Axel, a pegasis is quite the quiet one. He's quite shy, and almost never speaks to people. He has never made it a priority to have friends, or become socially involved in anything. He WOULD interact with others, but he decides at the last minute to change his mind, because he thinks that nopony would like him anyway. That his voice does't matter, and that he could never have any influence. He finds out that voice is important, and he uses it in different ways than he recognizes.
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110506093134/kingdomhearts/images/f/fc/Axel_DaysT.png
Eh? Eh? Ehhhhhhh?
1338516 oh Axel, our very own fire jesus
Have a glass of colt 45 approval
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Man... deep bro... deep. It reminded me of my childhood and how lonely it was. To have no friends, to not know the real meaning of friendship. I can't believe that I was just like Axel when I was younger. So nostalgic. Keep up the good work man! I can tell that this is going to be a great story!
Good premise, but your sentence structure is so awkward I couldn't bring myself to read it. You use simple sentences almost exclusively, and that makes the whole thing feel jerky and stilted. Try finding an editor to help if you aren't taking any sort of writing class right now.
i like it
make more please
Very good. But you keep using filly, which would insinuate that he is a girl. Use colt, that is the male form
1339975 oh......whoops! I've gotta.....re-write.....like...now......or later.....
Procrastination is a wonderful thing!
I love hope to see more soon
I identify with Axel strangely well . . . it's bringing back memories.
Moar please!!
...hmmm...too long of a wait, too short of an update
please fix one of the two next chapter
1409448 I'll be updating more often now. I just had a period of laziness.
1409480
HMM...fine, forgiven this time
but no more lazy writers!
1409500 but writers are natural procrastinators
I think you mean Axel is a colt. Not a filly. I dunno.
Me Gusta
Gah. All. Of. Your. Sentences. Are. Stilted.
More details, please! There's a nice long sentence there at the beginning, but it has an awkward ending that should continue into that next sentence but doesn't. Plus your ratio of simple sentences to all the other types (compound, complex, ect.) is ridiculously high. I can be stilted like that in a comment, but a story requires a different dynamic to keep people reading. Again, I really like your premise, but I won't be able to get through it until you smooth out your sentences.
Gaaaaah why must you torment me so! I want to read this so, so much, but your tenses keep switching and your sentences are disjointed and just... ergh! Please, please, please find an editor!
Awesome cliff hanger Cant wait to read the rest the anticipation is killing me.
*nod of approval*
ERMAGERD! NEED MOAR UPDATES NAO!
Really good chapter! Yes you need an editor, but it will only make it better so FIND an EDITOR!
I request more my good sir. Here, have a mustache.
Have 2 moustaches.
Jolly good show
No sonic rainboom?
Don't give up hope or flutter rage will occur
Damn, This hit hard bro.....
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS
SO MANY MANLY TEARS!!!!
*Blood
Damn... I know his feelings all too well. I had tried to commit suicide several times because of it. Damnit man! Why do you have to remind me of such this while getting me to want to read more? This is deep man, really deep. I can only assume that this also happened to you as well. I'm going to go cry in my corner now.
So much saddness and emotion that feeling of being all alone, I've been there.
This story is similar to my life, keep writing. You have a gift
This chapter hits home for many a brony, myself included.
Ahhhh... shiiiiiit bro. What else did he write in that book? If it really predicts the future, did he ever write an end?
Oh man I did not see Scarlets' death coming so sad.
I wonder if Fluttershy will remember Axel.
Keep writing this story is so good.
I bucking LOVE this story
Story complete! Thank you guys for all the support
hope you all like the ending :)
Yeah. This story was awesome! Now give us a sequel nao!
Hooray for happy endings!
YAY happy endings
this history hurts becose is true... MAGNIFICENT!
Such an awesome story
The ending was amazing. I had originally thought that it was going to be a sad ending, what a turn of events. Axel deserves a happy ending.
Looking forward to some more work from you in the future.
¡MAGNIFICENT! just... magnificent
Dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
A time Laps? You give us a bucking TIME LAPS? Why you do this man? I was looking forward to seeing their relationship develop even further, their wedding, their foals... wait did they have foals?... Their whole life together!
Ah, oh well. Amazing story. I really enjoyed reading it. Keep on writing my friend!
BUCK YEA!! GREAT LOVE STORY!
Good God that's depressing.
Your writing is improving. I can read it now, and dude, it seems like you're writing from personal experience. Is this adapted from stuff you wrote in middle school? I've had that problem before, where writing I thought was deep and amazing in elementary school turned out to seem kind of childish and blunt later, and some of that still showed through when I went to transpose it as part of a larger work.
I'm glad I didn't unfav this earlier, when it was so stilted and structurally confused my brain shut down, because while it might not be the most original idea, it still hits unnervingly close to home in some aspects. This is a good chapter. I'm going to try and read the next one now.