Do I really need to explain what's wrong with this fic? Wall of text, bad grammar all around, a confusing storyline that goes nowhere, and so many more things wrong with this. Sparity is my OTP, but this is just disgraceful.

This should be funny... What's wrong with me? Why am I not laughing my ass off at this?

OH TEH NOES, IT'S ANGLE BUNNY!  HE'S GONNA STAB YOU WITH ACUTE ANGLES AND CHOKE YOU WITH OBTUSES!  RUUUUN!

Angle bunny is so acute.

>>12969951296995

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mafhmdiIk51qdzy90o1_250.gif

>>12995421299542

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2419-tumblr_ly6osvzc631qioqtlo1_400.gif

Wow. It's just... it's just too funny! Word of advice, try posting your story somewhere else first and have someone proofread it... not that proofreading would do much good anyways.

...god, you suck.

>>12969951296995 lol.

>>12995501299550

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m959vpfoFT1ru3zjo.gif

I AM THE ANGLE BUNNY

PUNY MORTALS, FEAR MY TRIANGLES

Image: http://mathworld.wolfram.com/images/eps-gif/RightTriangle_1000.gif

Image: http://scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2782_small.jpg

SO WE MEET AGAIN, APPLE SHORT.

>>12996101299610

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0z4m0KHV61r02mqz.gif

Angle bunny, eh? I heard she's acute one. Heh...

<-------See the Derpy trash bin? Put your fic in there. Because it's utter garbage.

what is this i dont even................................

>>12996561299656 It is my response as i said that the angel bunny can be anywhere he chooses. Even at rarity even if he isnt the pet of her. That is why spike had to battle.

>>12996631299663 That's about the eighteenth thing on my list.

>>12969951296995 It's appleshorts. What did you expect?

>>12996391299639

Check my comment.

I believe the correct term is Jynx

#Swag

POWER OF WHAT! COMBINE!

Image: http://images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2260-55357_-_animated_cute_fluttershy_reaction_face_wtf.gif

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/173/576/Wat8.jpg?1315930535

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4e8iq7kPo1r3w1gl.gif

>>12969951296995 You can tell the fic is in for it, if even the creater of EQAD is afraid of it.

Apple Short, bro seriously... slow down and find another editor.Heck, I don't mind helping again despite what happened if you're up for it. But, if you keep this stuff up your going to get horribly reamed.

The Angle Bunny is no ordinary rabbit . . . HE WILL KILL YOU WITH HIS OBTUSES OF DOOM!

Just wow. I didn't think I could read anything this bad. I'd try to make constructive criticism, but, I . . .

>>12996191299619 I'm scared

>>12996291299629

Image: http://0-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/tg/image/1338/42/1338425216241.gif

Many lulz were had from this story.

>>12997151299715 no offence but the editing you would supply did not work.

And to everyone else its an action fic. So yeah its gonna be a little violent also its Angel bunny not Angle bunny you guys.

Not Sure If..............

Just No Just No

Wow...this is on a whole knew level of bad. I don't think anyone can blame me for just going CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKER, and leaving. Because I cant stand the presence of this fic for much longer. And you know why its bad right? I don't really need to be here.

>>12997421299742

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9r1k3OiXW1rtvgmro1_500.gif

I swear....

I tried so hard to read this story, but I just couldn't.

There was the largest wall of text blocking my path.

So, to sum up this review:

Image: http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQr0V6-lB1C--q3X28bfXtLmlsR7gJhD_oGizhwkMB41nh3Ihd-6A

Or not. I dunno.

Oh appleshort y u insist on being bad writer here dare I read this one I mean should we really give our advice if you're not willing to accept it well if you don't want help heres some pics

Image: http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/392/164/51b.jpg

Image: 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

Image: http://www.mathsisfun.com/images/acuteangles.gif

>>12997851299785 its split into the paragraph i made sure when posting it all when i first created it.

Dear apple short,

You are the greatest writer of all time.  Seriously, your writing humbles even the greatest of authors.  Your characters are completely in-character and flawless, and your storytelling is just beautiful.  The way you set up the story is magical, and the pure awesomeness flows throughout the entire narrative.

Also, the way you format it is completely on-spot and organized.  No spelling, grammar, or capitalization mistakes anywhere.

Sincerely,

NO ONE

>>12997011299701

Welp, you've got me there, sir. My wit is just too slow.

Oh well, I'm getting obtuse-d to it anyway. Maybe I just need to wait for the right angle...

