NEW LUNAVERSE MADAFADAS.

Also, first. And where does this fit in on the Lunaverse Timeline? I don't want to start reading it if it's past where I'm at right now.

Have homework.  will read later.

Can't wait to see where this is going.

Well, this is an interesting start. And...that's all I got. Nothing much has really happened just yet, so we'll have to wait and see where this goes.

Perfect timing, guard. But good to see Lyra and all her friends. And that dragon... in-teresting.

Nice set up. Really looking forward to learning more about that dragon. And Corona! Actually doing something!

Only problem with the chapter is that you kept spelling Ditzy with an s.

SO FAR AWAAAAY, WE WAIT FOR THE DAAAAY...

*ahem* Sorry.

Interesting, good take on Celstia for all her ego and mania, she seems to have calmed down enough to start acting relatively.... "stable"

Interest, new character, obviously an ancient ally of Celestia, so I look forward to seeing the his troy and his future, however short it might be.

Though I wonder, will Corona just be using him as a distraction while she goes to steal something, or will he be the thief...

I liked Lyras performance and interaction with her friends, I'm just assuming Luna sent, a clone of herself to say hello to Lyra or to watch the show so to not be rude.

Are Raindrops and Trixe awkward because of the "truth is a scourge/kissing thing?"

Anyway this is interesting so I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.

>>13119911311991 What's that from, it sounds familiar.

>>13128711312871

>>13128751312875

ah TY I thought it was maybe from this

This is pretty good.  I think I see where the dragon's name is going. (Solrath->Sol Wrath-> sun's anger/revenge)

WOOHOO!

TrrrrrrrrrrrrACKING!

>>13119911311991

So far away we wait for the day!! For the lives all so wasted and gone!!! We feel the pain of a lifetime lost in a thousand days!!! Through the fire and the flames we carry on!!!! *ahem* Sorry, i had to finish what you started...

Not much to say; It's a pretty solid opening and the dragon seems interesting. I'm hoping this won't end up being 'Where There Is Smoke' with a dragon, but it isn't very far along yet, and I trust you to take it in it's own direction. Anyway, I like all the call-backs to 'Helping... Hands?' with the backstage part. I'll be keeping an eye on this!

>>13128851312885 I liked that animation; wonderfully surreal.

I'm reasonably certain that if Trixie starts whining, these snake-creatures will start stabbing. So hopefully she won't be dumb enough to try and pull a Rarity.

Heh. And I know what used to be in that clear area...

Jeez, it's been nearly a month since the last chapter! I really need to keep better track of all my projects... I'll try and not leave this another month! I promise I'm not that cruel.

>>14515801451580

Yes, I though you might like that little touch. Tiny references are what I live for!

....oh those stupid jerk snake things.....

and nice touch, using the Dragonshy problem, only more problematic. Probably all a distraction to get Luna out of Canterlot ultimately.

Hooray update, good chapter all round I liked Trixie not really knowing much about Canterlot and failing as a tour guide, I liked most of the chapter in general actually, though I did notice one error:

On the other side of the room, one of the sakes

I think you meant snakes, sorry

Poor Trixie and Ditsy, hope the others get down there and save them, also cool design for Corona's latest minions.

The minions are Lamia's right? or Naga maybe

Hmmm...still not sure what to make of this one just yet. Still, good chapter, I suppose.

Snake people.  Where have I seen snake people before.  Betrayal at Krondor?   Not likely.

Maybe I should get my Monster Manual.

Noooooooo Trixie!

>>14516891451689

So what was there? Discord the Lawn Gnome wasn't on display in the Lunaverse, right?

HOLY SMOKES! Things sure went serious in a heck of a hurry!

>>14569441456944 Well Luna thought Corona wasn't coming back nd we know how THAT turned out... she kinda learned from her mistakes I guess?

Something seemed off.  Most notably with Luna and Trixie, they didn't feel quite themselves.  There where a couple times it  almost felt --I don't know-- more like a mane-line fic with Celestia and Twilight.  Notably the idea that Trixie didn't get out much (even though she's supposed to be a major extrovert) and spent all that much time in the StarSwirl archives (she prefers to learn magic by observation).

I did like the references to stuff from the real show like the statue garden and dragon smoke.  I was quite surprised to see Trixie as the one that goes missing; I knew one of them was going, but she was pretty much second to last on my list of suspects.  Still, two chapters in and I'm not at all sure what to actually make of the storyline here.  Stuff is happening, but there's a lot of questions hanging in the air, and not really the good kind like in a suspenseful mystery driven story, more like the 'get to the point already because I'm just getting confused/bored' kind.

I don't mean to sound quite so critical.  I think there might be something really good here, I just haven't been able to find it yet.

