Pfft. I've seen this story before.

>>13345491334549

pfffttt no one even cares about you man. Like go home and drunkenly hug a dog or something.

hahaha. Also, I'm so sad. First post was a troll post and you didn't even include the obligatory reaction gif. :( I'm just gonna have to wait until your next tale so I can remedy that wrong between us.

It was alright. Would've liked it much more, but the shipping was stupid and unnecessary.

>>13347011334701 I'm sorry that that bothered you friend. Honestly, I thought it was kind of minor.

ill read it some time this or next mouth. ill read it though.

>>13347131334713

Yyyyeah it was. But it was still unneeded, and for me, especially with dark stories like this, stuff like that really turns me off. I dunno how many times I've seen a potentially awesome dark story get tainted by... nngh... "Twidash", or some other ship, but it's been enough times to seriously annoy me.

Not to say this story was "ruined" by it per se (it was minor, like you said), but I don't see why you couldn't have just stuck to the reality of the show and kept their relationship platonic. Like it SHOULD be.

And honestly, what is it with "Twidash" shipping anyway? I really don't see the appeal in it. Or the reasoning behind it. And WHY is it always ruining epic grimdark fics all the time???

Yeah let's all tardrage about the shipping company and ignore how awesome the product is when it arrives.

>>13347801334780 I've not read as much as Grimdark, so I'll have to defer to you for the glut of TwiDash in it. As for me, I started from the phrase "You too must die" and Twilight in a room full of crazy blood magic symbols. I needed a sacrifice. :P In writing Memento Mori I was kinda thinking "How could I make this as terrible as possible while not getting silly?" And I considered that the murder of a lover or spouse is probs high up on the list of sins which the mind can not abide. It *would* work with them as friend (the murder of a friend is not far behind the murder of a spouse) but the murder of a spouse has a little more punch. For me, it also served to make Prism Dash's revelations even worse, with the motherly dream of a happily paired daughter so horribly and finally ruined. No, perhaps it was not strictly necessary. (As for the rationale: normally shipping is a fun and frivolous excercise for me. For this fic, the sliver of it I included I used strategically to drive home the abominable wrongness of what she'd become)

>>13348621334862 (I see what you did there. :3 )

>>13347481334748 Hurrah! And I hope you enjoy it when it's time comes round at last to lumber off to your mind to be read or something like that.

Seems like the start to a much larger story.

I didn't see this ship as gratuitous.  Without it, Twilight's crimes, horrific as they were, would have been the pony equivalent of depersonalized: one or more levels removed, therefore perhaps seeming less heinous.  Somepony she loved dearly had to die at her hooves, and it obviously wasn't going to be Celestia.

Huh...that was really good... I especially liked how  the whole situation was explained without it having to be fully laid out in great detail. I deffinently wouldn't mind seeing more of this in the future if you decided to make more....

Creepy as fuck, and pretty good, all in all. You get my green thumb sir!

>>13349161334916 I'm kind of glad you said this. I've toyed with the idea of another story set in this universe, but so far I'm unsure what kind of story I'd like to tell.

>>13349211334921 I was going for that sort of instinctive feeling of anathema. Also, say thankya! :3 Glad you liked it.

>>13349881334988>>13349911334991 Thanks y'all! I'm glad you enjoyed the ride!

>>13349091334909

I see your reasoning. Although, Spike is pretty close to her on familial terms, (and now that I think about it, Twilight with dragon wings sounds pretty badass...). Ah well. You pulled it off well anyway. Good job.

have a fave

>>13352271335227 I will take that fave with due honor and filial piety and will solemnly raise you a thank you! haha

I would be interested in reading a sequel to this, if you ever make one. I don't know what the hell it would be about, but it would probably be really good.

I'm a terrible reviewer when it comes to good stories, so the less I write = the better your story probably is.

>>13352791335279 Don't sell yourself too short lad (lass?) In all honesty, I think a "prequel", with a look at a moment in time before Twilight reached this final cliff before the longest fall might be kind of interesting!

Protege*

>>13353671335367 ...

oh wow. Thank you.

Well I feel silly now.

>>13353761335376

Happens to all of us.

Take the shipping out, then I'll read it, or not it up to you, nice picture by the way, really got me want to read it, but after you change it, and make it a continues story.

Wow... wasn't sure what I expected coming in! But this was something else entirely.

... I liked it. Usually not my fair, but this was grimdark with a PURPOSE. It wasn't dark for the sake of being dark.

Good show Cynewulf! I am watching you now, I would like to read more stories of this caliber.

>>13355001335500

The shipping is literally less than 400 words. In fact, half of the pairing isn't even alive in the story. While I am considering another story in the future in the same universe, there's no way this will be strictly *continued* in the adding another chapter sense. Yes, it is a nice picture! I'm still hoping I can find the artist.

