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bucknorris
6
39
381
6
39
381
Joined December 2011
27 followers
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45w, 3dMy Little Dashie
77
3,896
By: bucknorris
Edited By: TheWattsMan
Chapter Six: Devastation
I went outside Carousel Boutique and what I saw was, well, awful: homes on fire, buildings near destroyed, and scared ponies running for their lives. Suddenly, Twilight ran past me with Spike in tow.
“Twilight, how are we gonna defeat the Ursa Major?”
“I don’t know Spike, let me try something.” Twilight tried the same thing she did with the Ursa Minor back when Trixie was in town.
“Why didn’t that work?” Twilight said in disappointment.
“Because it’s not a baby.”
“Oh…” she stuttered, not knowing what to do.
Then, out of nowhere, a bright light appeared, and out of the light came both the princesses. Before I could get a chance to talk, they both ran right at the beast and used a type of magic which opened a portal. The force from the portal pulled the Ursa in, and shut after it. We all sighed, “Its over”
(end of chapter six)
Comments ( 13 )
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Ive enjoyed this story, but it has a few flaws.
1. Chapters are REALLY short.
2. Your grammar isn't very good. Is English your first language? It doesn't seem like it.
3. Everything seems a little.....rushed. Not really sure how to explain that more.
Otherwise it's been a great story so far, keep up the good work!
the chapters are short becuase its my first fan fic. im working on another which is a bit longer. i know my grammar isnt good. i think its due to my adhd and aspergers, also im 15 and english is my first language. also thank you for the feed back. my editor has also made some modifications to chapter one
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