Not bad. The story could use some more description of setting, but you seem to have a good grasp on grammar. Additionally, I like that you're not just dropping into "SUDDENLY, GAY STALLIONS" like some shipfics do. Soarin' and Braeburn both have some nice characterization here.

I'll be watching for another chapter!

Edit: Holy shit, I knew I recognized that name. Good to see you're still around!

Well, you have a very compelling synopsis right here, you have an excellent cover pic that clearly denotes what the fic would be like. I'm going to give it a read soon (Not now, I'm writing my own story) and I hope to see this same quality reflected throughout the story. Congrats on a very compelling synopsis that brought me to a type of story I don't generally read (I don't generally go for M/M simply because it's not to my tastes). I'll leave a true critique of this later when I do read it. Until then, have a wonderful day!

I Would say, KILL IT WITH FIRE! But I'm not, pony yaoi... an interesting concept that I havent seen much of

I press the like button and I like it!

we need more fics starring soaring and breaburn

>>13568821356882

And this is where downvotes come from.

If you don't like the story for personal reasons, leave.  You guys are bronies for Celestia's sake!  We are known for our ability to love and tolerate.  Start tolerating and stop making good stories seem 'meh' just because you have a bit of personal issues.

Read this

Dialogue Rules

In the first paragraph alone you broke 3 of them...

Also, not sure if you care, but I'm an editor if you want/need some help either fixing grammar and whatnot or just spicing up your story a bit.

Give me a jingle if you want to discuss anything.

>>13568821356882

Eww homophobes.

>>13588021358802

Ewww Chat mods

>>13589051358905

Eww changelings

>>13569601356960

I was looking to avoid the common trait where the characters immediately fall for each other. Helps build more of a world this way.

And yes, I've kept at writing ever since you tore the first draft of my first fic to pieces. I'm gonna be keeping at this.

>>13570231357023

Well, thank you very kindly for the words! I do hope the story meets your expectations.

>>13574451357445

There's not enough of it, if you ask me.

>>13577881357788

and good fics at that

>>13582801358280

I've only got one person who's available for proofreading and editing, so to get another pair of eyes would be greatly appreciated!

>>13589101358910

You've got an interesting start with this, I'll keep an eye on this and see how it progresses.  So far, so good.

>>13598171359817

Thank ya very much

>>13589911358991

I've got a lot of free time right now, in between jobs as it were, so I can give it a shot.  PM me if you want to get the ball rolling.

>>13589911358991 i only found 23 fics with soaring and breaburn with a romance tag

>>13579191357919

On that I agree, if it's terribly written or a total author's personal fantasy then a down vote's understandable, but I don't think an otherwise good story deserves a down vote just because the reader isn't open minded or has issues with presented themes.

Very nicely done. I love the way you introduced you characters. And, your use of proper grammar is like a breath of sweet, fresh air among the other poorly written stories. Also, I love anithing that's coltcuddling

>>13590711359071

>>13632751363275

It's nice to know that my story stands out to you

I started reading this to see if it could help improve my prospective of gay romance,  So far no,but all see. This story is very well done, it was hard to follow along. You need to help the reader  know where you are in the story.

>>13757781375778

I'll be sure to look into improving that, thanks for the tip.

Yesh.

@Vimbert The Unimpressive

SUDDENLY, BRAEMAC!

>>13589911358991

I'm sorry. I know I said I would get a critique on this as soon as I could, but things have gotten so busy! I'm not even sure I'll have time to read it anymore.

Image: //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Sweetie_Belle.png

>If we want to go to Appleloosa, The team needs a scout

The t should not be a capital

>She’s only letting you off for a week

I suggest rewording this

>two inches

Fucking imperial

>>14165941416594

thanks for the input, I'll fix it right away.

I am really loving the setup thus far. Even if the events appear to be a means to bring the two together, there is easily enough breathing room to develop a setting, and give the events a purpose beyond "shipping." In contrast to many shipping stories, I really want to hear more about the elements of culture shock which Soarin is experiencing, and the town of Appleloosa in general. The added prospect of seeing how you weave a growing relationship with Braeburn into that narrative is even more enticing.

I eagerly await the next chapter.

>>14170041417004 Yay

>>14170171417017

I'm very glad that people can get into my story like this! I hope you'll stick around until the end!