>>13355511335551

Then I'm sorry you bucking beautiful soul, I can't read this.

[size=32][/size]MOAR DAMN IT! THIS IS AN AWESOME STORY!

>>13374531337453 (pssst it goes inside the braketed thingies, silly. :P) Thankya. Haha. Maybe.

I hit the buttons but they no want work. SO HERE IS THE OG!

MOAR DAMN IT! THIS IS A BUCKING AWESOME STORY!

>>13376111337611

happy?

>>13380861338086 I... believe I am. Also mildly startled. 0_0

Those letters are rather large.

>>13383681338368

Sorry, I'm just a big fan of CANTERLOCK

Neat story. Not my kind, but faved and thumbs-upped.

>>13393411339341 Say thankya! I much appreciate it. Actually, Grimdark is something I only indulge in in small doses (usually) it's a passing thing. So I totally get that.

Well, you've got a lot of voices clamoring for more.

Don't.

Some stories are best leaving the ending open.  This is one of those.

The best way to go on from here, would be to continue the story directly from where this chapter left off, without 'starting' another fic.  You could follow Twilight as she stumbles on forbidden knowledge anyway, and catches and fights as she finds herself headed down this path, despite not wanting to.  Then you would branch off, somewhere.  Depending on how Dark you wanted to go, you could have her pull back in time - or descend as deep, or even deeper.

(((For comparison, Past Sins is an example of the first kind of arc.  Your story would be different of course, but it would be similar.  It's always good to know what else is like what you're writing.)))

Or, you could leave it here.  Some things are better left to the reader's mind.  (((See for example, Anno Domini and The Changeling Queen.  I'm not sure about including Who We Are in there.)))  Whatever you could add at this point, sets it, and unless you've already got a good arc in mind, it's not going to live up to anything.

((Heh.  I just came from Anno Domini, and one commenter there summed it up perfectly:

this story was great, and amazing, and begs to be continued, and absolutely must not be continued, and was great

>>13403801340380 To be honest:

I'm not really committed either way! Like, not at all. It may seem that way (looking, it sort of does) but I have zero plans. I do kind of think that this is a story that shouldn't be continued unless the idea is just that good. I know myself enough to know when I've pulled off something that I simply cannot follow up. (which is everything.) If I *did* it would probably be a little similar to what you've just described. But... I'm about 55-45, with stand alone winning. By tomorrow, I'll probs be like 80-20. Who knows?

I feel honored that you cared enough to comment, by the way. Say thankya.

Celestiadamn time travel mindscrews! I couldn't make heads or tails of things.

(Celestia gives Twilight a "vision" of the future as a test. This vision has Twilight learning Dark Magic via killing Dash and plunging Equestria into a standard [Grimdark] setting filled with death and destruction. Twilight awakens from the vision and Celestia tries to comfort her. That's what I got out of it.)

>>13419901341990 haha. Sorry.

That's pretty close. The thing about time was meant to be vauge-- all you were supposed to get out of it was this:

Celestia can see possible futures.

In almost all of these futures, Twilight ruins EVERYTHING

Celestia resolves to save Twilight from herself (and everything else from her)

Celestia sends Twilight's mind into one of those possible futures. Whether or not it's a vision or she's actually in some other timeline is unclear because Twilight herself isn't 100% on it. Think of the scroll as a kind of mind trap activated by Twilight's assent to the Princess's test.

The idea being that in all the bad timelines, the day after the day this story happens in is the day that a very sleepy Twilight stumbles upon some dusty old books which will help her down the road of necromancy and atrocity and jaywalking! So Celestia just intervenes right before that happens so that it won't.

>>13420481342048

Ah, okay. Thanks for clearing it up.

This fic is amazing....9/10

>>13424371342437 Thankya!

You deserve a mustache for your amazing fic.

>>13460211346021 I see that mustache and raise you a goatee... if any of those pony emoticons had one. ;_;

Glad I read the comments and saw that this was GRIMdark, now I know not to read it! If I had read it first I would have had to dislike it!

Image: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/27423491.jpg

Image: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/27423552.jpg

>>13460471346047

Image: http://cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-slick.png

>>13473191347319 I would be confuzzled by this...

but then you posted batman. And I am okay with that. I am beyond okay with that.

I've read this story and i have only one thing to say. well ok two

First: It's a great story and i really mean that. I'm not quite into Dark Stories but this one really touched me.

Second: I just have to ask. Will there be a sequel? Because this story seems more like a Prologe to a really epic one.

>>13490351349035 Say thankya for readin'! I appreciate it.

To your first: I totally understand not being into dark stories, that I do, and I am really glad that you were able to enjoy it.

