very good. only one small problem. in my opinion the chapters are too short

I have read the story My Little Dashie and thought it was simply perfect. A well-written sad story. It made me tear, indeed it did. This, however, is....really good. You have reached the same writing level as the person who made My Little Dashie. Good job to you sir, 4.5/5 stars. Do continue writing as I'll favorite this.

I'm liking this so far, hopefully this gets around more. A sequel might actually finally stop the sadness, a little. :(

This story is really good, even if the chapters are short. I look forward to seeing more chapters, tracking and faving this story.

I am really liking this so far, I am honestly surprised that it is as good as it is

Anyone who was reading chapter three, after reading some comments of my chapters being too short, I took the liberty of adding some extra words so please be sure to check that you read all of it.  Thanks everyone for reading and following, and for the criticism

This is really good, I'm tracking and I'm a give ya five stars for now

Nice, terrorists.

... REMEMBERING THE STORY... TEARS ACTIVATED.

That was beautiful. I like your writing style, and you've managed to pull off continuing the story. I just want to thank you for offering some solace to the readers of that story...

I sense a sonic rainboom... I hope Dashie gets to go back home. To Earth, I mean, not Equestria. I know that she belongs in the latter, but she wants to be in the former.

hmmmmmmmmmmm, this is a great continuization of my little dashie

lol look at the word i made up......

keep it coming....keep it coming

Are you posting more chapters?

It's short, but loving it so far.

Oh god... this story is gonna be so awesome!

The chapters are kinda short though... -tracks-

Love it so far. Just hope Rainbow Dash gets comfortable in Equestria, with all her friends...

I know she wants to be on Earth so badly, but the thought of her sitting there alone with her dad just wounds me. At least in Equestria, she'd have friends to play with all the time.

please continue this, i swear this is opening up the wounds left by my little dashie, the only piece of fiction that i shed manly tears over, even "marely and me" wasnt as sad, i hope you do the series justice.

He was going to take her to see the Blue Angels?

The BEST military and possibly best overall avation team in the world?

I are Jealous.

Well anyways, back to the manly tears.

just got out of my little dashie and i'm looking forward that this story will ease the pain.

i sense something about a certain human being transformed and dragged to a different world.

Now now Talow, don't try guessing you will have to wait like everyone else for the next chapter

Great chapter, I hope Dash gets to be with or see her father again. Only time will tell

i want a little dashie.. or a fluttershy. but thats irrelevant right now. honestly i hope she goes back with her daddy.

Good job!

I like it so far, but I'm a little confused, why would she panic if, in the first one, she accepted the fact that she had to go back?  I guess I could see the memory spell erasing the entire incident of her departure from Earth, but I don't know.  Sorry if I'm sounding a little critical but it seems like a big plot-hole to me.  Once again, sorry if it rubs of on you wrong, I'm just curious.

Thanks

>>8790687906

here you have:

http://poni.0au.de/story/4665/-My-Shy-Little-Friend

As the wise saying goes:

"Don't cry because good times are over. Smile because they happened."

Rainbow's dad respected this saying in the original story, as so did Rainbow Dash. But now, they are both tangled up on their sadness as they hang on to a reality that no longer exists. Prisioners of chaos.

I know that without the chaos there wouldn't be a story to tell, but for me, My Little Dashie shouldn't have a sequel; it's perfect as it is.

(Still, I don't hate it. Keep writing.)

I think... we're getting some Discord later on and this is really cute. It almost perfectly goes with the actual story MLD even though they are a little short still

I'm reading this on the 25, but it says it was published on the 26. Are you a Time Traveler?

>>8804988049

No, you're in different countries

loved the story and love it's possible endings, now I can't help but wonder about what is the best that could happen, I mean, the best for WHO, Equestria needs it's elements of harmony reunited, and her friends want Dash back, but Dash can't help but feel alone and threatened (at least now).

Her friends should note that unless some MAJOR magic is casted, their relationships won't ever be the same.

LOVE IT!

I'm excited and waiting for the next one!

