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VideoGamePony
Joined September 2012
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VideoGamePony
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Joined September 2012
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31w, 3dTwilight's Library
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32w, 3dSweetie Belle
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11w, 4dChildren of Equestria
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7w, 6dSweetiebot
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Poor Sweetie! Also, nice job. It's well written and, while depressing, a joy to read, so to speak. 
Insta-like for being a Sweetie-bot fic. I'ma follow this the whole way.
All accept for the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Except.
This leads the trio to their next adventure, at the edge of the Everfree Forest.
Lead. You used a present-tense term in a past-tense scene.
There were also a few times you forgot to put a hyphen between words. Eg. 'Red maned pony' should be 'Red-maned pony'
I've never seen you before, so I don't know how experienced you are, but if you want someone to look over your work before you publish it, don't be afraid to ask.
This... is just an EPIC beginning to a story.
"...she announced as she sped towards the phosphorescence space..."
Phosphorescent?
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_ooh.png
i love it already
MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>1381929 Noun: Light emitted by a substance without combustion or perceptible heat. The emission of radiation in a similar manner to fluorescence but on a longer timescale, so that emission continues after excitation ceases.
Image: http://missbanshee.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/themoreyouknow.jpg
Twilight would want to take her apart and see how she worked.
Rainbow would most likely attack her, believing her to be a fake.
Pinkie would be all: " Of COURSE she's a robot! All BZZZZZZZZZZZTTT and WRRRRRRRRRRRRR and BOOP BOOP BEE-BOOP! You didn't notice?" 
Rarity would deny that she's who she says she is, thinking that the "real" Sweetie Belle is out there.
Fluttershy might be frighted, but willing to believe her when she sees how scared Sweetie is.
Applejack would be very protective of the others, but most likely more willing to believe her when Sweetie speaks the truth.
Applebloom might be willing to help her out.
Scootaloo is most likely to act like Rainbow and demand where the "real" Sweetie is.
A question: if a fake believes that it is real, does the fake become real? if she thinks she is real, her thoughts, her feelings, does that make her real?
Kudos, sir or madam. Sweetie-bot, that's a first. For me at least, evidently not for others though as the comments are showing. I noticed a few spelling errors, mostly phonetic spelling, such as
"She must have looked over her awful injuries ten times before her mind finale broke under how overwhelming"
*finnally
>>1381991 Just for the sake of the time you've probably put in the cover art and the amount of words in the first chapter, you better hope you get more views then this. You've put a lot of effort into this.
~ChaoticNote
author of Luna Plays and Equestrian Earth the MMORPG
Damn, what a very impressive and seriously detailed story, other then remembering to only have five lines in a paragraph I am really enjoying thisa story, Sweetie Belle is my favrotie CMC so I shall be tracking, hoping to see more of this very well written story.
I looked at the picture and thought to myself,
'Hmmm.... this looks interesting. I'll check it out.'
When I actually finished reading it, however, I was left in stunned silence. It was one thing to see the cover picture to have a pretty good idea on what the story was going to be about, but reading your descriptions on the scenes in this story, just made it seem so realistic that it's kinda of scary. 
Good story though and I will be having emailed updates everytime you post a new chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter, and without further adu, see ya later!
- Super-Brony12
Its face also carried many scars, from past clashes no doubt. The rest of its body shortly appeared from the leaves, telling a much similar story.So in other words it's the manticore that every author abuses when they want to establish the badassery of a character.
>>1382124 Let me fix that for you
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Sweetie_Belle_lolface.pngand for the awesome story
>>1383096 Indeed! What self-respecting author would use anything but the manticore to show how to defeat an evil-bad-guy-beast? Hydras, parasprites, lions, flocks of crows, nothing seems to be up to the task of resident must-be-defeated monster. Well, okay, maybe the hydra. I've read some fics that use it. On that note, why can't the parasprites be used more? They'd make a worthy foe for any pony that uses brains over brawn.
Because you still need an area-of-effect weapon to deal with parasprites, and explosives are dangerous to use on an enemy that charges through areas filled with noncombatants. Short of a biological agent or a flamethrower, you can't really engage them with satisfactory results. And pesticides are nerve agents, FYI.
And hydras are legit. Especially golden ones with three heads and two tails that shoot lighting and fight Godzilla.
>>1383262 King Ghi-Hydra!
Oh, I guess I was more thinking of fics in which the full extent of the Parasprites' nature would be explored. They were dealt with using only music, and some fics might extrapolate that to other weaknesses and idiosyncrasies that could be used against them. But I suppose a military fic could have explosives in use. That works, too. Or doesn't work, as you said.
Every single fic I've written involves the military somehow. 
