Chapter 4: The Quest for Tambelon
Chaos & Darkness
Chapter 4: The Quest for Tambelon
The darkness of Tirek’s dungeon fell away as a rosy aura glimmered down the stairs. Tirek himself took little notice; he had recently changed his eyes to make all forms of darkness as transparent as a summer’s day. The gentle subtleties of differing lights mixing was lost to his drive for utility. Still, he heard the hoofprints.
The heavy tread followed a muscular unicorn in royal guard armor. The withering look the soldier cast made Tirek smile. It was more than the look of an offended Equestrian loyalist. If Tirek was responsible for that much personalized hatred, he knew he must be doing something right.
‘Sit, scion of Twilight.” Tirek gestured to a stone bench outside the cell. “Join me for conversation. I myself am more than comfortable.” In the hours since his capture, he hadn't sat down or wavered a muscle. It’s amazing how much different you can be when the snap of a finger can change you.
The guard’s training mostly kept his shock hidden. “How do you know my bloodline, monster?”
Tirek smiled. Two sentences in, and I already control the conversation. This diversion may prove fleeting. He took a step toward the bars in order to see the youth bristle. He was not disappointed. Tirek grabbed the bars and pretended to slightly slump.
“I remember the first Twilight so clearly. I see on your medals the purple stars of her bloodline. I swore to end it once.” He examined his fingernails as the stallion seethed. “It just seems so pointless now. I could do it with a gesture, but why should a warlord stamp on ant hills?”
The stallion advanced, nostrils flaring. “Well, this ant bites back! Where is my sister?”
Tirek achieved full understanding instantly. Still, the act of staring neutrally at the guard for several seconds brought him much joy.
“Pardon?”
“I want my sister! Her name’s Twilight Sparkle. She--“
Tirek sighed. “She’s slightly lavender, carries around a dragon hatchling, and is a mewling intellectual with an over-inflated sense of fair play.” He grinned in what he hoped was a friendly manner. “And you are?” How long will he actually answer my questions? These over-entitled children in uniform really do need to be attacked again.
The guardspony breathed out. “I’m Captain Shining Armor of the Canterlot guard. There, are you happy? Answer for answer. Fair deal. Where is she?”
By the Darkness, he’s negotiating with me. Is this what passes for an Equestrian warrior?
“Last I saw her, she was in Tartaurus. The Monstromurk had broken free. I’m sure axes were flying. Hopefully she was able to keep her head about her, or at least attached. She’s one of the Elements of Harmony, is she not?”
Shining Armor sat back. Tirek was gratified to see that he at least keep his horn out of the reach of the bars and his head cool at dire news. At least they still taught them some things.
Captain Armor thought for a space of time. “How could you know that? You’ve been locked away.”
“They are pictured in the seventh window into the castle on the right-hand side.”
“I’ll say this for you,” Shining Armor said with a snort. “You’ve got a good memory.”
Tirek inclined his head politely. “Gave it to myself this morning, as a matter of fact. I wanted to remember my triumph over the unfaithful, short-sighted tyrant in perfect detail for eternity.”
Captain Armor pawed at the ground. “I’ll make you hurt for those words. Enough dancing around. What happened to my sister? I don’t think you’re telling the whole truth. When the Elements of Harmony arrive, they’ll want to know as well. They don’t ask as politely as I do.”
He was greeted with laughter.
“Bluster all you want, boy. The white one has a backbone, I’ll admit. The mewling disappointment that is Firefly’s heir sniveled behind her rabbit.”
Captain Armor ran against the cage. He’s eyes bled murder.
“What did you do to them?”
Tirek shook his head and paced the cell. This was becoming too easy.
“The other unicorn acquitted herself well. With training, she may be a leader to my warriors. I don’t think you have the backbone to even be part of her harem. Still, perhaps breeding the two of you will produce stock with both muscle and courage. I'll consider it.”
Shining Armor’s face gave a tic.
“You disgusting piece of filth. I'd have never thought you capable of-- ”
Shining froze as Tirek moved. He didn’t walk, jump, or trot. He simply suddenly was at the very edge of the bars.
“Boy,” Tirek said with impatience, “when I lead the armies of your nation, I will have much less pleasant orders for you to follow. Besides, thinking for yourself is how you allowed your horn to come within my reach.”
Shining Armor rolled his eyes. “Try it, you- ”
A cascade of scarlet sparks filled the room as Tirek’s hand smashed through the previously invisible forcefield. Tirek tapped the tip of Shining Armor’s horn with a single finger before withdrawing, then started clapping.
“Well done! You’re good at looking strong and dim, my young defensive strategist. Perhaps my future war mare may want you at her flank after all. You wanted me to hurt myself, didn’t you?”
Shining Armor stepped back from the bars, waiting.
“Your sister,” Tirek began with a sigh, “witnessed the end of the Monstromurk’s captivity. She has undoubtedly either been cut down accidentally by those sworn to protect her, or waits unconscious on some floor for either a wandering predator or starvation to finish their work first. There’s no concealment in my words. She just honestly does not matter.”
“I’ll kill you,” Shining Armor stated softly.
Tirek nodded. “You can try. As for the yellow coward, she is in my custody. I am nothing if not merciful.”
Shining Armor walked around the cage, staying out of reach from the bars. “Where is she?”
“Safe,” said Tirek. “Safer with me than any creature in Equestria.”
---
There are many demoralizing aspects of a jail cell. The rusty iron bars shows the prisoner the apathy level of their jailers. The cold stone symbolizes the uncaring treatment to come. Fluttershy had never tried to imagine imprisonment, having been horrified enough by the thought of slow elevators. Even if she had, most terrifying thing she would never had consider (and she was a professional at considering terrifying things) was the silence.
“H-h-h-hello? I-is a-anybody there?”
She sagged as she leaned against the bars. Fluttershy had promised herself that she wouldn't cry. It had started to hurt after awhile.
Her head lifted at the sound of the distant voice that answered her with "Hello?"
Using her grasping feathers, Fluttershy's wings lifted her onto her hindlegs as her forehooves rested on the bars. Hope crawled into her chest and with a timid whisper asked her heart if it could come in, if that wasn't too much trouble.
"Is somepony there?"
Something shuffled into the enchanted torchlight of the cell. A hunchbacked furred gargoyle regarded Fluttershy with sorrowful eyes as it walked, dragging a short crafted stick along the floor.
"You're not screaming like the others," it said as it cast a quizzical look with its bleary and bloodshot eye.
Fluttershy responded with a headshake. "Oh no, Mister Monster. I'd never be afraid of something that sounded so sad. Why, you may just be caught in a bad situation. You seem like such a nice beast."
Fluttershy gripped the bars tighter as the thing’s hands reached towards her. They rested on the outside of her cage, the creature sagging as sobs wracked its body.
"You have no idea," it said as it wiped a tear from its eye with a clawed hand. "I'm trapped here like you. That dastardly thing turned me into this." A purple tongue licked misshapen fangs as its voice dropped to a whisper. "Would you believed I lived in Canterlot Castle before this?"
It (Fluttershy mentally corrected herself; "it" was a "he") dropped his head forward against the bars. She slowly reached out a trembling hoof, placing it on the crouched-over monstrosity’s left shoulder.
"There, there," she said. "Please don't cry. What's your name?"
The blubbering stop as his eyes met hers. "It's Scorpan now. I doubt I could even say my previous one with a straight face." Very carefully, Scorpan cupped his right hand around her small, extended hoof. "Thank you for your kindness, Miss."
"You're very welcome, Scorpan." Her smile could have melted windigoes. "You need kindness more than fear right now."
"Oh, don't worry. You're not to be touched." His eyes flew towards the small hoof he held. "Well, not in that way. I have to deal with the other ponies he sent here, though."
Fluttershy straightened. "Other ponies? From Ponyville?"
"No," Scorpan replied with a shake of his head. "Some small, podunk out-of-the-way town the Master teleported here. I'm to look after the Master's things while he's away." Gently patting Fluttershy's hoof, he stood up straight. "It's probably time for me to see the other ponies, Miss Fluttershy." He turned to leave.
As she dropped back onto four hooves, Fluttershy called after the retreating back of Scorpan.
"Wait! What are you going to do with them?"
