Sugarcube Corner
"You're doing a great job, TD! This batch was much better than the last six!"
"Right." Well, it's technically true. Yeah, the first batch wasn't amazing, but I have been steadily improving under Pinkie Pie's watchful eye. Sure, they aren't nearly as good as the ones that she has been making, and I don't quite have the flair for multi-tasking that she does, but they're, at the very least, passably edible.
Pinkie Pie begins icing the cupcakes while I start gathering ingredients together for some more. Based on what Pinkie has been telling me, Sugarcube Corner sees a lot of business, so we're going to need a lot of them. However, she stops me before I can.
"Actually, TD, we're about to open." Pinkie begins scooping icing into a plastic bag. "If you could start working the cash register that would be superrific!"
I nod and put the mixing bowl down. "Yeah, I can do that."
"Goody!” She grins. “I've left a note by the cash register detailing all of the prices, so you shouldn't have any problems there. Let me know if you need anything!"
"Sure."
With that, I exit the kitchen and walk up to the counter. There is already a line of ponies eagerly awaiting their next fructosian assault.
Before I beckon the first pony towards me, I take a deep breath and crack my neck. Let's get dangerous. "Hello and welcome to Sugarcube Corner! What can I get for you?" I ask, trying to be as polite and friendly as possible.
Instantly, as each of the roughly one dozen ponies in line realizes that there is something strange behind the counter, the cozy atmosphere blows out like a burned out lamp. The staring picks back up from before, and I'm left there, standing like a carnival’s freak show star doing a surprise number on the main tent. "That wasn't a rhetorical question, you know," I say to the pony in front of me, a cream-colored earth pony mare.
Her mouth quivers a bit, but she cannot say a thing. It’s like her brain has stalled.
With a sigh and a brief massage of my temples, I decide 'screw it' and stand up on a nearby table. It's time for a little speech. "Alright, you primitive screwheads, listen up! I am a HUMAN!" I end up causing the crowd to jump a foot back. "I was brought here from an alternate dimension when your Princess’ tampering with magic ended up ripping me from my world and dropping me into yours. I am not a dangerous creature, a cruel warlord or a fearsome warrior; I am just a normal person.
“My name is TD Powell, but you can all just call me TD, and if you have any questions about that, just ask me. I'll be working here at Sugarcube Corner until further notice, so that's why I'm here right now. If any of you know any black magic or any other way to get me back to my world, please speak up. Otherwise..." At that point I hop off the table and back behind the counter. "...What can I get for you?"
The crowd is silent for a few awkward seconds, until the mare at the front end of the line snaps out of it. "… just a vanilla cupcake with chocolate icing."
I nod at the request and pull the corresponding pastry from under the counter. She pays for it and leaves without another word.
I grin to myself. That wasn't so hard, was it? "Okay, then, who's the next customer?"
* * * *
I huff out a tired sigh as I flip the light switch to the main room of Sugarcube Corner. It's been a long day. I don't think most bronies can even begin to imagine how popular this venue is during dinner rush. I mean, the line was out the door and extending all the way back to Twilight's house… or so I think. It's not like I could see the end of the line from behind the counter, so that’s not a very wild guess.
At any rate, the half-day in which I was chased down by pink rage incarnate, was given a tainted cupcake by said rage, and worked with her at the bakery was far more taxing and demanding than my old job at the good ol' Mac and Don's Steak House, as my family jokingly called it. I am quite ready for a good night's sleep.
The clock tower chimes 10 PM exactly at the time I begin sweeping the floor. Man I can't wait to get out of here… but with Pinkie Pie cleaning up in the kitchen, it’s better than closing down in my old job. That one took a little more of a while.
I neatly sweep the pile of dirt that has accumulated during the day into the dustpan right as the front door of the bakery opens. I groan a bit. I’ve had to tell at least half a dozen ponies that we are closed so far.
I straighten up to greet the new intruders, leaning the broom against a table. "'sup, guys. We’re closed for today, so if you could come back tomorrow…"
The ponies in question turn out to be a duo of earth ponies, each with a sleeping young pony lying on their backs – foals, that’s what they call them, or something like that. I’m not sure. "Erm, good evening… sir," the male hesitantly says to me. "I'm Carrot Cake, and may I ask why you’re cleaning my home?"
Wait a second: Cakes? "Oh!" I rush to dump out the dustpan. Gotta make sure things look the best for the bosses! "H-hi there, I'm TD. Pinkie talked about me working here… remember?"