>>12997911299791 there are no bad writers only learners. i did try your people way and got to be stuck with a bad story despite the achieved moment of help. so know with the help of myself and learning i am becoming better selectively.

>>12997551299755 Then fix the goddamn spelling in the title and people will stop making fun of it.

Actually, you know what, don't. I'm still getting laughs from the angle jokes.

>>12998271299827 oh.

>>12997151299715

Ok color me curious but what happened what's your story you were his pre reader weren't you or am I reading the comment wrong

>>12998431299843 He pre-read/co-wrote some gorefic apple short put out not long ago. When it received much the same reaction as everything else he made, he just went apeshit and fired him.

>>12998431299843 his gore fic making apple pie. I know him irl so we hung out and kinda went through it together. Being gore it did not go over well in the fandom, obviously, and shit ensued. Long story short: He blamed me, sent me a nasty letter blaming the editing as the issue, I posted said letter to TWE, lols were had, he said sorry and vowed to never have another editor.

>>12998431299843

He edited (HEAVILY) this story. Note that Applejackisbestpony didn't want his name on the fic.

It is Apple Short's best work, in that it's legible (thanks to AJIBP). The subject matter was less-than-stellar.

In response to people not liking his story, Short took it out on AJIBP, despite him being the only reason it was even readable.

Short has since apologised, but the way he behaved was still pretty pathetic.

>>12998721299872 Lol if we are linking, here's a link to the TWE thread which is a much more hilarious and funny read. Warning: much stupidity is in this link.

Well, I will say that you've improved somewhat from the day you first joined Fimfiction.  Good job?

Apple short!

Make the pic a bunny made of triangles!

Dear god... Take it away, Nostalgia Critic:

>>12997801299780

Image: http://www.gifsoup.com/view2/2378121/i-can-t-o.gif

>>13000781300078

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9r9yw7sGW1qml34n.gif

>>12999421299942

Image: http://euler.slu.edu/escher/upload/thumb/f/fd/Stanford-bunny.jpg/200px-Stanford-bunny.jpg

>>13001011300101 YUSH.

>>13000991300099

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9rlmyQJ4c1rtvgmro1_400.gif

>>13001391300139

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mafrme9C7T1rnpufk.gif

>>13001011300101 Hold on! There's a diamond in that Triangular Bunny!

>>12997551299755

His EDITING DIDN'T WORK?

Obviously you and I have different descriptions of 'literate', because the writing he did was pure genius. I PRAISE him as the ultimate editor.

His editing didn't work because the core concept was inherently flawed, apple. You need a good idea first, something entertaining. Angel suddenly wanting to kill Rarity makes no sense at all.

I suggest you go read some random fics, and see how they go about things.

>>13001591300159

Image: http://images.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/9198680.jpg

>>13001401300140

Image: http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb57887/icarly/images/3/3d/4cZmX.gif

>>13002261300226

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0hn7g7Vpg1rqfhi2o1_400.gif

Last one for me for today. 4am is not the best time for gif-hunting

>>13002641300264

Image: http://images.wikia.com/icarly/images/2/28/Tumblr_lxhx6e5dbk1qdcpc0o1_500.gif

Fair enough, I'll send this as my last as well.

I feel badly for the writer. Yes, I enjoy the lulz as much as anypony. And, honestly, reading the story I'm wondering where the writer is coming from. Looking at his profile, I see that Nate is 15 years old and trying his hand at writing.

Nate, from me to you: chin up. When I was your age, I struggled with my first stories (Star Trek, original series, fanfiction) and, thankfully, these stories ended up in my litter bin. Writing is hard, as I think you know, and trying to express your thoughts in cold print is very daunting.

Putting your work out for others to read is an act of courage. No shit.

My suggestion to you: read. Read everything. Books you love and books that you are think are dumb. Read history. Read about subjects that you can't possibly imagine are interesting. As you read, the voices of other writers will become a choir that you can turn into your own voice. And, in time, you might sing.

If I can make a suggestion: consider the works of Terry Pratchett, particularly his Tiffany Aching books, which are short, fun and interesting. (Start with Wee Free Men and see if it floats your boat.) White's Charlotte's Web is a tale that I hold close to my heart. Read Kipling (the greatest writer of short stories, IMHO). Read Twain (Tom Sawyer).

Read and puzzle over the strange things the writers do. Think. Then press your fingers to the keyboard and write. And never let the taunting voices grind you down.

Take care.

>>12996561299656

Rare is the terrible fic that you don't do an actual review of, and I've seen you review some downright shitty fics. This story might warrant my reading based solely on that premise.