Thanks to everyone for supporting me thus far, I will try to incorporate all questions you guys may have into the story, like the comment above about dashie freaking out.  I tried to make it more noticeable when applejack is talking to her friends.  Thanks everyone, another chapter should be up by Wednesday.

>>8786687866 *Sigh* Too cliched.

Done to death. I mean, have nothing against transformation itself, I am actually a fan of it.

But every story I have seen thus far has the human protagonist abandon their human roots.

It is as if the human body is a walking time bomb that needs to be jettisoned as soon as Celestia possible.

>>8787387873 I cried so hard in these three chapters...

i demand MOAR! that is all.....

Very nice, my only complaint is the tense, you're mixing present and past.  But still, I like I like I like!

I hope she stays in Equestria. While she may love her other home, in Equestria she can truly live.

I hope she can meet her Dad again, I'd be sad if she doesn't. Fus Ro Moar!

Guys, I'm his assistant writer, helping him come up with ideas (in also his younger brother) so I'm going to try to clear some things up. The reason for the anger is because they are both suffering from a loss and the 5 stages of loss can happen in any order, so even though they both have went through acceptance, they've both also gone through bargaining, so they still need through depression and anger which is what you are seeing.

you show this to rob yet? i wonder if he read it I'll ask him when i see him in chat :) I'm about to dive into it in a few mins and by the reviews i see I'm excited

>>8841788417 well not rly reviews i mean comments XD i derped

>>8786687866

TRANSFORMED?

Image: http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ4m7ViaQ3iuSWFe5gJ_Wq3FFynmeSoPgzQ6TbrGrXxFQNd9nMyWg

I'll admit, I didn't have high expectations going in with the word "sequel" in it, but after reading the first chapter, the feelings I felt in the original came back up, and the stories seamlessly integrate to me.  I'm crying to this story as well.  Where My Little Dashie taught the value of love, this sequel is giving much-needed closure for the readers.  I think that you're doing a fantastic job so far.  Keep up the excellent work, and I think it definitely took a bit of courage to try to expand on a widely-adored fic.  You have a brohoof for that

i always wanted to see this story progress tracking

Hmm, this just gave me an idea for another similar story.

What if 2 years after 'my little dashie' the conversion bueruo's are opened up?

(is this a good idea? Feel free to make it if you think so )

P.s. <3

Tracking.

Before reading: I'm somewhat skeptical at the moment... While I hope that this is good, I must say that making a sequel to "My Little Dashie" is a bit... though. Many people will expect a lot from this, but I hope that it will somewhat fulfill its purpose.

I. Will. Be. Back.

After reading: Not bad, not bad. I must admit that this is pretty good. While the style of writing is a bit different from the original, it certainly sounds like it. The only thing that I didn't really like about this, is actually because of MLD itself. Seeing as he actually came to terms with it all and admitted that his life was now changed for the better, and then reading this, makes it all seem like he didn't change at all.

But enough of me being a reviewer, I HAVE only read a single chapter so far, and it didn't exactly disappoint me, so I look forward to reading the next chapters and seeing how it all works out.

-Glassed

Any doubt I had in the previous chapter has been flooded(?) away, this sounds pretty damn good! Will continue!

-Glassed

*clap clap clap* This is getting real good, real fast!

If you, as a reader, can submit to not everything adding up to MLD, like what they felt and so on, this is a really good read.

Keep 'em coming!

-Glassed

MORE, MORE I SAY!

You guys are too kind, and because of you, I stayed up all night writing this next chapter.  Please enjoy everyone, once again thanks for critisisms and plot-hole things I can go and patch.  And anyone who was curious about the five stages of grief, go look up the Kubler-Ross model.  Basically what is says is that anyone (or in this case anypony) will go through the five stages of grief/loss: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.  Now where these may be listed in this order, this is not the guaranteed order.  They can happen in any order in any amount of time.  

MOAAAAR!

Somewhat short, but WOW! This is getting better and better

Can't wait for the next chapter

Although I properly have to

-Glassed

Tracking. This is good. I didn't cry at MLD, and I haven't cried at this, but it's still bloody brilliant.

Good, this site has an option to e-mail me when you post the next chapter.

That said, GIMMEH MOAR!