I extend a hand, and Mr. Cake hesitantly shakes it. The two of them are looking at me with an uncomfortable degree of uncertainty. Best to call in the backup. "Hey, Pinkie Pie! The Cakes are here!"
There’s a squeal of delight, followed by several animated bouncing noises as she exits the kitchen, with her usual gigantic grin on her face. Somehow, it widens when she sees the family. "Goody goody, you're all here! How was your day off?"
"It was fine, dearie. The twins had a delightful time, and we did as well," Mrs. Cake explains. Her small talk is a bit forced – she's nervous around me, I can already tell. Actually, that goes for both of them.
"Isn't that wonderful?" Pinkie leans in to examine one of the sleeping foals. "I'll bet they're both really tired out."
"Yes, Pinkie," Mr. Cake whispered, "and we really would appreciate it if–"
Aaaand he’s cut off by a baby noise. There we go, she woke them up. I flinch back, expecting to hear an ear-piercing shriek split the air…
… but there is none. Instead, the duo seems rather happy, now circling Pinkie and giggling like maniacs, something they share with Pinkie. The three rational adults stare at the giggle trio until one of the foals, the pegasus one, notices me and stops in his tracks. He stares at me with wide curious eyes, and I stare back, half expecting him to pounce on me.
I become aware that the whole room is pin-drop silent now, with everybody else watching my face-off with the baby. I feel like I should reach for a gun or something; it’s like he's going to draw at any moment.
He doesn't draw a gun, but his wings do flap out, and I take a step back as he takes flight. He comes up really close to my face, leaving me to I return his suddenly very, very close quarters gaze.
The words of Quint flash through my mind, perfectly describing this baby pony (with a few small alterations): ‘And, you know, the thing about a baby pony... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white, and then... ah, then you hear that terrible, high-pitched screamin'. The floor turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces.’
Yep, that's what went through my mind while I look into the eyes of this young child. I can't even imagine what it would be like if he was indeed evil. Maybe then I can dye his body black and hide him in a dark room somewhere.
No, that would be wrong. Funny, but wrong.
Feeling a little uncomfortable from being under the piercingly judgmental scrutiny of this tiny little thing that probably isn't even sure what his own name is – not that I am either –, I begin to cautiously back away.
To my horror, not only does the boy follow me, but his sister levitates herself towards me, and now I have two pairs of lifeless eyes to contend with. "Uh... hi?" I say quietly, hoping that trying some verbal communication will work in my favor.
It does nothing to faze them.
I glance worriedly over at the Cakes. "Do something!" I hiss to them through clenched teeth.
Thankfully, that snaps them both out of their own contemplations, and they grab the twins out of the air. "Now now, Pound Cake, it's rude to stare," Mr. Cake the pony he caught.
Tad hypocritical, don’tcha think, boss?
Mrs. Cake nods in approval of her husband’s words. "We do not stare at strangers, Pumpkin Cake."
Yes you do, I've seen you both do it. I've seen this whole town do it! It's practically tradition!
"We're sorry about that," my stallion boss mutters contritely.
I just shake my head and shrug – it’s not like there’s anything else for me to really say or do. He nods back to me and the duo walks up the stairs to put the two of them to bed.
"That was weird," I comment to Pinkie when the Cakes are done climbing. "Do they always to that?"
"Do what? Stare?"
"Yeah. In fact, does the town always stare like that?"
"Well, sometimes, I guess" she shrugs. "I take it that was why you referenced Army of Darkness earlier today?"
I begin to nod, but stop hallway through as the penny drops. She just returns my gaping at her with her trademark happy face. "H...How do you know what Army of Darkness is?"
"Ooh, have you met Gummy yet?" she interrupts. "I think you two would be the best of friends!"
Aaaand she's moved on. I really can't see Pinkie Pie as the kind of pony that can be forced back onto another topic, so I decide to let the issue drop just as the Cakes walk back downstairs. "Are the twins asleep?" Pinkie asks.
Mr. Cake nods. "Out like a light, the both of them. Thank Celestia." He sighs. "They'll hopefully sleep through the night…"
"I know that feeling," I speak out. " I'll probably sleep through all of tonight myself."
The stallion smirks in amusement. "It gets worse when you get foals of your own." He stretches out and yawns. "Well, I'm headed off to bed too. Pinkie, are you still okay to babysit tomorrow?"
Pinkie's eyes widen and she lets out a dramatic gasp. "Oh my gosh, I completely forgot about that! I Pinkie Promised Fluttershy that I'd help her with her animals tomorrow!"
