oh shit Twilight, ya done bucked up now... seriously though, I liked this. nice work.

>>12987991298799 thankyou.

Quite good. Not the characterization of Discord I personally like, but your story is gorgeously written nonetheless.

well shit son! that went well!

This makes perfect sense on how he knew all about them! I love this story. Have a fav and moustache.

Good going Twilight! Now we know How Discord was able to pwn just about everyone during the events of "The Return of Harmony" (S2Eps1&2)......

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/249/978/a10.jpg

At Strumfreak: have a mustache:

She always wears a fedora;

Applejack does not wear a fedora. She wears a brown-colored stetson hat. While this is just a small mistake, please do your research before you write a story.

You also overuse the word but, sometimes putting them in places they should not be, making little run-together sentences everywhere. I found other little grammaric mistakes hidden in dialogues and corners. They might be small, but they are there. It's like  little drops of ink falling into 10-gallon bottle of water.

One drop is nothing really bad, nor is 5 drops, 10, 20... Then, once there are a lot of little droplets of ink in the water, the ink makes the water taste bad, making it hard to like the water, since it, obviously, tastes bad. I understand that you might have some troubles writing or grammar mistakes are hard to distinguish, but try hard and learn. Gain experience. Skill.

Grammar is not a tough thing. It just requires some practice and experience.

****

*eats dinner*

****

Also, get rid of these adverbs.

>>12990231299023

>>12991071299107

>>12991771299177

Thank you all very much. For your comments I offer you each a cookie

Image: http://searchtempo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/linkedin-session-cookie-stale.jpg

>>12992581299258

Ah a stetson I see, everyone i talked to said it was a fedora. I've researched quite a lot of things for previous stories, just the hat is something I never thought was all that great a deal. And yes, I am trying my to perfect my grammar skills, I proofread this a few times over, there should be no spelling mistakes, but I didn't believe the word but had been used too much, but I guess these things do matter to some of higher expectations. And what's wrong with adverbs I find they help me give a scene moore detail.

Good, would not be surprised if it was featured

>>12994881299488

That would be amazing

I'm sorry, but I'm not a fan of your story.The writings great and all but the idea just doesn't go well with me so i left you a thumps down. I strongly believe in telling it the way it is for I find that it's better to be onist and strait up with a matter. But who knows I'll read it again in twenty minutes maybe I won't be so angry and might enjoy it and change my thumps down to an up have a nice day/night.

>>12995781299578  You'd better thumb it back up (s)he deserves your thumbs!

>>12996821299682

shh! silly  pony trying to read!!!!

>>12997031299703 sorry

>>12995781299578 I see no dislike now... I'm guessing you enjoyed it the second time?

>>12996821299682 *He*

And she never dreamed of this either, so it didn't remain in her subconscious, either.

>>13007661300766 Nope , only her spirit: The only thing that survives while being frozen in stone.

your work, sooooooo good, don't ever stop writing or imma cut you

>>13015441301544   ummmm.... Thankyou

>>12994761299476 Adverbs have redundancy issues, and often they ruin flow.

>>13015761301576 Ah i see. I'll be sure to keep that in mind. despite the things you found thankyou for not thumbsing down

>>13015961301596 I've only thumbs downed once in FIMfiction, and it was on a very well written story that I hated.

I'm done the fanfic reading of this too OMG 48 min and 42 secs.......OMG!!

>>13499101349910 Wow... that's a fair time frame Hope it wasn't too much trouble, thanks for doing it anyway I liked and faved the first one.