To your second: Probably not! Unless some amazing idea or scene comes to me, it will be a oneshot. I wanted there to be a kind of ambiguity to this end-- if you'll notice, not all is settled and done, is it? Celestia is unsure of whether or not her intervention was enough and Twilight doesn't have anything to tell us really. My original idea for the end was actually way more ambiguous, "The Lady or the Tiger"-style, where it was kind of up to who was reading just how much Twilight had taken the true messages presented her to heart. I ended up making it a little more clear that it worked, but... you never know. Twilight learned not to panic... but did anyway when she met her future self.

I liked this!! Nicely done. :) As to the people raging about shipping - get off your homophobic high-pony and realize that everyone is privy to their own tastes! Nobody is holding a gun to your head and demanding that you read about lesbian ponies. Get over yourselves!

I for one think that the shipping element paints an even better and deeper picture of the lengths of Future Twi's depravity. Sure, it would have been wrenching simply based on their friendship...but it was even moreso wrenching to have Dash be Twi's marefriend. Any heart familiar with the love of another would be greatly disturbed to think of such a callous and cruel act.

tldr; great story! Haters gonna hate.

Few thoughts.

First, this is bloody fantastic (no pun intended).

I tend to agree that Dash was actually needed in this capacity, simply for impact.  Marefriend or simply best friend is simply creative license as Prism still would have gone over Rainbow's death.  

Also, I tend to agree this story, while fantastic, is best left as it is.  I don't think turning it into a full blow novella would do it justice.  Sequelitis and all that.

Five Pinkies and a pimp 'stache.  Well done.

>>13625351362535 Thankya! Eeyup. I'm kind of sold on it staying.

Huh. Not bad. It's no Immortal Game but I'd easily give it 8 or 9 out of 10. Plus four Pinkies and a Rainbow Dash:

Me gusta.

>>13877341387734 Say thankya!

I'll gladly take those pinkiedashes. Unfortunately, my own ponymon team is rather limited: I kept my starter....

I will put on that obligatory Kamelot song before getting to reading.

Edit: The tone perfectly fits, the lyrics not that much sadly, but it will have to do.

wow that was......dark.............I agree with a prior comment, you could turn this into something larger

I'm gonna agree with >>13347801334780. I'm not against shipping at all, but unless done properly, I don't really think it belongs in a dark story. Nonetheless, the story was interesting. I found the point of view confusing at times, but in a weird way, that somehow helped it.

Hey!  Now it's featured on EqD!

While grimdark ain't usually my thang, you wrote it well.  Heck, long as it's not Cupcakes!

*Thpoilerth!*

The thought of Twilight turning to the darkness for greater knowledge seems like a real temptation without the magic of friendship keeping her faithful and strong.  What an interesting read.  More stories need to invoke Tartarus for a source of evil!  (Along that line, I Met a Pony In Hell And We Kicked Ass Together  does this in the most crazy badass way I have read.)

Memento Mori...I was gonna use that name for my fic, aww...

Nice work though.

Hey look a grimdark that doesn't compel me to punch the screen.

Hey, this was quite nice! A little confusing at times, but I guess that's what you get when you start reading at 2:30 AM^^

I would definitely want to read a full story on this subject, as long as it isn't as thoroughly dark as this one.

Grimdark's not my thing, and I can't picture any future (except when tagged Alternate Universe) where Twilight goes this far over the edge. Well written, if confusing. The Passenger? Eh?  Still, I can buy this as an AU fic. Shipping doesn't bother me. Seriously, this story features Twilight as the lovechild of Vecna and Szass Tam, and it's the Twidash that people complain about as OOC?

Couple of corrections:

Story is called Memento Mori but the first line is spelled Momento Mori.

They were soaked in blood,somepony else’s and perhaps her own.  = space after comma

hitting her head and knocking herself unconscious.It all made sense. = space after period

Yes, the voice was deeper, and the the tone full of malice she did not feel in herself, but it was her inflection.  = "the the tone", delete one 'the'

alchemaic = should probably be "alchemic" or "alchemical"

how the knife had entered her abdoment despite her screaming and begging and tears.  = misspelled abdomen

Um... sorry, but no. This... didnt work for me at all. Its well written mind you, but somehow it sits wrong with on a fundamental level ins several ways. Ill try to spell them out, but i will probably sound completly crazy, since that may well be more emotional than logical.

1) Celestia seeing futures like that... somehow dosent fit with me. But i cant even rightly explain to myself why not, let alone put it into words, so thats probably just me.

2) The message. Everyone must die, magic cant stop this and should not. This is what really dosent fit with me, Ill try to explain why.