>>14616731461673

Honestly, I'm glad to see some negative feedback. I think my ego has swollen a bit from half a year of youtube comments being my only reviews.

But yeah, I'm a bit out of practice with my writing. When I planned out this story, most of my plans were about what happens in the caves and with Luna and Solrath. Part of the huge wait between these two chapters was me realizing that I had no idea HOW to get them where I wanted them. I will freely admit that these were rushed as a result. I haven't felt like there's been a good spot to include any exposition yet, but it's on the way. I swear this will all make sense soon! I just have to move something forward to the next chapter that I was going to wait on for a bit...

By the way, about the Star Swirl bit? I was only trying to imply that Trixie was babbling about anything in the area, and the Star Swirl wing was the closest place that was interesting enough. Again, apologies if my rusty writing didn't make that very clear.

>>14569441456944

Could be, could be... Actually, RainbowDoubleDash wants me to be vague about it, so take from that what you want.

Hmm, good action. *Punches the sixth prisoner in the snout. hard* Moron...

>>14515801451580 I don't; what was in the clear area?

>>14516891451689 You've got nothing; some of my stories have been waiting over three months for a new chapter.

>>14521031452103 What he said.

>>14615231461523 Eeyup.

I guess I dunno.

On one hand, I like the dragonshy problem and the designs of the snake things, but on the other hand, the snake things and the 'cleared area' made me feel like I was missing something, and as Emeral Bookwise pointed out, Trixie feels a bit off.

>>14900221490022

Apparently DagaYemar likes it vague, so I'll put it in white text for those who also want to keep it vague:

It was the location of the ice palace.

>>14900721490072 ...Oh.

Okay!

(I need to catch up with the threads again, this is getting ridiculous.)

>>14533311453331 The only cartoon snakemen I can think of were fought by He-Man.

I promised I wouldn't make you all wait a month for another chapter, and what do I do? I make you wait a month for a new chapter...

I'm not going to promise that the next one won't be faster, since I apparently can't promise anything, but I am determined to see this trough with more professionalism. I know what I did wrong with the last chapter and I intend to fix Trixie and Luna's personalities, but I think I need to focus on finishing before clean-up...

And now to ruin everything for you by providing...a visual reference for the monsters!

Image: http://i.istockimg.com/file_thumbview_approve/5690152/2/stock-illustration-5690152-salamander-cartoon.jpg

Behold the dread salamander!

...

Yeah, I know you meant this:

Image: http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/eo_0611_salamander_med.jpg

>>16153081615308

I am hurt and betrayed! Only another chapter will satisfy!

Um, if that's ok with you that is...

All right new chapter, already eagerly awaiting the next one!

Dapple Cross is kind of a tool, I was desperately hoping Raindrops would either smash something or threaten him to stop being so unpleasant, but seeing secretary, who I'm thourally convinced is more than she lets on (yes i know she said that, but I suspecting it before she said it, )  slap him down was also awesome.

Anyway good writing in that scene, I felt awful for Raindrops trying to dig up the floor to save Trixie, sweet scene and bring back Regal Tomes hah, he just has no luck.

I like the plan to go get the elements and find Trixie, interesting to see the Canterlot caves being brought in.

Heh loved Trixie’s awakening and assuming she had a hangover.

She was underground, in some kind of huge tunnel. Enormous purple crystals lined the every wall she could see, and she could see,

Sorry this sentence is kinda confusing.

Trixies’s observation of the snakes was a little convoluted that could have been because she’s recovering form a concussion though, I still found it tricky to understand in parts.

Loved Trixie’s little “Hi” exchange with the snake.

“Thiss one recovered fasster than the otherss.” She hissed, tilting Trixie’s chin up to stare her in the eyes. “Sshe either has more magic than I ssusspect, or sshe’ss ussed to having no magic…”

While Trixie is now Twilight she’s not exactly weak as far as unicorn go, unless you were talking about energy “production” over power then who knows.

alright, apparently spy action thriller was the theme today. Perhaps she and Marilith could exchange favorite titles over tea later.

I loved that line, Trixie has a really amusing thought process in this fic.

Anyway this was a good solid chapter overall, very entertaining and it helped move the fic along very well, some small part of me is expecting betrayal form within to happen with the salamanders if only cos of how rude the boss is. Anyway as I said very entertaining, looking forward to the next one.

Loved the 'hi' bit. T^hat got a laugh out of me. Good chapter, moved things into the next phase well.

The whole 'Hi' bit was probably my favorite. And poor Raindrops...

Solid chapter with no complaints to be made and a whole lot of stuff I absolutely loved.  I'd give specific examples, but that would pretty much just be everything.  Seriously, just keep writing like this and I will be all over the place.

Awesomeness new chapter!

wow Regal actually got a bit of character development here, good scene there.