Scorpan spared her a brief look as he brandished the wand he'd been holding. "Why, turn them into dragons, of course."
"No." Her eyes grew wide. "No, Scorpan. You can't do that."
He snorted. "I have to. Otherwise, he's going to yell at me, for one thing. He's very scary when he yells."
Scorpan did his best to ignore Fluttershy's pleading screams as he walked down the hall, willing the wand to flare up into life.
__
The Monastery of the Tone of Transversal was a wonder to Twilight's eyes. Bas reliefs centuries old should scenes of history now long faded into mythology, inscribed with ancient languages. As she passed under archways of long forgotten architectural styles, she wished she had more time to inspect everything.
Not being lead at spearpoint would have been a start.
“Get a move on,” grumbled one on the several dozen furry creatures as it poked Twilight’s rump with her spear. She gave out a high-pitched whinny as she sprung forward automatically. The walking hairball laughed as Twilight’s group was lead into a large ruined concert hall and unceremoniously deposited into the sealed orchestra pit.
At her side, Iron Will gave her an appraising eye. “If you want, I could noogie that thing into its component molecules.”
Twilight shook her head, drawing a giggle from Discord.
“Come now, Mister Moo. This is Twilight Sparkle. She could level this place with just a thought and a long-winded, patronizing lecture.” He threw a clawed finger at her. “You wanted us to get captured, didn’t you?”
Her irritated shrug distracted Iron from the hootings and hollerings above them as the furry things filled the concert hall’s seats.
“Twilight? Is he right, or is that more of what he thinks are jokes?”
“Hey!”
“Yeah,” she said. “I want to see who’s running this place.” Twilight’s face brightened a bit. “I mean, in control of this monastery are a completely unknown race of-- ”
“They’re grundles,” Discord said as he reclined on the ground. “Stupid little things. Their entire culture used to be based on proving they weren't as scary as they look. Now... ”
Discord gestured to a large dais constructed out of pews and tables. Several grundles were there, and Twilight noted the incredible variation in facial bone structure between the race. Some of them had snouts, whereas others had beaks. While she watched, the group poured a barrel of grape jelly onto the ground.
The room went silent as two figures stepped onto the dais. One was the small, pot-bellied grundle with the bell-covered hat and red jacket from earlier. The other was a towering and muscular, easily the size of Iron Will. As the auditorium held its breath, the apparent grundle leader stepped in front of his huge companion and began stomping of the pile of grape jelly. Pieces of purple flew into the air, drawing applause from the mob. Twilight could make out the repeated phrase, “Death to Smoozy!”
“ . . . now I think they want to be scary. Or maybe just stupid.” Discord shrugged
The short grundle motioned for the auditorium to be quiet.
“All right, everybody. Grundle King here. You know what I’m about. You just saw me stomp the Ancient Evil. Everybody on board so far?”
As he exaggeratedly held an open hand to his ear, the audience bombarded him with cheers and applause.
Iron Will chuckled. “That guy? Good stage presence.” He tapped Twilight on her shoulder and pointed to the King's gigantic cohort. "What I want to know is, who's got second billing at this show? If he was just the help, he wouldn't be on stage."
"Mister Will, is that a plan I see forming?" Twilight asked with smirk.
He shrugged. "Ancient evils are out of my depth. Analyzing a public speaker? This I know."
“Anyway,” the Grundle King continued, “we caught some people trying to break into our monastery.” And exaggerated gasp flew out of the assembled grundles. “Some dirty, ruthless people trying to wreck our way of life here.”
Twilight snorted. “Iron? Pick me up over your head so I can address him.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” He gingerly lifted her into the grundle’s line of sight.
“Okay, good. Hands stay right there. Gentlecolt hands, please,” she whispered in his ear while aloft.
Iron Will pointedly looked away while Discord snickered.
The grundles’ attention was captured by the violent burst of purple light flared from Twilight’s horn. Even the Grundle King waited for her to speak, temporarily thrown off his game. His larger companion stepped forward as if to shield the Grundle King with his body.
“Assembled grundles,” Twilight began with a smile, “I am only here to use your bell for a teensy-weensy time in order to save all of reality. Surely there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of neighborly help?”
The Grundle King recovered quickly. “Oh, come on, lady. We’re not idiots. We've seen who we've caught.”
Twilight and Iron will shared a glance.
“Who do you mean?” Twilight grinned as innocently as she could.
Discord hopped off the ground, sweat pouring off of his forehead.
“Wait a minute,” he screamed out of the pit. “You gotta understand, grundle.” Discord pointed at Twilight and Iron. “I’ve never even saw these plotholes before. You've got the wrong draconequus!”
The Grundle King blinked. Slowly he point to a giant bas relief on the back wall where an artist had masterfully carved a terrifying beast. It was all made the more impressive for the sense of sinister malice being evoked by a carving of Discord.
“Yup,” Iron Will said. “They got your good side.”
Discord rubbed his eyes. “Oh, yeah. There was that time.”
“Discord,” Twilight said out of the side of her mouth. “What do those carved runes say around your image.”
Discord sighed. “Please refuse service to this entity.”
Hoarse screaming echoed around the chamber as the Grundle King raised his arms. “Get these miscreants into the dungeon cells! I am the Grundle King, and I speak for the grundles!”
Twilight sighed. “Good work, Discord.”
“Yeah. Never hassle a service rep. You never know how they’ll make your life difficult.” Iron gently placed Twilight on the ground.
Discord had collapsed into a heap against the back wall. For once, he had nothing to say as he stared at his feet.
“Okay, we’re going to have to think our way out of here,” Twilight said to Iron hurriedly as spear-toting grundles surrounded the orchestra pit. “We have to reach Tambelon as soon as possible. You saw the Sun,” Twilight said with a shudder. “Who knows how Luna is doing struggling with Tirek on her own?”
The two turned as Discord gently coughed into his claw. He wiped his nails on his coat while avoiding eye contact.
“Yes. Ahem. Ah. Struggling.” He gave out a low whistle before sighing. “Twilight, I wish I had time to give you a juicy little history lesson. ‘Struggling’ is most likely the last thing on those two’s minds. Well,” he said as he avoided eye contact, “that is unless they’re into that kind of thing . . . ”
___
Luna sat at the head of Equestria's royal feast table. At times the representatives from over a dozen nations occupied the seats, feeding on the royal repast and each other's political weaknesses. There was certainly enough food for such a party now, but the Princess was the only dinner guest in sight. The only other souls presents were the motionless servants and the guards-flanked elderly Royal Councilor, standing watch quietly in the archway of the room.
The councilor grit his teeth as Tirek was lead into the banquet room. My dear Lady, he thought, I hope this works out the way you want it to.
"A meal set out?" Tirek spared Luna a smile. "Ah, Princess. Seeking to lull me into complacency? You were ever the shrewdest mare at this bargaining table." He ran his hand along the table as he walked to the seat at Luna's side. "How many wars were won right here by you glimpsing into the darker parts of the soul over a napkin setting?"
Luna returned his leering stare unemotionally before looking to the crowd of terrified servants standing frozen in place around them. Making eye contact with a nearby shivering servingmare, Luna casually asked, "Could I have the cheesecake brought out please?"
"Buh-buh-buh- " The servant raised a trembling hoof towards Tirek.
Luna's not unmerciful glare silenced her.
"Yes, my child," she said while giving the girl a gentle feathertap on the shoulder. "He is a terrible monster who wishes to destroy our way of life. I have not forgotten for a second. Still, he is not the first, and we must not show him fear. We are Equestrian."
The girl carefully straightened herself to attention. "W-will Your Majesty require the strawberry or cranberry toppings?"
The Princess gave her a brief smile. "Cranberries, as always."
The serving girl curtsied, turning to the rest of the staff. "Y-you heard her. Back to work, everypony. We're not paid to lollygag."
As the dining room hummed back to life, Luna regarded Tirek sardonically.
"Elegantly and poetically spoken, Tirek. 'Shrewdest mare?' That would be just the kind of thing I would say to a captor to flatter them into lowering their guard." She levitated a spoonful of pie into the air, chewing on it thoughtfully. "If indeed, I am the captor here."
Tirek nodded with admiration. "Do I have permission to sit?"
"Whom," Luna said with the raise of an eyebrow, "at this table truly has the power to grant permission, I wonder?"
