I can see what's going to happen now...

You sure it's an everyone rating, and not teen?

EDIT: you need to separate speakers' lines.

Eg:

"Twilight's there," Mac said.

"Yeah," Applejack said.

> "Big Mac looked towards the woman's area,"

I think it should be mare's area.

> "Yeah, Spike walked in on me reading it and thought I was depressed or something."

"Well, I hate to cut this conversation short,

I hope that was intentional.

Hmm. While "Phantasmagoria" is quite an interesting character in concept (half windigo, half changeling), and probably in design too, she seems a little... how do I say... Mary Sue-ish? Like, not fully Sue-ish, I just get the general notion. She's an incredibly rare being with unique abilities which are the best of both of her parents (I suspect from your description that Queen Chrysalis or a changeling of similar size is her mother), she has some type of magic which involves pairing ponies up to feed on their emotions, and her happy personality falls short of what was expected for someone with such a supposedly troubled upbringing. I do see efforts to make her a more developed character, but they are small and fleeting.

As for the story line itself, I couldn't manage to make myself read through the whole thing. It's certainly not the pairing that irks me, if you were wondering (I'm open to reading about all pairings), it's that the style of writing is so... well, to put it this way, it's the kind of thing I would have written in seventh grade, and that's a generous estimate on my part. And what was up with the book full of plants?

From the title I was expecting the typical "mating season" clopfic, but I was surprised to find it was rated Everyone, even though it's not exactly that either. If anything, I would recommend this story be rated teen, for a few sexual references. And a cover picture wouldn't hurt, even if you just make some snazzy WordArt text and put a heart inside it.

I wish you the best of luck in this and all other writing endeavors.

>>12839841283984

About the fan-character... yeeeah, I was trying to avoid the whole Mary-sue thing. I was actually writing this before the Season finale, and I was hoping to make her a sort of opposite Windigo thing or something, but then Changelings appeared.  I have, however, taken your critique's to mind and am planning to fix it up a little. Thank you~