I like the hinted crystal stuff it gives us some good mystery and something to build on later.

The description of the cave the remaining L!6 found was breathtaking also loved Raidnrops's reaction to it, she's so focussed on saving Trixie

good point about the carts how did they survive... crystal magic?

The description of the "falling crystal" scene could have been written a little better, as in many cases characters names weren't used so I wasn't sure who was talking or what was falling on who.

Wow Lyra was a badass here! also this is how I imagine her bardic spells working, so hooray!

Ooh and Raindrops get's to be badass too I love it!, though pony's likely don't use "arms" but besides that, also instead of "thing" maybe "tracks" could be a good descriptive word.

Loved Bonbons reaction to the elements defence mechanism, seems both in character and totally reasonable, still desperately want to punch that soldier in the face.

Overall good chapter!

I'm thinking that Ditzy is somewhat Clostrophobic which probably makes sense for a pegasis and that Money Peny might be one of Luna's avatars although she seems to be rather low on power.

It's fun that the salamanders are all named after serpentine monsters from the Monster Manual. But we've only met half of them? Are we going to see salamanders named Arbok or something before too long?

And I guess Lyra's Shatter spell must have struck a dis-chord.

>>17091491709149

Yay! Someone noticed the little detail about the names! You win a cookie!

But no, you probably won't see the other salamanders. The group that came with Marilith represent half of the whole nest; the rest remained wherever they live when they aren't stealing ancient artifacts of unimaginable power. There's only one other salamander I've named and he's the one carrying Trixie. You'll hear more about him in the next chapter.

Nice action. :D Lyra rocked there, pun intended. But oh, no, Ditzy!

>>17093211709321 Oh joy, a cookie! I knew reading and memorizing that book would pay off one day!

I look forward to next chapter, then. I love monsters and creatures, and it's always fun to see them "out shopping" as it were.

Ditzy's gone mad?

But anyway, things are certainly heating up quick; fitting what with the story's name.

Not much to add beyond that, I don't think, so I'll just leave this here.

>>17081051708105 Yeah, and it's probably worse given how much trouble her strabismus probably gives her when it comes to navigating without running into things in such a tight space. At least when she's out in the open, she has more room to correct herself if she starts going off course.

Headbang sequence commencing in 3... 2... 1...

SO FAR AWAAAAAY WE WAIT FOR THE DAAAAY

FOR THE LIGHT SOURCE SO WASTED AND GOOOOONE

WE FEEL THE PAAAAIN OF A LIFETIME LOST IN A THOUSAND DAYS

THROUGH THE FIRE AND THE FLAMES WE CARRY OOOOOOOOOON

I must say, BonBon makes a pretty good point about how stupid it is to lock the elemental jewels in vault that only Luna can open.  The inverse sort of makes sense in the maneverse, but in the Lunaverse where Corona is still an active threat and has in the past proven herself capable of banishing Luna with little effort there is a serious flaw in that strategy.

well shit, a magic stealing Serpent.....lovely.

And the scene with Ditzy and Cheerilee was so cute.

Interesting turn with the Salamander magic.

I had a bit of a hard time who was talking or when a descriptive sentence turned into a thought, still interesting scene with some nice hints of character depth.

I liked Trixie's plan, of making her enemy think what she wants them to think of her and manipulating them, it suits her.

I find myself liking Grick, he's a good subversion of the classic "dumb/friendly" muscle type of character.

   She gloated, crossing her arms and showing all her teeth in what might be confused with a smile, if you were sadistic. Or blind.  

I love this line.

Trixie tried to suppress a grimace. She was monologueing! Again! Still, you never knew what piece of information was the one that you needed the most…  

and this line

So, we have a title to the spy novel now. Not that I’d complain if a suave stallion swooped in and took them all out for me… Trixie smiled woodenly and nodded, but Marilith hardly needed the encouragement to continue.  

I liked the first part, not so much for the second part, and I liked the third part.

Interesting background with queen Medusa, the hourglass and the villain stealing Trixie's magic, this is really original I like it.

Trixie's horror at the use of her own magic was fairly well done as well.

I do have to wonder why this group put up with the high priestess though, this tends to be a falling point with some villains, where they are so abusive that I can't understand why anyone works for them except out of terror. The High Preisntess hasn't gotten quite that bad yet but she's sort of veering into it a fair bit, sorry.

She is very sinister though, especially in that last scene with Trixie starting to pass out.

Excellent description of the darkness, it felt incredibly oppressive and claustrophobic.

I'm no expert on music but I know what I lie and I loved this! it was really well done all of it!

and now we see Rover, I've been waiting for him since I found out he'd show up in this fic I liked his entrance.

Good ending scenes, Luna;s right everything is ominous. Overall I really liked this chapter and am looking forward to the next one.

