolt, in Crimson’s own body, motioning a hoof across his throat back and forth.
“What did you say?” Sketch demanded, and was for the first time in her life, looming in front of somepony else. “I couldn’t quite hear that.”
“Nothing,” Crimson squeaked out, standing in the pegasus’ shadow.
“S-S-So w-w-what do we d-d-do now?” Kickbolt asked with great concentration on his pronouncement, trying to get them back on rail again.
Sketch shuffled one of her wings without knowing it, still not used to them. “While this is... really awkward, it won't really keep us from continuing. I say we keep going.”
“But...” Crimson began, still in thought. “We’ve always been moving in the same formation, Kickbolt in the front, then you, and lastly me, probably because I’m not as used to this as you two are. But what now? I’m not entirely sure Kickbolt is used enough to my body to protect us. Not to mention he has had no training with magic, if he can even use any, that is...” He shook his head, his new blonde ponytail swinging back and forth while doing so. “My point is, we can’t move in our usual formation... can we?”
Sketch narrowed her eyes as she looked at her own body. “You know, I just realized that my eyesight is a lot better now. I mean, I’ve got Kickbolt’s eyesight. I guess this is why he’s so good at spotting traps, excluding one.”
The unicorn in the room glared at his own body, not feeling up to the task of making a further fool of himself by being unable to speak past his stammering.
Sketch saw Kickbolt looking at her, in his body, and smirked as she realized a way to tease him further. “You know, these additional body parts from being in a new body sure feels weird too. I wonder how they’re used.”
Kickbolt’s eyes spurred open, alarmed at what he just heard. “W-W-W-W--”
“Relax, I’m talking about your wings,” Sketch said, winking at him. Kickbolt, however, didn’t feel comfortable being winked at by himself, cringing at the sight. “Luckily, we don’t need magic to light the path in here thanks to the gemstones. I guess I could give a shot at being the first in line. I’m just hoping we don’t run into anything hostile.”
She looked at Kickbolt, who shrugged in response. That was all she needed before she moved up front and began to scan the area in front of them. “I just have to search for anything that looks suspicious?” she asked, and got a nod in response. “Crimson, don’t worry about the map. So far everything’s just a straight line, so just leave it for now,” she called out to her own body.
Sketch tried to move her wings, but after a few awkward half-flaps she folded them again. “I guess I should keep these two in check. I wouldn’t want to accidentally cut myself, or you, by mistake. Is it just me, or is this harness really uncomfortable?” she asked.
“Y-Y-You g-g-get used t-t-to it.” Kickbolt answered, now trudging in the back in the new body, maintaining the usual formation. “C-C-C-Crimson... d-d-do you t-t-think I can use m-m-magic?” he asked. He cringed after every failed word.
Crimson’s head turned to glance back at his original body. “I never really thought about it before, but from this perspective, I guess I really am big,” he mumbled. “Anyway, remember the first time I tried to cast a spell? I put a lot of effort into it, but barely anything happened. Apparently, the problem was that I was imagining the ‘light’ as a general light. When nothing happened, I attempted to increase the intensity until my goal was reached. The consequence of that was a lot of unfocused magic being tossed about. All I had to do was imagine a light at the tip of my horn. It’s possible to do it elsewhere, but a unicorn’s horn is apparently the easiest focal point, for obvious reasons. Just... try and imagine a small light, like watching a lantern in the distance of a dark tunnel, but based on the horn.”
Kickbolt’s eyes crossed up towards the tip of his horn, barely in sight. He began to pout as his concentration intensified. He held his breath, until...
“N-N-Nope. I c-c-can’t d-d-do it,” he admitted an early defeat, having already lost all interest in the basics of magic.
“That’s... a pity,” Crimson responded sadly.
“Wait! Stop!” Sketch suddenly shouted, rearing up on two legs. “I think I see something!” She pointed to the corner between the wall and the floor. “See, there? There’s something... no wait, never mind,” she said, mumbling the last words. “False alarm. Seriously, Kickbolt, your eyesight is... really good. Either I need to get glasses or I’m not used to seeing so much detail in everything. Is this just your eyes or is it a pegasus thing in general?”
“B-B-Both,” he replied. He attempted a smirk, but felt that it wasn’t worth it after the stutter.
“I think there’s something ahead of us now,” Sketch said. “A... dead end?”
They continued up towards what Sketch had just spotted. It took a few seconds of extra walking before the other two had any idea what she spoke of. Kickbolt tried to comment about how his current eyes wasn’t up to par, but didn’t want to risk any more stammering than necessary.
“It is a dead end,” Sketch confirmed. “But there’s something hanging on it.” She moved up closer, and picked it up. “A pendant?”