Tirek sat down without answering.
Across the room, the Royal Councilor watched the entire exchange with rapt attention as he noted the give and take between the two verbal combatants. A young guard leaned towards the bearded old unicorn and whispered in his ear.
"Sir?" The guard swallowed. "Forgive my rudeness, but-- "
"Ask your questions, boy, and quickly." The Councilor's gaze never wavered as he watched Luna guardedly converse with Tirek.
"Well . . . what's going on over there, sir?"
"Are you familiar with chess?"
The guard bit his lip. "I was third on the barrack's score list this month."
"Well, then," the Councilor said as turned to him with a smile. "I always respect a pony with a mind for the Great Game." He gestured towards the banquet table. "Here's the best comparison I can make. They're each playing on three boards, both of them switching colors, and on the bottom board the shoe just landed on Board Trot, making everypony wonder if that means Minty did it with the Iron Shoes in the Conservatory."
The guarded nodded after a second of contemplation. "Deep games."
"Yes," agreed the Councilor. "I just wish I knew what the stakes really were."
The guard’s wing patted the aged stallion on the shoulder. "You better be comfortable, Sir. If I may say, it's going to be a long one."
The Councilor carefully removed the guard's familiar touch and through a glare filled with ice and questions his way. "And why might that be, my young . . . 'friend?'"
The guard swallowed. "I may not know games like you, but I know players. Did you see his face? Anyone looking at a mare like her in that way would be more than willing to give her the best two out of three."
___
“Best two out of three?”
Discord sighed, his head in his claws as he stared through the bars of his cage. It takes an innovative race to turn balcony seating rooms into a prison cell, he noted. Turning the room into a prison cell, pickling room, and compost storage was probably a bit much. If he still had powers, Discord would have sent his nose off running and told it to never look back.
Between the stench of the room and the repetitive sounds of the guards playing cards, he kind of missed being a statue.
“Best five out of four?”
Discord swiveled at the sentence, staring at the two out-of-shape grundles in piece-mail armor that evoked the late historic Kitchenwear Period. A mess of dirty, mismatching cards lay sprawling across a table top supported on compost barrels.
“Do you two imbeciles mind giving me some silence for my existential angst?”
“Nope,” said one as he picked the deck back up. “Exist all you want, Mister Elder Evil. I’m down thirty-seven games today, an’ I’m gonna make it up.”
The other grundle at the table, a hairy mass of fat, let his skepticism at the request be known with a loud burst of flatulence.
Grabbing the metal bars, Discord shook them to little effect. He slunk down to the ground while holding on, staring in impotent fury as the pair continued playing.
“Well, at least I know a bigger loser than me,” he said as he eyed the disproportionate chip piles.
The grundle spun on his stool. “Between you an’ me, buddy, youse about as screwed over as the new sun thing.”
The draconequus was still and silent for a space of seconds. If Twilight was there, she would have petitioned Canterlot to declare a holiday.
“Care to explain yourself?”
“Dang it. Smoozing lost again. Thirteen out of fifteen? Look, buddy, it doesn’t take a genius to know that the Stallion in the Sun must have gotten royally plugged.”
Discord’s fingers swayed, sharpening his claws on the metal cage.
“Let me say this slowly,” he began, “and I’ll use small words. If you think that that shining countenance is a ‘stallion,’ you’ve probably been staring at the sun for years now. That mare in the sky may be a crashing bore as of late, but she is the craftiest, canniest, and most manipulative being on this planet aside from moi.” He poked his snout through the bars as he hissed out, “She beat me twice. So, I’d stop discounting her. Any moment now some ancient plan of hers will pop, and you’ll all see.”
The victorious guard burbled incoherently.
“Yeah, I agree, buddy. You’re girlfriend’s hot, now keep it down so we can play.”
Discord’s mouth fell open painfully. He was used to the kind of control that allowed you to drop a jaw to the ground and let a ten-foot long tongue roll out. He resolved to never try it without magic again.
“Girlfriend? L-l-look, you’re completely misunderstanding the whole platonic nemeses dynamic here.”
A spurt of amused burbling drew laughs from the other guard.
“Yup. ‘Protest too much’ is the right phrase, Clem. Back to the game.”
The game continued for a few minutes as Discord watched, reflected, and thought. Finally, he shrugged and asked in the best innocent voice he could imitate, “Could I play?”
Clem shrugged. The other guard turned to Discord.
“Y’know, we could push the table against the bars. D’you know Nineteen Claw Pick-up?”
Discord grinned as the deck was placed in front of him. His nimble, clawed thumbs began flipping through it expertly.
“I’m slightly familiar, but that’s a kids game. This is the favorite game we played back in Dream Valley with the Magne and her siblings. Ladies and germs, the game is Fizbin.” As he dropped the shuffled deck in front, he pointed at Clem. “You, cut the deck.” Turning to the other grundle, he smiled. “You lose a turn.”
“What?” The guard sat up in his chair. “Why?”
All of Discord’s teeth shone through his smile. “Because it’s Thursday, and you’re sitting to the dealer’s left. Try to keep up with the rules, please.”
The grundles looked at each and shrugged before straightening in their chairs. “‘Kay. So, what’re we betting?”
Discord clicked his tongue and looked upwards as he dealt out nine card hands before throwing a card on the floor. “We’ll discuss that later. No one gets to pick that card up until the third hand or until someone says the secret word, by the way. The next card is turned up, except on Tuesdays. So the trick is to get a Royal Fizbin . . . ”
___
As Iron Will paced the perimeter of his cell, his grundle guard reflected on the wisdom of stealing the shift leader’s girlfriend. Surely, he thought, karma couldn't solely explain why he was in this dangerous situation.
Iron Will stopped, crossed his arms behind his back, and stared into the grundle’s eyes. The guard shrank back.
“What are you looking at, Pipsqueek?”
The grundle flinched at the strength of the bellow.
“Y-y-you, Sir.”
Iron Will worked hard to stifle a giggle as the guard saluted.
“Sir! Did you just call me ‘Sir?’”
“Y-y-y-yes?”’
Iron Will stuck his head as close to the bars as his horns would allow, lowering himself onto one knee to stare at the level of the petrified guard’s eyes.
“Well, stop it! A fearsome warrior like you needs to show some pride.”
Straight face, Iron. It’s just another role. Straight face.
The grundle took an experimental step forward. He nervously pointed at himself. “Are y-y-you talking to me?”
Iron slowly stood up to his full height. “You've been assigned the job of guarding the most dangerous prisoner in your race’s history. You’re good at your job, aren't you?”
“W-well, yes.”
Iron pointed at him while striking a pose. “You deserve this position, right?”
“Yes, S-sir!”
This time, Iron Will let it slide.
“Well, then, Iron Will knows that you deserve to be treated better in your nation’s service.”
The grundle scratched his chin, thoughts whirling around his head at geologic speeds.
“You know, I do.”
“You deserve a promotion.”
The grundle punched his open palm. “I should march down to Sweeney and get one right now. After all, if I’m good enough for minotaur duty . . . ”
Iron Will unleashed the full motivational fury of the simultaneous double point. “You’re going to drag him right back here right now and give him a piece of your mind!”
The guard straightened and snapped to attention. “Sir, yes, sir!” He saluted and turned on his heels.
The moment he was out of sight Iron Will breathed out, turning around to take in his balcony seat prison.
“Sometimes,” he said to no one in particular, “it’s so easy I’m ashamed of myself.”
___
“So, this is a unicorn-proof cell?”
The lanky grundle turned back from his table toward Twilight, putting down the twig he was playing with. “Yup.”
She turned around in a slow circle, taking in the rusted bars, wooden floor, and compost barrels. “So, this cell is made to hold unicorns, huh?”
“What?” He shrugged. “Um, no unicorns have ever escaped, y’know.”
Twilight arched an eyebrow. “Is it ‘grundle-proof’ by any chance?”
The grundle turned back to something fascinating on the table. “Yup, unicorn proof through and through.”
While he looked away, Twilight disappeared in a flash of light, appearing behind the bored guard. His attention was completely captivated by the beetle on the table. Its legs twitched continuously as it attempted to escape the tabletop, ever foiled by the gently-wielded stick the grundle used to steer it back to the center of the table.
