when you're home alone in the dark....how alone are you?
for more Slenderman!
Try replacing (thunder) with depiction. You could use "Another loud boom", or something like that. It makes the story look better.
The Ooooooooo should be replaced with something like a line or whatever you prefer. Try not to use letters or numbers to indicate switches or jumps. Ooooooooo < __________
(Clop clop clop clop) could be replaced by "The hoofsteps (something something something)" or something like that.
Otherwise, this was a great idea and a nice tight package. Fix those things I said (IF you want) and try fixing your grammar and this will be good!
To enhance your experience, try the following:
Going along with >>13134131313413, replace (Thunder) with either of the following the following onomatopoeia exactly: *Kraa-KOOM* for close thunder, or *rumble-rumble* for far thunder, capitalizing syllables if it gets nearer (ex. rumble-rumBLE).
And replace (Clop clop clop clop) with the following:
Clop. Clop. Clop.
It adds a sense of finality with every step, and if you want to heighten the drama:
Clop. Clop. Clop. Clop...
See what I mean? Granted, it somewhat spams on lines, but it visualizes the sound effects in your writing, adding to the mental picture.
Words of wisdom, my friend.
that was scary cool
So shining was playing slender eh? Woulda been hilarious if his wife came in to spook him
Hmm.. I was going to read it, then I read the comments. Sorry. But it appears to be interesting.
this was brilliantly written. well done. too bad i had to read it during the day
All he wants is a hug
Another booming crackle roared through the sky.
Hi buddy :
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Ugh....stupid spammers and bots.
In any case, I loved this fic, this was definitely good horrorficness! I just hope that maybe you'll continue it, maybe have Slendermane hunt Twilight, Cadance, Luna and Celestia, too!
Or, if you wanna get really scary....have Slendermane, a monstrosity of the night, be a creation of Princess Luna/Nightmare Moon.
>>13181801318180 SHUT UP!!! OR I WILL SEND PINKIE PIE AFTER YOU
Curses i want them to all die.
I loved the Fic! Couldn't find much wrong with it! I read it alone and in a dim room that was dead silent. Scary as crap Anyways I found it pretty amazing. It would be cool if you made other chapters of other ponies that are being stalked by slenderman
Muliple mustaches deserved
we did a live reading of this story and posted the recording here:
Hope you all enjoy, we certainly did
Love and tolerance,
TheLiving Library Player Socieety
i was looking for this story for such a long time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!