“S-S-S-S--”
“Yeah, yeah. I can guess,” Sketch interrupted Kickbolt as his stammering was acting up. “‘Sketch, you don’t know what that does, how could you just pick it up!’” she mimicked Kickbolt’s voice, which while being in Kickbolt’s actual body only resulted in a much lower voice than needed. “Relax, it’s the only thing here, and Discord said we’d find something that would help us, so this must be it!” She slipped it around her neck. “So, how do I look?” she asked, showing off her new accessory.
“Like Kickbolt,” Crimson responded dryly.
She rubbed her own neck. ”Oh yeah, I guess we need to do something about that sooner or later. For now, I guess we’ll just have to head back again.”
“I suppose,” Crimson agreed. He was now flipping around in Sketch’s notebook, which he’d found in its usual position in her saddlebag. “By the way, these hooves - your hooves... it’s... very easy to use them in regards to other objects. Is this an earth pony trait?”
“Huh? I guess, maybe. I never really thought about it.” She brought up her own - now blue - hooves to look at them, and grimaced at the sight. “Ugh, Kickbolt, have I ever told you that your fetlocks look hideous?”
The unicorn rolled his eyes at the notion. “T-T-Too often.”
“I might as well attempt some slight wing-movements, just in case,” Sketch said. “They’re already armed, and they’re the only actual weapons we have right now, and we can’t rely on Crimson’s magic either. I guess I could just run up and buck whatever troubles us, I do know how to do that.”
“W-W-W-Works f-f-for m-m-m-me,” Kickbolt responded, after which he sighed heavily. “H-H-How d-d-do you d-d-deal with this?!”
“As I said, you seem to be having more trouble with the stuttering than I have. I recommend you to be patient, and only to speak when you have to if you find it problematic,” Crimson responded.
It didn’t take long before they were back in the great hall again, retracing their steps was easy in a straight path, as Sketch lazily mentioned while inspecting the necklace she’d found.
“I wonder what this thing is good for,” she said, poking it with a hoof. “Looks completely ordinary to me.” She hummed while narrowing her eyes, looking at the small stone object bound to the string around her neck. “Oh well, let’s see if we can put it to use somehow. I guess it’s time to try and follow those other two explorers and see if we can help them already.”
Sketch began to lead them through the passage that the magical pointer showed them. “Are you two coming?”
Kickbolt nodded meekly, which looked fitting in Crimson’s body. Crimson himself seemed to hesitate, but decided to follow as well.
“So what do you think we can expect in here?” she asked nopony in particular. “Never mind, it’s a stupid question. There’s nothing to base the answer on,” she said again before anypony responded.
They continued down the similar passage in silence for a couple of minutes. Sketch didn’t detect any traps, and luckily none were triggered either, but as most of the questions that came with the body-switch had already been asked, there was little left to say.
However, suddenly, Kickbolt and Crimson could hear a voice speaking softly around them, as if coming from the gems lighting the inside of the temple.
“I wonder if I should tell Crimson that I like him.”
(Author’s note: I’d like to thank ARBPW and LysanderasD for helping me with editing on this chapter. If you liked it, please leave a comment, they’re probably the biggest source of encouragement I’ve yet to encounter. Don’t forget to rate!
Body switching! That’s totally not cliché... right?
Maybe it is. Meh, I don’t care, it was still fun to write.
Sorry I’ve been slow on updating, especially with a chapter that’s not really that big after all that waiting, too. It’s way too easy to let the days drift past one by one while you keep thinking ‘later’. But sooner or later you realize that ‘later’ won’t ever come until you decide to actually do something.
What I’m saying is, procrastinating sucks.
If you have any suggestions or thoughts or anything you’d like to say to me personally, you can contact me on fimfiction or directly via diexna@gmail.com!
Also, thanks again for reading!)
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YEAS! I love this chapter! Weird stuff with Crimson...
Edit
Body Switching... you gotta love 'dem traps. I wonder what would happen if only 1 person went to explore... well, we may never know.
Also, screw you for updating right as I finished the last story update from another story in my updates. I love the story, but all you authors are obviously in on a conspiracy theory of updating late at night or at inconvenient times (for me at least). Yeah, I'm on to you!
762857
Drat!
762865
MWUAHAHAHAH! You thought you could fool the likes of me, didn't you? Well... maybe. But I shall have my revenge (I stole your cookies), :3.
762913
Love this story. it combines just enough of the old elements to induce the "ahhaaaaa" moments but enough new to keep it refreshing and pondering for MOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Keep it up!
oh this'll end well.
*EPIC GENTLMAN SARCASM*
762923
I know, I know... how could I do such a thing?
Because I am evil!
Ahahahaha! Good ol' romantic tension... The question remains as to whether Sketch's thoughts are being broadcasted to the other two, or it's some malicious presence merely imitating Sketch. Also, are everypony's thoughts being exposed, or is it just Sketch because s/he has the pendant.