Looking forward to the rest, SoarBurn is my favorite ship when I am in an M/M mood... Have a moustache:

>>14373201437320

Thank ya much for the favorite and moustache!

Hmm...

Well, I like it! Seems well written, there aren't any noticeable grammatical or spelling errors dotted in places, and I don't care about same or different sex pairings - it's all the same concept anyways.

Twilight Sparkle approves!

>>14887831488783

Nice to see your approval!

Awesome!

Image: http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/4b5/4d3/864/resized/bisonyes-meme-generator-hahahaha-yes-yes-this-is-delicious-6c3e7d.jpg

>I’ve only got one shot at this

You put "only" in the wrong place again

>>16523791652379

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m85odbv5tK1rxaca7o1_500.gif

>>16525981652598 Relevant:

Image: http://cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSI4MjAxMi8wOS8xNy8wNF81N180MF80MzRfMTAwMDUyX19VTk9QVF9fbHlyYV9zdWljaWRlBjoGRVQ/100052.png

I was surprised to see this update after so long! Great chapter!

Ahaha~

Can't wait for more!

Just started reading, and I'm impressed so far. I can't wait to see how this turns out; you seem to do well at establishing the mood of a scene.

I hope you're not bummed that this doesn't have the kind of views that the straight or lesbian ships have, because I'm loving this so far and I hope you enjoy writing it as much as I do reading it

>>17984241798424

Oh, it's no trouble. I didn't go into this expecting a million views or comments or anything. To be honest, I expected most of the fandom to just shun this sort of story since it's filled with teh ghays, but reception has been more positive than I anticipated.

I just wanted to make a story and see if anyone felt interested enough to read on. I'm glad you like it though

this is pretty good hope you continue it

>>18024701802470

Thank you! There's plenty more to come, so this story isn't going to end abruptly any time soon.

Can't wait for next chapter

Soarin' needs to get in shape, he is to much of a lazy pony, we need to get him working on the orchard, buckin' them apples.

He won't be able to listen to listen to ya fer a couple o' days."

Repeated

I'm loving the back-story btw.

>>18034321803432

sdfhdfjk fixed, thank you.

And I'm glad you like it. I really wanted to go for a backstory that isn't the usual "Braeburn is from the south, and he's gay, so everyone hates him and he has parents that hate him and he hates life but then Soarin' comes in and doesn't have a shred of understanding but he's all 'ololol whut"s the deal, bro?' and then they make out and then end story." I guess it's easier for some people to do what's already been done before though.

Me gusta mucho

Love this so much! Really touched me, very well written! Must have moar! :3

I want to read more but then again don't we all

Maan, how long i can't wait no longer

I love this story so much, any idea when the next chapter will come out?

And how many chapters will there be in total?

>>23133072313307

I'm currently in the middle of chapter 4, after sifting through a lazy spell, so hopefully I can get that up soon. As for story length, I... don't know. When it comes to my stories, I don't have any planned length, I just write until it feels like a good stopping point. So who knows!

Omigosh!! You better hurry up with the next chapter!! I can't wait no longer!! Dis story is awesome

This is a great story, I cant wait for it to update!

Loving this story so far, I really hope it updates soon!

yay finely a new chapter you have do idea how long i have been waiting

My oh my, this sure is a good story. I'll keep this in favourites, seeing as this has no errors that I've seen in any way, and that I really like it. Here, you've earned a like, favourite, and a Big Mac. Let me just get this damned large Mac out of this box, drive to McDonalds, and get you this large red Earth Pony.

>>25621692562169 U mad, bro?

>>25623002562300

Just shocked and disgusted. That is all.

>>25620782562078

If I had to hazard a guess, perhaps it was a little less than five months, three weeks, and six days? Anyhow, I'm glad I was able to get this chapter out.

>>25622292562229

Well, I thank you person! And I also thank you for this Big Mac toy.

>>25625402562540

Hmm, that's a very well thought out comment you left there. Considering you had enough time to leave a meager picture for a comment explaining your distaste, rather than simply ignoring the story, or going so far as to leave an anonymous thumbs down, maybe you could elaborate on why my story 'shocks and disgusts you', since this story's content is rather tame compared to the darker side of the fandom.

