'Looks at email, sees new story, head asplodes in a shower of confetti'

I truly hope RD isn't dead......but she most likely is

Excellent start to part III.

If Moonside RD is dead... then this is gonna be one heck of a shitstorm. Seeing as the Moonside characters are more important now, I can't wait to see what would happen if the two sides meet (sans Twilight Sparkle, since they've already met). Hoping for the best of Rarity's outcome

HOLY SHIT THERE'S A PART III

Dam!! too late I'll be back for you story!!!

If you listen close enough, you can almost make out my high-pitched squeals of joy about this story. There's a reason why the dogs have been jumpy lately.

When you are betven Chapters i think you have died... then you prove me wrong with an uppdate. (plz don't stop proving me wrong)

>That was the number of pegasi has hadn't turned and ran at the first sign of danger.

Hadn't turned and run.

If rainbow is dead im calling Gilda being the new element of loyalty!

>>216465216465 ">That was the number of pegasi has hadn't turned and ran at the first sign of danger.

Hadn't turned and run."

like how your not pointing out the part saying "number of pegasi has hadn't turned" >>has haden't<<

>>227340227340

Oh, pfff, to spot a simple past verb where its past participle should be is way easier than catching that. That "has" is ridiculously concealed.

>>227592227592 to me it stand out like a sledgehammer to the face! but i miss alot of other things so its just me most likely.

Woooohooo update!!!

You DO know that Big Mac's name is officially Big Macintosh, not Big McIntosh anymore, right? Nevermind, I'm just psyched the newest chapter's out! Whoot! Something tells me the Sunside Mane 6 aren't gonna find Applejack, and Moonside Rainbow's probably alive. I'm still guessing why Spitfire and Soarin' are in the Shadowbolts... Argh! Gotta wait for the nw capter

>>322627322627  I originally had it as Big MacIntosh, and was advised to correct it.  This appears to be a point of dispute.

I will be sure to do my research before the next chapter.

>>324934324934 Well, it came out in a blind bag as Big Macintosh, so that sort of settles the dispute.

A Macintosh is a type of apple.  McIntosh is a derivative of the Clan Mackintosh.

Therefore, his name is Big Macintosh

Its more of a trivial matter over the name.

Big Mac, Macintosh, whatever.

Just as long I know who is who.

Mind if I ask why all of the character's names are altered from the one's on your DA version?

>>391511391511

I imagine it's FimFiction's April Fools prank.

It's happened in every story.  The names of the Mane 6 have been replaced with their G1 Equivilents.  I imagine it will be back to normal tomorrow.

>>391833391833

Well, I suspected an April Fools prank on here, I just didn't think it'd happen quite so early! The mods must be in a far off timezone from my own.

I will now patiently and excitedly wait for the next chapter! =D

So...when is the next chapter coming out?  I've been waiting for it for sometime now.  

>>469775469775

I am writing it right now.

Whelp this is great

Also holding out that Moonside Rainbow is alive

Rainbow is right! There is a spy!

That one awesome fic that you forget about because it rarely updates, then just appears. I love it. I went crazy when I saw it. Now for another month. So worth it.

A spy! And I think Rainbow's right. Rariyy's the only one to know. Unless another was listening.

>>506340506340 Its only been a month since the last uppdate? it felt like forever.

Trixie is working for Nightmare Moon? Huh, I didn't see that coming. And yet, it seems so plausible, too.

>>506340506340

Rarity's the only one Applejack was speaking to. Who's to say that Rarity hasn't been talking to other ponies? Certainly, she would mention the strange ramblings of this mysterious pony to her fiancé.

-Tricondon

>>529365529365

Hmm...good point. Especially with that suspicious random character I forgot about.

Guess we'll have to just tune in next month.

The plot thickens, it seems. At this point, it is difficult to tell which of the two alternates is truly at fault. Which is excellent writing on your part. Likely, the answer lies, as with many situations like this, somewhere in the vicinity of 'both'.

I can't wait to see the next bit.

it's gonna get hairy soon

The plot thickens to the point of oatmeal.

"Oatmeal, are you CRAZY?"

>>584882584882 thair both at fault in my opinion for being stoborn and prejudiced. trixie would approve.