-a) this coming from celestia, whos an immortal herself. just screams hypocrisy (unless shes not immortal, but even then she is something with a lifetime orders of magnitude longer than others)

-b) Magic cant stop this and should not. Is simply a contradiction. If it cant, theres no reason to say it shouldnt, since its impossible anyway. If it shouldnt, its admitted that its possible.

-c) the idea that somehow seeking immortality ---> automatic complete monster. why? why does everyone conclude this? Arguably celestia was showing the worst possible timeline for effect, but why then tack this on? Is there a "twilight tries to gain immortality by nonevil means but fails" timeline out there? If no, why not? If yes, the message is wrong. What would be wrong with "dont let magic/your goals blind you what is moral and right, dont see yourself as more important/worth then others."? Not to mention there are enough ways to descend into complete monster dark magic territory without that specific goal.

3) The whole setup at that specific time, and the inevitable slippery slope thing. Celestia explains it with her time sensing thing but... the idea that her reading some dubious things almost automatically leads to said complete monster thing. Seems wrong. Not just because immortality or not, but that twilight would almost inevitable turn to evil because she thinks some things are possible? Slippery slope, i know what that means, and with black magic could be a danger ok, but almost always? seems to me to not fit at all with twilights character. Somehow the idea that the only way to stop twilight going evil is to trick her into what i might call a scare em straight/ horror vision/ torture illusion... i cant fit with either twilight or celestia. Maybe black magic has some sort of direct degrading mental effect, but then why not say that?

Unlike what seems to be many others, ive got no problem with the rainbow dash shipping. It fulfills its purpose within the story (that twilight has fallen so far that she would sacrifice that which is most important to her for selfish goals).

Lokking over what ive written here, it seems to border into unstable rants over personal views in places so feel free to discard this. However, i think i have some points in places. ... Maybe i shouldnt write comments/reviews when im in a somewhat unstable emotional state myself.

>>13974921397492

You've got some valid points, friend. And no, you're rants aren't unstable. You've seemed to have thought about it some and I'm thankful for it. Let me try to think through these. I think the fundamental difference between us that I can't bridge at all is the naturalness of death--I think for me, though, the sin is mostly the means. Honestly, the only thing I'm thinking of to try and explain my thoughts is from C.S. Lewis' Perelandra, but nobody's ever read it bluh bluh. (Ain't that frustratin'? )

I don't talk about it, but I think I can answer the question of "immortality by nonevil means". As I pictured the scenario, without the specific books that she was going to stumble upon... no. It never occurs to her to reach as far in that way because Twilight's research forcuses on less esoteric things. (I'm also not sure that it's really a contradiction, strictly, as much as it is not as clear that I mean more "It can't and even if it could, it shouldn't.)

And jumping the gun would be hasty, you're right! I tried to convey that it wasn't that, that she'd looked down as many paths as she could and weighed them. It's kind of... you know how in Dr. Who (if you watch it) some things are fixed in time, and some things can be rewritten. Twilight's finding the books is a fixed event common to all possible (for Celestia's timeline) futures. Twilight, when she wakes up in the morning, will find those books.

I'm glad that you care enough to disagree with the premise, actually. I'm awfully sorry that I can't give you well thought out answers, my friend. :(

>>13420481342048

Jaywalking! You monster!

>>13976341397634

Equestria will be so boned if Twilight decides to found a pony equivalent of N.I.C.E.

>>13403801340380

I am torn between agreeing with toafan and adding my vote for a sequel of sorts. Part of me likes the idea of a stand-alone, open ended, one-shot story, the other would like to see how Twilight deals with the fallout of her lesson.

Something like:

1. Twilight wakes up and vows "to always be a good pony, to always help those in need, and to never harm her friends" in an effort to prove to her self that she would never go down "that path".

2.Twilight tries to help various ponies around Ponyville, but a series of small, mostly-inconsequential magic accidents convince her that she is turning toward the dark side.

3. Twilight tries to get rid of all the magic books in the library and leave Ponyville so she will not run the risk of harming her friends.

4. Dr. Whooves comes to Twilight's aid (since he has first-hoof experience in dealing with alternate time line horrors), convincing her that she still is a good pony at heart and that she need not forsake her gift.

5. Twilight returns to her friends, wiser and more circumspect. Pinkie throws a "Twilight is best pone" party.

Just some food for thought; my suggestion probably carries less weight than a gnat's wingtip (or a politician's election promises).

All in all it was a good story and I enjoyed reading it.

>>13974531397453 Thanks for lookin' out for me there, pard. Passenger was my way of referring to "Past Twilight"

>>13974131397413 Silly, this is a full story! :P But I do know what you mean, and I understand it! But I think the ending is stronger this way. Don't worry. Part of it is the weird way I write and part of it is the nature of this particular beast. A little bit might be 2:00 AM. I totally feel that feel.

