Cupcakes
Pinkie Promises.
Oh good gracious, Pinkie Promises are going to kill me one of these days. Very soon, as a matter of fact. I mean, holy cow was that pony out for blood. I don't think even for a minute that she's done with me, not by a long shot. I'll be begging for death before the end, and she still won't lead me to its sweet embrace until she is good and satisfied. That begs the question of whether or not I should still go to Sugarcube Corner today. I mean, why go willingly to my doom if I can avoid it?
Still, she is a character from a little girl's show, so how insane can she really be? It's not like she has split-personality disorder or anything; that would be ridiculous!
Walking through town, I notice that the stares are coming back again. If anything, they're worse, because I don't have the Mane Six around to deflect them. Oh, and let's not forget the whispers too.
“What is that thing?”
“What's he doing here?”
"Is he dangerous?”
“I just follow the crowd!”
Yeah, that kind of thing. I admit I'm at a loss for what to do about it. I mean, I can see where they're coming from: nothing like me has been in their town before. I would have a reaction like this myself if an alien started living around my neighborhood.
On the other hand, though, it's kind of rude to stare!
I glance around me at all of the ponies who are staring at me. Like before, they have all dropped all they were doing in favor of watching me. Seriously, it’s getting kind of annoying here!
Okay, you know what? Pinkie Pie can wait. I have an example to set here. I look around to see who is staring at me the hardest, and my eyes land on a light-green unicorn with a harp on her flank. Her eyes are so wide that they're about to roll out of their sockets.
I grin to myself. Bingo.
A quick change of direction and I’m walking up to her. She sees me coming, her eyes widening that much more as the idea sinks in, and she looks around as if expecting somebody to come help her. I have her now; she's not getting away until I've made her feel really uncomfortable for staring. She continues to look wildly around her, but nobody comes. They're all too busy watching me with their breaths held.
Having to hold back a chuckle at the look of sheer terror or her face, I come to a halt directly in front of the unicorn. She only has eyes for me now, and for a second, the two of us stare at each other, unblinking and unmoving.
"Hi there," I say casually, suddenly breaking the face-off.
The pony flinches back as if I've struck her, but she doesn't run. She simply continues scrutinizing me with those wide eyes of hers.
"Why are you staring at me?" I've decided to be blunt with these ponies. We’re getting nowhere as it is.
In response, she shakily raises a hoof to point at my hands. "W-what are those?" she asks in an awed whisper.
I frown and look down at my hands. Shouldn't she know what they are? I mean, doesn't Twilight's buddy have them? "Uh... hands," I respond simply, stretching and flexing my fingers in front of her.
"Hands," she repeats slowly, almost munching on the word.
"Yeah, hands." You know, I've started kind of regretting coming up to this one. Maybe she's the town sociopath and I've just reserved myself a spot in her fridge.
The situation goes from bad to worse when she suddenly lunges out and grabs my right hand between her hooves. I try to pull away, but her grip is surprisingly strong.
Wait, grip? How can she be gripping me?! she doesn't even have fingers!
"You have hands." Her voice is loving, and not in a good way. In fact, it’s pretty creepy.
"Yes I do," I repeat, trying to pull away from this madpony. "Now can I have this one back?"
"Hands…" she sighs. "Aren't they the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?"
What the heck is her problem? Why is she so obsessed with my hands?
I finally get fed up and shout, "Seriously, can I have my freaking hand back?!"
Thankfully she seems to snap out of her reverie at that, and she lets go. I stumble back a bit so as to keep my hands out of her reach, and she seems to realize what she's done. A look of horror crosses her expression. "Oh... erm..." And with that, the unicorn runs off. She does screech her hooves against the ground briefly so that she can get one last gawk at me, but after that, she’s off on her way.
Dude... what the heck just happened?
I stare at the retreating pony, silently promising myself to never do anything like that ever again, then I turn around myself towards Sugarcube Corner. As soon as the bakery comes into view, my thoughts of the odd unicorn get punted out of my mind. Holy cow, this place looks like a real, giant gingerbread house, with a cupcake on top. Pinkie Pie works lives in a gingerbread bakery with the Cakes. No wonder she seems to be on a sugar high all the time, she practically has roots on the stuff!