The eyes of both Cakes go wide as well. Apparently having no babysitters is a real big deal for them. "B-but who's going to watch the foals?!"
“Hmmm...” Pinke rubs her chin dramatically, complete with looking up at the ceiling with a one-eyebrow scowl. Two seconds later, that pensive moment is broken when she breaks into a proud grin "Ah-ha, I know! TD can do it!"
I jump back a bit when I see that she's pointing to me. "Wha... Me?!"
"You!" Pinkie Pie replies with an energetic nod.
Oh no, oh no, this is not good... "But I don't know anything about babysitting kids!"
"It'd only be for two hours and they'd probably be asleep through all of it."
I, in turn, gape at Mr. Cake, who seems surprisingly okay with the idea of a stranger from an alternate dimension watching his children for someone who was distressed just being in said stranger's presence. Pinkie Vouches have a lot of weight, apparently.
"But–"
Pinkie nudges my shoulder. "Aw, come on, you'll be fine!"
"But..." I'm not going to get out of this, am I? I groan and facepalm, but nod all the same. At least I have nothing else to do that day. "Fine," I mumble with pause.
"Awesome!" Pinkie Pie cheers. "I know you'll do just great!"
"Uh-huh..." I reply, catching a glance of the dark sky outside. "Uh, look, I gotta go now, but I'll see you guys tomorrow, yeah?"
The three ponies nod happily, and with that settled, I walk out of the shop. As I trudge down the dark streets towards Rarity's house, I begin to wonder if there isn't something that I could have done to get me out of watching the kids. I mean, I'm good with kids and all, but not kids that young. I'm an Elementary Ed major, not a preschool teacher.
I sigh as the boutique comes into view. "Who knows though," I mumble to myself. "Maybe it won't be so bad."
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WOO UPDATE
AND I'M FIRST COMMENT WHAT LUCK
"Maybe it won't be so bad'
I wouldn't get your hopes up
I can feel all the Pinkie Pie emoticons staring into my soul.....
Dis bitch be genre savvy'ing it up on me.
>>>I return his suddenly very, very close gaze as the words of Quint flash through my mind, perfectly describing this baby pony:
"And, you know, the thing about a baby pony... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The floor turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces.">>>
This is not the first time that monologue has caused me to laugh out loud. It was hilarious in the movie too! Hee hee hee, vicious predators are funny when they're killing things!
I'm not sure I like the idea of Pinkie being aware she's a cartoon, but I'll bite nonetheless. Good chapter.
Great chapter
WON'T BE BAD! Oh someone give him some Aleve for a headache and pains that will come up. Man babysitting is easy but as long you ignore pains and other temptations, saved a few kids from a meeting. But great chapter.
1426061 Wouldn't she though? She is aware of the audience in the show itself. Plus, the fact that there is a show is (and will be going forward) such a minor part of the story that is really doesn't matter too much anyway.
Maybe it won't be so bad.
Yes, let the inexperienced alien stranger take care of your foals. This will not end in tears.
"maybe it won't be so bad"
haha you poor bumb bastard
He is essentally walking into a warzone with out a weapon. Poor guy, anyways great chapter! Can't wait for more
D: Uh oh. TAKE COVER! HE JUST SUMMONED MURPHY'S LAW! I REPEAT, MURPHY'S LAW INCOMING, IN FULL EFFECT!
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_sad.png
Ah, here's the punishment. If those foals could reduce Pinkie to tears, T.D doesn't stand a chance.
Rule number 1 of being transported to Equestria- Never ever tempt the universe.
Love the "army of Darkness" reference :)
Well fudgesticks, it was nice knowing you~ Have fun babysitting the foals that made Pinkie Pie, of all ponies, cry...
Murphey's Law won't help him either... Then again, would be hilarious to see you throw a curveball and have it be a normal babysitting session- then hit him hard in a future one >=D
1426033
Oh, no...
She's got me!
Maybe he and the foals can just stare at each other for two hours. Fun.
That an should be an 'a'.
"Maybe it won't be so bad."
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeahno.
1426327
Which can be shortened to simply Never ever tempt the universe.
If pinkie can see our entire universe, that's kinda messed up, I mean c'mon, she knows Army of Darkness? What's next? I... I can't even... *brain pops*
Maybe it won't be that bad... Haha 'dis gonn be gud.' Can't wait!
1426501 HOLY SHIT PINKIE PIE IS GOD.
Ah, the typical 'no-fourth-wall Pinkie Pie' shtick. This was going so well...
Bye.
