- Member Since 4th Aug, 2012
- offline last seen Yesterday
VariusMayhem
A german guy doing his best to tell the tale of the Trail of a Shooting Star. If you like it, why not join the Ranger HQ group for possible sidestories? Or hunt for references?
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VariusMayhem · 296k words · 359 28 · 5k views
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Dialogue in italics?
1297861
Dialogue and thoughts in italics, yes. Why?
1297881 I don't know, never seen anything written in that style before. It's odd
1297885
I'll wait for further feedback until I go and undo italics from the dialogues. It's not that of an eyesore, is it?
Well, i had to start with some style.
1297930 Well, it made me think 'Is this supposed to be a dream?'
Italics are typically reserved for thoughts
1297942
In that case... And done! italics in dialogues are gone. Thinking outside of the box might scare away people in that case... I don't want that. Thanks for the start-up aid.
1298064 No problem!
Not Bad. More Please!
1299252
Don't worry, more is already on it's way. What did you like the most?
good begin mister i need more or you are going to be in a big baaag
1300516
You think? it's my first story...
Have to say that this story show quite a lot a story. Seems like you clearly have a plot thought out, character seems thought out and the story well written well and correctly as well. Looking forward to reading future chapters! *Favs and thumb ups*
Frankly I'm not sure if I got Applejack's dialect right.
As always constructive critic is welcome and have fun to read it.
1304815
All is ok whit Applejack i think
, waiting for more 
, or you are going ito sleep forever 
Read later, but looks interesting already.
nice pyro refrence there =)
I like it.
Can't wait for the next chapter this is rather good!
Liked and faved.
Not sure what is going on at the moment but I don't care.
I can clearly see where this is going....QUICK TO THE BATCAVE!
This chapter was a bit tricky... I had to cut several things out which also fit in later and vice versa.
Enjoy!
The scenes on Sweet Apple Acres were the funniest to write for me.
As for the next chapter:
You are doing a great job with this story! The pace is excellent, each character seems true to the show, and it appears you have a lengthy story arc.
It is a excellent read :) Even the update/post speed is fantastic. If I may make a suggestion, it would be interesting to see more from the 1st person perspective of those watching/interacting with the human. As humans are fairly alien in biology to the equestrians, including culture, the pony's interpretations of his daily activity would be entertaining. A chapter from the notes of twilight? Dunno :)
2 examples of this interesting view, are:
GODSEND by Greg Howell
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~howellg/stories/stories.html
"Sheep In Wolf's Clothing"
http://web.archive.org/web/20021213075507/http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/florida_dream_vacations/siwc.htm
http://web.archive.org/web/20021213075507/http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/florida_dream_vacations/wisc0798.zip
Either way, Please keep up the good work! I am definitely a fan :)
love it wish i could thum up more than once.
You made a simple Human In Equestria story interesting by some magic and interesting character. How I wish I could do that...
I love this!
1316779
But after those 8 chapters? The story will continue no doubt, but it will take longer to write it.
Well, I was writing on this in my free time during the last six weeks while other stories inspired me. I have 8 chapters so far, all have the plot as a whole, yet there are still plotholes left and right. AND i could still split the one or other chapter due to massive text or a new enemy. I usually take the next chapter and the chapter after this to fill plotholes and to keep check I don't make any mistakes plotwise. Until now, i managed to do this in 2 days flat.
As for alien biology...
You don't have the slightest idea... Amazing things are gonna happen to Tyler soon... You just wait for the Gala...
Then the stuff get's REALLY interesting...
This guy has swag going in every direction.Nice work! Love the part when he tries to help derpy!
this is all i can say
Damn! he got celestia too!SWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG
1318341
You think I've sent a playboy to Equestria?
That word get's overusage in some parts of the world.
Mayyybee...
Nah, seriously, Celestia will be more of a guide than a lover to him. In fact, I plan the thing between them more... platonic. She would only go near him to troll Luna.
1318366 You cheeky bastard! YOUR BRILLIANT!
What? Two chapters in one day?