Hmmm… 2 weeks. That's a record so far.

A whole mess of misunderstandings, and backstory that I'm too lazy to reread. At least the cover makes sense now.

And the CMC…and spies…and mysterious devices… looks like the heat's rising once again

>>588661588661

Now we just need to wait for that Act's title to become relevant.

Me gusta. Moar is required.

Ugh not the CMC

"Curiosity had gotten the besty of her; she was going to get to the bottom of this." ---> assuming that'd be "gotten the best of her"

Anywho, great job as usual!

>>614680614680

Fixed.  Thanks.

Oh CMC, why do you always screw things up?

If I were to listen to both stories, I would say it was more leaning towards Rarity being wrong, but I could be wrong. Hey, I'm never good at judgement, okay!

I have waited too long for this. I can't wait to read it.

Le gasp! I knew she wasn't to be trusted!

Not in your current state, you aren't.”

“True.  But I'm made of tough stuff.  The moment I'm on my feet again, you can expect to see me out there working those fields with you.  I'll earn back everything I take, and then some.”

Rarity beamed.  “And I was planning to ask that of you anyway.  I look forward to that.  Goodness, right now you sound just like our last surprise drop in.”

*Ahem* I believe hooves is the correct term sir.

Other than that, splendid show.

Oh, traitor indeed.

hah now her fate is sealed o and both twilights are still alive. so it really sucks to be her.

2 Chapters at once!? it must be Christmass and i forgot it. =D

What a !

say what?

What a tweest! And really, traitors should know by now it's almost impossible to kill the main characters.

>>795456795456

Image: http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/072/2/d/sweet_catch_by_stormy_teh_artiste-d3bj4sy.gif

Madame Orange is a jerk

Excellent as always... but why would ponies use handcuffs?

That being said, I am a little disappointed in Orange being a traitor. I rather liked the thought of Beta!Rarity and Orange both being 'villains' of a sort due to pride. Having one of them actually revealed as a heel kind of lessens that.

Regardless, great story, and I eagerly await more.

>>802334802334

Which one is the Heel?

Wait... WHAT!?!?!

Orangejack. ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

I applaud you for completely shattering my expectations. I didn't see that coming!

(also, previous chapter, it's doppelgänger, not döppelganger)

I actually don't think Madame Orange is the Villain in a classical sense here. Her industry is what makes the difference in between ruling oppressed Ponies and ruling dead Ponies for Nightmare Moon. It has also made her the possibly second most influential and powerful mare in Equestria, so Nightmare Moon likely had a valid interest in making sure she knows who the actually most powerful one is.

So she likely has little choice but to obey and if her hinted at love for strong liquor and Trixies words are any indication she possibly abhors her role in all of it.

Also, there is this one little tidbit: "She was stopped by Orange placing a hoof on her shoulder and smiling.  “Have faith in our friends,” she reiterated.  “I believe in them.”"

Applejack is a horrible liar, and while years in high society certainly made her better at it, I doubt she could pull of a straight lie like this to someone she seems to care for as much as she does for Rarity.

Anyway, I barely ever read Fanfics and only looked at this one because it had inspired a music track on youtube with a Link, but your writing is simply great. I've been reading all chapters straight and can't wait for the next ones.

>>803098803098

While I am forbidden from speaking about the accuracy of your analysis, it's very well done and thought out.

"Applejack is a horrible liar, and while years in high society certainly made her better at it, I doubt she could pull of a straight lie like this to someone she seems to care for as much as she does for Rarity."

Ooh.  Nice catch.  My goal in writing her was to make it so that she never told an outright lie (she is still supposed to represent Honesty, after all), but this one slipped through.

>>802426802426

With Orange feeding information to NMM and Trixie, it would appear that she is. Obviously, this is all based on my limited awareness as reader.

Still, I suppose this opens up the possibility of a Heel Face Turn. I'm just hoping that this doesn't turn into a case of Redemption Equals Death.

>>806180806180

At least we appear to have a Troper in the audience.  (Although if you were really hardcore, all those trope names would have been hyperlinks.)

