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  • 41w, 6d
    I am alive! ... Sorta!? ... Okay, not really.

    Okay! So, to all my 17 followers (I have 17? Wow!) I have sorta been on a writing hiatus/lazyness/business/blehness. To say I have been working on my writing, is an understatement. Since I have published my first story around a year+ ago, I have taken NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE English and writing based courses in college. Which begs the question: "what have you been doing?!". Which, is an honest and valid question. Too my parents, it would be answered by "wasting away your life", to me, I'd probably answer with the most obvious answer of them all ... "nothing, yet, learning".

    To say I have grandly unique ideas for fimfics, I doubt I would be able to sustain the ability to write them. I haven't seen a MLP episode since before the S3 finale, I read fim-fics few and far between, and only recently have been jumping on the reading wagon, or bed. That being said, I've still been writing (daftly) on non pony related works, and, have been creating story ideas/concepts/characters/locations/cultures/etc. like you wouldn't belive! I literally have two 200 page books filled with various concepts and ideas. I may take up story editing on here eventually, and probably soon, but, if anypony is ever interested in using my ideas, LET ME KNOW! I'd love to see them written, and given the tender loving care they deserve.

    Well, that is all I gotta say,  I rather not go into my personal life, just because of how hectic and nonmoving it has been. I still feel like I do have a duty to do a complete re-write of Steel the Night, change some specific plot points, and turn it into something new. It's a shame the full story, and series will never get written... but it is, what it is.

    SO, until next time! ... or until someone messages me ... I'll be lurking in the shadows, reading, occasionally... while watching Justified (CAUSE JUSTIFIED IS BEST SHOW!).

    So, once again, until next time!

    Ciao!

    0 comments · 37 views
  • 63w, 4d
    Life out of Blue

    Hey everypony. So, I kinda stopped writing months ago, hell, I practically stopped doing anything pony related months ago. But, I am finally picking up those stories that have piled on my reading list. And am finally getting ideas solidified in two (completely separate and slowly evolving) stories. The two are different in almost every way, from the main characters to the focus points of how the story is being told (Character Development vs Character Exploitation(?)). All in all, I really like the ideas as I've had them with me for nearly a year. Of course the ideas have slowly evolved over the test of time, but, the main premise in both have been consistent. I think that with two 'years' of college English under my belt since my last attempt to write, it's about time I give it a try.

    0 comments · 33 views
  • 74w, 2d
    The Destroyed King

    Hello Everypony, it's that time again where I announce I've cancelled my previous story. I am currently writing a lengthy three chapter story about King Sombra's background. I have yet to find a story that creates a worth while background of King Sombra and, quite frankly, I'd like to change that. I'm keeping this baby very close to the chest, but, will hopefully be complete in around two months (maybe sooner since now I have more time to write). King Sombra is one of my favorite characters, and deserves to have a quality history. With how I plan on telling his story, it will be one of the more unique ways to learn about a character who is seemingly (and undeservingly) dead. I can't wait to post this story, and I'm trying very hard not to spill it's guts all over the page. So, I shall end this blog right now. Ta-Ta!

    0 comments · 43 views
  • 78w, 1d
    Surgery Update

    Hello everypony! It's not your favorite author giving you'll an update! So, my original schedule for my story is completely shot. Why? Cause I said so! Anyway, as you all may know I had dental surgery last week, and it sorta went off without a hitch. The one problem (which I wish I had known sooner) is that I have to re-learn how to open my mouth! My muscles bunched up near the right side of my jaw, so now I gotta do sets of repetitive jaw training activities while not being able to eat my favorite foods, cause seriously, steak is amazing! So, it's putting my reading of the US dictionary on hold (shut it, I wanna be like Eminem!) which is putting my story on a slow hold.... So, yep yep. Also NBA 2K13 is beast, just saying.

    2 comments · 38 views
  • 79w, 4d
    Another Update + Surgery!

    So after a while, the first two chapters and prologue may be near complete. They are currently in the final stage of pre-reading and (hopefully) editing. I feel like I am behind already because of my deadlines I created, so it may be a little while longer before I actually publish this story. I completely redesigned my first major section. Instead of the four chapters "Sin City", "Re-Boot", "Mirage", and "Hungry Sands", I made five chapters, five better designed and more interesting chapters. "Dreams", "Breaking and Entering", "Luxor", "Crystal District", and "A Palace for a King".

    I most likely will be forced to take another week off this story as I will be undergoing surgery in a few days, plus I have three papers due between now and next Monday. I just hope that I will be able to write the papers in a decent fashion. I know nopony actually takes a look at these... so there is that. The story idea that I had with my friends is still stuck as a pipe dream, (he had a sudden influx of pony commissions, so I am really glad for him). I still do want to recreate "Steel the Night" and I hope to be able to accomplish that within the coming months.

    3 comments · 65 views
  • ...
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This story is cancelled until I have finished my next story, and has been completely re-written. Sorry for the inconveniences everypony!

Steel has been in the Lunar Guard for months, working hard and doing all the right things. He gets the chance of the lifetime to prove himself for the Commanders. However, all dreams come with a cost and sometimes even worse, nightmares.

Cover Art is a work in Progress. Current picture is of a main character.

I would love to hear it from everypony! So please leave comments on what ya like and don't like, the more criticism the better!

I want to thank my good friend Coffee (Canvas Shade) for providing art for my story and reviewing/editing my story. I will be changing over editors for my other chapters due to his popularity based off his ongoing adventure. (Seriously, its a great story, so go read it!) (Link > http://www.fimfiction.net/story/45880/Committed%21- )

First Published
10th Oct 2012
Last Modified
26th Nov 2012
#1 · 107w, 2d ago · · · Rebirth ·

I remember when this was originally just a paragraph long mini story idea me or another (I forget now) brought to you. You pursued that idea further, grew and improved on it, and look at it now. You gonna submit it to Equestria Daily?

