Homeless Dog Barking
Chirping birds, sunlight and sounds of activity. Morning has come.
It reminds me of my first one here, the one when I woke up in Rarity's basement and used my senses to see if I had suddenly returned to Earth and back in my own bed, away from this cartoony equine land. But I've given up all hope of waking up to find myself smelling cows again.
No, something huge would have to happen for that to take place, it won't be random. But that's why I have a plan.
Oh, now I know why I've woken up: somebody is knocking on my door. Somebody wants in. It better not be Celestia or Luna, as much as I imagine they'll keep respecting my wishes. Those two... maybe I was a bit of a jerk to them, but heck.
I open the door to see – surprise surprise – the mane six standing on my doorstep, none missing. They all look pretty subdued for the most part, with the exception of Applejack, who looks kind of ticked.
Great, that's what I need right now; another pony mad at me.
"Hello," I say flatly.
Twilight manages a weak smile and an even weaker response, "Hello."
"I suppose you want to come in and talk."
"Yeah, Ah do," Applejack says in that stern tone that I am so loving to hear right now.
I nod and move to the left to let the group inside, and they shuffle around my bed while I sit down on the foot of it. I would offer them chairs or something to sit on, but it's not like I have six random chairs lying around in my small house. Even if I had, I probably would have demolished them like I did so much stuff the other day anyway. "So," I begin. "I suppose you want to talk about the Gala on Saturday.”
"Kinda," says Applejack. "Ah was more aimin' to talk about how you scared mah sister half to death yesterday! She was in her room cryin' half the day and When Ah asked her about it, she only managed a few words about you!"
I deflate a little more and begin staring at the lifeless floor. "Yeah," I mumble after a few seconds, "and I want you to know that I feel absolutely terrible about it."
"What did ya do?" asks Applejack sternly.
"I trashed my house in front of her," I say simply, waving a hand around the room, to not much of an effect – by now, the only visible damage is the large dent in the kitchen's floor and the table's broken leg.
"What in Equestria possessed ya to do that?!"
I take a deep sigh and put my head in my hands. "Focusing on destroying something was better than feeling emotion," I state, lifting up my head and staring straight into her eyes. "Have you ever felt that? That feeling of helplessness where you don't know what's gonna happen? Did you ever feel it crushing you, and you can't even look in a mirror and tell yourself that everything is gonna be alright, because you are so unsure of whether or not it will be, you can't even lie to yourself to that effect? Waking up expecting to be greeted by family, only to realize they’re in a different world?
“You don't have to tell me, I know I shouldn't have gone on a rampage... But I didn't know what else to do, okay? At the time it was either that or focus on what I was feeling, and I really didn't want to do the latter."
When it's pretty clear that Applejack is not about to answer, Rainbow Dash clears her throat.
"Well, maybe I'm missing something, but from what Princess Celestia told us, you should be thanking her. Dude, she saved your life!"
"Not every car crash is fatal."
"But how do you know that the one you were about to be in wouldn't have been? Would you rather be alive here or dead on Earth?"
I'm silent for a second before answering, "I’m seriously thinking 'dead on Earth'."
Twilight gasps slightly at my answer. "TD, why would you say something like that? Your life is precious, and now you get to live it for longer than you would have if the Princess hadn't pulled you in here! Would you really want your family to experience what it was like to lose you like that?"
"Of course not!" I insist. "But thanks to Celestia, they lost me in a way that is even worse!"
"What do you mean?" asks a confused Rainbow Dash.
I take a deep breath to calm down before launching myself on my little tirade. Exploding again won’t help; even less so if it’s on innocents. "If I'm here and I wasn't copied, that means I don't exist on Earth, right? My physical form was pulled in its entirety into Equestria, meaning there’s no trace of me back there."
Twilight frowns and nods. "Yes, based on what the Princess told me, I think so."