Hm… If I were to hazard a guess, it would be that Pinkie lives inside the cupcake. It just suits her.
I walk up to the door and see that the building is actually empty and dark. In fact, the building looks... closed. Wait, why would it be closed if I'm supposed to be here? Did my incident with that weird unicorn take longer than I thought, and Pinkie's given up on me coming by? No, she wouldn't drag me down from the ends of the Earth to this place just to slam the door in my face.
I test the door and find that it is unlocked, so I suppose I’m still ‘invited’ and come inside. One look around the dark bakery and I almost have a sugar overload right then and there: for one, the smell alone is so sugary sweet that I can feel my arteries clogging up to ‘fatal heart attack’ levels. One display case near a counter has icing in it. That's it, just gigantic towers of icing. I imagine that there is, in fact, some sort of pastry-like construct underneath said icing, but Lord knows I would need a funded expedition and top-of-the-line digging tools to find it.
How are none of these ponies dead from pure sugar overdose if Pinkie Pie makes stuff like this here? Seriously!
Oh, speak of the devil... Pinkie Pie walks down the stairs from where I presume is her room and sees me standing there having a mental sucrose overload. She widens her trademark smile and begins bouncing up and down. "Yay, you're here! I've been waiting aaaaaall day!" says the jumping pony.
"Sorry if I'm a little late, Pinkie. I ran into some townspe... ponies that kept me for a bit," I apologize.
Pinkie giggles and responds in a gleefully reassuring tone, "Oh that's ok, you're here now. What's a few more minutes? I've been sooo excited here thinking about all the fun stuff we're gonna do, I haven't stopped bouncing since I woke up! I've almost forgotten to breathe I've been so happy."
Well, that isn't creepy and ominous at all, is it? What on Earth could she possibly have planned that could be so exciting that she can hardly breathe? What sense is there in that?
Maybe I should be a little more nervous.
"So,” Pinkie tosses my train of thought off its rails, “you ready to get started, TD? I've got everything all ready!"
I try to get a little more psyched up about this. I mean, maybe this could be fun, right? On the other hand, she could murder me here in retribution for the failed Pinkie Promise, so that no one else finds out. Maybe that's part of her code.
"That's cool," is my final answer. Better go with the flow, I suppose. “So what do you have planned?"
"MAKING CUPCAKES!" Pinkie happily announces.
"Baking?" I repeat timidly. "Pinkie Pie, I've told you I'm no good at baking. You should hear about my last time."
“Oh, that’s not a problem at all. I only need your help making them. I’ll be doing most of the work,” Pinkie explains.
I think about it for a second. “Well, alright, I guess that’s OK. What exactly do you need me to do?”
"That's the spirit! Here you go."
She hands me a cupcake with rainbow icing. I look at it without understanding the joke. "I thought I was helping you bake."
"You will be,” she reaffirms it. “I just made this one just for you before you got here."
I nod. "So, this is like taste testing or something?"
"Sorta."
I shrug and pop the cupcake in my mouth. Huh, it actually isn't all that bad… Although, there is a weird flavor in there that I can't quite pinpoint. “Okay, now what?" I ask when my mouth is free.
"Now we’ll go to the basement. If you're gonna be working here, you’re gonna need to know the super-secret ingredient for my Equestria-famous cupcakes!"
"Uh... okay…" Ugh, who turned on the heat? It suddenly feels like it's eight hundred Celsius in here! As I follow Pinkie Pie towards the basement, I shake my head to regain some clarity, to little success.
She bounces, unfazed, towards a trapdoor hiding the stairs to the lower level. "Nopony but me ever comes down here, so even the Cakes don’t know what the super-special ingredient is! I'm not too sure how much longer I can keep the secret from them, though."
"Uh-huh," I agree, a little out of it. I'm beginning to feel the strength in my legs fade away; each step presents a new challenge. I almost feel like throwing up, but my throat is so clogged, even my breathing is beginning to become more labored; I don’t think anything would come out even if I wanted to barf.
Lord Almighty, what did this pony put in that cupcake?!
"Come on down!" Pinkie calls me from the stairs. Wait, why are there two sets of stairs? Why are there two trapdoors? Am I seeing double? What did she put in that thiiiing…?
I stumble but force myself to stand back up, hoping this is just a spell. It’s got to be.