Addressing your point, my goal is to avoid having characters that exist solely to be hated (except for maybe Custard.)  Now, clearly I am achieving that with varying degrees of success.  But, if I do my part correctly, Orange won't be completely unsympathetic.  We'll see if I'm able to pull that off.

>>806196806196

Heh. I would have had to have been doing it consciously to make them links. What we have here is a classic case of TVTropes Will Ruin Your Vocabulary. Sometimes I realize I'm doing it... sometimes, the capitals just type themselves.

You are certainly achieving this goal, though in regards to Custard, his former status as a seeming Designated Jerkass is in danger as of the big reveal, least as far as I'm sitting. Here I was convinced that a certain pair of fillies were going to be quietly disposed of by a certain Earth Pony, but as of now I'm somewhat writing him off as less potential threat and more prickish tool.

So even with him, there is some (perhaps small) amount of sympathy, now that it appears he is not, in fact, working against the heroes.

I actually know people like Custard in RL. He looks like the type who will deliberately keep his wife/girlfriends self esteem down in order to be able to maintain control of her and feel superior... little sympathy for this guy here.

He seems to have some redeeming qualities in that he seriously seems to want to protect and provide for his family, but I fear if Pinkamena actually actively begins to take control of her own life and gain self esteem things might get ugly.

On another note: TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life. ;)

'nuff said. ^^

I have to admit, so far I've liked the first and second act of this story better than this third act. It felt kind of slow and even less dark against the fast paced and grim earlier parts. But that has changed now. Those last two chapters reminded me again, why I like this story so much: Great twists and characters. Pinkamena was damn scary at the end. I just love how conflicted each character is, even the villains like the Shadowbolts (or now Madame Orange). I think Trixie and maybe even Nightmare Moon herself won't turn out as one dimensional bad guys at the end.

Keep up the good work

NTL

Good chapter but I'm little confuse. During the conversation between Applejack and Rarity Apple. AJ revels to Rarity that her name isn't Trixie but Glimmer Shine. But Rarity calls Applejack and there no reaction from AJ discovering her true name or anything. Did I miss sentences or something or is AJ just going along that Rarity call her Applejack.

Oh please don't kill the fillies.

>>874371874371

The implication is that Applejack told Rarity who she really is, but made up an alias for everypony else on the farm.

I knew there was a traitor among us. It was either Rarity or Madam Orange. And it was Madam Orange. How dare she.  

>>802334802334

I had the same thought. Hoofcuffs? Maybe...

Also, ponies don't have heels. They have... (checks equine anatomy)... navicular bones?

>>803282803282

I was kind of surprised that sunside Applejack made such bald-faced lies in claiming to be first Trixie than Glimmer Shine. I expected her preferred method of skirting the issue with half truths, a la Last Roundup.

>>887804887804

So we could be looking at a Navicular Muzzle Turn?

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png

TVTrots Will Ruin Your Life

... I hate you so much. With all these plot twists, I'm not sure when the story will actually truly end! I'm terrified

Today was one of those days. One where I happened to glance at this story and wonder- I wonder when the next chapter is coming? Five minutes later...

Rainbow brainwashed. That type of situation. Okay.

What I was actually thinking: CRUSH. KILL. DESTROY. SWAG.

On snap...well at least silver shield is going to save pinkie so that's a plus

Not dead at least, so there is hope. I know somewhere in all of this is a possible happy ending. So I keep reading, hoping one day it will come.

Oooooooh, dark but compelling! ...A great chapter!

lol Pinkie Pie! Inviting Silver Shield to the party? That's evil! I feel so sorry for Trixie now... Not really.

Ouch. The kind of brainwashing done to Rainbow really is the worst kind. Just like in certain TCB stories. Imagining it somehow makes me sick...

Anyways, with act 3 the departure towards "dark" seems to be complete. Including numerous twists and turns and dosages of mystery. I'm really curious how this will continue.

Oh, btw, you seem to forget the ponifications quite a few times:

>Magic in the hands of earth ponies

>The Pegasus shakily got to her feet

>“This is inhumane,” said Rarity.

>that would be cruel and inhumane.

