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bucknorris
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6
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381
Joined December 2011
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45w, 2dMy Little Dashie
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I woke up in an unfamiliar place; it was a cabin of sorts. There is a kitchen on the far end, and a door to what I think is the bathroom. I attempted to get up only ending in minor pain spikes.
I then heard a female voice. You know you shouldn’t try to get up, those injuries were severe.
Who are you? I said. Then the bathroom door opened and a white unicorn with a red-brown mane came out.
My name is Cadence. She said as she turned towards the kitchen. That’s when I noticed her wings.
Hang on a second you have wings? You’re an alicorn aren’t you?
Indeed I am, my full name is Princess Amilla Cadence.
Wait if you are a princess what are you doing out here in the woods?
I… I did something I could never forgive so I ran away to the forest and built my house you see here.
One last thing I want to know; if Celestia controls the sun and Luna controls the moon; what did you do?
I controlled Equestria’s magic; originally all three of us did that but they passed it on to me.
So what you’re saying is that if I had powers you could take them away?
Not exactly, basicly I am the conduit between the magic used by Unicorns and the source of all magic deep beneath the earth.
Ok that is interesti…
We were cut off by a loud noise; it sounded like someone fired a barret 50 cal inside a tank. (bad idea)
Cadence had a extremely worried look on her face.
Oh no…
End of chapter eight.
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Is everything alright?
Bit of advice: go back and change the new characters name. Some readers might take it a tad too seriously, and you might end up crawling with haters. Yes I noticed that you had this up before the show had Cadence/Cadance (whatever), but people might find this and start to rage regardless.
So for now I'm using a shitty ass Mac (no offence to Mac users) in a trailer with a connection which is as bad as Rebecca Black's Friday song. Working on a fic which was going to launch MT. Everest into space but i thought a mile wide spaceship would do just as well.
oh
just a little criticism before i fav/like
1 human year=1 equestrian day
other then that and what other people are telling you i think it is good
it would be also better if you told us what happend with the dad in the 2 year skip like for example how he coped with rainbow being in ponyvill
Like everypony else is saying, it's only been two days of time in equestria for the two years on earth. 
Beyond that, its pretty good. 
(I write this while reading chapter 5.) I don't want to be mean but to me it feels kind of... rushed. 
Maybe find someone else to help you expand it out? 
Anyway, I have a few gripes, but not bad so far. Just keep at it. 
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