I never thought that anyone could write a good sub-story for My Little Dashie (aside from ROBcakeran53 himself) but this is turning out very well.

Chapters are short and sweet, the story flows nicely, and you don't cram the emotion,but stretch it out out over your writing...

Whats not to like?

I commend you on your bravery by the way! Making a follow up on such a popular fic isn't something to be sniffed at- but in my opinion you put in the effort and came out with a very nice story!

Why, if I'd hadtear ducts I'm sure id be bawling them out this very instant!

This was a pretty good chapter - I didn't really like the two before, because they weren't in the first-person perspective...

Just 1 question, am I the only brony who did not cry when reading My Little Dashie (i was very sad but did not cry)

>>8882988829

Well I read way worse fics that day, so I just couldn't cry anymore ().

Love this sequel. Can't wait for more chapters.

i am loving it for sure

Did you get premission?

and track

Did he just..

Image: http://i.imgur.com/zTl0z.jpg

break the fourth wall..?

BEST SEQUEL EVER!!!

need... more... pony...

my mind altered. i thought she would think her dad was a dream and i wuld be soo angries! Other way round! DIE CELesT DIE!

i saw how many views there were. 1337 that is this story. KEEP GOING!!!!

did she find a way?

BIG CYAN FEATHER!!!!!

OMG DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!??!

Rainbow Dash can teleport between worlds! Wohoo!

Anyway, very good fic. I really liked My Little Dashie, and I think this sequel has great potential.

Brilliant. Brilliant, I say!

You have all 5 of my stars, good sir! Keep it up!

The solace that this sequel has brought me thus far can not be described in words. Thank you.

im impressed your writing  lives up to my little dashie, something i thought never possible ooo and MOAR

Excellent

>>8868088680

MOOOOOOAARARRERARARRAAR      

>>8952889528

Big Cyan Feather.... could mean that Dad inadvertently ripped out a Primary... That would be bad!

I think you reference that meme to much. Use something else to describe his emotion besides 'my heart exploded'.

Eagerly awaiting more :D

Um...overwrite Dash's memories that "took place at the wrong time"? That seems a bit badly worded, not to mention out of character for Celestia.

Since Dash isn't recognizing her surroundings, perhaps have Celestia say "The memory spell was supposed to restore your true memories" instead? It at least sounds like the person saying it is trying to be benevolent, which is certainly Celestia.

I would love to see another chapter, but then again leaving it there is also a really good ending. You have an amazing writing style by the way. Anyways, I can't wait to check out your other fics.

-The Element Of Mental Instability.

I just had a eyegasm

Alright.

The demand for moar is coming up, but you did a good job in my opinion

Why. WHY. did you make Applejack say RD? Make her say Dash. Seriously, nopony in the actual show EVER says RD...

>>9007390073 Will do, thanks

Confound these bronies, they drive me to write

Oh also, I was wondering if anyone would like to make some cover art for my story?  You would be given full credit and such, but I would really like for that to come from the fans.  Thanks again you guys for reading and commenting!

Nice chapter man

>>9056990569

Season 2 Episode 3: Lesson Zero, 8:50 in. Applejack refers to Rainbow as RD.

Admittedly this is the only time this abbreviation is ever used, and so should be done sparingly. But if anypony can use it, it's Applejack.

First of all yay Zecora in another of my favourite stories .

I would enjoy trying to do the art, but I don't think I'm the right artist for the Job, especially since I'm terrible with colours but I hope you find someone to do the cover art. This story definitely deserves it

It will be very interesting to see where this will go... Cant imagine this having a happy ending for all parties involved but lets hope it does !!!

/me waves*

Yay! updates!

Like someone mentioned before, I'd like to see some longer chapters, but these short chapters are fine as well if that's how you work best. Pacing feels a bit rushed at times, so be careful about that. I'm personally wondering why Princess Celestia opted to grab Rainbow Dash physically rather than grab Dash with her magic.

Other than that, I love this story so far. It really does help sooth the tearjerker ending of the original.

