Twilight looks up to the stars one night, while she thinks on her freinds and their relationships. When she thinks on her own, she feels only a storm of chaos. Can she resolve her uncertainty with her love?
Many thanks. I try to produce rare ships.
"You really thought I chopped up Dashie and put him in cupcakes?"
Aside from that, uber-d'aww, and <3 Astronomy geekery.
Thank you so much for writing these Twipie stories. It is by far my favorite ship and you've done it more justice than any other! Count me as a fan. Will watch for your future efforts.
Aww, thank you. I'm focusing on Bad Apple these days but I'll add more TwiPie elements.
>>107626107626Hehe. Thank you. But it needs more Twist nerds
Not that there's anything wrong with that, but Twi is pretty nerdy.
Aw, this was really cute! I liked it. :3 Are Rainbow and Applejack supposed to be together in this?
Also, just a small mistake you made... I think it's towards the end of paragraph 12.
"...riding their gravity waves into brilliant arms of twisted brilliance"
You should use a different adjective for one of the 'brilliant's, it looks odd.
This was a really nice Fic, though!
Yes. As this is an outgrowth of "Elements of Discord" the three final ships bleed through in all my fics. Appledash, TwiPie and Flarity.
Yea, I'll give it another look and change it.
Entertaining story, but the nerd in me wants an astronomer to tell how many of the star details were authentic!
They are exactly as authentic as my astronomy notes, which were perfectly recorded from my astronomy class plus my text book and Wikipedia. he T-Tauri was an especially geeky touch. Very few folks know what comes before main sequence. Though I may or may not have fudged the ability to see a proplyd in that manner. However, it IS currentlly impossible to opically resolve Sirius B.
You are -really good- at provoking d'aww.
Awww, thank you. I try my best. I'm doing more short romances these days, just for the d'awwww. After a bad, bad feud I have a bad taste in my mouth and I need to do less serious things.
(before you point it out, yes I know this story is well over a year old. I hardly ever read new stories because I use browse instead of clicking on what's new) "graduate student of Thaumaturgy" has been assimilated into my headcanon as a description of Twi. :D the "sated geeky tendencies" (I can't grab the exact wording while I post) was too subjective for narration, and even if worded to follow Twilight's perspective (which the narration obviously was), I don't think it's how Twi would have described herself. The astronomical rant in the narroration was great for keeping Twi in character if revolving around her thought process, and a good setup for the sudden arrival of Pinkie Pie, but it was a bit dragged on and I felt like Rainbow Dash reading something that only an astronomy buff could enjoy. While Twilight not knowing what Pinkie Pie did when she was alone would have been a no-brainer normally, if they are marefriends then she should have learned such a thing.[continued due to PS3 text limitation]
Unless the relationship was VERY new. But I'll admit that Twilight not knowing what Pinkie Pie did when she was alone was necessary to the story. I should have saw the "Cupcakes" reference coming when Pinkie Pie literally brought cupcakes. I started thinking about it (and thought "oh, great. Didn't want to be reminded of that) but was caught off guard when Pinkie Pie actually alluded to it. I think Twilight's reaction was inappropriate for two reasons: The first...there's no way she should have believed that for a second. o.0 At least Pinkie Pie would have to have worked a lot harder to make her believe it, and it should have taken awhile. The second thing wrong with Twilight's reaction, was that she only showed disgust at the prospect of having been served pieces of a dead pony, no proper reaction at all to the fact that one of her closest friends might be dead and her marefriend might have killed her. I find Pinkie Pie's words of wisdom to be an interpretation of Pinkie Pie that [continued, text limit]
too few writers portray her as. From little clues in the canon and my own understanding of the things about her that make people think she isn't bright, I believe Pinkie Pie to be very intelligent and I'm glad this fic portrays her as such. The dialogue was sometimes a bit unnatural, a character using a lot of words that didn't belong in what they were saying, but it's hard for me to grab specific examples with the way the PS3 does text input...it's not important anyway. It doesn't detract from the story. But if you're interested, I can grab the examples and put them in another post if you ask for them. I just wanted to be thorough. Anyway, this is a sweet, nice Twipie, and I enjoyed reading it.[end]
First of all, an impressive wall of text. I have never tried to post from a PS3 but I have from a Wii and it is a pain.