"Exactly," I say, pointing a finger to her. "And how do you think my family is going to react to that? I think them not knowing where I went off to is going to hurt worse for them than knowing I'm dead and it was somebody else's fault. If I died in that car crash, then in the end, they'd get some closure. My killer would be arrested and sentenced to jail for manslaughter, and that can open up the proper mourning. After a while, the pain would pass since they'd have the answers to what happened.
I can feel my voice rising, just a little. “But with this, me being in Equestria, what really went on is gonna remain an open question. What happened to me, where I went... and above all that, the why of it all, none of those get an answer, and they’ll never get anything resembling one. To them, I could have been abducted by someone, wandered off because of some action of theirs... Celestia's little act of mercy didn't just change my life forever, it turned the lives of everyone who even remotely cared for me at all on their heads."
I turn to Applejack. "How would you feel if Apple Bloom disappeared all of a sudden, with no indication as to why, or how? Like she just stopped existing from one minute to the next?"
Applejack stares for a second before shaking her head. "That'd be just about the worst thing I can imagine..."
“Well, AJ, I don't have to imagine that happening.” I sigh and look down. “It already is.”
The sextet just stares in deadly silence. I can't even hear a breath. Twilight's mouth is moving, mincing words that she can't say. I imagine whether she wants to tell me I'm being foolish, that what I'm saying isn't true.
Even if she is, we both know it is true. And it hurts. It really hurts.
I sigh and rub my temples before pressing on. "I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling helpless like this, and I feel like I'm just complaining too much, and I'm wasting everyone's time by acting this way. But..." I finish my sentence with another sigh and go back to staring at the floor without saying the last part, 'What else can I do?'
Fluttershy walks quietly up to me and nuzzles my shoulder. "I'm sorry," she coos.
I put my hand on her head without looking up. "Sorry for venting on you guys," I say. "You've probably heard too much of that from day one already."
"Oh don't be ridiculous, darling!” Rarity reassures in an almost motherly tone. “Like everyone needs somepony to be there for them, you need somepony to be there for you now.” Her voice lowers. “Especially through this... admittedly tragic time.” Then she picks it back up. “It’s never a problem to listen when your friends need an ear."
I give a bit of a chuckle at her words. So, they consider me a friend… "I just wonder if it wouldn't have been better if I'd died, you know. Death wasn't really that scary of a concept back on Earth. Now, here, though... here, it scares me a lot."
"Why is that, sugar cube?" Applejack's irritation is gone. I find it I like her voice much better like this.
"Back on Earth, I kind of got the feeling that, well, I knew what was going to happen to me when I died. Even if that was nothing, you know, some kind of eternal void, I was still sure something would happen. But I don't know anymore."
Twilight’s bearing a soft smile. "TD, you are a good person. For us, when somepony who is good dies, their spirit goes to a land away from all of the sadness and badness of this world. I know your spirit would find its way there."
"That does sound nice, but how do I know pony heaven would be heaven for me? What if the things that make your paradise what it is for you wouldn't make it for me?"
Twilight's kind smile fades quickly and her eyes trail down to the floor.
I groan and shake my head. "Great, now I've gone and depressed everyone again. I’m probably making this sound worse than it is, aren’t I?"
"Well, maybe you won't have to stay here forever," says Pinkie Pie, trying to sound upbeat as usual. She scratches her head. "What I wanna say is, you’re just over twenty. So, in these hundred years you got, who says magic won't advance to the point where traveling between worlds is a normal thing to do before you’re all old and creaky at the joints?"
Everyone, me included, look baffled at Pinkie. Even after that little interlude we had at lunchtime before the Gala, she never struck me as being this smart. “See, I can be all smarty-pantsy too!” she chirps.
Twilight perks up slightly at this after a second or two. "She's right, TD. Teleportation is becoming more and more common after all and even just sixty years ago it was considered a foal’s dream."
A frown creeps across my face as I consider those words. "When did I get a hundred years of life?" I ask, even though I think I know the answer to that.