“A nice try.” Grick chuckled, shifting her to a slightly more comfortable position on his shoulder.

Shouldn't the c in nice be drawn out, like the letter s always is for salamanders?

Okay, so Marilith is the bad, stupid kind of boss who punishes messengers for stuff that's in no way their fault. Got it. Also, lovely song. Just not quite a good time for it.

>>19174221917422

Hey, it got Rover there didn't it? Wait...that might not be a good thing...

(Joke) Alt. Title: Across The Lunaverse: FURY OF THE STORM!!!

Can't wait make fun of this universe in my own story. AND IT WILL BE THE BEGINNING OF SEASON 5!!!

"You sister says hello"

That line could be taken horrily out of context.......

I loved the entire Luna commander scene at the start especially the cake bit at the end. The description of the dragon and it's first line were brilliantly done. Great idea behind dragon names, that entire background for the dragon and the whole scene was fantastic. Good scene with the Diamond Dogs and CO, clever ploy on Ditsy's part, I like what you've done with the Diamond Dogs here, hmm of course this means the Changelings aren't likely to use the caves and does leave a question of how they came to be there in the first place, so many questions I love it!

The fight scene was excellently choreographed, Luna and the dragons behavior was well done and the ending was awesome can't wait to see what happens next!  

Ooh, I like the way this is ramping up.  Nice pacing in this chapter BTW.

I like this Behir guy.  He's alll like

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw909_MLP_Celestia_giving.gif

Hot, damn! I love the Diamond Dogs, and the dragon and Luna fight. Badass.

Interesting to see the B-plot with Luna finally going somewhere.  Still not quite sure how or if it connects to the A-plot with the salamanders.  I'd originally thought them mere minions to Corona, but as of last chapter it seems they've got their own plot afoot.

>>20802172080217

Well, they may THINK they have their own plan. I suspect Corona is as good at manipulating events as Celestia is. Only Corona is malicious.

Oh my god she is Xanatos.

>>20848862084886

Xanatos is by FAR my favorite childhood villain, and he may have drastically influenced how I feel a good villain should act...

>>20858302085830

All according to his plan....

Image: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/02/Xanatos.JPG/250px-Xanatos.JPG

I knew I should of waited for this to be finished before reading!  Ahhh, now I must wait!  easily though, amazing fic.  Love the villain Solrathicharnon and the salamanders are fantastic as well.  Love how this has been going and can't wait to see it continued

Diamond dogs are like kobolds. Bad on the offense. Amazingly terrifying, though, if they know you're coming.

Epic action time! Yes!

Quite awesome. :D Ah, Marilith. A good fate for such a cruel villain.

This was a fantastic and incredible well written and exciting chapter, great work all round!

>>23187572318757

Tucker's Kobalds... holy crap...

I gotta use that if I ever DM...

One trap I've thought of is actually very obscure, but interesting. Picture a large (more than three turns to cross), sandy beach-like area in a cave, with an open roof. Inside the sand are silvery-white particles. No threat here, right? well, come back after you complete the objective in the cave... Done that? Alright then, return to the room. Oh, look, it started raining, and the sand is now on fire. Why? The silvery-white particles are Potassium, which is volatile when exposed to water. Take 1D4 damage each turn you're moving across the sand. And optionally, if the players have irritated you, have them roll 1D20 vs catching on fire.

>>23218752321875

Tucker's kobolds are actually harder to use in 3.X D&D, just because of the typical power discrepancy between the monsters and the player characters, especially the spellcasters, is much larger than in previous editions.

Still - "harder" isn't "impossible."

Dayum! Who would have thought Diamond Dogs were badasses?

Starscream Ravid? Pro-tip. When everything is going to hell in Iron Will's handbasket, then it is in your best interests to be a team player.

Raindrops does have her own character tag now... you could add her if you wanted to.

You get a bajillion brownie points for using my favourite Vienna Teng song. Seriously, that rocks.

> “¡Just let me have this!”

I heard this somewhere before.

;-)

>>23218752321875

The DM must use such a trap only in a situation where the antagonist set it up less than a week ago at the most because it would not keep.  The Potassium corrodes quickly in cold dry air and can catch fire in hot humid conditions.

GMs have done boiling acid to death.  On the opposite end of the Periodic table and with low electronegativity instead of high electronegativity, try a trap of molten hot NaK which will burn on contact with air.  ¿NaK?  ¡Na-K!  An alloy of Sodium and Potassium:

http://wikipedia.org/wiki/naK

>>23613422361342

Huh, interesting. I'll keep that in mind.

Honestly, I know |----| this much about chemistry. Doesn't stop me from trying to use what I do know, though.

"No one wins with a headbutt." I know I've heard that before, and I actually looked it up. Never thought I'd see a Paul Blart reference in a pony fic.