Next, if there is anything wrong with this story blame it on the age. I needed time to get comfortable with the characters. But also, I jist write a particular way. What words were wrong?
Generally, stories I find myself commenting on are old. It's anyone's guess that anything in the featured box or "new stories" will be worth reading, so I just use the browse feature and sort by rating. Especially since I tend to get in moods on what pairings I want to see on a particular day. The new browse format is really helping me with my current Twipie binge.
Anyway, I found it, the wording I mean. Kind of easy because I remembered that it was specifically dialogue between Pinkie Pie and Twilight. So I went back and re-read their conversation.
First, Twilight Sparkle says
“Wait… This was all a joke? Pinkie! What kind of joke is that? That’s terrible! What made you think of that kind of a prank?”
I think I already expressed my surprise and confusion that Twilight believed in the joke in the first place, especially so quickly and easily, but it just makes me want to slap her over the horn and say "Uh, duh? of course it's a joke? What, you really thought Pinkie Pie is a psycho murderer?"
It also seemed like all of those sentences pretty much convey the gist of the same thought, and she should have just picked one...but then again I suppose she was rambling anyway.
Then she says,
"I’m sorry. But it’s a very mean trick. It would make Dash sad to know you think it’s funny. And would you really want to do that?”
..but the more I look at it, the more I'm starting to disagree with myself. It felt much more natural the second time I read the conversation, which shows how iffy that particular criticism is. Still, I think most normal people would say that first sentence just with "It's a very mean trick" or "It's a very mean trick, Pinkie" Adding "I'm sorry" at the begining seems a bit like they're rival politicians disagreeing with each other.
But then again...It's Twilight Sparkle, so my confidance in that nitpick is deflated. But then she says "It would make Dash sad to know you think it's funny"
To me, it would have been more natural if it had been "How would Rainbow Dash feel about you making a joke like that?" If she is going to to say it like "It would make Dash sad to know you think that's funny", it kind of seems like that would have been an immediate response to the joke in the first place. Either without her believing it, or immediately after sputtering the cupcake pieces.
I probably originally took issue with a lot more dialogue, but my second time taking a look at the conversation I'm just not seeing it. I don't know if I was tired or just reading too fast first time around. It was a minor thing anyway, and I really only mentioned it because I feel like I'm lying in my comments if I don't.
I should probably let people know in my comments, though, that I'm usually not likely to see grammatical errors, and if I find any (I didn't) I'm even less inclined to bother to mention them.
The next one I'm not nearly as unsure about. Pinkie Pie said
“Oh you. I’m just a little rock farmer. I’m nothing special. Just a pony that throws those of parties.”
Would she really describe herself as a rock farmer instead of a baker? I guess it depends on how long she's been a baker in your headcanon, and how long ago she was a rock farmer. "Throws those of" is a little weird, though. It might be a way of speaking I'm not acquainted with. I do know that phrases differ between different English-speaking countries. That and I don't get out a whole lot, lol.
Oh and I'm not at home, so I'm not using my PS3, got a nice working computer to type on! At home, though, where either I must have a trojan on my computer or a fried Ethernet outlet, I'm using a keyboard hooked up to my PS3. Not a controller. That would be bad XD I think having to use a controller to type would drive me insane!
You caught an error, a glaring one. This was before Kagitaar kept me honest and competent. I was doing edits there I think and I must have been distracted.
As for the rock farmer bit: she embraces her past. She doesn't shy away from her ethnicity/cultural group as a Cannonite (basically Amish) despite having broken concordance and left the community. She has never been shunned by the community and her parents are not overtly opposed to her future marriage to Twilight (both a unicorn and another mare.) Even as a baker she will always also be a little rock farmer. It's her fallback "humble" descriptor. Like the Old Man on Pawn Stars who often calls himself "Just a poor Southern boy."
Makes sense. She's been spending most her life livin' in an Amish Paradise. She churns butter once or twice living in an Amish Paradise.