An Epilogue of Sorts
The stairs quietly creaked as Rarity made her way down them, looking forward to heading down that familiar path to the Ponyville Spa. The cheerful mare hopped out of her door with a spring in her step, ready to meet a very special pegasus for a spa date once more, their spa time being one of their events of togetherness they so cherished. With a smile, she cantered on down that path, ready to spend another glorious evening with the mare of her dreams.
Though quick, the trip didn’t end soon enough for her as she listened to the familiar sound of the chimes that signaled a customer entering the business of Aloe and Lotus. The white unicorn happily trotted up to the front counter to be greeted by the pink form Aloe.
“Hello Aloe, I believe Fluttershy had taken care of our appointment this time.”
The earth pony sighed. “Listen, I know that this is probably the last thing you want to here, but we don’t have an appointment for you.”
Rarity sat back baffled and expressed her distaste. “Haven’t we been through this before? Do you really want to go through this again?”
Before replying with a smile she looked around and beckoned the unicorn closer. “Alright, now don’t tell her I told you this, but she seemed really adamant in not booking your appointment. I offered, and she said no with a grin; if you ask me, I’d say you need to go to her.”
A puzzled look creeped across the face of the white mare, but regardless she thanked the spa pony and trotted off back down the path at a slightly faster pace than before. Her hurried legs carried her at a brisk pace until the outskirts of Ponyville were once again in sight. She wasn’t worried, far from it, but she was extremely curious as to why Fluttershy was acting in such a way, her curiosity alone driving her to walk up the steps leading to the cottage and stand in front of the door.
She was about to immediately open the door, as she had done many times in the past as the pegasus’ home had become somewhat of a second lodging to her, but she stopped herself, thinking that it would be best not to let her curiosity autopilot.
The unicorn lifted her hoof and gave a succession of swift taps.
A quiet squeak may or may not have been heard, but what succeeded it definitely was. In an almost singing voice Fluttershy answered with a “Come in!”
Accepting the invitation, Rarity led herself into the house to be greeted first by a wall of beautiful aromas due to various candles strewn about the room as she was secondly met by the ambient light they had created. Directly in front of her was a very happy pegasus clutching a beautiful bouquet of flowers in her mouth, which she promptly offloaded to the pony in front of her.
“Happy anniversary, Rarity.”
The unicorn's own mouth was silenced speechless; of all the things she had expected her shy pegasus to do, this was one of the last, and it was beautiful. Her thoughts immediately transitioned to ones of her own folly; of all the things that she had to forget, it was their one year anniversary, and such a magical year it was.
Rarity playfully and lovingly tackled Fluttershy in an attempt to remedy her lack of words for the situation, both of them falling to the ground in a heap and laughing. The white mare looked around the room while on top of her and took note of all the beautiful ornaments placed and hung around her cottage.
“You did all this… for me?”
Fluttershy smiled a widest of smiles. “There’s nopony else in the world who’s worth it.”
Rarity leaned down and gave her mare a quick peck on the lips before falling down beside her. “I only wish I had something to give you, my dear. I… I just never gave it any thought and-“
Before she could continue she was interrupted by the muzzle of the yellow mare. “You being here is worth it,” she continued her thought. “You’re worth it.”
For another time they lay with each other upon Fluttershy’s floor, and for another time they share tears of true happiness; to have spent one year with each other was a momentous achievement for them. Each pony looked upon the other with pure adoration, gazing upon each and every quirk, flaw and difference, however few they may be, and loving every one of them. It was this bliss that was the magnetism, the gravity, the attraction; for every push there is a pull, and only in a balanced dance may two souls stand the test of time.
Rarity’s thoughts reflected this as she basked in the beauty of her marefriend, wishing to never leave this position she was in. In a quick motion, she pulled her into an almost crush yet loving embrace, enjoying the warmth of the other pony’s body.
“Happy anniversary, Fluttershy.”
**************************************************************
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It has most definitely been a wild ride with this story, but as with all roller coasters it has a part where people hop off and either say "that was fun" or "that was disappointing". No matter what way you look upon it, all good things must come to an end (and some bad things too), so it is with this, final page of words that I close out this story. It's been good fun, fun that I wish to repeat with future endeavors. I want to thank everybody for their support, and I want to give a big thank you to ArikarinRD for helping me through this from beginning to end. All of you people are amazing, each and every one of you.
Stay tuned for a chapter one rewrite!
speachless. its been a great ride and cant wait for more stories also first.
Awww! That was very cute. And congrats on getting this far man, I know it couldn't have been easy with all you've been busy with lately, but congrats still.
This story is similar to my darling sugarcube, it's about one of it favorite pairs, it's short, but well written, and very cute.
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Drat, I was hoping it was an intense psychological thriller.
1599362 Why this whole story is nothing but a emotional rollercoaster that really drags the feeling into someone even my cat is happy enough to start licking me when I open this story (that or I still taste like Bar B Q from last nights screw up.
