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Twilight is beyond the title protege. Prodigies are merely brilliant. Twilight has surpassed most of the greatest mages in history before the age of thirty. Twilight's research has changed the landscape itself. She is a living legend who some whisper may be the greatest user of magic to ever exist... perhaps even an equal one day to the semi-divine princesses.
But Twilight's knowledge is not infinite. She has one final lesson to learn. Twilight must learn the Final Law of Magic.
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Pfft. I've seen this story before.
1334549
pfffttt no one even cares about you man. Like go home and drunkenly hug a dog or something.
hahaha. Also, I'm so sad. First post was a troll post and you didn't even include the obligatory reaction gif. :( I'm just gonna have to wait until your next tale so I can remedy that wrong between us.
It was alright. Would've liked it much more, but the shipping was stupid and unnecessary.
1334701 I'm sorry that that bothered you friend. Honestly, I thought it was kind of minor.
ill read it some time this or next mouth. ill read it though.
1334713
Yyyyeah it was. But it was still unneeded, and for me, especially with dark stories like this, stuff like that really turns me off. I dunno how many times I've seen a potentially awesome dark story get tainted by... nngh... "Twidash", or some other ship, but it's been enough times to seriously annoy me.
Not to say this story was "ruined" by it per se (it was minor, like you said), but I don't see why you couldn't have just stuck to the reality of the show and kept their relationship platonic. Like it SHOULD be.
And honestly, what is it with "Twidash" shipping anyway? I really don't see the appeal in it. Or the reasoning behind it. And WHY is it always ruining epic grimdark fics all the time???
Yeah let's all tardrage about the shipping company and ignore how awesome the product is when it arrives.
1334780 I've not read as much as Grimdark, so I'll have to defer to you for the glut of TwiDash in it. As for me, I started from the phrase "You too must die" and Twilight in a room full of crazy blood magic symbols. I needed a sacrifice. :P In writing Memento Mori I was kinda thinking "How could I make this as terrible as possible while not getting silly?" And I considered that the murder of a lover or spouse is probs high up on the list of sins which the mind can not abide. It *would* work with them as friend (the murder of a friend is not far behind the murder of a spouse) but the murder of a spouse has a little more punch. For me, it also served to make Prism Dash's revelations even worse, with the motherly dream of a happily paired daughter so horribly and finally ruined. No, perhaps it was not strictly necessary. (As for the rationale: normally shipping is a fun and frivolous excercise for me. For this fic, the sliver of it I included I used strategically to drive home the abominable wrongness of what she'd become)
1334862 (I see what you did there. :3 )
1334748 Hurrah! And I hope you enjoy it when it's time comes round at last to lumber off to your mind to be read or something like that.
Seems like the start to a much larger story.
I didn't see this ship as gratuitous. Without it, Twilight's crimes, horrific as they were, would have been the pony equivalent of depersonalized: one or more levels removed, therefore perhaps seeming less heinous. Somepony she loved dearly had to die at her hooves, and it obviously wasn't going to be Celestia.
Huh...that was really good... I especially liked how the whole situation was explained without it having to be fully laid out in great detail. I deffinently wouldn't mind seeing more of this in the future if you decided to make more....
Creepy as fuck, and pretty good, all in all. You get my green thumb sir!
1334916 I'm kind of glad you said this. I've toyed with the idea of another story set in this universe, but so far I'm unsure what kind of story I'd like to tell.
1334921 I was going for that sort of instinctive feeling of anathema. Also, say thankya! :3 Glad you liked it.
1334988>>1334991 Thanks y'all! I'm glad you enjoyed the ride!
1334909
I see your reasoning. Although, Spike is pretty close to her on familial terms, (and now that I think about it, Twilight with dragon wings sounds pretty badass...). Ah well. You pulled it off well anyway. Good job.
have a fave
1335227 I will take that fave with due honor and filial piety and will solemnly raise you a thank you! haha
I would be interested in reading a sequel to this, if you ever make one. I don't know what the hell it would be about, but it would probably be really good.
I'm a terrible reviewer when it comes to good stories, so the less I write = the better your story probably is.
1335279 Don't sell yourself too short lad (lass?) In all honesty, I think a "prequel", with a look at a moment in time before Twilight reached this final cliff before the longest fall might be kind of interesting!
Protege*
1335367 ...
oh wow. Thank you.
Well I feel silly now.
1335376
Happens to all of us.
Take the shipping out, then I'll read it, or not it up to you, nice picture by the way, really got me want to read it, but after you change it, and make it a continues story.
Wow... wasn't sure what I expected coming in! But this was something else entirely.
... I liked it. Usually not my fair, but this was grimdark with a PURPOSE. It wasn't dark for the sake of being dark.
Good show Cynewulf! I am watching you now, I would like to read more stories of this caliber.
1335500
The shipping is literally less than 400 words. In fact, half of the pairing isn't even alive in the story. While I am considering another story in the future in the same universe, there's no way this will be strictly *continued* in the adding another chapter sense. Yes, it is a nice picture! I'm still hoping I can find the artist.
1335551
Then I'm sorry you bucking beautiful soul, I can't read this.
MOAR DAMN IT! THIS IS AN AWESOME STORY!
1337453 (pssst it goes inside the braketed thingies, silly. :P) Thankya. Haha. Maybe.
I hit the buttons but they no want work. SO HERE IS THE OG!
MOAR DAMN IT! THIS IS A BUCKING AWESOME STORY!
1337611
happy?
1338086 I... believe I am. Also mildly startled. 0_0
Those letters are rather large.