Man, all my favorite stories have been updating in the past few days. It's glorious. And there's a ~15k word chapter to follow this one? /froths

To the guy before me, there is no elegant ponification of the word humane. Ponane? Inponane? Inpony? None of those even look good, let alone sound alright. I'd much rather read about ponies being 'inhumane' than ponies being 'inpony'. But the part about earth ponies having hands DID catch me off-guard when I read it, lol.

>>10466351046635

>>10459501045950

What Cedric Bale said.  There is no good way to ponify "humane", so I don't.

the others I should go back and fix, though.

And reading through comments here and on deviantART, some of you are going to hate me in a few days.

>>10466351046635

inequine?

I just went to read the comments on your DA version of this chapter, and I can't figure out why some of us will hate you. /nervousmeltdown

>>10467681046768

Sounds better than inpony, at least. Still, I don't see the big deal, inhumane is a vague enough term. Sure the word "human" is in it, and not unintentionally, but very few people are going to stop and think about that. It doesn't disrupt the flow of the story, like suddenly giving a pony hands or feet does - not for most people, at least. Case in point, I didn't even notice it until you pointed it out, lol. In my mind, the use of 'humane' in MLP fiction is a non-issue.

this is the area where so many stories grate on me.  For Pinkie's pinkie sense not to let her know something's seriously wrong there, I'd almost expect her to have a twitch to know she's meeting someone new or something.  

And Rainbow Dash to be mind controlled in the previous chapter.  I mean a remember who you are speech or even Orange getting the spell broken intentionally is all so over done.  I'm pretty much hoping the Element of Loyalty just kind of flairs up and breaks the spell on it's own as punishment.  ANd maybe breaks it on everyone around her too.

When the good guys start being ineffective no matter what's happening it just feels like that's the point where the story stops being about making a logic story and marching us to the already decided end whether there should be a quicker way or not.  

You din't stop the italics at the end of the flashback. They spill onto all following text.

This story is getting really twisted. Hopefully you know what your doing.

There is a whole lot of italics.  Is this a glitch?

and it appears Applejack is a chess master. Who knew?

>>10598411059841

Whoops.  I haven't been able to fix them until now because of trouble accessing fimfiction.  But they should be fixed now.

Great new chapters. Hehe, Trixie is being played.

>>10596241059624

Considering the last line, it sounds like they're playing Trixie like a fiddle.  

As for RD...even the wielder of Loyalty has finite willpower, and proper conditioning can change anyone, before you even throw magic into the mix.

I was hoping they were just yanking Trixie's chain the whole time. And then they were.

Okay, I was absolutely convinced that Silver Shield would have simply followed the Signal for a chance to kill Twilight/Moonlight and maybe even her friends only to be worfed by Trixie and Spike the moment he swoops in, maybe giving Pinkie Time to escape. It's an interesting turn of events that they actually seem to have convinced him to help, and a much needed spark of hope after the last (still awesome) chapters, too.

Of course none of them suspects a fully grown Dragon to interfere on Trixies behalf.

Still no word on Pumpkins and Sweetybells fate though... and with Pinkamena apparently having killed Soarin and spitfire not having returned with the keys it does look grim...

They’re mine, too, and I know when my family’s in good hands.

What are hands?

>>10616451061645

Dang it.

This is getting so good. The fandom needs more epics like this.

Look's Madame Orange is going to have to do a double traitor.

once upon a time i thought you where dead. now we get 3 chapters in a short time. You are the best!

seriously?  She doesn't even have everything in her world under control and she's going to try to take on another Celestia

>>10741431074143

Not to mention Luna, Cadance, and Shining Armour. Invading another Equestria is just... dumb. Then again, this is Nightmare Moon, pony of making trees look scary to ward off heroes, turning into thorns and trimming Sea Serpent mustaches.  

>>10748871074887NMM invades Equestria, Celestia and Luna be like Da Fauq

Well, Sunside Equestria is a threat to Nightmare Moons reign. Ponies from that land already came to try and usurp her and might do so again, she can't know after all just how much of their plans the element bearers shared with Celestia and Luna. Also, NMM seems to want the ponies to suffer, the fact that there is a whole mirror world where they don't, including a version of herself who is happy, must irk her.