Overall, it seemed like a good day for the guard. Today’s beetle was lively, the stick was firm, and the prisoner wasn't bothering him. For him, excitement was an optimistic beetle. If he turned around at that particular moment, excitement would have been discovering the failure of the Unicorn-Proof Cage, followed by him getting bucked him in the face. Luckily enough for him, he cared more about entomology than responsibility.
By the time Twilight reappeared inside the cell, he was honestly considering a nap. After all, nothing ever happened on prisoner duty.
Well, the boys should be okay, Twilight thought with a nod as she moved around some of the least-rotten hay in the cell into a pile. They’ll have little opportunity to kill each other locked apart. Now, to think quickly and use the time I have well. Celestia, I’m getting you out of there! Now I just need to spring Iron Will.
She snorted. It’s going to be embarrassing when I spring him. I mean, he should be able to tear those bars apart with those gigantic, muscular arms, straining his mighty thews with . . .
Twilight sighed, lowering herself onto the ground with her hooves. She would have traded her current thoughts for simpler and comfortable ones of jailbreak and world-saving any day.
___
“Okay, Larry,” Iron Will said with patience, “That’s an excellent point. So, who are the best squad of prison guards and also best latrine cleaners in Grundleland?”
A dozen hairy fists thrust into the air as the grundle soldiers cheered.
“I mean,” Larry said as he leaned on his combination spear/shovel, “we’re good at both, so . . . ”
Iron Will clapped. “Larry is right. Be proud of yourself!” His eyes narrowed. “So, is everyone here?”
One of the grundle’s raised his hand enthusiastically. Iron Will pointed at him.
“Okay, you in the back.”
“Ooh, ooh, I know this one! Clem and Plato are playin’ cards with the Elder Evil, and Stuart has duty shift on the Perfect Record Unicorn Containment Cage!”
Iron Will took on this information and nodded. “All right, we'll take minutes and script a memo to make them aware of how awesome you are!”
He flexed his arm and all of the grundle’s mimicked the gesture, creating a result that Iron Will would remember with a chuckle long after his teeth fell out.
“So,” he said with gravity, “what does the Seventeenth Squad need to do?”
“Show off our awesomeness, Sir!”
“And who should we bring here?”
“The grundles in charge, sir!”
Iron pumped his fists into the air, shouting “If you rock and they don’t know . . . ”
“Go out there and tell them so!” As one, the grundles turned to leave.
Okay, Iron thought. I got this in hand. Discord’s out of my hair. Twilight should be able to handle herself. After all, if she can’t get out of this one, then--
With a groan of frustration, Iron Will slammed his hand into his forehead as he slumped to the floor against the bars.
“Oh, Mom,” he muttered to himself. “You did this to me.”
The last grundle guard out of the door turned back. “Did you say something, sir?”
Leaping to his feet, Iron flexed dramatically. “Only how proud I am that you can kick out the bad thoughts that are holding you back!”
Better than me, at least.
As the grundles choked the hallways and began high-spirited session of backslapping and high fives, Iron grabbed his head.
Well, Mom and Dad, you almost raised a 'proper' gentlebull, Iron thought with a snort. No wonder our population density is lower than Monday morning ticket sales in Appleloosa. Tell you what, Mom, when we get out of this mess, I’m actually going to . . .
Iron stared out at the bars, working on the end of his sentence to little avail.
___
In terms of mixed messages, the nobility of Canterlot were having a truly unique day.
The nation of Equestria had, except for a period of a few hours known only to one small village, never undergone a regime change in thousands of years. They tended to mock and belittle other people who actually had to change their rulers. To a pony, the instability of places like Saddle Arabia, who changed rulers every few decades, seemed absurd, to say nothing of the madness of the Griffon Clans.
All of this came down like a psychological hammer as the nobles around the palace were lead into the dining room one at a time. Confusion slipped into their minds as, before Luna and Tirek, they were all reassured that nothing had changed and everything would continue running as normal.
Unfortunately, this seemed to have the opposite effect on a group of gossipy aristocrats with a sense of entitlement.
“B-b-but, how can we have the Garden Jamboree Party without Celestia?” asked the last in a long line of knock-kneed nobles who spent the better half of an hour being paraded through the dining hall.
Luna sighed inwardly, maintaining the calm, controlled smile that long hours of regular practice obtained.
“We would love to attend your event. I will ensure that my sister is notified of your invitation when she returns.”
The noble’s face turned pale.
“W-w-we? As in . . . ”
“As in the royal ‘we,’ of course. We only mean ourselves.”
“And, n-n-not . . . ”
“What?” Luna look around in an exaggerated cast of her head. “Of whom else do you speak?”
He cast a trembling hoof at Tirek, who had remained silent through the whole panicking panoply. Leaning forward on the table with his hands folded, Tirek had spent the last hour only staring at Luna.
He kept quiet and attentive.
Luna giggled into her hoof in a perfectly executed maneuver, rehearsed over years under harsh tutors to give the right amount of levity and control. She casually levitated a tea cup to herself before responding.
“The Beast is a prisoner being allowed breakfast, nothing more. He is of no import to any of you. Go about your business now.”
The noble adjusted his collar.
““N-now, Your Majesty, about the unrest on the G-griffon lands . . . ” He shuffled nervously from one hoof pair to the other. “Since Celestia is missing, and the Treaty is specifically negotiated with her-- ”
Tirek looked up from Luna for the first time.
Luna’s hoofed waved away both the noble and his concern. “Our nation is in good standing with all neighbors. Please leave . . . ‘me,’ dear friend. I think I will eat in solitude for awhile.”
Tirek watched the sputtering unicorn go, scratching his chin once the pony disappeared around a corner. The breakfast table stayed suspended inside a bubble of quiet tension until the Royal Councilor gingerly approached Luna. He gave a sympathetic look to the stiff-necked guards who had watched Tirek tirelessly through the confusing morning and bowed low towards the Princess.
“My Lady, your Royal Hoofservant asked me to remind you of your pressing appointment in room seventeen ‘C.’ He said your attendance was required.”
Luna hid her mouth behind a napkin as she regarded the councilor. Volumes of information passed between their eyes. Watching the display, Tirek briefly considering granting himself the ability to read minds before deciding it was unsporting and neurotic.
“Very well,” Luna said as she stood. “I will deal with this alone.”
“I could come with you.”
Luna ground her teeth together as she turned to Tirek, whose disarming smile was still enough to give small children nightmares.
“I would hate to do anything to inconvenience you,” he said.
She shook her head slowly before responding.
“Yes, you really believe that, don’t you?”
Without waiting for a reaction, Luna turned left the dining room. Two guards stepped into her wake to block the door she left through, drawing an amused laugh from Tirek.
In her position as the Lady of Dreams, Guardian of the Sleep of Equestria, Luna was very familiar with nightmares. She could recognize all of the common types within seconds of entering a mortal’s sleep. She could also recall many unique personal terrors, such as a seamstress of her acquaintance who suffered a positively unponylike fear of being naked in front of a crowd. Luna assumed that she was acquainted with all of the numerous shapes of fear.
She had thought that her own worst nightmares had come to pass. As she trotted through the hallways of Canterlot Castle, Luna recognized a terror she had never allowed herself to consider consciously being given voice around a corner.
“ . . . sitting at the Royal Table. It’s a sign. Come nightfall, the bat-winged divisions will swoop in and salute the new King and Queen.”
“Something should be done.”
A silver-clad hoof stepped stepped slightly louder than normal down the corridor, and the four Royal Guards ended their conversation as Luna stepped into view. They stood at attention immediately, but the long roll of centuries had taught Luna the different moods of a salute.
Walking between them, she stopped. The five ponies waited there in silence and immobility for a space of time before she turned to one of them.
“I need your service, soldier,” she said, receiving the neutral nod and salute expected in that situation. Luna drew a nearly imperceptible breath before continuing.
“While I attend to other things, guard the Beast. Remember that he is cunning, and give him no further information than he already possesses. Remember that he is powerful, and that drawing his ire would put innocents in danger. Above all, know that any wrong move made lessens the chance that our beloved sister is returned. Act carefully, and look for a sign of its weakness at all times.”
She gave the guard a few moments before asking, “Are we on the same page, soldier?”
His neck was slightly straighter when he replied, “I believe we are, Your Majesty.”