Twilight takes it upon herself to respond. "That's how long ponies live, a hundred and thirty on average.” Called it: they think a human’s lifespan is like a pony’s. She stops beaming after she sees I’m not exactly impressed. “Why?"
"The average for humans is seventy-five. Even getting to the nineties is a feat, and I think the world record is a hundred and ten, maybe just a little bit more."
All six guests gasp at the number. "Seventy-five?” Applejack parrots, stunned. “But that... that's way too little!"
I huff and wave the comment off. "Anyway, that’s the far future; let’s not worry about that right now. I’ve got enough on my plate already."
"Fair enough," says Rarity reasonably. "But that does beg the question, dear: what do you plan on doing now?” Her voice lowers again, until it’s a concerned mutter. “Surely you don’t want to die, do you?"
The question makes me almost grin a small, conspiratory grin, but I hold it back. As interesting as the plan is, it could backfire horribly and the way I'm going to go about it, I don't know how much they would appreciate that. Instead, I twist it into a normal smile. “Nah, none of that. Rest assured, I’m not gonna waste my life even thinking about that possibility.”
All of them sigh in relief. Ponies can be a bit melodramatic… then again, my speech wasn’t exactly inspiring, so I can’t blame them for thinking that. Twilight starts looking around to assess the small amount of damage still left, and while she’s doing that, her eyes land on my walking stick. True to form, they widen in excitement, and she rushes over to it. "Where did you get this?!" she asks animatedly.
I glance over at it. "That? I got that for ten bits in some shop back in Canterlot."
The lines of her eyebrows shoot up into her mane. "You got your very own Clovevellian Staff just like that?!"
My own eyebrow shoots up, but not nearly as much. "Clova-what now?"
That is enough to throw her into a lecture, to the amusement of the rest of us. "Clovevellian Staff is a term coined by Arcanis the Great, Archmagus and High Priestess for Princess Celestia between 211 and 298. She was something of an expert on Clover the Clever, one of the founders of Equestria.”
Sheesh, has she really memorized all that?
“In the course of her research she discovered Clover the Clever had a staff that she used to record personal memories that were important in her life, especially after the founding of Equestria. By studying ancient texts, she was able to determine the spell that Clover the Clever used to make hers, and so, for about two hundred years, it was a rite of passage for a powerful unicorn to make one."
"Uh-huh," I deadpan.
"No, it's really quite interesting!" There’s that familiar fire in her eyes that only appears when she's being typical bookworm Twilight. "The Clovevellian Staves of some of the most famous unicorns in Equestria are even on display in museums!"
"And I got one of my own for ten bits,” I state flatly. “That seems a bit cheap for something that important."
"Actually, they are pretty simple to make," Twilight says as she peruses mine. "They don't require much magical ability, only really strong memories." She turns back to me with a smile. "What's its name?"
Okay, she’s officially lost me here. "Um... what?"
"They generally have names," she explains. "Arcanis said that, by giving it a name, the pony who owns it develops a deeper connection to it."
"That seems kind of cheesy to me," I retort. "Really, come on, it's a stick."
"It's not just a stick,” insists Twilight, “it’s a record of some of your most important memories! It has to have a name, it's tradition!"
"Okay, fine!” I snap. “Its name is Reginald! Happy now?" Curse me for saying the first name that pops into my mind.
Twilight looks over the stick once more. "Reginald… I like it. What does it mean?"
"Heck if I know. Its name is Reginald, that’s all."
Twilight continues her inspection. "I don't suppose a carving of you pie-ing Blueblood is on there?" says Rarity hopefully.
A grin splits my face at that memory. "No, I don't suppose there is. But I wish there was!"
The seven of us are silent, but the smiles begin creeping up, and it isn't long before we are all laughing our heads off. Maybe it's just the stress going out, but seriously, we are all on the floor as the image of the apple pie colliding with Blueblood's head loops in our minds. At least it is in mine, but I’m pretty sure they’re having the same experience.