Dun Dun Duuunnnn..
I am really looking forward to what's in store for the group
I think callous manipulation, warping the environment in insane ways, and psychological torture for your own amusement counts as hurting ponies Discord.
Seriously though, great chapter. Interested to see how everything that went down in the temple and Discord's presence here will play out.
Nooooo I'm so sorry kickbolt you've been friend zoned.
I love this story!
AHA! BODY SWITCHING! My favourite kind of problem! Especially if it transcends genders...
Try to make it as awkward as possible during the body switching, and try not to let the problem go easily. Stack more problems through the problem. But, I've never written anything before, just read a lot, so don't take my advice for granted.
Anyways, I found a mistake.
"I have to say, I’d rather walk into a mysterious dungeon with you than with her."
If you look carefully, you can see that there is a big space in between 'than' and 'her'.
" and I maybe I’ll be able to answer some of your questions"
looks screwed up, could be discord being chaotic ... I´ll point my hoof at it anyways
edit: I for myself would have tried to re-activate the trap again and again until everypony was in his own body again ... seems legit to me ...
Excellent Chapter. Can't wait for the next one.
Body Swap? I approve.
Gender bending teasing? Even more approval.
Keep calm and tease Kickbolt.
Just flew through your story thus far. I love it! Keep writing! I genuinely think that this is the best adventure fanfic I've read. I love the characters. I'm a sucker for shipping, though, so I'm really hoping something will happen along those lines. Woohoo!
763372 It'll probably be the gems that take the voices of ponies and use them to say untrue things to distract and confuse them.
No! I protest!
Why would you do that? Sketch and Kickbolt would be great together. Crimson can find some other mare.
*Checks watch*
It's been a week since the last update? Gaah, I'm dying to know what happens...
I'm still trying to work out what Discord's doing there...
Hmm, trapped to a throne, lots of traps around him... a maze, leading to the lock on his prison?
Ah, I'm starting to get a "Pyramids of Mars" vibe from this.
Well I had a hope that perquision will be absolutely OC story without using canon characters, so I was a bit disappointed when Discord appeared in previous chapter (It does not mean that I like the story less).
But this chapter is veeeery good, including discord :)
Body switching, bit of a cliché, but still good for shits and giggles.
but oh what a lovely cliffhanger! I hope you don't let kickbolt and crimson ask it outloud, but instead realize what it is and have a little fun with it.
Also you could make bad puns like when sketch blushes you could say; "what's up with that face, sketch, it's so crimson!"
I feel now like this fic has it all, adventure, mystery, action and romance.
Whens the next chapter coming?fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/222/9/e/Transformers_Autobots_Symbol_by_GraffitiWatcher.jpg
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I'm terribly sorry for the long wait, but it'll still be a while longer. I'm sort of busy these days, and have very little free time; even less of which I can use to write.
But I haven't given up on the story if that's what you're wondering!
Is stuttering really a physical condition? I thought that stuttering comes from stress and trying to talk too fast, at least that's how it's with me.
When is the next chapter coming?
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I'm so sorry, but it's still a bit way off.
I've recently been struggling with a bad cold, which turned into full blown pneumonia... I'm still recovering.
That, and I've been rather busy lately. But I promise it will come!
930342 I was starting to wonder as well, but now I know. I really hope you get better soon; pneumonia is not a fun experience. Take your time with the chapter, you definitely want to make sure you recover quickly or the pneumonia could last months (That's happened to me before - it sucks).
Get well soon!
I first noticed this series a few months ago. I passed over it then, but kept it in mind. Earlier this week I finally picked it up. I was quickly hooked. Now that I've caught up I can't help but eagerly await the next chapter. You have done fantastically, which is doubly impressive given that you used neither characters nor a world with which your readers are familiar. I have my own theories about where you are going with this series, but given your skill I suspect I'll be surprised by the real answers.
In short, well done. This story is an excellent read.
This story feels a lot like and RPG session, it's no surprise someone wants to make a system out of it. There are several hints that Crimson might've been a human previously, which I don't really like, but it's being handled well so far… Plus, what about all the other ponies who woke up without memories either?, it's unclear whether they had the same issues. I find that rather important.
I'm really enjoying the mares in the story. The interaction between Sketch and Pledgeword was a too stereotypical, but after they parted their ways they became really interesting characters, and, the same can be said about Red Thread. But the stallions? MEH. Crimson missed many opportunities to experience a wider variety of emotions and has a few Mary Sue traces (the fact that you use him as an avatar kind of strengthens that notion), and Kickbolt is turning out to be a total Worf. He's always the first to take on problems, then suffer for the others, and the Crimson comes in and magically saves the day. Who's the apprentice in the group, again? I mean, it's ok to be talented, but every single time?