>>13974101397410 Hurray I have tamed the savage beast! 10 points to Griffindor! :D Also, thankya.

>>13973481397348 And I get that people don't like it. I disagree, but after some thought I do begin to understand! Yeah, It is a tad confusing, but I kind of wanted it to be that way with the whole two Twilights thing.

>>13973611397361 God bless the great and powerful shortskirts may his life be long and full of bountiful harems and many Dr. Peppers.

I think Twilight falling into darkness is kind of just a different take on her being prideful. I think Twilight's main vice is Pride, in how sure she is of her knowledge and in how she used to think that she didn't need anyone. Her friends have had a good influence on her!

>>13973661397366 Sorry! :C Beat ya to the punch. Hope you find another great title!

>>13977161397716 pfft. We're all Hufflepuff students here.

>>13976581397658 I am SOOOO happy someone has read That Hideous Strength. It is my number two favorite book. Changed my life. The part I was referring to, if you read Ransom's adventures in Venus, is the whole passage where he wants to take a second fruit.

>>13976581397658 *If* I truly believed I could pull off a really sequel to this, I would probably go along the lines of her dealing with this in slightly similar way to what you've laid out! But I don't think I could really pull it off. Maybe.

>>13977291397729 In the words of David Tennant: I am so, so sorry. I didn't know of your affliction.

>>13977461397746 Stay away; it's contagious. I mean, the name even SOUNDS like a cough of sorts.

The whole shipping kinda puts me off. You could have she sacrifice her daughter from an unnamed partner and have that scene with Shining Armor, or something along these lines. Specially, having present Twilight thinking about Rainbow as her marefriend took me off the story. It would be better if she only got together with Rainbow in the future, keeping the impact of her sacrifice intact, while not messing up with established show canon.

Anyway, despite these minor gripes, it is a very solid story. I specially like how Celestia and Twilight's relationship is portrayed, and how even after being betrayed, Celestia still sees Twilight.as her pupil. Also, your writing style makes me want to check your other works.

>>13976341397634

Thank you.  Dont be sorry if you cant explain everything in a way i understand, some things are hard to put into words.

I watch doctor who btw^^ but have a ...dislike for c. s. lewis, but thats neither here nor there.

Ive just seen/heard to much in the last months of some stories/discussions were immortality is possible but then has some arbitrary downsides piled onto it because the author/argumentator seemingly cant come up with why it should be bad. Which you are not doing. In your fanfic universe immortality might or might not be impossible, its just that this specific path to the attempt is definitely evil, and apparently those books, whatever they are will prove too seductive in the long run for whatever reasons. (might ask if the books themselfs are more than just knowledge). Celestia, if she has that ability, seems believable like this. ( Celestias own immortality might still seem hypocritical, but for all we know shes just someone with a huge but still finite lifespan)

Maybe death is inevitable, magic or no. Maybe even if one could stop aging, after some time one would only wish to die. I aknowledge the possibilty. But then maybe not. Maybe it is possible in a nonevil way. Maybe one could be happy forever. ( I think here im also influenced of my view of magic in general as something with no fundamental limits (aka with enough power/knowledge/skill literally everything would be possible) is how i prefer magic in fantasy stories) (also at this point many discussions start drifting of into discussions of morality, religion, natural order, afterlive(s) or other things. not trying to get into any of these again.)

So, i guess im gonna call it a good story from many points, from the raw writing to the emotional impact, at least from an objective viewpoint, as far as i can tell (me not being objective...probably.) Not giving a rating for now. Worth an upvote in some ways, want to downvote it at the same time because personal admitedly probably nonobjective feeling about it. Are there any guidelines regarding how one should vote in such situations? Just gonna hold off for now is probably for the better.

calling it right now.  final law is that you can't bring someone back from the dead.

Okay, I was a little off(I didn't look at the chapter title before posting, just skipped to the bottom) but I was close enough.  :P

That was sad.  I was confused when Rainbow's mom came in- I thought that was actually Rainbow, and that they had had a child somehow.  then I realized that was stupid, and figured it out.

>>13978241397824 haha. Where'd you get that idea? :D

>>13977971397797 If you want to, downvote it. It's not a personal insult to me! It's your honest opinion. When I'm conflicted, I usually don't vote at all.

>>13978541397854

Don't make fun of me for my brain, it doesn't work right!

>>13351171335117

You said say thankya....Have you read The Dark Tower?

Also good story.  By that I mean chilling.

I made an account to tell you that this is one of the best fanfictions I have read. Good job, this is awesome, the amount of detail is incredible. I really hope that you continue this story, that is all. Thankyou

>>13980791398079 I have, you can set your watch and warrant by it And say thankya!