1426799 ...uh...okay then...one line is all it took, huh? One line, one throwaway joke and the whole story is ruined for you until the end of time? One line that comes from canon? Seriously dude?
1426929 i agree that he is overreacting with the whole story being ruined, but honestly? You dont think you overdid a joke that is only funny in very very small doses and with good timing
1426961 Well I got the small doses part right. That's the only time it's coming up. Some people got a kick out of it.
Oh man.
I can already see that this is going to end with one heap of a clusterbuck. I actually loved the Pinkie Pie Is Aware kind of thing. I'm looking forward to the next chapter, my friend.
1426968 when i say small, i mean like the usual "pinkie, how did you know that?" and she answers something like "duh, i read the manuscript". that is acceptable and can be quite funny if timed right, but explaining it in detail makes too much of a point of it. i think the better thing to do would be to just remove the whole part where she explains it, but leave in "how did you know of (insert real world thing)" and have her either A. ignore him or B. come with some crazy explanation including gummy that is not relevant at all.
TLDR; pinkie breaking the 4th wall is funny when its just a gag or she does not do it on purpse, explaining it or making a point of it ruins it
The 4th-wall-stuff was a bad choice, but I'm ok with that. Can't wait to see T.D messing up with the twins :D this is going to be good.
Then Murphy's Law shows up and bites TD right on the ass.
One does not simply understand Pinkie Pie.
Great chapter as always.
1427132
My issue isn't so much with her explaining it, but rather the specific action of acknowledging that she's a cartoon character. It makes it seem like a Toy Story setting, rather than a fun misadventure in the world beyond the show. I think it would have been hilarious if she acknowledged the existence of the show and then turned it around back on T.D with Equestrian references to humans *cough*Lyra*cough*. I feel it would've kept things from getting too meta (and frankly kind of fridge horror) while still affording us the sense that Pinkie knows waaaaaay more than she lets on.
However, that's just my own fan wank and needs no consideration or perusal from the author as they have already stated that it was a one time joke.
TACTICAL MURPHY! INCOMING!
On another note, I always imagined that Pinkie Pie, despite knowing she's a cartoon character, still regarded her life as real, and as a result, can only see into other universes, in which her life is a cartoon.
Also, the fourth wall breaking powers of Pinkie Pie would explain why she had a #1 glove that you see at baseball games in the "Sonic Rainboom" episode.
1426061
It reduces conflict when the falling action ensues in the story (when the character manages just reveal his major conflict and starts to resolve it). It would only add insult to injury to add more conflict if the main character accidental spilled the beans on Pinkie Pie being a cartoon if she didn't already know.
Also, I don't think the conflict has even occurred yet, staying in Equestria may not only be his only issue. (A good example of irony and conflict for this story would be Celestia telling him she can't take him back, EVER, and considering that nopony dies in a childrens cartoon, he can't kill himself. So he would be trapped forever and would never die (not even aging or disease would kill him
))
I'm afraid of little foals from the show too..these lifeless orbs of eyes...they are not cute. They are freakin horrible. Cute are Cutie Mark Crusaders not this diapers monsters.
Why u go jinx yourself T.D? WHY!?!?!?!?
Fourth Wall = BROKEN
You, sir, have recieved a mustache and a wub
Once again, an excellent update.
1426929 Yeah, seriously. It's just a matter of personal preference. Elaborating on fourth-wall breaking regarding a character that only really does it twice (the rest was animation errors, according to the undeniable Word Of God) is a pet peeve of mine, because personally, that is something that happens and you don't rationalize or write more about it. At all.
I'm not lecturing you on how to write or not, just stating that I don't like how this turned out. But again, personal preference.
Oh yeah, TD, it won't be too bad. Let me just grab a camera and some popcorn. imma lov dis
1427718 Well I did adjust it in the story based on the feedback (something I do because I know that no story is perfect and I love reader feedback). I didn't cut it but I did make it so that it isn't explained. She just does it and they move on and it won't happen again. I get that a lot of people see it as overused but a lot of people here enjoyed it. If you personally despise it and want to stop reading altogether then so be it. I wish you wouldn't, especially since you seemed to enjoy it up until that point, but if you're done with it based on one perceived mistake then so be it. I wish you no ill will.
The Universe: Let me introduce you: T.D,... Murphy's Law. Murphy's Law,... T.D.
*Sound of cracked knuckles*
The Universe: Shall we begin?
that last line was just asking for trouble...... Fortunately we like trouble
1427996 Hm, let's take a look then.
In any case, peace to you too, brother