#2 · 107w, 2d ago · · · Rebirth ·

>>1418682

I plan on submitting it when I complete the first story, whether or not it is after my next or final chapter, I really don't know. It mostly depends on how often I hand write my story and when I get my laptop situation fixed.

#3 · 107w, 6h ago · · · Rebirth ·

Looking good so far, Blue! Story, picture, and all!

#4 · 100w, 4d ago · · · Dream State ·

>>1431387 Thanks Coffee... you totally knew the first chapter before everyone else did... but now you are in the dark! ... until you read it ... We still totally need to work on the cover art for this story and the next xD

#5 · 87w, 6d ago · · · Rebirth ·

Starting to read.....

#6 · 87w, 6d ago · · · Dream State ·

Let's see what happens in next installment of this fic if you're working on this still.

#7 · 87w, 5d ago · · · Dream State ·

>>2168795

You know, I really wanted to continue this... but I had so many computer issues when I began the third chapter that it just turned me away from writing it. I still have the plot and everything saved, I even hand wrote the beginning of the third chapter. Now that I have my super secret awesome story that I am working on (and has many flaws still) I kinda don't really wanna write anything else but that one ya know? Which is really a shame because this story had so much potential. I loved the characters to death (Especially General Ore, who would have been introduced in the third chapter) but, it's just kinda... dead now. I am really thinking about just making this story into a one-shot, and being done with it, (obviously, different outcomes with the characters).

#8 · 84w, 6d ago · · · Rebirth ·

Alright, finished reading the chapter. And I already know what the problem is :twilightsmile: Time for constructive criticism (I am really sorry if I'm being too harsh. I'm just trying to help so please don't be mad):

The first thing that probably turned away your readers was the extremely repetitive sentence structure. It got better as you progressed (the end is MUCH better than the beginning), but it is still not entirely perfect. As to what repetitive sentence structure is: Look at your first paragraph. It's 'I did this, I did that, I moved there...' You started every sentence with 'I', then added a verb, and then continued. This, combined with too simple sentences (again , this got better as the story progressed, but it still needs some work), made the reading very difficult and dull.

The next thing was the number of grammar errors. It wasn't that bad (it was clear what you were trying to say), but it distracted me from the story. Tied to that was also the incorrect punctuation, but ignore that for now – focus on one thing first, and then do the other.

After that, I noticed the newspaper. Good idea, not so good execution, I'm afraid :fluttershysad:. The style in which it was written suggested a tabloid, rather than a respectable newspaper that Equestria Daily surely is :pinkiehappy:

The way you tried to explain why it had to be a mare was unsatisfactory. There are many men that are small and can move through small areas without damaging them. Also it could have been a child.

Then, on several occasions, you didn't explain things. What led them to believe she stole things out of revenge?

Back to the sentences: you tend to say the same thing twice.

The press conference ended abruptly after the question. The police chief entered the crime scene effectively ending the press conference.

Two sentences that only say that he ended the press conference. Similarly, you sometimes mention one thing twice in the same sentence.

After you fix the sentence structure, I'd advise you to look on the rule called 'show versus tell'. It will improve your work immensely, but is hard as hell to learn! I myself still have to battle with it. (but really, focus on more important things for now).

Another thing that you shouldn't try to fix just yet are missing descriptions. For example, you didn't describe the main character. You didn't even say that he's a pegasus (when you started writing about wings, it caught me off guard. I was like 'Wings? What wings?'). However, when you actually decide to include a description, it's usually nicely done. Oh and substituting description with an inner monologue doesn't count. Don't do that.

Throughout the chapter, I noticed that you have quite a rich vocabulary. Probably better than mine :pinkiehappy: Sadly, you do not use it to its full extent, as there were cases of word repetition.

Lastly, some tips: Do not make the prologue so long. Prologue is supposed to be short and to draw you in, to make you interested in the story. 9k is too long even for a regular chapter. Also, don't write so slowly (especially during the prologue), keep the story moving swiftly! You can go slow later, during some emotion heavy scenes after some major tragedy (or something like that), but never ever in prologue (characters are supposed to experience stuff and mull over it later, not the other way around). Also, why use 'vampire' when you can use 'vampony'? :pinkiehappy: (feel free to completely ignore me on that one).

There is also a thing that deserver praise, however. Character interactions seemed quite natural and believable. Keep it up!

Overall, I'd suggest a rewrite (not an edit, rewrite). I know it sounds harsh, but it's the prologue that attracts the reader. There are even writers saying 'If you can't attract the reader with the first 50 words, then the rest of your chapter doesn't mean a hill of beans' (50 words is a bit extreme, but I agree. You have to get the reader interested before he gets bored and moves on to find a different story!)

I hope this helps and that I managed to avoid offending you :twilightoops:

#9 · 84w, 6d ago · · · Dream State ·

>>2275319

Oi, if I can give you all the cookies in the world, I would! :heart: This is EXACTLY what I needed 6 months ago! Needless to say, the story completely needs a re-write. I have by far learned from my mistakes, but no-one really pointed them out to me... Right now though, this story is way in the back burner, and but it definitely did have potential (I think). I really should have used vampony, and I am surprised I didn't. I may start the re-write shortly if you think it is worth a re-write. Whether or not I turn it into a one-shot is a whole nother story. But seriously... thank you SO MUCH!

I also messaged you showing, why it is in the backburner, and just how much my writing has improved... (You'd be surprised, I know I am!)! Anywho, ya... thank you so much!

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