1636497
The poem was something I wrote in a fit of boredom when I was in a room with a guitar for a couple hours.
Basically the first two chapters are rather empty and detached from logic, but I like to tell myself that my writing skills improved as the story went on.
Ok, a nice finish. I take it this means the implication of Rainbow being involved was something you decided to drop.
It is a good story but it could have easily been great, thanks for an interesting read!
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And I must thank you for the lovely critique. A lot of the time there is a lingering problem where people will read a story, dislike some aspects and say absolutely nothing about it, so it fills me with great joy that you did the opposite and let me know what the problems with it are.
This story itself was a learning experience, and being the nature of learning experiences, there is bound to be a tip-hooved waltz of wonky perspective, as seen in this story. 'Twas a fun write, but I can only expect that my next stories (the many, many that I have planned) will be exponentially better as I take the lessons I have learned from this slightly overly ambitious endeavor.
The little bit with Rainbow turning into a sad pony is something that is basically a supplement to another story that I have in the works, being one that is standalone but refers back to this one just because I can.
Still though, this little fic will always be a first attempt, and if there is anything that I have learned about writing, it's that I can only get better at it as time goes on. I look forward to those days when I can write something that I will consider worth reading; this is quite an exiting time.
Thank you again for reading and more so critiquing my story! It does me good to know that people care enough to want others to improve.
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Not a problem, it is fun to read these stories and i try to help when i can.
Thanks for letting me know the Rainbow thing was an allusion to another story.
I can only hope you future stories will be to their full effect, and from what i read behind the lines in this it should be something worth being quite proud of.
Thanks for taking the criticism as friendly cause that is what i meant it to be, and i am always cautious about this because so much of the context is lost in text and i make sure it is clear as to not offend or upset someone.
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Constructive criticism should in no way be offensive to me or anybody. What's offensive is when people give the story a dislike and don't bother to tell what was wrong with it.
Got to thinking i should make sure i had the correct POV in mind with my earlier statement after a bit of research seems i was mistaken with my description, for that chapter i meant 2cd person alternating POV not first, your skill seemed to be in 2cd peron for that, Felt i had to clarify so that my suggestion was not tainted.
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I kid.
I think that I found one word to sumerise this story: D'aww
Cute fic
3090562 Glad I could give you a comment but I'm sorry I can't say I really like this one. Everything else you've written is better (though I haven't read the trixie-sad-story yet). I had to knock off after the second chapter. It was just too stuttery and disjointed. The description's right, it needs... work.
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Completely understandable. I'm glad I wrote it considering that it was my first story, but compared to everything else I have, it's sub-par. I'll probably remove it from FiM Fiction at a later date whenever I'm comfortable with the amount of stories I have on here. I haven't looked at the Trixie story in a while, so I don't remember the quality of writing on it. If you choose to not read it, that would be perfectly alright with me.
3090801 oh you should never remove it i love it
Hmm. This story... wasn't good enough to up-vote it - but it also certainly wasn't bad enough to down-vote, ether. A lot of those flaws spoiling the experience were already pointed out by others, so I'm going to try not to repeat everything.
What bugged me the most, was... actually, my concern for both Rarity and Fluttershy. So, this is their first relationship. Okay. It sure doesn't look like it's gonna be a healthy one. Rarity completely snaps after a fight that was completely blown out of proportion. And destroys her work. And her fabrics. Even if you earn a lot of bits, that's a big waste of money - what will she do, what will they do, once there's a real relationship-problem? I can see them both being inexperienced enough to think that 'everything is about to end, the horror, the horror!'... but even with her love for cheesy romance-novels and her dreams about her perfect prince, I just can't imagine Rarity, a smart businessmare, being that naive.
Those first days, Rarity worked only little, got distracted a lot - and Fluttershy, well, she almost seemed to forget about her duties as an animal-caretaker? She remembered them now and then, but she seemed to lose herself completely in this relationship. Which would mean that Raritys business possibly goes down the drain and Fluttershys animals, at one point or another, probably will get just a teensy bit angry with her. That's just not a healthy way a relationship could - or should - work. Clinging to each other the whole day, giving up upon own decisions and opinions, only wanting to spend the whole day with him/her... yeah, that sounds really unhealthy in a lot of ways.
To antagonize that, you could bring in more distractions. Where's Sweetie Belle and the mayhem she usually causes with her fellow crusaders? Or Opalescence? Where are Twi and the gang? Just because you get into a relationship doesn't mean your life is so kind to just stop and let you revel in those beautiful moments. No, it usually forces you to acknowledge that you've got responsibilities. That way, you probably could avoid this problem. By showing that there's more to their lifes than their relationship, that there's still a world out there. You tried to do so by bringing in Octavia and Vinyl - and those parts were great -, but that wasn't enough, it still was to focused on their romance.
As you said yourself - this story needs work.