Luna offered a smile. “Thank you, soldier. I would appreciate you sharing this perspective with your fellow guards.”
Only a princess would have been able to feel the change in the guards’ salutes as she left them.
Luna soon came to the appointed room. She had no idea why her Hoofservant had called her here, and the presence of a Royal Hairdresser outside an abandoned servant’s quarters gave her no further clue. Luna approached the well-dressed unicorn, who stood at attention next to a briefcase of tools and make-up.
“Thou hast been asked to be here?” Luna regarded the hairdresser quizzically.
He shrugged. “Your Majesty, I was only told to hurry up and wait. They said I’d know what to do when it happened.”
Luna inclined her head, knowing the value of giving the impression of comprehension. She swung open the door, shutting it close behind her. The nearly-empty room inside was clear of dust, a testament to the devotion of the castle servants. What caught Luna’s eye were the washbasin, towels, pillow, and envelope that had been left in the middle of the room. On top of the envelope was a small hourglass, most likely the five minute variety. Curiosity temporarily overcome the tension of the day as Luna levitated the envelope against her horn and unfurled the note inside.
Your Majesty,
I thought you could use a place where nopony was watching you for a short time.
I Remain Your Devoted Hoofservant,
Nightlight
Luna placed the note onto the ground with care, her wings dropping to her side for the first time in hours. Picking up the hourglass in her teeth, she gently flipped it over and heard the inexorable march of time. Her knees buckled and she dropped her head nearly to the ground as the first choking sob in an imminent parade washed over her. A quick burst of telekinesis pulled the pillow over her face, and the first muffled scream rang out as her knees hit the floor.
Less than ten minutes later, Princess Luna returned to dining room, looking no less immaculate than when she left. She noted the dozen guards that surrounded Tirek around the table. He paid them little heed as he spoke softly through a cruel smile to a shaking member of the kitchen staff.
“Tirek,” Luna said as she resumed her place on her cushion. “I noticed that you have not yet consumed anything.”
He patted the head of the terrified waitress before shooing her off. As he returned his attention to Luna, Tirek folded his hands in front of himself.
“I require food no longer, My Lady.” He offered Luna a proud smile. “I eliminated many constraints upon this body when I inherited the Power I now wield.”
Luna shook her head as she sipped a nearby decanter. “You could order a feast for a king, yet can’t even enjoy it. Is this the meaning of power to you, Tirek?”
Tirek’s fingers scratched a frustrated mark across the table. “I would be making myself weaker.”
“I find your definition of weakness amusing,” Luna said jovially. She gently lifted a pastry into her mouth and chewed slowly, allowing Tirek to stew in silence before continuing. “After all, by that definition I am weak. Surely you are not fond of weakness?”
“One day,” Tirek said as he lifted a goblet experimentally, “you will see my side.”
“I hope you can wait patiently for that,” replied Luna as she pulled more desserts toward herself.
Tirek’s thumb pressed against edge of the goblet, pushing into it as if it were cake. With a snort, he dropped the bent metal onto the table and swept it onto the ground.
For a moment, Luna’s gaze turned to the Royal Guard behind Tirek. She swore she saw approval in their eyes.
“I am used to waiting,” Tirek began. “My . . . temporary setback only discorporated me for a few decades. I spent nine centuries in Tartaurus waiting for you.”
He stood up, drawing every soldier in the room forward two hoofsteps as he pressed his open hands down on the table.
"But you know this." Tirek spread a grin of victory and reproach. "I saw you in my dreams over the past year. Despite all of your sister’s words, you still checked on me. Why?”
____
"Vhy haff you called on me, Little Bull?"
Iron Will scrutinized the larger grundle. He was the size of most minotaurs, muscular and stocky. His muzzle opened at such an angle that while talking he appeared to be perpetually screaming. Despite the natural tendency to stop analyzing past the bulk, Iron noted the calculating look in his eyes. He was surrounded by grundle bodyguards. Iron Will supposed that, if attacked, the mass of fur and muscle could potentially use them as hand weapons.
“Well,” Iron said nonchalantly, “I merely wished to see one of the rulers of this powerful nation.”
The grundle crossed it’s slab-like arms. “You haff found him. My brother and I are the two kings of Grundle.”
“Really,” Iron Will said with a snort. “You’d never know it from the way he acts on stage.”
The Grundle High King (so-called because he stood higher than anybody else of grundle descent) growled. The bodyguards stepped backwards. In case the High King saw battle, it was the job of the bodyguards to guard whatever bodies he left in his wake until he was done.
“Hear me now,” he said, “and understand me later, little cow. I deserve your respect as co-ruler of this realm.”
Iron Will worked hard to stifle a giggle. I love that line. Is that a grundle saying? Tartaurus, is this guy quotable or what?
Iron Will bowed. “Yes, Your Majesty. You've an crowning achievement of the grundle race. It’s just a shame you don’t get it from your co-ruler.”
“Vhat are you saying about my brother?”
Iron Will started to pace the area of the cell, buying himself some thinking time.
“Well, he was really impressive on stage today. You’re really impressive, too.” Iron furrowed his brow theatrically as he turned to the High King. “Why aren't you on stage?”
The High King thought for a second, drumming his fingers idly into a bodyguard’s helmet. “Vhy do you care?”
“Your Impressiveness,” Iron said with a bow, “I’m a motivational speaker. It’s hard for me to see someone with such talent in the background. Also, I wished to discuss the possibility of our release . . . ”
This drew a laugh from the assembled group.
“You’re not being released,” the High King said with a smile. “You’re not going to be held here very long, though. Did you call me over so that I could ask my brother for mercy?”
Iron Will cracked his knuckles. “Nope. Aren’t you the King as well? Why can’t I ask you?”
The High King laughed. “Well said. You know, I like you, Little Bull. I’ll execute you last. I’m going to go discuss things with my brother.” He leaned slowly towards the bars of the cell until his face was almost touching Iron’s.
“I’ll be back.”
Iron Will exhaled as the High King left the cell. With little else to do, he settled in for a long wait while his plans unfurled.
An hour later, a flash of purple light illuminated his cell as a triumphant Twilight began skipping in place.
“Yes,” she squealed with glee, “I got the math right! I knew the cells would have similar floor-plans. Glad I didn't bamf into a bar! Okay, Iron, let’s get you out of . . . ”
She stopped as the saw Iron Will on the other side of the open cell door. He was sitting at a table of fruits and vegetables, a tiny napkin wrapped around his throat.
“Hey, Twilight!” He waved away a grundle waiter as he motioned toward a nearby cushion. “I was about to come get you.”
Twilight blinked. “You . . . escaped.”
He shrugged.
One of the grundle guards stepped into the room, bowing at the minotaur. “Master Iron, the High King wishes you to be present at his meeting with the High Enough King shortly.”
Twilight laughed nervously. “I guess escape is kind of an understatement. How’d you . . . ”
“I know how to tell people what they want to hear.” He shrugged as he pushed forward a plate of carrots to Twilight, who dug in enthusiastically. While she devoured the food, he continued.
“Ever read The Dragon Prince by Markraliasti the Red? ‘When surrounded by enemies, play them against each other.’”
Twilight was quiet, eyes wide. In the silence, Iron Will scratched his head nervously.
“I admit, it’s not an easy book to get through, but as a motivator I kind of had to . . . ”
“I have a three-hundred-year-old copy in the library if you’d want to see it,” Twilight said in a verbal torrent.
Iron blinked. “Three hundred! Tartaurus, that’s one of the ones with the green fake binding made to scare people, right?”
Both of them suddenly turned as a lanky, jangling figure entered the room. Discord walked with as much swagger he could muster while wearing three helmets, two breastplates, and innumerable baubles and bangles. From his shoulders streamed a regal cape of stitched-together underpants.
"Hey, everypony!,” he said with a noisy wave. “Ready to go? I think I won our freedom.” He looked upward in thought. “And maybe the deed to this place. Quite possibly also a bridge in Manehattan.”
Iron Will looked at Twilight with a raised eyebrow. “Do you want to ask, or should I?”
Twilight sighed. “Discord... ”
“I won it all in a game of Royal Fizbin,” he exclaimed with a spread of his arms. “Fair and square!”