I would do the art.....until I took an arrow in the knee! *Ducks thrown beer bottles* Truthfully i would, but unfortunatly my art skills have degenerated over the years. Plus I forgot how to use Photoshop *is ashamed*

The way the other ponies are all kind of douchebags is kind of distracting. I mean really, it's bad enough that they're talking about how they're trying to overwrite her memories (*of her father*, *without her permission*), but they're doing it while she's STANDING RIGHT THERE. They didn't even explain to her what was going on first. It's like they absolutely don't care at all about how she feels, and ponies having no consideration for others is pretty anathema to what they're about.

Anyway yeah. Story's not horrible or anything, I'm just finding that one thing impossible to parse so it nags at my mind the entire time.

>>9105391053As correct as you are, I was trying to keep it in the context of the original, and other then the fact that "She doesn't belong," there wasn't much explanation given in the first place.  And being that they are in a panic about what do, they we're hurried and didn't give much thought.

I do hope it doesn't end quite a sadly as the original...

Still beating up hippies to regain lost manliness over that...

...Good, but it could use some spit and polish to really make it shine.

The idea behind this chapter--which you have conveyed well--is intriguing, especially when considered as a sequel to MLD. I approve.   However, the execution, to be blunt, could have been handled better.  First off, there are multiple technical issues present here.  I'll list a few that I noticed. (Be aware that I'm using American English conventions; if you're using some other convention, and your work satisfies those conventions, feel free to ignore my points.)  WARNING: LONG EXPLANATIONS AHEAD!

1)  Occasionally you place a period at the end of a quotation and capitalize the word following the quotation, effectively splitting one sentence into two.  While this is appropriate at times, you've used this incorrectly in a few places.  For example, take the line:

“I really thought that man who watched Rainbow was going to put up more of a fight, especially after we heard about how he cared for her so much.”  She whispered.  

"She whispered" clearly refers to the immediately preceding quotation.  However, the current construction of the sentence--with the period, double space, and capitalization--separates the quotation from the following phrase, turning it into two sentences: the quotation, and then "She whispered."  To convert this back into a single sentence, replace the period with a comma, the double space with a single space, and the capitalized "She" with an uncapitalized "she".  To see the difference this makes:

“I really thought that man who watched Rainbow was going to put up more of a fight, especially after we heard about how he cared for her so much.”  She whispered.

means: FS said the quotation, then whispered something that isn't written out here.

Whereas:  “I really thought that man who watched Rainbow was going to put up more of a fight, especially after we heard about how he cared for her so much,” she whispered.

means: FS whispered the quotation.

You do this a few times; just go through your quotations and their following sentences, and make sure that you really want (or don't want) a separation there.

2)  Occasionally you use "non-speaking" words to follow a preceding quotation in a sentence--that, or else the sentence construction is mangled in some areas.  (Sorry, I can't recall the proper term for this right now. )  For example, take these sentences:

Celestia looked shocked, “You still remember him?" (cutting the quote short here)

You use the verb "looked" here.  While it's appropriate to describe Celestia's apperance, "looked" isn't a "speaking" verb.  (A "speaking" verb tells the reader that a quote or speech is going to follow; examples include "said", "shouted", and "exclaimed".)  You can either use a different, "speaking" verb to precede the quotation, or you can simply separate this sentence into two, as the fact that Celestia's speaking is clear from the context.  Such a separation would look like:

Celestia looked shocked.  “You still remember him?"

This separation allows "looked" to simply play its role in describing Celestia's appearance, and doesn't force "looked" to play a role for which it is not suited--namely, indicating that a quote will follow soon.

Just be careful with this; it's not terribly huge in this chapter.

3)  You flip between past and present tense while writing.  (This has been mentioned by someone else.)  One moment, you're writing in the past tense (Fluttershy hovered in the doorway...); the next, you've changed to the present tense (Fluttershy asks herself.).  Generally speaking, unless you have an especially good reason, this is a big no-no in story-writing.  Flipping between tenses not only confuses the reader, but is often used to signal a change in the time-period in which the actions described are happening (e.g. what's going on now vs. a flashback to the past).  Personally, I was thrown for a loop when you changed tense, especially when you went back-and-forth in a single paragraph.  Since this all happens within the "present", and you've used present tense in the previous chapter, try to keep everything in the present tense.  It may not seem like much, but it really causes the reader to stumble when reading these sections.