Our laughter echoes throughout the humble little abode, and it makes the place feel far friendlier and more welcoming than it has for me, well, ever, come to think of it. All we're doing is sharing laughter, like real friends. Well, laughter might be a bit mild to be honest: Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash are laughing so hard they’re leaning on each other for balance; Rarity tries to hide hers from the rest of us at first, but it only takes a few seconds before she's in hysterics as well, stomping on the flooring to complete the spectacle; Applejack is wiping away tears every few seconds, only for them to come back; finally, Twilight is trying to hide hers by covering up her face with one of her hooves, but her whole body is practically convulsing from the repression. Fluttershy's laughter isn't loud, especially since this is at the expense of another being, but we're laughing so she is as well, and that's okay with her.
As for me, that girlish squeal of his when the gravy splattered on his mane keeps repeating in my mind, and that's what is keeping my laughter going the most of it all.
I have to admit, this is nice, just sitting here and laughing with them. Sure, it's only temporary happiness at best, and when we stop we’ll be back at square one, but it's little things like this that remind a guy that life is good. When you're sharing laughter with somebody, things don't seem quite so bleak. You get the feeling that everything is going to be okay.
You get a feeling of warmth, one I didn’t have in Equestria till’ now.
When a group is laughing as hard as we just did, it's hard to say what causes it to wind down, but it always has to end; eventually the laughter became less rambunctious and the last tears of mirth are wiped away.
"That felt good," I chuckle.
"Well, I do suppose it isn't very ladylike to laugh at the expense of another–"
"But Rarity!” insists Pinkie Pie, who’s still grinning. “Pie!"
It makes Rarity grin back, still breathing heavily. "But pie indeed, Pinkie," she admits. "Though in all honesty, I'm a little put off that yours truly was not the one to give that beastly pony his just desserts." She giggles at her own pun.
"Three times!" I point out. "I made him look like a moron three times."
"Oh that's right," says Rarity. "There was the pie, the dance, and... what was the third one again?"
"You weren’t there to see it: when he ordered me to kiss his hoof, I accused him of instigating foreplay."
To my surprise, Rarity shudders. "Ugh, the thought of that ghastly being in bed..."
Great, now we’re all getting the goosebumps. Nice going, Rarity.
"By the way, what were you mimicking with that dance?" asks Twilight. "Was it some sort of inside joke?"
I scratch the back of my head and shift uncomfortably. Despite the fact that Blueblood is a total mule, I have to admit that what I was imitating was kind of disturbing, and definitely not something that they would approve of.
"Uh... yeah, you got that right. It's a human thing," I explain lamely.
Twilight frowns, like she always does whenever I'm being vague. "You… you weren't actually coming on to him, were you?"
"Even as a joke I would never do that," I respond in all seriousness. "Besides, everybody would be mad at me, or at the very least disappointed, if I told you."
Twilight grumbles a bit, but ultimately respects my want to drop the issue. Of course, since nobody knows what to say next, that leads to another awkward stretch of silence.
To my surprise, it’s Fluttershy, of all ponies, the one who breaks it. "So, what are you going to do now?" she asks. The smile that I have been wearing fades a smidge, and I sigh as I rub my temples. I decide on a lying shrug.
Twilight is deep in thought. Then, her face brightens. "I think I have an idea. You said you wanted to teach children back where you came from, right?"
"Yeah, that's what I was going to college for."
"Well, why don't you do that here?" she asks excitedly. "You already showed you can, and I'm sure Cheerilee would love the extra help! Besides that, you can try for one of our colleges!"
"… I don't know about that. I mean, to get into one of your colleges, I'd have to know something about your culture, right? I'd have to start at grade one with everything but math." One of the few things I was glad about Equestria was that the math was the same. If their four was our twelve, I don't know what I'd do. Twilight seems a bit put out, so I tack on a bit more. "We'll see what happens. Right now, I just want to get things back to something resembling normal before I get to thinking far ahead."
"That's fair enough," says Applejack. "Nopony can expect ya to know what to do right this time."