"You coming or what?" I hear Pinkie Pie ask. Her voice… it seems so far away, like she's shouting it at me from several towns over.
"Uhbrhluh," I utter as I begin to step down to her level. If I can get her to see my state, maybe she'll help me out a bit, yeah?
As I reach the bottom stair, my leg falters completely and I collapse ungracefully on the floor. "Pinkiiie…" I slur weakly. As my vision blurs, I weakly raise my hand up towards the ceiling.
Black.
* * * *
After who knows how long, my eyes gingerly flutter open. I feel my jaw hanging open dumbly. It takes me quite an effort to close it.
What just happened to me? I remember eating a cupcake… and after that, everything just went south. Pinkie drugged me, didn't she?! I should have known it!
I become aware that I’m lying on a cold metal table, still in the basement. I can't move my arms and legs…
… why can't I move my arms and legs?!
"Pinkie," I try to say. My voice comes out syrupy.
"Goody, you're awake!" a familiar hyperactive voice responds to my right. it's not as enthusiastic as before, but it's no less high-pitched.
"What happened? Why can't I move? What's going on?" Why does it have to be so hard to talk, darn it?!
"I believe that's my department," says another familiar voice to my left.
I sluggishly turn my head to the left and find out that the one who just spoke is the stallion doctor that treated me at the hospital. He gives me an amused smirk. "You know, we really should stop seeing each other like this."
"What happened?" I ask again. "Why am I on the table like this?"
"Pinkie put you there," said the doctor. "She didn't see you lying on the basement floor as a good thing."
"Okay... so what happened?" I ask for the third time.
The doctor looks at Pinkie Pie, and I do the same. To my astonishment, she is staring at me, with a look of horror etched on her face. "P...Pinkie?"
"I'm so sorry," she mutters. "I didn't... I didn't know!"
With that, she rushes over to me, wraps her forelegs around me and begins sobbing violently.
Oh good, I hadn't showered yet today anyway.
Despite my confusion I pat Pinkie Pie's head. She's still crying hysterically into my chest, soaking my new shirt, and it doesn’t look like she’s going to calm down by herself anytime soon. Guess it falls on me to soothe her somehow. "Ugh... Pinkie, listen: whatever you did, I forgive you for it." This had better work.
Her head shoots up, and I get stared at by a pair of wide, watery eyes. "You do?"
"Yes, I do," I nod weakly. "But, um... you better tell me what you did wrong first."
She wipes her eyes, sniffling as she does so. "I... I put hay sprinkles in the cupcake I gave you,” she explains with a frail voice. “It's just such a common ingredient in pony food that I didn't think anything of it. It was just for a dash of extra flavor!"
I turn to the doctor. "Is that all?"
He nods. "It seems like you have quite the allergy to hay, my friend. Frankly, if your friend here hadn't come and gotten me right away, I'm not sure you'd be alive right now. It was the worst case of glottis edema I’ve ever seen in my career."
I frown and look back at Pinkie Pie. "You saved my life?"
She nods.
"Whoa," I utter quietly.
"Whoa indeed," the stallion says with a smile, before he begins walking back towards the basement stairs. "I have to go now, TD, but you should be fine. I gave you an epinephrine shot for the reaction, and you’ve been stable for a while, so I don’t think it’ll come back. Though I'd avoid foods with hay in them myself from now on."
"Will do doc," I say gingerly as I sit up.
The doctor nods once. "By the way, your arm is healing up quite nicely. You shouldn't feel any pain after another day or two if you don’t go to lengths to really aggravate it. It should be fully healed a few days after that."
"Really? That fast?"
"It is amazing what we can do with magic these days, isn't it?" he jokes with a wink. "The healing process goes much faster with a good spell."
"Well, whaddya know…" I mutter in awe.
"I have to get going now," he repeated. "I hope to see you again under better circumstances, Mr. Powell."
"TD is fine," I toss back dismissively. "Mr. Powell is my father."
The doctor smirks in amusement one final time before he leaves our company. I gingerly stand up off of the table; it takes a few seconds for me to regain my balance.
Pinkie Pie is immediately at my side, offering her back for me to support myself on, but thankfully, I don't have to. I'm not even sure if she could keep me up if I collapsed again. "Are you okay?" she asks.
