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Cobalt Swirls 8434

Joined August 2012
88 followers

    Cobalt Swirls's Stories (8)

    • Sleep Tight, My Love
      Spike's thought's and feelings as he spends time with Rarity in her final moments.

      2,112 words · 5,269 views · 488 likes · 12 dislikes
    • Little Princess
      Applejack visits Applebloom.
      2,561 words · 1,565 views · 152 likes · 3 dislikes
    • I'm Still Great and Powerful
      After accidently injuring Trixie, Rarity does everything she can to help her through her recovery.
      6,230 words · 401 views · 31 likes · 0 dislikes
    • From Lylat, With Love
      The Star Fox team makes a jump to the Meeza system, home of the planet Equestria.
      11,380 words · 757 views · 52 likes · 4 dislikes
    • Friendship in C Minor
      7,666 words · 372 views · 22 likes · 1 dislikes
    • The Fleeting Angel
      3,634 words · 387 views · 23 likes · 2 dislikes
    • Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
      8,742 words · 484 views · 25 likes · 5 dislikes
    • The OC Story
      1,067 words · 232 views · 15 likes · 2 dislikes
    Source

    Meet Jargon Von Invincible, the greatest Gary-Stu to ever live, and join him in this satirical one-shot adventure for total control over Equestria. Will he take the throne for himself? Will he survive the perils and challenges? Will he conquer all those before him? Of course he will, it's an overpowered OC story.

    First Published
    24th Sep 2012
    Last Modified
    24th Sep 2012

    Comments ( 5 )

    #1 · 38w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Honestly, it's too short. You had a good startup and premise but shot your wad too quickly.

    I love satirical Mary Sue stories that don't take themselves seriously but felt you could have done more with this.

    #2 · 38w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Well done, good sir. Stories like this give me the warm fuzzies. For your efforts, you shall receive a mustache and an Octavia plot.:moustache:

    #3 · 38w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Evil Homer is right... way too short.

    The first paragraph had me laughing my ass off. This is comedy gold, why did it have to be so short?

    #4 · 38w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Lol, it IS too short.  We need to bask in Jargon's invincible-ness longer! :pinkiehappy:

    #5 · 38w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    So epic :rainbowlaugh: I love how you added some very subtle elements of real OC trainwrecks, like awkward grammar mistakes ("the wall of the dining hall blow apart") and, of course, the compulsory Skrillex mention. Perhaps that's the reason why it's so purposefully short and seemingly rushed?

    In any case, :moustache:

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