Eeeyup!
From here on, things will go crazy!
Slight gore added... What's next on the Checklist? Sex?
This won't end well... For Tyler!
Well considering Tyler stays in Canterlot now to meditate i don't mind :)
Would be fun actually him with the ''two most gorgeous sisters the land has to offer''.
I guess Tyler is also immortal considering his heritage being part alicorn part human.
1320317
No can do, but due to further adventures, he will return to Canterlot at the GGG... There the answer will be given. Until then... Patience... Zap apples don't grow in a day, you know?
Well this was an epic chapter.
I wonder who his certain someone will be. Two of the mane six have developing feelings for him, and the princesses seem to be interested in him.
Looking forword to the net chapter.
Good luck with all of your endeavors.
That escalated quickly.
I love the girls reactions to his lust for battle. Up to this point (assuming the previous void beast battles were also like fights on the show) have all been bloodless, or censored magic beat downs. I wonder if they will be traumatized by seeing this side of him/humans. Excellent chapter! Truthfully I cant wait to read his answer to 'why we fight' :)
1322396
Not gory enough? I said slight gore. Ripping out limbs and jaws with bare hands so that muscles and veins snap and tear apart and the one who did it is sprinkled in blood comes close to that if you ask me... Also, when fighting for your life, you don't actually watch the gory cruelty your comrade does beside you in awe when there still are beasts around, do you?
It would have been traumatizing if there was one beast and he dismembered it limb by limb. You know, over the edge cruelty to an already defeated enemy...
Not going to happen anytime soon.
I must say the suspense on who is going to be dating is killing me for you have left so many open possiblitys, oh but wait will he only be with one or are you going to do the herd thing so he may have mutipule marefriends. i must say i like the later of the possiblitys. also is if has more than one the adventures can be greater as well as the romance. but this is only a suggestion.
1324975
Like that, I won't get stuck easily and can get a nice built-up. You might ask yourself why I didn't make bodily contact with Tyler and magic as of yet. 
Others tend to levitate humans left and right, not me. I have plans with magic. It will make a nice twist. You're going to love it!
Actually, music is my thing for inspiration. Especially movie music And since i have planned this and that already and wrote it out, all what's left to be done is filling out the plotholes connecting the dots.
1325156 with the way you write i do believe i will love it good sir.
KEEP up the good work, and i can't wait till the next chapter.
1318366
Really? That is too bad. Was hoping she would also start to develop feelings for him.
1325616
Maybe...
But seriously... A guy coming to Equestria and every mare wanting him on sight? Scary for him, funny for us, but plotwise a nightmare. And yes, that was a nice pun.
Yet I can tell you this: Celestia will help Tyler out a bit in terms of relationship. And while doing so, she will tease him a bit.
Let's just say she has her ways...
I really like that story.
You explained the magic, have an interesting character and exiting shit happens. 
And that's where I miss the love button...
I am afraid you misunderstood. There was plenty of gore. What I had meant by my last post, was that since every battle in the TV show is bloodless, he may have traumatized them slightly. Become the source of their nightmares more then the dragon that is gone. But either way, good chapter!
1325697
That is true. Though as of now only two ponies have developing feelings for the character. You haven't shown any any the others developing feelings for him.
Anyway, good luck with the story, and hope to read more soon.
1325774
I see... Yes, that's true, they might become afraid of him. Yet he never used his power to harm a pony, so there you go. Although he had reason to yell at Rainbow the one time, he simply went away. They would fear him if they wouldn't know anything about him. but since they knew him.But on the other hand, he only becomes a sadist once he fights and his life is in danger... as of yet. Maybe I'll introduce him to Pinkamina someday...
So here ya go, folks! Until now my longest chapter.
I kept thinking about the relationships for several days now, this scenario seems to be the one most proper to me.
Hope you all like it.
And don't forget: Bless all forms of intelligence!
BAM!,He scored huge!.Wonder how this will effect him in ponyville tommarow?
Lyre!
Only advice for him is try to stay away from