>>13981071398107 Well that is flattering! Thank you very much!

One more thing :) I think it would've been great if you had extended to the next morning,

<<<SPOILER>>>

And had Dash show up at Twi's say a friendly hello, go through the awkwardness of Twi knowing what their future could have in store and the complications of what to say/not say, theeeennnnn have Dash tell Twi that she has a surprise for her, the surprise being either THE books or another pony maybe a mage or scholar that is in possession of said books.

Ahhhh, this story has so many possibilities, I love it!

>>13982601398260 The possibilities are kind of why I probably will never continue it. I want that to be what you're left with, thinking about stuff like that. Thinking if it really can all be avoided... if Twilight's relationships with Rainbow as well as others will be any different. Now that she knows about all that (and saw herself married) will that make her relationship with Rainbow better or worse? Lots of questions.

>>13981301398130

Hear me well, do ya, I beg.

If ya write more tales such as this the world may tremble.

Expected a Persona 3 x MLP fic.

Somewhat disappoint.

>>13976341397634

I too have struggled with the concept of death's presence in sinless worlds such as Narnia.  Each story I write in Equestria which deals with cosmology has a slightly different take, mirroring the lack of canon on the issues.  In one unwritten story, I consider Celestia and Luna to be immortal angels in the guise of ponies, similar to Gandalf and Saruman; they have the title Princess because to take the name of Queen would be blasphemy.  They guard the gates of Tartarus and of the Elysian Fields.

I loved this tale, and was crying by the end of it.  I loved that lesson about the best being the worst, because it is so true.  Those who are exceptional have tremendous potential for good or harm, for right or sin.  (And everyone is exceptional in something.)

Yes, the TwiDash put me off a bit, because I've decided I don't want to see any of them hook up with each other.  It too often smacks of lack of imagination.  Here it works decently well.  However, I disagree that true best friends aren't as close as lovers, or even mates, and so I found it unnecessary even though it works.  The high status of both Twilight's and Rainbow's parents are good worldbuilding, but also unnecessary.  (And if Rainbow's mom is in the guard, why would she have asked the guard in A Bird In The Hoof if the pay is good?)

I don't think another story is even possible, except to show how Twilight turned over the dusty books to her mentor each time she found them, cleansing the land without scorching the earth.  To show how as the years passed, and age began to show and her coat began to fade, each of these books turned over became less a penance for the sins she did not commit, but rather a sign of the promise between her and Celestia.  How, at the end, surrounded by her progeny and those of her dear friends and watched by her dear friend and former teacher, she passes into the great beyond.

Now I kinda want to read a story where Twilight turns evil like this... xD

...maybe I'll write one? xD xD

Ah, well. ^.^

Mkay...so...everything turned out better than expected...but...Dang...just...Dang...the future was like...Cupcakes but written better and somehow a Buckton more brutal...I would say I like it...but...its night time...so not cool...twas a good story in the end I guess...but...dang...thats the best kinda answer I got...and I'm okay with that...now...I'm gunna go crawl into a corner and think about my life...

Looks interesting, definitely gonna put this on my 'Read Later'

That was awesome. You get a like, good sir, and a mustache!

>>13347131334713

To be honest (just my opinion), the shipping does seem entirely unnecessary. In my eyes, it would make more sense if it was still just a friendship, mainly since RD is one of Twi's first real friends. I could go into more detail, but I'm tired as hell. Overall though, loving the dark atmosphere, good scripting for characters, and not much negative I can say about it. Keep up the good work

The message was compelling and the story telling was great.  It is a hard lesson to learn and quite a shock to know that anyone can be the author of great evils if given the motivation and means.

However, I must ask: why is it that almost every couple in these future stories has two (or more) of the Elements of Harmony "shipped" together? It's almost criminal how much the stallions of Equestria are ignored and belittled in fan-fictions, to the point that seemingly no one thinks them worthy of the main six.

I greatly enjoyed this story. Well done.

But maybe next time, put a little more detail into the small things, like what the blood writing on Twilight looked like. It would help me in picture her in my mind better. Same thing with the writing on the walls. Maybe also describe how exactly wide spread the blood is around the room. All I really got out of it was that there was alot of blood but not really the description of it. Like is it in streaks, or puddles, or maybe in one massive pool of blood. It would also help if you extend the time it took for Twilight to get to the town square so there is more time for Twilight to recall what she did.

But that's just what I think....

anyways, this story gets a like and fav from me.

That was hands down amazing. Great work on the part of the author.

There is a well known dark fic that ships Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. At first, it bothered me. But the relationship was so well developed into the story that, eventually, I was sold. So I would say the reason your twidash feels a bit gratuitous here is, paradoxically, because there isn't enough of it. Granted, I would have accepted Ditzy/Doctor or Lyra/Bon-Bon even if those had been a footnote.