Iron Will gave a low whistle. “You ran a Fizbin con? Wow. There’s some prisoners in Tartaurus who tried running one in the prison. They were lucky enough to only get an extended sentence.”
Twilight chewed a carrot thoughtfully. “Lucky?”
Dark amusement ran across Iron Will’s face. “Yeah. I heard the guards almost gave them to the other inmates.”
Discord sauntered up to the table, grabbing several bananas and juggling them into the air. “Ah, Fizbin. The ultimate game really. Used to run it on the Magne’s family back in Dream Valley all the time. Never lost a game, and I never will.”
Twilight crossed her legs across the table. “I’ll bite, Discord.”
“Make a note of that,” the leering Draconequus said to a suddenly reddening minotaur.
Twilight took a deep breath. “How could you play a game and never lose?”
“My dear Twilight Sparkle,” Discord announced as he sat down in a chair, kicking his legs onto the table. “The only important rule in Fizbin is that the dealer makes up all the rules as he goes!”
Iron Will stood up, gesturing to the door. “As much as I’d like to bathe in your smugness, we have an appointment. Miss Sparkle, if you would come with me?”
Twilight narrowed her eyes at Discord as she hissed out the whispered warning, “Not a word.” He chuckled to himself as he followed the pair into the auditorium, where the family fireworks had already begun.
“You are being ridiculous!” The High Enough King stomped around the stage, waving his hands wildly. “I’m not discussing this! I get to make the speeches. We had a deal, here.”
The High King rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms, standing against an ancient pillar. “Ve made that deal when ve vere six. A stuffed animal is not worth sovereignty.”
The High Enough King’s eyes flashed as he spun on his fellow monarch. “Don’t you dare dismiss Moogy! Don’t you involve her.” At that point, he managed to catch a glance of the three outsiders and covered his face with his hands.
“Oh, not in front of the prisoners! Don’t hash this out in front of the prisoners.”
“I haff freed them,” corrected the High King. “They are dignitaries, brother.”
The High Enough King grabbed his hat and try to pull himself inside it. “That’s worse! You can’t execute dignitaries if you get embarrassed in front of them! This conversation is over!”
Iron Will stepped forward, in an instant stepping into character. “Not a chance, Your Majesty. He’s has some things he has to get off his chest, and he’s not stopping until he’s done! He’s gonna take you to task, or he’s gonna-- “
“I get it,” The High King interrupted. “I get it. Look, you wanna play like this in front of the subjects? You don’t actually think you’ll win, do you?”
Twilight inched over to Discord, whispering out of the side of his mouth. “Okay, if this goes south, I have something to try.”
“Really,” Discord said as his head perked up. “Teleporting Shrimpy into a cell? Mind control magic?” He rubbed his claws together. “I want to know!”
“Um,” she began. “I was going to point out how brothers are the closest friends, and-- ”
“Bored now,” Discord said as he moved off to rummage through the empty auditorium, leaving a steaming Twilight in his wake.
Back on the stage, the Kings were screaming in each other’s faces. Iron Will stood at their side, trying in vain to get their attention.
“You!” The High King stab his finger through the air at his brother’s bell-topped hat. “You jingle all the way around here vith your little bells ignoring me! I’m not going to take it anymore!”
“Uh, gentlegrundles,” Iron Will said as he tried to interpose himself. “Could we just-- ”
Steam was coming out of the High Enough King’s ears. “You’ve been crazy for weeks! This here mood swing? This is why I had to take charge! You sure you ain’t going crazy? Maybe got some kinda head tumor?”
“It’s not a tumor!” The High King screamed “I’m pregnant!”
“Of course buh wow ho wah?” concluded Iron Will.
The High Enough King’s eyes went wide. “Whoah.” He took a few steps backward. “Julius, when were you going to ever mention that?”
Around the perimeter of the room poked the heads of grundles too enthralled by the Kings’ conversation to bother pretending not to eavesdrop anymore.
“What?” Twilight’s eyes spun in their sockets. “I mean, as in what the whatting what?”
“Grundles,” said Discord across several rows, shrugging as he examined a club made of hay, carrots, sticks and frog legs. “It’s like another world.”
“How, uh,” the High Enough King tried to control his voice. “How long have you known?”
The High King smiled with pride. “A while now. I’m having twins.”
“Just like us,” said the Grundle King wiped a tear from his eye.
As the Kings embraced, Iron Will blinked and stepped backwards as he looked from one grundle to the other. Shaking his head and throwing his hands in the air he stepped back to Twilight.
“So,” he said.
“Yep,” she replied.
“It’s Plato’s baby,” The High King said through a cascade of tears. “He’s going to marry me.”
“All right, that’s it,” Discord shouted as he raised himself to his height. “This really is getting into a whole weird area here, so hey! Remember us? Dignitaries and family counselors? Can we just go upstairs and use the bell?””
The two kings stopped embracing as a quick, whispered conversation took place. At a nod from the High Enough King, the High King gave Discord a thumbs-up.
“Get your ahss to Tambelon.”
___
Minutes later found the trio on top of the monastery's crumbling stone tower. A gigantic iron bell covered in elegant patterns hung from the top of the room big enough for dragon calisthenics. The sides of the tower held a spiral stairway to the bell proper along with faded murals, the remaining scenes suggesting an epic struggle between ancient ponykind, goblins, and a dark horned figure whose face had long since been scoured away by the elements.
“Whoah,” summed up Iron Will. “Twilight, do you see . . 0000. ”
He noticed that Twilight was skipping under the bell in circles, in no mood for conversation. “Wow. Can you feel the magic? This place is just bristling with enchantments. Discord, do your thing, and I’ll go through while you two wait here.”
Iron Will pawed the ground with a hoof. “No way! I’m not staying with the twerp.”
Discord looked back from Iron Will to Twilight. The two of them were locked in a wordless conversation of glares. Shrugging, he stepped between them to play the voice of reason.
“Look,” he said with a tone of diplomatic rationality, “‘twerp?’ Really? I mean, I’m a head taller than you. Everybody sees this, right?”
“Twerp’s a state of mind,” growled Iron Will. “Back off.”
Twilight stepped in front of him, staring upwards. “The magic-user is going into magic place, Mister Big, Burly, and Bellowing.”
Discord giggled. “Wow, this brings me back. Just like the old tiffs with Celly had with Woo-Woo right before she went all emo world-conquering on everypony.”
Twilight blinked, turning to the chuckling draconequus. “I thought you were stone then.”
“Magic stone,” corrected Discord. “For a while I still had some senses, and royal arguments were one of the few things that made the centuries pass faster. After Luna got planet-punted, Celestia would visit to berate me, occasionally. Then she’d visit to berate herself. Very thoughtful letting me have my senses for a bit, I might say. Thinking back on it, it might also explain my irrational hatred of pigeons I had the moment I was freed.”
Twilight frowned. “What’s a pigeon?”
“Yes, quite,” Discord’s said as his eyes flashed with triumph.
Iron Will stepped in front of Twilight, giving a weary look to Discord. “Look, we should leave you here to the grundles. They’ll take care of you. Maybe you could deal a few hands of Fizbin.”
“No!” Discord gestured frantically. “Twilight, I swear that I am a melting pot of friendship! I’ll be helpful. Believe me, I want this over as much as you do. Besides,” he said with a sigh. “You can never run so much Fizbin at one time. Things starts to get boring if you always win.”
Twilight pawed the roof cobblestones with her hoof. “We-eell, I could let you come. But you’d just be a hindrance.”
Part of the roof collapsed as Discord stamped on the ground in indignation. “I bring experience, Miss Sparkle. I have centuries of it. You’re going to need it, considering he’s got true love on his side.”
“Blech,” Twilight said as nauseating thoughts popped into her head. “True love? Get serious. Tirek is unmitigated, unredeemable, unyielding . . . ungood!”
“Indeed,” Discord said with a lift of his eyebrows, fingers wiggling in the air for effect. “Well, true love happens to be an equal opportunity employer, dearie. You’d be surprised what kind of miscreants get to have it.”
Twilight chewed on her bottom lip. She turned to Iron Will.
“Don’t look at me.” He crossed his arms. “If you keep him, I’m not cleaning up after him.”
“All right,” she said. “You can stay with me.”
“Us,” corrected Iron Will.
“Fine, us! Just . . . both of you wait while I give the bell a once over magically.”
