13: Liir's Transmission
“Data transferred. For your sake, pray that this connection is as secure as you claim it is.”
“Hah! You do realise our cruisers are basically made out of Hiigaran ships, right? Unless of course, your ‘technological superiority’ isn’t as impressive as your people make it out to be.”
“Shut it. You want this job, or do I have to find myself another clan?”
“You seem to forget we could simply let your superiors know of what you have requested from us.”
“And you seem to forget my fleet could incinerate yours in mere seconds. That is, if you can even call yourselves a fleet. All I see are junk parts with engines.”
“Ahh, but the keyword there is ‘could’! Would you really risk everything, given that there is a chance even one of us could just slip into hyperspace? That’s right, I thought not. So let’s make things interesting. You have the demand, and we are the only ones with the supply, meaning we control the price here! We want two of those hyperspace cores, in addition to the original payment!”
“Our experimental hyperspace inhibitor should be payment enough! I will give you several of our latest Hiigaran-made cores, but the ancient cores are non-negotiable. You deliver all six to us. I can give you another five percent of the galaxy.”
“Ten percent.”
“Seven. Take it or leave it.”
“Very well, you have a deal. My men should be ready within four standard days. Plenty of time before the ‘secret’ meeting. Your Admirals should also meet their untimely demises shortly after, leaving you in the clear, Captain future-Fleet-Command Paktu. What of the other vessels with Sajuuk, though?”
“As long as your primary target is taken care of, and the cores are handed over to me, I don’t care what you do to the others. Destroy them, capture them, dismantle them, whatever. ”
“Aww, you don’t want to have a little fun with that Soban guy? I can tell you just absolutely adore him! Why not capture him and make him watch his favourite new planet burn?”
“What the hell do you think I look like to you? The overlord who gloats and derives pleasure from tormenting his adversaries? I neither care, nor have the time for such pointless endeavours. Just do your job quickly, and efficiently, you got that? And if you so much as think of double-crossing me, I’ll see to it that you watch your own planet burn. It’s amazing just how violently a single atmospheric-deprivation missile can react with oxygen.”
“Little hypocritical, don’t you think?”
“Burning that planet of rainbow animals is a waste of time and resources. The threat of burning yours should keep you in line, and so it would serve a purpose.”
“Alright, alright! My, don’t you have a sand crawler up your ass.”
“Keep pushing me, and you’ll have several armour-piercing rounds up yours. Now get out of my sight!”
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Mentioned I was going to put up a very short chapter, so here it is. Nothing but dialog, and implications.
I am mad at you. Not only did you beat me to a Homeworld/Ponies fic, but you stole my name for it too, damn you.
Will read. Will comment again.
On a different note... so you play Homeworld 2 online, eh?
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Used to, but that was a veeeeery long time ago. I just play around with mods right now.
Not sure if I am being overly analytical but you added in copyright material from Lucasarts, watch them try to sue you
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So do I, for the most part.
Which mods?
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Wrong sir.
http://homeworld.wikia.com/wiki/Sand_Crawler
It's Relic who has to worry about Lawsuits.
2458700 oh, nevermind then
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It's cool. No one knows the names of those things besides weird nerds that read the wikis of ancient video games for fun.
2458700
http://www.moddb.com/mods/rearm
2458651
Eww, star wars. Nah, wasn't referencing from there. In fact, the only references that aren't to the HW series would be using the names of two characters from another game called Tachyon: The Fringe. Also, something tells me I might have made a tiny reference somewhere for Yager (another game), but I don't remember if I did write it or not.
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Awesome! Was waiting on some critique! I'll address what I can...
First off, yes, I will agree it was contrived. The beginnings of this fic were the result of excessive booze and boredom, so I never planned anything. I decided to continue writing, when I saw positive feedback, but I never returned to address the issue of how he arrived, or why he was the only one aboard. I've come too far to make a return to it. At least, from what possible scenarios I have tried to think up of. So yes, strike a few points off for that, by all means.
What did you mean by a waste of a crossover with it being HiE?
Abbasid is definitely a reference to the Middle East, but not directly by me. In HW2, at the very beginning of the level where Bentus sacrifices itself, several Keepers emerge, transmitting "We are the Keepers of Abbasid. We are the servants of Sajuuk."
Manaan was a name I chose for a few reasons. First, the escort with Sajuuk would have been assumed to be top-tier, so a significant name for a ship seemed fitting. Secondly, the fact that the Manaani were nomadic would suggest they moved about a lot. Mobility. Smaller ships come to mind, when I think of that. However, strike-craft seem too insignificant, so a frigate seems like a better choice. Also, as an adventurous kiith, it seemed suitable for the story. And finally, their reputation as thieves, and the fact that marine frigates steal, was another link, although weak, considering the central focus was a flak, not a marine. However, disregarding these, my main reason for Manaan was because none of the other names seemed to fit. I wanted something significant enough, but most names I could think of were unsuitable, planned for later usage, or too cheesy.
As for Soban himself...I never wanted him to be the by-the-book guy. Though limited, his dialogue, especially at the end of the level where you rescue him, suggests he isnt the hardass dickwad soldier. He has a sense of humour and 'humanity', if you will, but nothing excessive. As for why he was on the flak in the first place, I think right at the beginning of C1, it is said that his own frigate was undergoing maintenance, and he would be temporarily commanding his own fleet (still Ferin Sha), but from the flak.