"Yeah, since Princess Celestia only told you a few days ago. You must be super-duper out of tune with your emotions!"
"A bit," I admit. Well, maybe more than 'a bit'; a lot would sum it up nicely, actually. But I really want to try to keep the friendly tone the room has right now. This is not a time for extreme emotions.
On a whim, I glance at my watch. It says it’s Monday. Technically, I should have gotten to work some four hours ago – I definitely need the money if I'm gonna pull off what I'm planning. I stand up and stretch out a bit.
"If you're worried 'bout work, we do technically have the day off," says Applejack.
I stop mid-stretch and glance at her. Oh wait, right, we do. Work at the Gala and all.
"Yeah," says Pinkie Pie. "What does everybody say to spending a day around town?"
"It would be a delightful way to relax after the more stressful events of the weekend," agrees Rarity.
The rest of the mane six give their nods of agreement, and since I have nowhere else to be, I shrug and nod. "Sounds good.”
I sit back down on my bed and glance at a calendar on the opposite wall. I haven't written anything on the days past Saturday. I guess I believed so much on my return, I didn't even plan in case it wasn’t possible. Foolish of me, now that I think about it.
Now that I have an idea that I can put some actual effort on, it looks like I better begin planning farther than a day ahead again.
"TD?"
I snap my head back to the group of expectant ponies. I must have zoned out for a second. "Yeah?"
"Does that sound okay?" asks Twilight. Darn, I guess they planned their next move while I was out of touch. Still, whatever they have planned shouldn't be too bad. "Uh, yeah, sure, that sound fine," I say with a dismissing wave of my hand.
The six look surprised for a moment, until Rarity breaks out in such a gigantic smile, she actually squeaks as it grows.
“Then off to the spa we go!" she declares with enthusiasm.
...oh.
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First, for once in my life. Now to business.
An awesome chapter to be sure, although the emotions seem to swing far too quickly from depressed and angry to laughter and happiness. I also know I found a typo somewhere in there, but I'm too busy to fish it back out. I do remember it was a missing comma though, so there's a start. Just keep going, and I'll be seeing you for the next chapter.
Just want you all to know that the next chapter will be the 'last' one. Why do I put that in quotation marks? Well, I had an idea if you'll permit me. See, there were a lot of chapters that didn't make it into the story because they didn't fit, dumb ideas that I had for chapters that would be a lot of fun to write, but again, they wouldn't fit, and stuff like that. I was thinking of publishing those deleted scenes if you, the readers, wanted me to. if not, well then this story dies. But let's just say that I have plans. That's all I really want to say without giving too much away.
So, would you guys be up to reading some wacky slice-of-life deleted scenes with TD and the gang? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
1802014 That'd better come with something more meaningful when you finish the chapter. I hate 'firsts'.
BTW, the title was inspired by when my house sheltered a homeless man and his dog and the dog attacked me. That was about two minutes before I started the chapter. I was unharmed, it only barked.
1802017
Do you even need to ask? Hay yes we would!
oh dear God...
1802023
Hey, can't I do it for once in my life? Also, I have added more.
The spa.... Dear celestia....
Hey, at least you're in Equestira... it could get worst, like the City 17 or the Mojave wasteland..
...Actually, the Mojave won't be half-bad...
Ooooh the spa, he'll have a GREAT time for sure
MOER.
..Whoops..
Hmmmm if I were him I'd welcome a stress relieving spa day.
Eh, he'd be better off on earth, after all, immortality isn't that far away nowadays. Great Chapter, nice amount of depression and hate but not too much.
1802014 Gratz!! That feel when one of your life's aspirations has finally been fulfilled.
Now if you do it again i will find you and i will hurt you.
>>BronyWriter It'll be a shame to see this story end on such a sour note. Can't go home. If you are gonna end it here and now. I hope you have a plan for closure, im curious to see what you will do. Also did you draw attention to "Reginald" to help change the subject of the situation or do these staffs have significance? And also what happened to the Zecora plan? This last chapters gonna have to cover alot good sir.