Spike Fights the Angle Bunny?

Image: http://i.imgur.com/YLdL9.jpg

*sigh* Okay... I'm going to try and review this.

Really, what can I say about this? A Spike-Angel deathmatch either needs the biggest buildup ever or no buildup at all, and you've put yourself right in the middle. The set-up is shallow and pointless, the battle is confusing, the dialogue is over-blown, your descriptions make no sense, and your grammar is borderline incomprehensible. With some work, I could see this being a rather clever and comedic in a completely over-the-top kind of way, but it's just not working for me right now.

Despite whatever experience you've had in the past, I have to recommend getting an editor, or at least a proofreader - and actually listen to what they have to say. Believe it or not, we really want you to succeed. I don't take time to give advice I don't think will help, and neither do most of the people on this site, even if they don't always word it very nicely.

Anyways, I hope this helps you. I hope you let this help you, too.

-EDIT-

To get rid of your text walls, either but an extra space between paragraphs or indent the first line of each.

>>12995421299542 God, I laughed more than I should have.

So there was words there, and individually I even knew most of them. The order at which they seemed to be randomly thrown onto the screen just... I don't know. I'm not sure what the fuck just happened. Did I pass out? I think this story just knocked me out... where the fuck am I?

This is the only thing that sums up what I thought of this story...

Image: http://i.imgur.com/qOEwj.gif

Now I want to write a story where Spike fights a terrifying creature called the Angle Bunny that doesn't exist in the same dimension. The title?

"Spike Fights The Angel Bunny"

And I'll read this later, since I feel bad for posting a troll message. No regrets, though.

Don't lose your heads, guys. He's obviously trolling us.

Image: http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n36/faruk42/troll.jpg

>>13006041300604 Yeah, but I'm fifteen, and I know from experience; if your writing is THIS bad, where you spell the title wrong, then DON'T change it when people point it out, there's no hope.

Image: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/24513774.jpg

Did somepony call me?

>>13012141301214

Image: http://i.imgur.com/YLdL9.jpg

Image: http://static.fimfiction.net/images/avatars/61049_64.jpg

Image: http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/385234-trollface-coolface-problem

>>13038381303838

You may have a point. Still, I remember being 15 and dumber than a bag of anvils and I've written worse than this. Happily, I was writing on paper and paper is easily discarded. Writing these days, and putting your thoughts, strange and badly formed, out there for inspection? Brrr! Gives me chills. I hesitate every time I hit 'submit'.

So I think there's hope for everypony. The mere fact that Nate thought to put his words down and put it out there puts him above the herd, I think. Like most everypony here.

>>13058521305852 Yeah, but his writing isn't his only problem.  A guy, I can't remember his name, volunteered to edit his work and clean out all those spelling and grammar issues.  When the story was shot down for a stupid plot and character development, he P.Med  the editer, saying he was "fired" because his editing didn't work.  This wouldn't be the first time he's blamed people for his work sucking, which is extremely low.

>>13072421307242

I'm sorry. I'd like to apologize to the other contributors in this thread.

Armalite's comment made me realize I've violated the first law of internet weblogs: LURK MOAR. There's history here of which I was unaware, and I should have been cognizant of that. I should have listened more and written less. I've been dismissive of the other contributors' input. Sorry, everypony.

I still hold to my earlier advice to Nate and to every contributor to this site: read. I think reading more is a great way for everypony to gain perspective. I believe that all good writers begin as good readers.

Don't do it for me. Do it for yourself. And for Twilight Sparkle.

Holy. Crap. What happened here?

Okay, deep breaths, deep breaths.

I'll be frank here, I had about as much fun reading this fic as I would have had watching Hot Problems, and that is not fun. At all. But I don't like just dealing out insults, and I want to see what you can do with some advice, so I'll go you a little feedback here.

Face Value:

Title - Spelt Angel wrong, also, why the Angel Bunny. why not just Angel?

Description - Grammar. That is all. There are no capitals, and the general pacing and enthusiasm is just not there, at all. It doesn't leave any mystery to the reader, so there is really no reason to even read, and the grammar + title spelling doesn't help either...

Tags - Just random? Couldn't this also be comedy, or even slice of life with a little editing? Try to add more tags and content, it'll bring more interest...

Content - Dude, WTH?! Angel is not, and I'll stress this, is not the pet of Rarity, that is Opalescence, not Angel. And really, Angity? Rarel? I don't quite know, but what I do know is that outside of a troll fic, it won't really work that well... Keep that in mind when writing.