Moving slightly away from the technical details, there were some storytelling bits that I didn't quite agree with in your writing.

1) Sometimes you put in slightly too much detail, or mention something that isn't necessary.  This is usually okay, but it can disrupt the flow of the story sometimes.  Try not to put in anything extraneous or something that is obvious to a reader.  For example, take this bit:

“I really thought that man who watched Rainbow was going to put up more of a fight, especially after we heard about how he cared for her so much.”

Here, my problem is with "that man who watched Rainbow".  You could have simply said "that man", as readers would have been able to infer that it was the narrator of MLD.  Context makes it abundantly clear; we know that the mane six + PC have met the narrator, we know that TS is currently talking about Dashie, and (most importantly) the rest of the sentence describes the caretaker of RD, which can only refer to the narrator of MLD.  Thus, "who watched Rainbow" is extraneous here--and, at least for me, it interrupted the flow of the quotation slightly.

As another example, take this part: About a half hour later, Rainbow Dash wakes up again to the smell of cooking.

Here, the sudden mention of time ("about a half hour later") is what throws me.  Suddenly, because you gave a specific time, I began to wonder whether "about a half hour" was going to be important.  Later, when I finished the chapter, I was still wondering whether "a half hour" would be important--not good.  Remember the principle of Chekov's Gun: if you specifically mention some detail, be sure to use it later on, or else suffer the wrath of confused readers.  Here, you could have just said "soon enough" or something similar, because the exact time didn't matter.

To be fair, this is mainly a matter of taste; just make sure that these things don't interrupt your story's flow.

3)  Since banjo2E mentioned this earlier, I'll be brief on this point: Sometimes your choice of wording is poor, and it occasionally leads to OOC moments for the cast.  In addition, check your punctuation within quotations; sometimes you use an exclamation mark when the sentence is a question.

Sorry for all the nitpicking; don't be discouraged!  These are all small points that can be fixed quickly--however, they are points which can cause a reader to stumble while going over your work.  Just take a bit of time to go back over the chapter, reading through it bit by bit, and fixing these small grammar/style errors.  Like I said earlier, the idea behind this is excellent; your story just needs an additional bit of spit and polish to really make ZE MAGICS happen.

tl;dr: Good idea, but it could use some extra work to make it shine.

Great job making the 5th chapter.

I have to say, the execution of this chapter was handled much better than the previous one.  Keep up the good work!   That said, there are one or two small points I'd like to mention:

1) "World crossings"?  I'm not quite sure "world" crossing is the best choice here; since MLP: FiM has some things occur which simply aren't possible in our "world" (e.g. pegasi flying with such small wings), and different worlds tend to have similar laws of physics, maybe a better choice would be "reality" or "dimensions" crossing? Still, it's your call.

2) The only remote thing she found about the world crossings ...Don't you mean "the closest thing", because that's the only thing that she found that was relevant to "world crossings"?

3) And then, “I’m sorry Applejack." (cutting quote short here)  "And then" isn't an appropriate choice to lead-in a quotation because there are no "speaking" verbs there; maybe something like Rarity sighed. "I'm sorry Applejack." instead?

4) Fluttershy said timidly.  You could tell she was nervous.  She was flapping her wings rapidly, her eyes were shifting back and forth, and her ears were flat against her head.   First, don't suddenly use "you" unless you have a good reason to; the sudden injection of the reader into the story throws the reader for a loop.  Second, you don't need all these descriptions of how nervous Fluttershy is; from her characterization, we know that she's afraid of the Everfree Forest.  Plus, her next sentence (with the stuttering) gives us a good picture of how nervous she is.

5) Minor style note: books in the MLP: FiM universe usually have alliterative or punny titles.  Maybe change the title of "The Effects of Teleportation on Memory" to something more alliterative?

But this chapter is much better than the previous one. Keep up the good work!

>>9132191321Would you mind if I sent you copies of my work before I publish them so you could edit them? That would be fantastic! I could use a good editor

Very nice chapter!