Really nice world building too. This world is a bit more action-adventure oriented than I normally enjoy, but this is too well executed for me to mind. Looking forward to learning more about it. Fav'd <3
I am loving this story,keep it up
(warning long text)
if you have ever heard of the game "legend of grimrock", it allows custom portraits.
so i kinda took crimson, sketch, kickbolt and dovahkiin derpy and they are my party in grimrock XD.
if anyone wants i could try to post the portraits so you can have your own perquisition team :P
i also heared they are working on a Legend of grimrock dungeon editer, i might try to recreate the dungeons in this story once its out :).
if anyone wants i could try to post a few screen shots.
TLDR; i got ponies out of this story in a dungeon crawler game. might try to recreate dungeons out of this story in said game.
(sorry, i felt like posting this here XD)
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I'm better now, thank you! I've begun writing the next chapter by now, although it's going slowly, I need to get back into the whole writing thing.
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Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me!
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There's a secret behind Crimson, yes. That's all I'll say for now. Things will be explained soon enough.
I'm curious as to why you find the mares so interesting and not the stallions, because in my mind I haven't been treating them that differently. I have to admit that there will be more character development for both Crimson and Kickbolt, which hopefully will fill in what you're missing in them.
As for Kickbolt being a... "worf"? I wasn't aware that was a thing. Thing is, his job in their group is to defend Sketch, the cartographer. He's the expert when it comes to monsters and fighting.
Finally, Crimson, I wouldn't say he's saved the day every single time. The first time, yes, he did, but after that he's sorta only been helping. Remember that Sketch had to save him from the ogre, for example? Either way, there are some minor Mary Sue traces in him, but I'm really trying hard to keep it minimal, as for him being my avatar, it's because I don't have any actual avatar, and I just like Crimson.
I do need an actual avatar though.
Still, thank you for the criticism! Good or bad, doesn't matter, I'll gladly accept it. I just wanted to explain my thoughts/reasoning behind some of the things you mentioned.
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YES! I actually picked up Legend of Grimrock two weeks ago during the summer sale, when it was at 60% off! It's... ah... one of the reasons why I'm taking my time writing...
And... oh god, why didn't I think of that? Using my own characters in the game o.O
I would LOVE to see screenshots of it!
And if you would actually be willing to try and recreate any dungeons when the dungoen editor comes out, I would love to be one of the first to try them! :D
I'd also just like to say thank you for everyone reading this, it means a lot to me. Really.
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Well you aren't explicitly treating mares and stallions differently, it's just that of all the characters I listed I noticed I'm enjoying more the ones that happen to be mares.
On Kickbolt, I do realize that's his job and that's what he's doing. The thing is, he does it, but doesn't get credit. He goes on, does his best, handles the perils during most of the time as they are happening, then it turns out to not be enough and then Crimson intervenes in some quick seconds and turns out to take all the laurels even though he actually only fought for the last few moments. It's understandable that they've been missing having an unicorn in their team, but still, if I was in Kickbolt's place, I'd start having issues with that. Why don't both start discussing strategy to fight together from the start, for example? This is a nice opportunity for character/team development too.
Sorry if I'm a bit caustic on my criticism, but I do my best to make it usable while at that. ;) As I said, as a whole, I am definitely enjoying what I'm reading.
987031 Oh, I forgot to mention… Yes, Sketch saved Crimson (and then K'Les saved Sketch), but… Crimson once again was the one who one-upped Kickbolt.
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here are a few ingame screenshots: http://imgur.com/GfBcq,v33rW,2h2HH,16pUY,QaMgb
and here are the portraits i made: http://imgur.com/S6YmX,Lo96H,Ap2Y9,ypfiM,WDAFA
crimson and derpy were hard to edit the background, but i think they turned out nicely :)
*NOTE: the file has to be .TGA but i had to turn them in png so i could upload them. i use paint.net to convert them.
**NOTE: for the other pics, press the "first" "second" picture buttons on top.
have fun :3
"Chapter 13 (17th Jun)"
Soon if possible. This dry wait of no Perquisition is going to kill me 
last updated 17th of June... Could I please have more
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I've found that going into the GDoc's version of Diexna's unfinished chapters and poking him with a magical pointy stick of writing sometimes forces a few sentences out.
So if everybody who's following the story were to go and jab him with said sticks, we could have the new chapter in as little as four to six weeks!
Or we could moan at him a bit, that works too.
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I'm trying! I really am!
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Maybe my magical pointy stick of writing isn't sharp enough... You need more encouragement!
Wow, this was a great chapter, seriously. I don't care if this is cliche, it was fun as hell to read
And romance subplot development, didn't see that one coming!
When they switched bodies, I was like, "Wait, what? Who is in WHO'S body? What the heck is going on?" I was almost as confused as the ponies themselves