As Discord perched on a parapet, bouncing in anticipation, Iron Will sauntered over and leaned onto a destroyed pillar.
“So since you know,” he asked Discord, “what does a monster see in a Princess?”
“Well, I don’t have a clue,” Discord replied with an exaggerated shrug. “A being that thrives on conflict might be drawn to someone serene and majestic who’s not a total softy, perhaps? Someone overly dramatic might require an intelligent audience? I mean, Tirek might--”
“I wasn’t talking about Tirek.”
Iron Will knelt, pretending to take a pebble out of his hoof as Twilight passed by.
“Discord . . .” he said without emotion.
Discord looked at the axe.
“ . . . and Celestia.” Iron Will flashed his eyebrows. “In a tree.”
Discord kicked his legs up, nearly falling off the roof. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, and I I make flying sharks with candy-corn teeth. She’d never-- ”
“Oh, you don’t mean ‘we’d never,’ do you?” Iron Will’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “You’re right. It’s ludicrous. Why, when I tell Twilight, I bet she’ll laugh until-- ”
“Don’t tell Twilight.” Suddenly on his knees, Discord held his claws together in a begging posture. “Please don’t tell Twilight.”
“Tell me what?”
There are moments when you see your life flash away. As Discord looked into Iron Will’s eyes, the dark mirth he say made him realize who was really dealing the Fizbin cards at the moment. He took a deep breath and prepared to debate, distract, jump off the roof, or all three.
“Oh,” Iron said nonchalantly. “Nothing. Big Boy here . . .”
As his teeth chattered, Discord snapped his fingers repeatedly to no visible effect.
“ . . . just left a few pranks for the grundles downstairs. Nothing to be concerned with. Harmless stuff.” Iron Will flashed a smile at her. “Tell you what, Twilight, I think he’s afraid of you.”
With an irritated wave of her hoof, Twilight shook her head.
“Distractions. Discord, can you get this thing up and running?”
He blinked. “What? Me? What? Oh, yes, indubitably. How wonderful of me to be of service.” His swagger returned as he approached the bell up the spiral stairs. “I was present at this baby’s forging. Even had a little claw in it’s combination.”
“Great,” Twilight said as she stared curiously and the still chuckling minotaur. “Well, let’s get a move on. I don’t know how long this will-- ”
And as Discord wrapped out “Shave and a Haircut” on the bell, the three of them disappeared into wisps of mist.
___
Somewhere that was nowhere, a muscular blue ram sat atop a cobwebbed throne. On a raised platform of stone and surrounded by skull-topped pillars, enchanted torches eternally illuminated the ruler of a quiet castle. They cast shadows along his craggy face, which now lifted in response to a noise.
A group of rats had crawled into the throne room. Grogar’s eyes opened, gleaming like red suns as he watched the creature move around discarded bits of armor and weapons. Two groups circled each other, each pack leader testing the other’s resolve with cry and tooth.
Grogar ground his fangs together as he noted the smaller one was female. The females were always the more dangerous kind.
He watched the female tear the heart out of the male, as he knew would happen. The rats turned to the colonization of Grogar’s throne room. Several crawled within his reached, and with glee his forelimbs moved swiftly each time. Eventually, the rats learned in their primitive brains not to approach Grogar’s throne, and his passing entertainment ended. Silently and thoughtfully, he beheld the rats’ struggles for sixty-seven generations of the creatures before the last aged, pathetic rat king died alone inside his own filth inside a rusted piece of plate mail.
Grogar sighed. He kept his eyes open for a year after that, just to see if any of the rats returned.
Some time after that Grogar’s eyes reopened. He heard a bell ring.
Grogar stood quickly, surveying the area. Bray had wandered back into the throne room, he noted. With a smile he reflected on this fortuitous coincidence as he regarded his donkey jester, sitting in a position of submission he had long ago learned to use around Grogar.
“How long you have you been here, Bray? An entertainer should wake their Lord when approaching. Without your diversions, I grew bored.”
Bray the Jester stayed silent. His life had been a string of learning to be quiet when his master took that tone.
Grogar stared into Bray’s eyes. Seeing no hint of defiance, he looked away with content.
“Intruders come to Tambelon. Intruders, here! I wonder what opportunities await me now?”
Grogar’s long chuckle was the only sound in the throne room.
“I go now to survey these intruders, Bray. Stay here until I return.”
As Grogar left his chamber imperiously, Bray stayed as still as possible. His jester bells did not jingle, and the long silence of his vigil was only broken by the scratching of a spider crawling up from his rib-cage and into his skull.
___
Luna breathed in deeply before considering her answer.
“I wanted to know ‘why,’ Tirek. Why did you approach me so long ago? What compels this unending loyalty? Whether now or then, what draws you to me time and time again?” She slowly walked around the table towards him.
“I behold many stallions dreaming of me,” she said with a chuckle, pretending not to notice the guard in the corner shaking, “but you always thought of me with reverence and respect. What did I do to bring your worship upon me?”
Tirek leaned back for a second, and for the first time after his return Luna saw him hesitate. After a second of visible consideration, he leaned forward. Placing his elbows on the table and leaning his chin onto his fists, he locked eyes with Luna. The ruthless demeanor that streamed from eyes softened, but his determination remained.
“Because this world is terrible. There are things in this world that are truly beautiful, not just in form, but in potential, action, and influence. The world looks at beautiful things with envious eyes. It grinds them down because it cannot aspire to be like them. After eroding them for far too long, it finally wipes away everything unique and wonderful about them.”
As Luna stood stunned in the silence, Tirek reached for a goblet. He hesitated at the last second, hand closing in irritation. Sighing, he turned back to the Princess.
“To preserve something truly beautiful I would burn the rest of this unworthy world and salt the ashes.”
Luna’s heart leapt in her chest as she stepped backwards, her mouth moving noiselessly. Without a word she turned and ran from the room.
Tirek stared at the empty archway until No-Heart walked out of the wall next to him.
“I don’t know,” No-Heart said as he surveyed the dining table. “I think you could be more considerate. I mean, they went to all the trouble of cooking this food. You know there are starving children somewhere, right?”
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Another great chapter in this tale. Look forward to seeing where this goes next.
Really loved the humor, the hilarious Grundles, and the character interactions.
Man, this is one of my favorite fics and I was a bit worried that it was on a hiatus or something. I loved this chapter, especially how each of the heroes escaped the prison in their own different ways; it was brilliant. Also, I'm not typically one to be crazy over shipping, but I am liking the possible dynamics of "Twiron Will" here. On a related note, Tirek totally looks like a Minotaur-pony hybrid.
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Thanks! I admit, when I realized that I was shoving 5-6 characters into boxes this chapter, I was worried the dynamics would suffer...
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You know, I have two competing ideas for Tirek's lineage and history in my head. I'm really going to have to reveal one soon.
Thanks for the prison thing. I wanted to make everybody in the group look competent.
still love this story!
No-Heart? Didn't he have his heart sort of ripped out? And aside from making his name quite literal, I was under the impression it also made him rather dead. Or have I forgotten something since the last update?
Either way, please continue! Love this story, very interesting and most certainly very enjoyable.
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Of course No-Heart's dead. So, the clue for question 17 down is "five letter word for a person killed who can walk through walls."
2728688 ZOMBIE! Wait, that's six! Reaver! Six again. Revernant! No, nine. Spirit! Blast, six again.
Nah, ghost, I knew that. Still, I'm really hoping this is a sign or something that obtaining the power to alter reality on a whim really isn't that simple or easy a thing to control. But then it always might be. Still, as I said before, can't wait for more to find out what happens. Oh, and I forgot to mention: Iron Will literally bringing Discord to his knees with six words, hilarious and awesome.
I love everything about this fic, especially the dialogue.
Glad to see it update.
Good to see this still exists :)
Woo another of my favorite fics updated.
I love this fic! The grundles make for great comedy.
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Awesome. I'm glad my grundles impress our resident G1 chronicler.
Ah. You don't disappoint on this, my friend, another good one. Excellent idea for Grogar, I think.
So, No-Heart isn't quite out of the game yet I see. That's interesting.
Tirek keeps getting more and more interesting. And it looks like Grogar is more than a bit cracked. As if he wasn't scary enough.