Going deeper with the aptly named chapter one:

Enthusiasm -  You could practically hear the sound of my nose breaking as it hit that text wall, it was just so damn hard, and it hurt a lot too. The instant you start on the chapter you are assaulted, and I really do mean it here, assaulted with words. Please, the enter key is your friends, use it generously, I guarantee that nothing will go wrong, and if anything does it'll still be better than one solid wall of text that fills the screen, there is no better way to lose a reader's interest faster.

Sentence Structure  - Bad. That is the first word that comes to mind when I think about the sentence structure. For instance, in the first line of dialogue in the whole chapter, try something like this ----------> "Rarity, let me give you this beautiful diamond that I have found using my amazing, and awesome, skill at finding... stuff..." Spike produced the gem with much enthusiasm (and love), and handed it to the white unicorn with incredible pride.

What happened there is that separated some points, and introduced other words in replacement, but the gist stays the same. However, a reader will find that sentence much more interesting to read, and a lot easier on the eyes, than what you had. Keep that in mind. Also think about what the actual character would say, not what you would... Which now brings us to...

Characterisation - Wooden. Wooden as a plank. Honestly, there was absolutely no concrete sense of character in the whole story. Even to someone who knows how Spike and Rarity are supposed to act it was confusing. And that is when you know that you have a problem. The motives behind the character's drive to fight and attack were lacklustre and quite stupid, and we all know that Spike is not the kind of 'person' to use the word sexy, and to start drooling over the sight of Rarity's 'boobs', and the sight of her plot...

It actually creeped me out, and please put some effort into correcting that...

Grammar - The grammar in this was non-existent. And by that I mean that it was hard to find even a single word that was spelt correctly. Here are some examples...

“Spikey wikey you are so fing hot and i will bang you for this. Only you will wait. I must be complete for this pony order for the pony out there who requires it.”

This could have been...

“Spikey wikey you are so damn (no swearing, not in a review... :3) hot and I will bang you for this. Only you will wait, I must have completed this order for the pony out there who requires it.”

The main items here were the minor spelling mistakes, and a sentence structure problem at the end there, both of which could be changed easily and with little effort. Give editing or proofreading a try maybe?

Plot - No, not in that way. Here, I mean the actually driving motives, or rather, the lack of. There was no real reason for Spike and 'Angle' to be fighting, and the responses by the characters was way out of line. I'll just put this in quickly, this is a pony related fic, and so if you are using pre-existing characters, you should stick with how they actually act in the show, or if they're a character from a video-game or other fic, portray them as they should be, not as how you would like to...

Conclusion:

Didn't like it, and would never read it again. If you were to change the premises of the story and fix about everything, from the grammar to the layout, and everything in between, I may give it another shot, but for now it's a thumbs down. However, if you put a lot of effort into fixing up future stories I believe that you could have a chance, so don't stop writing, everyone should be able to put stories out onto the net...

But, next time, maybe get a proofreader... it would help just a little...

-Jorofrarie

>>12998141299814

no...your just plain bad

i mean its kay to learn and all but you've written like 4 stories. FOUR! It took me like 3 chapters in my first fic here on fimfiction to learn the standards

Saw a typo in the title, felt brain melting out of my ear.

Resounding FUCK NO!

>>Angle Bunny.

>>Angle.

I got a flashback from Hot Fuzz.

>>12995211299521

Image: http://a.markosweb.com/screenshots/2/7/7/2778236.jpg

>>13372651337265 the tag was originally random slice of life and one other i forget. They asked me to remove all but the random. Since they didnt see it could fit with perfection into the other chosen options.

>>13497071349707

Why thank you. I shall redeem this once I visit my local Internet Vendor

Image: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/272/322/262.jpg

>>13497521349752

Slice of Life means the story mainly takes place in the day-to-day lives of the Characters.

So no, this is in no way Slice of Life.

I do believe you could class this as a comedy, though. Intentional or not.

~ScreenedPlum, TWE's Drunk Scotsman

>>12996191299619 "PUNY MORTALS, FEAR MY TRIANGLES!" Dang it, now I'm tempted to use that in a random fic... SOMEHOW...

>>13002781300278 >>13001401300140

Where do you guys keep getting all those GIFs?

.....

Image: http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/archive/b/b5/20100108063328!Exploding-head.gif

Jesus, I shat my brain out at a velocity of 7000 miles per hour when I finished this.

...What the HELL is an angle? You're not 15, you're -18904.