With all that said, I know I'm not the best writer, or anywhere close to the best, and there are definitely a couple of inconsistencies in the story, but they are mainly issues with the backstory. My biggest problem with writing is conveying emotion.
To everyone else: Don't worry about all of ^this. Unless you're a hardcore fan who drools over all the juicy HW stuff like I do!
Oh, and I'll let you know if I come up with anything!
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Is hardcore fan who drools over all the juicy HW stuff like you do.
1. Boredom and booze sounds familiar... though I'm a little young for booze, so I'd replace it with "lack of sleep".
2. I don't even know if I can justify this... it's just... I felt like something EPIC needed to happen. Like what Kkat did with Fo:E, for example. Something big, something grand, something unique... Well, that's what I'm shooting for, anyway. Not that your fic is bad, it just seems so... small for Homeworld's universe. But hey, there's potential anywhere. Ten years ago, no one would have predicted a show called "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" would have a fandom massive enough to spawn dozens of websites and cons in multiple countries. For all I know, a year from now this will have turned into Homeworld 3. (That would be SO. AWESOME.)
3. Damn, you're right. They did say that, didn't they? It's been a while and the wiki didn't turn up anything, so I didn't catch it, but you're absolutely right.
4. I guess it makes sense, and since you're thirteen(!) chapters in I won't recommend you change it. Besides, I'd forgotten that Soban's fleet was the "Ferin Sha". That makes even less sense—his fleet, with a Sobani emblem, has the name of a Manaani holy site—and it's canon. Homeworld 2 was just a bit of a mess compared to the first game, I suppose.
5. Very true, and since you are at 13 chapters I couldn't live with myself if I suggested you change it (smaller changes have killed my stories before). Still, try to keep his voice consistent and pay attention to his word choice. I didn't look at anything in-depth, but I noticed a few times when his speech seemed out of character. Nothing major, but keep an eye on it.
"My Little Mothership: Hyperspace is Magic". No. Just... argh. "My Little Homeworld" could work though.
Edit: REARM... ah, it's been a while. I've been messing around with FX and the old Gundam mod lately, myself.
Hmmmmmm
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1: Yes, lack of sleep was also a contributing factor. Hell, I usually write at 4 in the morning.
2: Hmm...Not sure I have a proper comment for that, but I can probably attribute it mediocre writing. I know my limits.
4: Oh definitely. In fact, I had to choose which canon to go for, where HW1 canon conflicted with that of HW2. For instance, the hyperspace core the Hiigarans used was, in HW1, reverse engineered, and fitted to the mothership, rather than being an actual device retrofitted into it, as was done in HW2. A possible explanation could be that the ancient core was kept for studies, but who knows?
5: My plan, once I'm finished, is to go back and refine the chapters. Not change the story, mind you, but change the wording, and fix some of the grammatical errors that I made out of an old habit. I'm hoping that over the course of this story, I might have improved in that aspect.
Oh, and REARM is awesome. I absolutely love my artillery destroyers with extra engines. I can just set them to circle around a trio of Vaygr BCs, and only suffer missile damage. Problem is, the reduced damage means I'd need about 15 to take down a single one in under two minutes, but hey, that's balancing for you.
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1. We have much in common.
2. It's not even a question of good writing... it just feels like this could have been more than a generic HiE fic. As of chapter 3 though, I'm thinking it's going to be quite a bit more interesting than I initially thought.
5. Just don't start doing that until you're done. Trust me, that will kill this story.
REARM always looked damn good, but it hasn't updated in a while. I'll have to look and see if I still have it.
FX though... FX has fully fleshed out Progenitors, Kadeshi, Turanic Raiders, and a pretty good adaptation of the Taiidan. It's also amazingly fun. Only problem is that the Kadeshi AI is broken in the current release.
http://www.moddb.com/mods/homeworld-2-fx
The Gundam mod has glorious animations and coding, but it's old and Chinese, and a lot of the language files are broken. I might get around to dropping everything I've archived on a download site some time, but if you're interested, the game files are here. (3.0 works fine, you need a separate language file for 3.1, which you'll have to hunt for.)
http://www.moddb.com/mods/gundam-mod-0079-to-0083
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Definitely a few things still wrong with REARM. Pouk is still working on it, having just recently communicated with him, but he has no ETA on a release, saying he always goes past them due to IRL commitments. Perfectly understandable. It sounds like he is nearing another release, though. He speaks of 'polishing' his work, so maybe we will have something in a few months.
EDIT: Oh, and I'm loving some of the screenshots of FX. Would be interesting to make videos with it.
2465618
I've always preferred the Hiigarans. The Vaygr are a good race for offensive and specialist roles, while the Hiigarans are more defensive, and versatile. I have always been more of a defensive player, simply because to be offensive, you generally need more resources to build a stronger fleet to break through defenses. As such, I prefer to wait. Mobilise my built ships near large pockets of resources to double up as protection for resources, survive one or two waves, then switch to offense.
I hate Hiigaran frigates, though. It seems like they are just too easy to get ripped apart, sometimes.
Ah, good old unchecked ambition. Always there to stab you in the back and ruin a good thing.