Scorpan huh? What was his schtick in G1?
Heh, so, Dislestia. I think I like where this is going.
That escape scene. Wow. Such a perfect highlight of their strengths. Twilight is completely OP, Iron Will is what can only be called "dominating", and Discord shows that he can still sow chaos without an ounce of power. Actually, now that he is getting used to not being able to snap his fingers and get what he wants, he might very well be even more dangerous than before. Slippery little bastard. I do wonder why he was so desperate for Twilight to not know he has a crush on her mentor.
Luna plays this game very well. She wasn't expecting that last line from Tirek though. It was great seeing just how good she is at handling her ponies when things have gone sideways though.
Shining, that was fairly clever. Or would have been if you weren't doing it to a reality-warper.
Tirek Ships Rarining. Huh.
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Scorpan is a noble, heroic prince transformed into a hideous monstrousity who eventually sees the light through the magic of friendship and saves the day.
Of course, this is why the moment Tirek met Bluebood in chapter two I knew I wanted Blueblood to be my Scorpan. It's such a great play against expectations.
Thanks for the Luna comment. It's hard to write her here. I want her to be strong, and respect her character. I also want her to be vulnerable, and gain the reader's sympathy. I guess, above all, I don't want her to be Bella Swan to Tirek's Edward Cullen.
As for Discord's fear of Twilight... there's two ways that ends if revealed: violence or teasing. Discord can't abide the thought of either.
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Probably violence. Though once the story is done, that may shift to teasing. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
Tirek Cullen. That is actually surprisingly apt. Only, you know, he is actually well written, and his creepy stalker tendencies are not being treated as highly romantic.
I think what is really so very good about this story, is that you are able to split the readers attention between Luna and Tirek's plot, and the adventure our three heroes (I use the term loosely for Discord //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png ) and still manage to make both equally interesting.
So. No-Heart is Ghost Nappa, Grogar is nuts, Discord is slowly becoming the entire collected cast of Star Trek, and Iron Will put all his extra SPECIAL points in Charisma. Which is stupid, because everyone knows Charisma's a major dump stat.
Iron will once tested his charisma on a Vit-O-Matic Vigor Tester. The machine burst into friends.
A Royal Hoodservant named Nightlight? I sense a The Moon is a Harsh Mistress reference. Nice.
I love how competent all three members of our adventuring party is, each in their own way.
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Yeah, not knowing the ending of Moon, I kept the Nightlight reference short and off-camera. That story is one for which I eagerly devour every new chapter.
Excellent! - I have been waiting for this update. Greatness, funny and well characterized.
Great chapter, and I'm glad to see this get an update. I was afraid it had vanished into obscurity. This fic is easily in my top 10 favorite fics.
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I remember Tirek being referred to as the necromancer during my research. It's possible the MLP staff applied that to every wizardly foe.
Add away!
I don't THINK I made a deliberate reference to that song, but since School Daze the song ref part of my brain tends to go on autopilot.
I figured that Rainbow Dash was too obvious a connection, so I wanted to subvert the audience's expectations. After all, I'll probably NOTHING like my ancestors of a millennium ago.
2733356 Dude...
No!
None of that!
SHAME ON YOU.
TeamFourStar FTW, and that is an awesome thing to say... burst into friends... gonna use that.
Please?
YAY NO HEART.
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Take a look!
2757184 He may be. I just thought that Grogar was the necromancer from reading one of the stories in the Inheritors (I think that that's what they call it) sub-verse/multiverse set.
Again, I don't really know all that much about G1. I've seen a few episodes, but not many.
Thanks.
Grundle made a punny.
You keep misspelling the kingdom of Grogar. It's Tambelon, not Tamberlon
You forgot to add "for once in his life".
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Still, he's not a very good voice of reason, is he?
That's a good one.
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Fixed! I keep equating it with Moorcock's Tanelorn, so it sounds different in my head and I wrote it that way.
2757184 Tirek is the Red Necromancer.
Awesome, awesome chapter. Sorry it took so long to read/review. I loved the High King of the Grundles. His name's not Arnie, by any chance? ;)
Also...
Magne... sounds familiar. :p
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Nailed it! In the movie, the Grundle King was played by Danny Devito. I needed to give him a brother, and my mind instantly flashed to the movie "Twins."
Glad you also noticed the nod in your direction.
2781502 Calvinball?
2767160 *adjusts his monocle* I say, I simply must turn Tirek's body inside out and play castanets with his kneecaps.
BECAUSE HE IS SO FRIGGIN EVIL I HATE HIM AND I WANT TO KILL HIM A BILLION TIMES RRRRRRRRGGRGGRHAAJLJLKJLHDFLHDLKHDOFNLDJLK!! *Alondro flies into one of his trademark insane rages.... resulting in the destruction of several small countries. He also loses his monocle... which then leads to another insane rage.*
I love the Discorderly Conduct interpretation of Grogar. Sure, it doesn't match how he actually was in G1, but it's just so purely menacing. Grogar, stop playing with your little rat Sims or whatever. You have a donkey to yell at!
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Not Mon-Starr perse, but I hope you do catch the Silverhawk's villain.
My goodness man you really know how to make a fantastic mlp story! The things I liked best about his chapter? The thing that jumps out to me most is that NO-HEART ISN'T DEAD YAY! I also love how each of the 3 main protagonists has their own style of, lets just call it adventuring. Discord is ever the the wild card schemer, Iron Will has more charisma then he know what to do with (plus the muscles), and Twilight is the magic casting brains of the group. Also I just want to say it almost felt like a D&D epic quest where Discord is the rogue, Iron the warrior, and Twi the mage. All the archetypes are there and I love it! Also that bit with Groger(the necromancer blue goat guy) seemed cool and in character for something of his "profession".
He seems the type to mind his own in the remoteness of his evil lair and bask in the death he so enjoys. Pfft, necromancers, they're a crazy bunch, not much ones for abrupt action though. They mind their own interests with little to no heed for the affairs of the still living and changing world around them even if it leaves them behind. Many seem to only be interested in experimenting with the dead and magics or doing nothing but resting and being alone with their own pondering while seeking knowledge, rousing to violence only when some fool intrudes on their home. Like a bear sleeping in a cave, if you don't bother them they tend not to bother you. They often become complacent in having eluded the terrifying grasp of death(the motivation behind many necromancers initial studies in the black arts) and usually have lost all earthly ties. Being a necromancer generally ostracizes you from family and friends and you'll outlive them anyway if you aren't a complete failure at it. This almost always leads to a social suicide of sorts for the Necromancer that only makes their last bits of normalcy bleed away faster. Without any social contact they become antisocial hermits fiddling with corpses with no one to bring a sense of morals or ethics to their work. Others of coarse, are the ones who are more malicious. Those are the ones who become prime villains.
Sorry, got kind of off topic, but I previously wrote a story on necromancer once and had to research them further and I wanted to share what I learned. It's interesting stuff I think. Apparently there are some accepted stages of success for necromancers on their immortality too. The "perfect" attainment of necromantic immortality is the version that leaves the body very much like it was when alive but now it no longer needs food or even air. Sleep is sometimes needed over long stretched of time though as well as some other special circumstance type things. It's almost like a state of suspended animation but you stay conscious the whole time and normal means cant kill you anymore.
The most botched version of it I read about more then once was the one where they keep their minds and spirits alive but not only could they not keep their bodies in the a youthful state but they cant even use the ability of magic aided movement as a corpse. They continue to age like you or me but their spirit stays in the rotting body past death so that long after their body is rendered immobile from rigamortis and a forced mummification they are still trapped inside their own agonizingly dead flesh. Anyway great chapter man! Keep it up!
Dat ending.
Dat insane Grogar.
Dem references.
Dat chapter.
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Thanks! I hope to have the next chapter out within the month, so hopefully I'll be able to tease you with more romantic weirdness. It's like, for every chapter, Twilight and Iron look over my shoulder and stare at me, and I go "All right! We'll take it a little further this time!"
With the WTFness that was the Grundles, the really interesting dynamic between Luna and Tirek, seeing Grogar and his mental state or possible lack thereof, and the MAG'NE!!!!!(that is one of my favorite stories on the site), and of course the Twilight/Iron Will bits, this chapter was pure awesomeness.
Just curious if a new chapter is coming