"...dumb ideas that wouldn't fit but would be fun to write..." A fanfic within a fanfic: Fic-ception?
Unrelated to above: You surviving finals ok? And a recent dog attack?
I'd say that TD may have come down with a severe case of the EMO.
Christ, it's like he's bipolar or something!
Spa? Lol, you're boned dude.... Wait what?
1802017 Maybe you could rework them to be slice-of-life events AFTER the main story, kinda like how the First Season went after the main narrative of Nightmare Moon's return was over and done with?
1802017
Next will be the 'last' chapter? I hope you've got a good sequel planned then, because unless you pull something major, I doubt that we're going to let ya go that easily- this story is still FAR too good to let it go after the plot twists you've just thrown at us.
1802211
That's the problem. I'm notoriously hard to catch, unless you were to check the Ponymon Dawn and Dusk wiki, but what are the odds of you going there?
1802017
Wait, what? Last? Are you gonna put an end to the whole plot in one next chapter?
Wow, these ponies live for a really long time. Normal horses I think reach 25.
Not a bad chapter. At least he's done raging and sulking.
Hopefully he'll understand eventually that just because something affects him does not give him carmkc priority and that the road to hell being paved with good intentions does not make good intentions a bad thing.
hahaha TD at the spa
And now the ponies will get to see the glorious form of MAN...
ALL OF IT.
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!
1802017 I don't even need an explanation for them. Crazy dumbness go!
Oh the Spa part of an HiE story.
Well I guess it's time to see if he has the 'magic touch' like most other humans do in these stories.
Or one of the Spa Sisters bucks up his back, either or.
1802017
Well, if the the next chapter is the last, I hope it is a very long chapter. As for deleted scenes, sequels, or side stories, I will read all that are made available with great enthusiasm.
1802270>>1802334>>1802218 All I can say about the next chapter being the last last last part of the story...
...
1802218 Finals I survived as well as the dog so I'm all good. Reginald will be significant. The Zecora plan will be next chapter. Bwahahahaha
1802017 The spa chapter is going to be the last chapter? What, is he going to die at the spa?
This story better not end abruptly, or else 
1802494 I demand ending Hugs! DEMAND THEM! But not IN the spa, that would be strange... #IfyouknowwhatImean
Its been a pleasure joining you in this venture BronyWriter. *salutes*..... Wait...... Now what am i supposed to read?!
1802017
Please dont let this story die...
-Kiryu
Yay update!!!
Oh, TD what have you gotten yourself into this time!
I bucking love the spa! and Im a straight american male.
1802634 So straight males that aren't American can enjoy spa's without stigma?
(les unfortunate implications...)
Why is there a 1 in that they'll
1802017 operatorchan.org/pbe/src/134477680618.jpg
Also he probably means 'last' as in last till a sequel, or after Christmas.
1802017 You'd better not end this. Seriously, this is my favorite fuckin' story on this whole fuckin' website, and if you end it, you will henceforth be dead to me.
1802694
Oftentimes good sir no, we cannot go to a spa and get a massage or perhaps something else. American Social stigma is debilitating and endlessly ridiculous.
will Cloud Kicker be coming back in the story
1802113 Don't you mean wouldn't? ... you're already preparing aren't you.
He better get some form of happiness or closure. And I hope he hates Luna and Celestia forever. Maybe some more Apple Bloom?
the scary psycho human is planning something. should I be worried?
I clearly play too much Touhou project.
When I heard those sticks had names, I immediately thought "I would name mine Keine".
I, for one, would be very much interested in reading some "wacky slice-of-life deleted scenes with TD and the gang".
Oh TD, you poor dude.
Princess Celestia could have just written TD, or communicated with him via Twilight Sparkle before he even took the train to Canterlot. She could have indicated that she was unable, for all her trying, to send TD back to Earth. This could have prevented a lot of trouble.
Still, I'm looking forward to seeing what his plan is, and what it has to do with Zecora.