I nod while stretching my legs. Whatever was in that shot pretty much got me back to a hundred percent. "I'm doing fine now." After making sure I won’t trip over my own stiff feet, I take a few moments to look around the basement, trying to get a clue of what it is we came down here for. "So... what's the secret ingredient?"
Pinkie Pie's eyes light up and she beckons me closer. I lean down and she puts her muzzle right next to my ear. "Sodium and iron enriched flour with a hint of red dye number seventeen."
Stats
Page generated in 0.028 seconds
Total duration
1,019 users online
2,142,960 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ok. Well done.
1414481 ?
Sodium and iron with red dye... yeah...
1414504 I just got played like cello with that.
God, I have got to stop thinking of "Cupcakes"...
0.tqn.com/d/webtrends/1/0/G/A/-/-/lolguy.png
I approve of this version of Cupcakes.
At first I was like oh since Pinkie was like
But then I was like WUT? and u were like
Ha. Every HiE has to make some references to Cupcakes...
Trollestia would be proud.
Oh tank goodness! I thought he was going to deal with this.---
You brilliant bastard.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/041/343/index.php20110724-22047-58b7hk.png
but thank god it wasnt.....
Ouch, hay allergies. In a world full of hay eaters.
Red 17, known in some circles as blood red. Nice.
this was brilliant
Here, take my Obama:
29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lltzgnHi5F1qzib3wo1_400.jpg
I'm willing to bet Sodium + Iron + Red 17 = A substance that looks and tastes like blood.
"Sodium and iron enriched flour with a hint of red dye number 17."
Uh, I don't get it... is that something I should know?
Well done. And, fuel to incriminate Dash, Twi, and AJ, should it ever come to that.
1414805 Blood flavor and color. Mmmm, but I prefer the meat.
One question though, human blood or animal blood?
Oooh, well done! Almost got me
. NIce thing with the Cupcake
A mix of sodium, iron, and red dye 17, when done properly, looks and tastes exactly like blood.
How do I know? Simple, I made some in my chemistry classes for a Halloween themed experiment.
"Sodium and iron enriched flour with a hint of red dye number 17."
Pinkie, stop naming medicine on the world of Earth. Man Iron sulfate tablets can help out the blood eh? But nice chapter and played me like how I would drink coca-cola.
Sweet relief, that was such a turn around... Don't scare me like that.
why does this remind me of "Dan vs Fim"?
I think its because its similar plot device and just as awesome of an idea.
So easy the predict the ending to this, was just too obvious he wouldn't go through with it for obvious reasons.
So, I'm going to assume:
Resolved itself as he gained contentiousness and the mess kicked in.
Well played, good sir. Well played.
1414504
Mph....still hasn't been adequately punished for breaking that promise. Though I gotta say, you had me good and duped for a few minutes. Good thing it was just a hay allergy though, Cupcakes is so overused.
1415662
Since the first chapter I've been picturing TD as Dan
At first when I saw Lyra, the flood of r34 came crashing into my brain, along with the line "She's gonna rape him!", and then I was all fine with Pinkie, until the basement line.
Fantastic job!
My heart was pounding and I thought this was the end of T.D. Playing tricks on people I see
1415830 Juuuuussstt trust me
1416297
JUST GET TO THE BLOODSHED ALREADY!
But don't kill T.D. I kinda like him. Reminds me of one of my friends.
You should have waited for Halloween to post this chapter. It's the perfect double plot twist reference for cupcakes!
1414805
Fake blood
omg NO SHE'S GONNA MAKE HUMAN CUPCA-oh
well nevermind...
that was epic
human cupcakes
Good thing he clearly hadn't heard of Cupcakes, because he probably would have needed a shower afterwards.
You almost had me there with the title... but you got me at the basement scene!
But good chapter;
media.comicvine.com/uploads/5/52044/2060390-i_like_it.jpg
I almost had a heart attack when i saw the title, then read the basement scene. Thank Celestia it wasn't... Or was it?
Nah the answer is no :P
Haha, well played. With that secret ingredient this has to be the best cupcakes reference I've seen xD
~Have a good one.
lol, if he were a brony and that bakery scene happened...
This could have ended so much worse than it did. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
I love how you even pulled direct quotes from Cupcakes. Well done!