On Wandering Sunlight

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The deed was done, her sister was now banished, and Celestia realised too late that condemning her sister to the moon meant loneliness for herself.

This story was written as an entry for A Thousand Word Contest under angst.

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FanOfMostEverything

FanOfMostEverything #1 · Jun 12th, 2022 · 1 · ·

Post-banishment Celestia angst a well-traveled road, and this doesn't do much to offer new scenery. The main issue is that after the first scene, it glosses over everything in order to meet the word count. You might have been better suited extending Celestia's conversation with the moon and ending on guards rushing in, or cutting to a different perspective to show her delusional and muttering to herself. As is, you do do a good job of showing the gray malaise of depression, but there's just not enough to grip the reader's attention.

Still, there's undeniable potential here. It could be excellent if expanded. Best of luck in the judging.

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #2 · Jul 12th, 2022 · 1 · ·

Celestia didn’t know how long she had stared at the newly formed face of a mare on the moon. A bunch of craters on the moon should not be able to talk, but in Celestia’s broken mind it felt like her sister was talking to her again.

augh, yeah, that makes all too much sense with the mare on the moon taking the form of a face! and her having to see a reminder of her sister every night for a thousand years like that...

Celestia had no strength left to argue, the adrenaline she had from the fight was wearing off. That was when she felt a sharp sting right in her gut and felt something warm drip down her chest. Blood.

that isn't good at all! and wow, this was right after their epic battle then, with this being her own injuries from it?

Eventually the voices of her subjects began to become one of hate as they accused her of negligence. Some had even dared to claim that she had become just as terrible as her sister was. Their moment of doubt was paid fairly with an order to her guards and have them removed.

augh, Celestia doing this to protect her subjects from what Luna had become, but ending up with said subjects blaming her for her aloofness, that is oof...

“A fate you rightfully deserve, but you deserve more than that.” The voice in Celestia’s mind spoke once more. “See how the ruler of the sun has finally abandoned her subjects for her own selfish needs, just like how she had abandoned her sister.”

and augh, imagining all this as the voice of Luna/Nightmare Moon in her head. heartbreaking to imagine Celestia living through the centuries with her loneliness and regrets, blaming herself for what had happened to Luna all the while. and that detail of her subjects now hating Luna! she would have had to watch that go from hate to forgetting as anything more than a myth lost to the mists of time.

ah, poor Celestia!

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