>>25645542564554

What, no thanks for the unreleased Mac portable PC-phone and the meal? That portable PC-phone cost like, at least 2.5mil, and I had to go to extreme lengths just to get it. Unspeakable and unpleasant lengths... BUT! WHATEVER. NOT LIKE I WANTED ANY THANKS. ..Not like I wanted any thanks... ;-;

Welcome back! Glad to see this story moving again, but I'm angry at Soarin for being a dick to Braeburn

>>25645542564554 Well, I don't mind to tell you I find gay romances disgusting. Believe me, I do not have anything wrong with homosexuals, but I just don't see the beauty of it in a story. I just feel like its unnatural. Please, just respect my opinion on this and move on. Thank you, sir.

Was it worth the 5 month wait? Totally.

>>25654172565417

You say you find gay romances disgusting, and yet you took the time to comment on such a story as mine, to which I might add it should've been blatantly obvious what kind of story you'd be getting yourself into. You must understand that it just doesn't seem to make any sense. You could've ignored it, as I've done to many stories with content I find unsavory, but you felt the need to inform me of your distaste.

You claim to enjoy formality and manners, but there's one big rule you seem to have forgotten. "If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all." However, you ignored this rule. This incredibly simple rule that doesn't take much to follow at all. No one needed to know that my story shocks and disgusts you, and quite frankly, it's rather rude to say such a thing to a person who writes for fun.

Now, you could've left a simple little few thoughts on the story itself, such as you don't like seeing the characters together, you're not a fan of m/m shipping, or anything involving the characters themselves. It would've been reasonable, since I've seen my fair share of rabid shippers who enjoy putting together two men or male characters in their stories just because they can, regardless of relationship or personalities. However, what you stated, I actually do take personal offense to.

"I don't mind to tell you I find gay romances disgusting. Believe me, I do not have anything wrong with homosexuals, but I just don't see the beauty of it in a story. I just feel like its unnatural."

I think it's time for a reality check. This quote from above is the most contradictory statement I've ever seen. I'm going to spell it out for you. You say you don't have anything against homosexuals, and yet you say you find gay romances disgusting and feel they're unnatural. I don't care what kind of excuses you have, if you have a problem with two gay people finding love, then I don't believe you, and you do have a problem with them.

Yes, this is your opinion, and you're entitled to it, but don't think for even a second that it makes you exempt from being called out on it. Especially when your opinion essentially describes other people as lesser beings. When you say that relationships like the one I'm in are disgusting and unnatural, I do take offense to that.

I won't ask you for an apology, since I don't need one, and I'm sure I've already embarrassed you enough. But perhaps if you understood and accepted your blatant homophobia, then maybe you can become a better person. You're still young and you have time to understand the err of your ways, so take these few years you have left of your adolescence and improve your character.

P.S. I'm sure Rarity would be disgusted with such uncouth behavior.

>>25648352564835

And this, my friend, is what we call natural relationship development! I think it works much more nicely than simply throwing them in the bed together.

>>25657932565793

It makes me happy to know that people still stick with my being a lazy butt.

>>25670922567092 >>25670922567092 Your comment suggests you're confused with my position. I did not thumbs down your story, I merely posted an image. An image that clearly offended you. It wasn't my intention to provoke you when I posted it, but I seem to have anyway. For that, I apologize. And, about me and homosexuals, I was taught to love and tolerate. You may say I'm rude and hypocritical, but others would beg to differ on my behalf. Besides, your comment doesn't suggest credibility. If you feel that I carried out my opinion incorrectly, allow me to formally rearrange it. "Although I do not understand why the story would be chosen to be carried out in a homosexual way, since I don't find such a thing beautiful In a story, I can still appreciate the time and effort put into writing it." I hope you will find that much better, and I do see your point when you say I carried out my previous comment poorly. I shall look into it. Cheers, and have a good day, sir! (And In all honesty, yes, you did embarrass me. )

Oh yesh, an update. <3

Finally a new chapter  can't wait for the next chapter but I can wait

*royal canterlot voice* ITS ALIVE!

This is quite nice so far. It's only been recent since I started reading M/M or Soarburn but I have to admit, they prove to be enjoyable reads like any other ship fics I've read so far.

Continue on with your great story.

Oh... my... ******

You've relased new chapter finally! And i didn't notice since 11th? LOL

Are you working on more now? I don't want to see such a huge break again :c

>>25871092587109

Already got the next chapter planned out, as a matter of fact. Should start working on it soon.