I have to agree with "Remember that you too must die and magic cannot prevent that and shall not" being a very flawed lesson, especially coming from the ageless Celestia and as if that was the worst of Twilight's crimes. In an earlier comment, you mentioned the naturalness of death. But it is my opinion that rights and wrongs do not come from nature. Maybe they came from God, as some believe. Or maybe we invented such things as language and morality in our attempts to function as a group. But physical laws aren't just, nor do they require enforcing. Okay, I am being preachy, but the fic is built on a controversial subject.

And I think I would have liked the story more if Future Twilight had won, the sacrificial power finally kicking in as she rises from the flames. Present Twilight would have to live with the knowledge that she could not only turn evil but totally get away with it.

+1 like from me, I love your story

Although I would really wish for a 'prequel' (if you would call it that) starting from the moment Twilight discovered the book that has led her down the dark path until the dreadful ending on Future Twilight's life

I have merely read the description and it sent chills down my spine definitely will read

...

...

holy shit

9:30 in the morning and I read something that fucks with my head

....Today's going to be a long day...

I recall seeing this before, however I think that was quite some time ago...

Have you reuploaded it?

And while I didn't read it last time I saw this, I think I'll read it this time. I've suddenly gotten a taste for 'Dark' stories some time ago :p

>>13355511335551

10 minutes of googling...

Please pay artists the respect they deserve and don't use images without permission.

>>13974921397492>>13976341397634>>13998641399864

BerolinaPawn stated my views better than I have been able to in the many, many times this has come up.  This story has not just the "immortality is evil" meme, but also the "academics place their trust in their own judgement rather than in the revealed word of God and therefore their studies inevitably lead to evil" meme.

At any other point in history, it wouldn't matter whether we thought that it was good or evil to overcome death. But we are at the point, the very decade, in all of history when it is becoming clear how to overcome death. If the United States put the same effort into overcoming aging that we put into reaching the moon, we would accomplish it.  The main obstacle to anti-aging research is not money, or knowledge, but attitudes.

The NIH (specifically, the National Institute on Aging) doesn't like to fund research on aging; it spends almost its entire budget on diseases of aging. This is about as effective as never changing the oil in your car, but working harder and harder to fix the things that break down as you keep driving with dirty oil.  The FDA will not approve drugs intended to slow aging, because they have said that aging is not a disease, and they only approve drugs that ameliorate specific diseases.  The only two agencies in the US--which funds most of all the biomedical research in the world--that could fund this research, have both actually sat down at the table and said, "We will not fight aging," and in the FDA's case, added "and we will stop anyone else who tries to."

The story was well-written, but it defies the Last Law of Writing.  After you've learned how to write a sentence, how to build a plot, how to interweave a plot with a character arc, how to use them to support a theme, there is one final rule to learn about writing, which is:  Writing matters.  Fiction is and always has been the only effective method for changing peoples' minds.  Almost no one changes their minds about important issues because they read an argument in a book or watched a debate.  People change their minds only because of stories--stories that happened to them, or stories that they read.

The NIH and the FDA have condemned us all to death because they've read the wrong stories.  If your story has Celestia condemning someone to Hell and burning them at the stake, that's a clue that you're being ridden by a meme and a story, an old and bitter story, is writing you, instead of the other way around.

>>14004971400497

Mhm, i didnt know it was that bad.

Immortality in the real world admitedly could lead to problems (a world were immortality is possible if your rich/powerful enough but not genrally available could go very bad places). But what few realize is that thats not aproblem with immortality per se. Just like overpopulation or whatever other old canards a brought out again and again, most of these are neither inherent to the thing nor unsolvable.

I reccomend this:

http://www.nickbostrom.com/fable/dragon.html

To make our position clear to those who seem to not understand it It sums up the basic arguments rather well in a story context.

Summed up, its a world were a dragon keeps eating people, and because it seems so invincible that they long ago never could hurt it, no more attempts to fight back are made, and all kinds of philosophical and other arguments are invented how getting eaten by dragons is natural or good.

Also whenever an afterlife is brought up i want to scream. Since everyone who argues against immortality with an eternal afterlife essentially says. Immortality is wrong. We shouldnt try to become immortal but suffer death because then we can be immortal in another dimension, so immortality is wrong.

Ive seen promises of afterlives used to often to justify not trying to improve the present world, even leaving aside the lack of any kind of solid proof of the existance of such (and quite a few datapoints that make it extremly unlikely at best). Have faith all you like, but try not to hold everyone in the world to your beliefs.