1338368
Sorry, I'm just a big fan of CANTERLOCK
Neat story. Not my kind, but faved and thumbs-upped.
1339341 Say thankya! I much appreciate it. Actually, Grimdark is something I only indulge in in small doses (usually) it's a passing thing. So I totally get that.
Well, you've got a lot of voices clamoring for more.
Don't.
Some stories are best leaving the ending open. This is one of those.
The best way to go on from here, would be to continue the story directly from where this chapter left off, without 'starting' another fic. You could follow Twilight as she stumbles on forbidden knowledge anyway, and catches and fights as she finds herself headed down this path, despite not wanting to. Then you would branch off, somewhere. Depending on how Dark you wanted to go, you could have her pull back in time - or descend as deep, or even deeper.
(((For comparison, Past Sins is an example of the first kind of arc. Your story would be different of course, but it would be similar. It's always good to know what else is like what you're writing.)))
Or, you could leave it here. Some things are better left to the reader's mind. (((See for example, Anno Domini and The Changeling Queen. I'm not sure about including Who We Are in there.))) Whatever you could add at this point, sets it, and unless you've already got a good arc in mind, it's not going to live up to anything.
((Heh. I just came from Anno Domini, and one commenter there summed it up perfectly:
Take that how you will at this point.))
1340380 To be honest:
I'm not really committed either way! Like, not at all. It may seem that way (looking, it sort of does) but I have zero plans. I do kind of think that this is a story that shouldn't be continued unless the idea is just that good. I know myself enough to know when I've pulled off something that I simply cannot follow up. (which is everything.) If I *did* it would probably be a little similar to what you've just described. But... I'm about 55-45, with stand alone winning. By tomorrow, I'll probs be like 80-20. Who knows?
I feel honored that you cared enough to comment, by the way. Say thankya.
Celestiadamn time travel mindscrews! I couldn't make heads or tails of things.
(Celestia gives Twilight a "vision" of the future as a test. This vision has Twilight learning Dark Magic via killing Dash and plunging Equestria into a standard [Grimdark] setting filled with death and destruction. Twilight awakens from the vision and Celestia tries to comfort her. That's what I got out of it.)
1341990 haha. Sorry.
That's pretty close. The thing about time was meant to be vauge-- all you were supposed to get out of it was this:
Celestia can see possible futures.
In almost all of these futures, Twilight ruins EVERYTHING
Celestia resolves to save Twilight from herself (and everything else from her)
Celestia sends Twilight's mind into one of those possible futures. Whether or not it's a vision or she's actually in some other timeline is unclear because Twilight herself isn't 100% on it. Think of the scroll as a kind of mind trap activated by Twilight's assent to the Princess's test.
The idea being that in all the bad timelines, the day after the day this story happens in is the day that a very sleepy Twilight stumbles upon some dusty old books which will help her down the road of necromancy and atrocity and jaywalking! So Celestia just intervenes right before that happens so that it won't.
1342048
Ah, okay. Thanks for clearing it up.
This fic is amazing....9/10
1342437 Thankya!
You deserve a mustache for your amazing fic.
1346021 I see that mustache and raise you a goatee... if any of those pony emoticons had one. ;_;
Glad I read the comments and saw that this was GRIMdark, now I know not to read it! If I had read it first I would have had to dislike it!
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/27423491.jpg
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/27423552.jpg
1346047 cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-slick.png <— He has one...
1347319 I would be confuzzled by this...
but then you posted batman. And I am okay with that. I am beyond okay with that.
I've read this story and i have only one thing to say. well ok two
First: It's a great story and i really mean that. I'm not quite into Dark Stories but this one really touched me.
Second: I just have to ask. Will there be a sequel? Because this story seems more like a Prologe to a really epic one.
1349035 Say thankya for readin'! I appreciate it.
To your first: I totally understand not being into dark stories, that I do, and I am really glad that you were able to enjoy it.
To your second: Probably not! Unless some amazing idea or scene comes to me, it will be a oneshot. I wanted there to be a kind of ambiguity to this end-- if you'll notice, not all is settled and done, is it? Celestia is unsure of whether or not her intervention was enough and Twilight doesn't have anything to tell us really. My original idea for the end was actually way more ambiguous, "The Lady or the Tiger"-style, where it was kind of up to who was reading just how much Twilight had taken the true messages presented her to heart. I ended up making it a little more clear that it worked, but... you never know. Twilight learned not to panic... but did anyway when she met her future self.
I liked this!! Nicely done. :) As to the people raging about shipping - get off your homophobic high-pony and realize that everyone is privy to their own tastes! Nobody is holding a gun to your head and demanding that you read about lesbian ponies. Get over yourselves!
I for one think that the shipping element paints an even better and deeper picture of the lengths of Future Twi's depravity. Sure, it would have been wrenching simply based on their friendship...but it was even moreso wrenching to have Dash be Twi's marefriend. Any heart familiar with the love of another would be greatly disturbed to think of such a callous and cruel act.
tldr; great story! Haters gonna hate.
Few thoughts.
First, this is bloody fantastic (no pun intended).
I tend to agree that Dash was actually needed in this capacity, simply for impact. Marefriend or simply best friend is simply creative license as Prism still would have gone
over Rainbow's death.
Also, I tend to agree this story, while fantastic, is best left as it is. I don't think turning it into a full blow novella would do it justice. Sequelitis and all that.
Five Pinkies and a pimp 'stache. Well done.
1362535 Thankya! Eeyup. I'm kind of sold on it staying.
Huh. Not bad. It's no Immortal Game but I'd easily give it 8 or 9 out of 10. Plus four Pinkies and a Rainbow Dash:
Me gusta.