Be it the Grand Army of the Republic in my Republic Commando fic (95/2 like-dislike ratio, w00t), the UNSC in my Halo fic, or the Marines in my Crysis fic, it's always there. That's sort of the price I pay for specializing in video game crossovers. Only thing I've written that wasn't a crossover got a shit amount of views and one measly favorite.
If you compare me to Michael Bay for my constant inclusion of the military I will shank you; I give a lot of attention to my characters and my plots, and not one of them has toe-thumbs! Except maybe Gilda, but that's a technicality.
The alt-universe tag is only necessary if the fic in question is a significant change to the entire setting, such as merged universe crossover fics and stories like "Rainbooms and Royalty". Otherwise, they are generally understood to take place in the future or fill in poorly-explained past events.
"Sweetie Belle, what are the chances of this story succeeding on being completely and totally awesome?"
Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2919-sweetie_bot_100percent.jpgAbsence of evidence is not evidence of absence. It hasn't been stated that Sweetie isn't a robot. Perhaps you could think of her as a replicant from Bladerunner, or Harkin from Fallout 3, or how every character in Battlestar Galactica is a fucking Cylon. She's a robot who no longer knows she's a robot, or maybe didn't even know from the start.
Or maybe Rarity creates a dress in the future that destroys most of ponykind, and Sweetie Belle, a reprogrammed Dressinator, was sent back in time to kill her and/or prevent the creation of said dress.
Let me just say, this is an awsome story that you have right here. Keep up the good work. However, there are a few things I would like to adress;
For starters, the CMC have taken a lot of spills and injuries for some time. That means that however the robotic body of Sweetie Bell works, it somehow feels like a real filly. I would have expected for somepony to make the observation that her skeletal structure is very hard or metal-like. Also, Sweetie Bell could not have been a robot for an extensive amount of time, due to the fact that if she had a cut or a horrible injury, the doctors of Ponyville would have noticed. (Also, keep in mind that Rarity-Sweetie Bell's sister and one of the elements-has a keen sense of details; she would have noticed some sort of huge abnormal spike of strength in a little filly fairly quickly.) Mabye Sweetie's "skin" can be sewn up before other adult ponies see this?
I also imagine that the robot Sweetie Belle has a metalic body that isn't magnetic, and can resist Electromagnetic Frequency waves to a certain extent.
Next, while we know that the current Sweetie Belle has a robotic skeletal system, is she a robot that replaced Sweetie Bell by orders from a mad colt scientist, or is Sweetie's metalic skeletal structure actualy supporting a living skeletal structure? (I'm sorry, I meant, what if Sweetie Belle was the result of an experimental surgery similar to Robo Cop, or Inspector Gadget, but for some reason, forgot about said surgery?)
Finaly, while this discovery could make everypony run around like a chicken with its head cut off, I do believe that Sweetie Belle should go to Twilight for help, since she may be able to find clues in Sweetie's mechanisms. *cough* Sweetie's *cough* face *cough* in *cough* the *cough* story *cough* cover *cough*To lay it gently on the mare, Sweetie should cover herself up, and then in the middle of discussion, show Twilight her side, and then later on, her face, when it is absolutely sure that Twilight will not freak out.
If all else fails, the elemets of harmony will zap the robotics out of Belle, leaving a fleshy pony.
Sorry if my post is long, but I do try to scrutionize the story so that it can become an amazing story at its fullest potential.
Good luck, and god-speed, my friend.
Just thought I'd point out that a manticore and chimera are two completely different mythological creatures. You called the manticore a chimera somewhere in there, so I decided to say something. A manticore is a bat-winged lion with a scorpion tail (that much you got right), but a chimera is a lion, that has a lion and goat head, with a snake for a tail. Nothing that takes away from the story, just a little tidbit that I noticed. All in all, this is an epic story. One that gives me an idea. keep a look out for (maybe) the Termarenator. I'll see if it's been done already, and if it has, I won't proceed with the idea. but if it hasn't...
Image: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-NZjLqckIA_4/TZKd4TI9p_I/AAAAAAAAHqo/QszIzn8e5XE/s1600/borg2.jpg
The most ironic happen to me today. I watch my little pony, witchcraft is magic and was introduced to sweetie bot...and now I am reading a story about it...Well it is very interesting and I shall tracking it! I wonder who created her as ideas are now forming into my mind. *Evil Laugh*
I thought this was a 1 shot... IM HAPPY IT ISNT!
Image: //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png
Robot ponies? Potential existential crises?
Image: http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/5/52044/2060390-i_like_it.jpg
Image: http://images.wikia.com/adventuretimewithfinnandjake/images/6/62/I-know-that-feel-bro.jpg
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