I liked the concept quite a bit, thought I have to agree with some others that it could have been better executed. It's difficult to articulate the problem I have with the story that makes it merely "alright" for me rather than "great," but I think it boils down to the very dubious motivations. I kept expecting there to be some revelation as to what caused Twilight to become a monster, but for it to be as simple as she stumbled upon some books and just got curious doesn't wash very well with me. As nerdy as she is, I can't buy that she would throw away all morals on some slippery-slope path to knowledge. It would have been more satisfying if she had a justifiable reason for seeking immortality. Maybe someone she cared for had already died and she wanted to bring them back. Maybe someone was found to be terminally ill and she wanted to stop death. Even if she did it for her own immortality and out of a lust for power, that still really deserves an explanation. Without that there's really no connection for me between Twilight and her alleged future self.

I think this also leads into another problem I have which is simply that I don't know how what Celestia has done will lead to preventing the bad end. The "final lesson" that Twilight will have to come to terms with the fact that she is mortal rings hollow in this story, given that she apparently was taught that same lesson in the timeline Twilight was shown, except after she found the books. Why would it matter that she's taught it before or after? It sounds like the only thing that would prevent that timeline, from what Celestia said, is a lesson that would allow Twilight to make some fundamental change in herself. In this case, I don't think showing her that she will die wouldn't do that. With, say, Ebeneezer Scrooge it worked, but in that case it wasn't the realization of mortality, but the realization that so many wouldn't miss him or respect him coupled with several other things. With this, I just don't understand what Celestia's game plan is other than, maybe, hoping that Twilight will just hand over the books to her before even glancing at them and hoping that Twilight wouldn't hold some back like she did in the other timelines simply because she was told about her bad end a few hours earlier as if that would fundamentally change anything.

Anyway, like I said: I really like the concept. It was a good read, and only a little revision would have made it great. I don't care about people adding shipping elements, personally, though I think having Rainbow Dash somehow be more of a motivation to turn to the dark side, as it were, would have been better. Or someone else, like maybe Spike gets killed or maybe Rainbow and Twilight's daughter (adopted, magically-created, whatever) became terminally ill. In any case, keep doing what you're doing.

      I am going to offer to opinions as to the strength of this piece of writing, both personally and objectively.

The first is in regards to my personal thoughts in the piece. Simply put, it was predictable, boorish, and at times the thoughts felt muddled. The death awaiting those of talent who misuse said talent is, I find, an old and tired cliche and is often the plot of many tales. Fallen heroes play a role in one of the most famous Judeo-Christian tales known: the fall of Lucifer. Of course, he was never redeemed, and his fate strictly following the tale has him floating above hell and below heaven for all eternity. In a way, however, your story plays a parallel to this, in which Twilight finds herself betwixt the evil powers she coveted that abandoned her, and the heavenly being Celestia her judge and executioner. She belongs nowhere until her death.

To go a step further, I will add that this tale strictly abides to European modes of thought. The socialization in this tale is evident, with the hero being redeemed in the end to continue toward the path of light. In doing so, it is not well written, as the character is somewhat flat. Twilight is essentially bullied by some bloated deity, who wishes only the best for her. During the whole of the story, both future and past Twilight are shoved into situation after situation, holding no sway over their lives. Although the tale poses reasons for the lack of action, they are shallow, tossed in to make the story coherent, not engaging.

In finality, the story passes of as a shoddy excuse for a literature piece, lacking any in-depth musing other than this: follow the rules, or you're screwed. It offers no sufficiently tragic character epitomizing the opposite of this in order to reinforce the main point, and leaves the reader to bloat their own psyche with childish pondering of death and the ubiquitous pyres of hell.

      Despite all this, I quite enjoyed it.

      The second takes the piece of writing objectively. The story, comparatively, was quite good, with nice flow and a fair plot, considering its size. I would not, of course, compare it to short stories of a professional level, but as fanfiction it serves its duty well. One is left to ponder, at the end, what becomes of this heroine, tampered by her mentor so. What will she do, and how will she do it? It is simple, and leaves the mind quickly, but preoccupies it long enough. All in all, a pleasant read.

DAT DESCRIPTION. gonna read it, totally!

I knew I had to read this fic when simply reading the description on EQD gave me chills. And to be quite honest, I'm glad I read it, considering it's very rare that I read for pleasure anymore.

I'm sure the concept of Twilight becoming extremely powerful/evil has been done several times before, but this was a refreshing look at it. I think what helped was having Twilight simply riding along with her future self. It allowed you to show the emotions of both the original and the future one, and really highlight the contrast between them. Then, there's the theme of "you have the power to change your future," and that was nice.

There's a lot I liked about this fic, but I'm finding it really hard to put into words, so I'll just leave you with that. Good read.